


discovering the moon

by shes_cured



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, F/F, Jealous Kara Danvers, it's some pretty gay stuff so open up, jealous!Kara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-01-31 13:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 90,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12683061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shes_cured/pseuds/shes_cured
Summary: Lena is gay. She's never confronted that fact, but she is. And her feelings for Kara? Let's not talk about it. Meanwhile, Kara likes Lena a lot, but she's pretty sure it's in a friend way. It definitely is. Right?A story featuring what will eventually be a strong friendship between Alex and Lena along with many Danvers sisters moments.Or, Alex is the wingman that's pushing Lena and Kara together, even though neither one of them knows it.(to clarify, this is purely supercorp, NOT an Alex/Lena fic)





	1. L: tequila

**Author's Note:**

> hello, I'm back with a non-AU story because I'm bored and need something to avoid homework with (so I chose writing another fanfic, surprise surprise)

There was one more person than usual there, but the bar felt lonelier than ever. That was all Lena really noticed about it. The bar was packed and it was a Friday night and Mon-El was suddenly back, but Lena wasn’t sure she wanted to come this group meet up next week. Lately she had been attending the get togethers with Kara’s friends every week, but things were different now. Mon-El was back now. No matter what way Lena tried to spin it, Kara didn’t need her around as much when Mon-El was there. Or Mike. Lena didn’t know what they were calling him nowadays, she just knew that the most selfish part of her wished he hadn’t come back.

Don’t get her wrong, she was happy for Kara. Fuck, was she happy for Kara, but she was sad for herself. Kara had all these people. She had Winn and James and J’onn and her sister, but Lena had Kara. She wished that that wasn’t the case and she wished there were more people she had let into her life leading up to this moment, because maybe then she wouldn’t feel so fucking alone in the world, but it wasn’t. She had Kara and Kara had Mon-El. It wasn’t any more complicated than that.

She thought her and Kara were finally becoming good again and being open, like they used to be. She thought Kara was finally moving on from him. She could see the sun on the horizon.

Watching her at the bar sitting on a stool beside Mon-El made it clear that Lena had been dead wrong about where Kara’s mind was at. Kara Danvers was finally smiling and laughing again. She was lively. Lena hadn’t missed Mon-El, but she missed that lively version of Kara more than ever. Suddenly Kara had hope again, a hope that no one else could provide her. Lena saw that. She didn’t like that, but she saw it nonetheless.

“Well, you two are the life of the party,” Winn tried to pull Lena back to Earth, only causing her to look around to see who the second person was.

She focused on a mopey looking Alex and let her gaze fall with a little bit of shame. Alex had just left her fiancee. _That_ was something to be sad over. Lena couldn’t help but feel awful being so sad over something so happy. Mon-El was back. He was _back_. But no matter how many times Lena listed off all the reasons why that was so great, she still felt devastated over it. Maybe it was selfish of her to want Kara to want her instead, but she did. Call her selfish, because she would do anything to make that happen.

She didn’t think she had a crush on Kara - not at first. She had always been curious, wondering if maybe she was gay. She had almost experimented a few years prior, but her responsibilities had taken over for her before she got the chance. Before she was summoned to be a CEO of LutherCorp, her brother was still running the company and her mother wasn’t running a terrorist organization yet. She had started talking to a girl, just mindless flirting on a dating app. Lena wondered for years if those butterflies she had gotten at reading sweet texts were due to a cute girl being nice to her or from being nervous she was seriously considering dating a girl. She didn’t know if it meant she was gay or anxious about possibly breaking societal norms.

Then she met Kara. She was _definitely_ gay.

Their first meeting wasn’t anything spectacular. Hell, Lena didn’t even realize she was attracted to her until months later. Looking back she had been infatuated upon first sight. One look at her in that stupid pink cardigan and Lena wanted to be her friend. That’s what it came across as. She didn’t want to date Kara and she most certainly didn’t want to _like_ Kara in that way, but she wanted to know her so badly. She wanted to sit with her and hear stories and exchange stupid jokes. She wanted to make Kara feel good more than anything.

Over the months that had shockingly became reality. They had become friends - best friends, actually. Lena didn’t even know what having a friend was like until she had Kara walking alongside her. She had taken Lena under her wing and fought for her. Lena wasn’t sure Kara even knew how much that meant to her, it had just happened. And as that happened Lena had unwillingly fallen harder than ever.

“Yeah, well, rough week,” Alex grimaced, downing another shot of tequila.

“Pool?” Winn asked her. “You like pool.”

She shook her head. Winn looked to Lena, but she declined as well. He turned to James as a last resort. He looked between Alex and Lena which only seemed to make Alex incredibly annoyed. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Lena will watch her,” Winn volunteered with a shrug and the two guys scooted out of the booth.

“I don’t need a babysitter!” Alex protested again. “You guys, I am fine. Maggie and I are done and, yeah, so it stings a little, but I have you! I have you guys, so I’ll be fine!”

Winn nodded, but it was filled with clear signs that he didn’t believe that exasperated speech as James just looked at Lena. She silently agreed to the silent plea to keep an eye on the girl she was ninety-nine percent still wouldn’t trust her watching a goldfish.

When they were gone, Lena went back to twirling the thin straw in her drink, watching ice cubes spin around in her cup and occasionally glancing at Mon-El and Kara who had been away from their group all night. She let out a small sigh, feeling more defeated than ever at the sight of Kara happy. She _hated_ that. She loved seeing Kara happy, she just couldn’t stand that it wasn’t with her.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Alex finally broke the silence between them.

Lena looked up to meet her eyes, smiling a little despite feeling like she wanted to nap for three years. “I guess. So are you.”

“It’s the whole broken heart thing,” she muttered. “You?”

There was no way she would ever tell her, Kara’s sister, the real reason, so she simply shrugged. “Long week. Running two companies is harder than it looks.”

“It looks hard.”

“It’s harder,” Lena quipped in less than a second.

Alex leaned back and laughed at that, nodding her head. “Well, hopefully next week will be better for the both of us then.”

“I hope so,” she agreed. She looked up to the bar, her eyes almost unable to peel themselves away from that captivating smile. “At least one of us is happy, right?”

The older Danvers followed her gaze and smiled at the sight of sister. “Yeah, that’s true.”

But Lena saw the way her eyes raged with fire and she watched that smile fall just as quickly, which only worried her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked with sudden worry in her voice at the sight of Alex’s displeasure. “Is she okay?”

“It’s great for her, I just don’t like him,” she told Lena bluntly and casually. Lena attributed it to the alcohol taking over, because Alex hadn’t discussed Kara with her at all until this point. “She’s too good for him.”

“Well, she’s too good for anyone,” Lena proclaimed knowingly. “We both know that.”

Alex looked at her with a hard gaze for another twenty seconds, scrutinizing every aspect of her before relaxing. “If you screw her over and try to kill her I’ll be pissed, because you even have me believing you’re good, Luthor.”

“I’m not Kara’s level of good, but I try,” she grinned a little.

The other girl almost smiled back. “Yeah, me too.”

“You’ll find someone too,” Lena hoped she wasn’t overstepping boundaries. “I mean, hopefully you have better taste than your sister over there, but you will. You’ll find the version of Maggie who wants kids.”

Beginning another glass of tequila, Alex closed her eyes as it went down her throat. When she opened them there was doubt. That was new for Lena to see.

“Do you think I made a mistake?” she asked unsurely. “Breaking up with Maggie, I mean. Do you think I should’ve been more understanding?”

“I would’ve done the same thing,” Lena promised her. “There’s no doubt in my mind that I’d make the same choice as you. You’ll be alive a long time and feeling something missing every time you saw a cute kid?” Lena grimaced. “That’s a lifetime of pain.”

“I know,” she looked down with tears in her eyes. “I just thought she was the one.”

“It taught you what you want, though. And what you need,” Lena thought of the only positive thing she could. “It gave you a better idea of who you need to find and what deal breakers are for you. Love is made of compromises, not sacrifices.”

She watched Alex think the words through. “You can’t compromise on a kid.”

“You can’t, that’d be a pretty huge sacrifice,” Lena agreed with sincerity. “Deal breakers consist of the mountain-sized sacrifices.”

Lena held her breath, unsure if she was saying the right thing. She didn’t feel prepared for this heavy of a conversation. Kara wouldn’t even utter Mon-El’s name throughout her break up, yet here Alex was, a girl she only knew through mutual interactions with Kara, two drinks past drunk and pouring out her soul.

“I can’t argue that,” Alex pointed to what was supposed to be Lena but the direction of her finger was a little too far to the left. “You’re not wrong, though. I don’t want to talk about it anymore, but I have one last question for you regarding her.”

Letting out a breath of relief, Lena smiled, welcoming any question that came as long as it was the last one. “Go for it.”

“You’re not gay, are you?” she asked with all the casualness in the world. “Maggie always thought you were, but I said no way.”

For a moment she considered being honest. She considered acting like she had had too much to drink as well or like convincing herself that Alex wouldn’t remember this come morning. Alex was gay, so she knew that her coming out as gay would be accepted, but she was Kara’s sister and Kara was her best friend - who she was a little too into for someone who was _just_ her best friend. More than that, even with the space that had undeniably been between her and Kara the past few months, Lena would feel guiltier than ever if she told Alex before Kara. Kara was there for her when no one else was. Alex was only there for her in a dark bar while she was drunk and Lena was sad.

“No way,” she managed to force a laugh as if the idea was ridiculous. “I just don’t have time to date right now. Not to mention that my last name scares everyone away.”

“At least I was right about something,” Alex laughed a little for the first time. “I figured Kara would’ve told me if you were. You’re her favorite person to talk about.”

“Hopefully for good reasons,” Lena mumbled.

Her sister rolled her eyes at that, tilting her head with challenge. “Is it even possible for Kara to get mad at you? C’mon.”

Alex raised to hand to wave over another glass of tequila, but Lena softly placed it back on the table. “I think this is why they asked me to babysit you. I’m cutting you off.”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Alex swatted her away. “I just need to be drunk right now.”

“Alex-“

“I’m fine, Lena!” she insisted as an order, her voice getting louder at the idea of not getting anymore alcohol for the night.

“No, you’re not,” Lena still argued softly, meeting Kara’s intrigued eye from across the bar. “You need to go home.”

Lena tried to wave the situation away to Kara who was clearly contemplating getting up. She was trying to act as if nothing was going on, but Kara started walking over with crinkled eyebrows and concern.

When she was by their table Lena was talking before Alex could. “We’re fine here, you can-“

“Tell her I don’t need a babysitter, Kara,” Alex interrupted and smiled at her sister with innocence, knowingness and full confidence that she’d be backed up. “You know me.”

“They just cleared half of the shot glasses that were here away and there’s still that many empty ones,” Lena explained the entirety of the situation, pointing to the collection of multiple empty glasses. “I was just getting worried about her. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, Lena,” Kara smiled graciously as Lena suddenly felt light and at ease again.

Kara was happy with her and Lena had realized a long time ago that her, the multi-billionaire, was the equivalent of a puppy dog pleasing a human. And Lena was quite all right with that. She felt a little pathetic, but at least there was something - or someone - who made her feel alive and appreciated.

“You guys, I’m fine. I’ve had way more than this plenty of times before-“

“And landed yourself in jail, I remember,” Kara said with an edge Lena never would’ve pictured her having with Alex. “Let’s go, I’m gonna take you home.”

“I don’t need to go home, Kara! You aren’t my keeper,” Alex was suddenly speaking with a bite in her words.

Lena looked around to see James and Winn looking at the situation from afar. She honestly wanted to get up and let the sisters hash this out on their own, but she didn’t know how to do so without making an awkward exit.

Kara let out a heavy sigh, holding a hand out to stop Mon-El from interjecting when he approached them. She put a hand on her forehead, letting it stay there for a second with uncertainty of her next move before shaking her head and speaking with the same bite Alex had given her. “You’re going home, Alex.”

“You can’t order me around.”

They had a stare down, both of them holding hard gazes with the other before Kara spoke with a finality that Lena wouldn’t dare mess with if it were her in Alex’s shoes. “You’re going home by choice or by force, but you’re too drunk to stay here.”

“Yeah?” Alex’s eyes looked humored as they shifted slowly to Lena, then back to Kara with a challenge. “And how would you force me? I think we both know that I’m the one trained as a government agent. You’re a journalist, so tell me, how would you combat my fighting skills, exactly?”

Lena had never in her life seen Kara look so enraged by a challenge. She didn’t know if it was more concerning that she _could_ look that angry or that she _was_ that angry. To make it worse, it was with the person she loved the most in the world. Either way, she figured now would be a great time to step in.

“I can drive you home,” she quickly extended the offer to Alex, trying to break up the argument.

Kara was waving the idea away in an instant. “It’s fine, I can honestly-“

“It’s no problem,” Lena forced a smile to continue onto to the next part of the sentence. “Mon-El… I know you want all the time you can get with him. I got this.”

She watched as the boy she had sent into space snaked an arm around Kara’s waist and hated how much Kara seemed to brighten due to it. Still, she kept that smile on, trying to look happy at the sight that made her physically nauseous. She wanted that to be her. She wanted to be in Mon-El’s place so badly. She never thought she’d be one of those girls who longed for someone she couldn’t have, yet here she was, staring at Kara as if she was the blazing sun while Kara viewed her as just another element of the gigantic solar system she kept warm.

“She’ll be fine,” Alex told Kara with agreement in the plan and a peaked interest in Lena, who was beginning to feel insanely uncomfortable in this unfamiliar familial endeavor. “I’ll behave myself. She’s right, don’t ruin your fun for me.”

Kara looked wary, but eventually didn’t have a good enough argument for Alex not to go. She helped her drunk sister out of the booth and looked beyond nervous at the sight of Lena preparing to escort her home instead of herself, but she leaned in for a hug anyway.

“Low blow challenging my power in front of _Lena_ ,” Kara muttered into the hug as Lena pretended this was yet another remark she hadn’t been able to hear.

“You challenge me and you’ll always get challenged back,” Alex simply laughed, lifting the tense mood.

“Be safe,” Kara told her genuinely when they pulled away. She turned to Lena, looking grateful and sincere. “Call me if she gives you any problems.”

“I am a grown woman, Kara,” Alex reminded her. “We’ll be fine. I promise.”

Kara looked to Lena, emphasizing her previous words. “ _Any_ problems, Lena. I mean it.”

Alex took a step forward, stopping to adjust to her drunken center of gravity before continuing on with no problem whatsoever. Lena did have to say that she held her alcohol well. She was loose lipped, but she could still walk which Lena knew that _she_ wouldn’t be able to do if she had the amount of booze Alex had consumed in her system.

Lena led Alex to her car, turning with a smile as she waited for the drunken girl to get in okay. “If you’re going to vomit please tell me to pull over.”

“This car is worth more than I have in my savings. I wouldn’t dare vomit in such a beauty.”

Once Alex shut her door Lena circled around to her side of the car, getting in to look at her hesitantly. “Are you too drunk to give me directions to your apartment?”

“I know where I live,” she rolled her eyes dramatically. “Turn right going out of the parking lot. You’ll be going straight for a bit.”

Lena nodded her head. She let the radio fill the silence at a low volume as she drove through the dark streets of National City at night. It was so lit up. She loved how this city looked all lit up. She loved how it actually felt like this was home. A place had never given her that sensation before.

“Are you sure you’re not gay?” Alex spoke up after they were a few blocks away from the bar.

Her heart started beating, but she kept her cool, trying to keep focusing on bright lights. “Yeah, why? Care to tell me something I don’t know?”

“I think you like her.” When silence filled the car, Alex clarified. “Kara. I think you like her.”

“You think - _Kara_?” she tried to laugh it off. “Oh, God, you are _way_ off base. Kara is my friend. Nothing more.”

“And that’s how you want it to be?”

“Kara’s not gay and neither am I,” Lena managed to get out as if the first part didn’t disappoint her and the second part was true. “We’re just friends. Now, if you don’t mind this conversation-“

“I’m not done yet,” Alex told her bluntly. “You sure seem to dislike Mon-El a lot. You could barely say his name. Any reason for that?”

“I told you, it’s the same as your reason. I think she’s too good for him.” Alex rose her eyebrows, only causing Lena to groan. “In a _friend_ way. That’s it.”

“So, what about Mon-El don’t you like, exactly?” Alex quizzed in a way that Lena knew she had to watch her words carefully.“Turn left at the next light.”

It wasn’t that Alex was being mean. She was actually being quite nice to her, but she also had her interrogation voice on and that wasn’t a good sign for Lena. Lena’s only goal was to walk out of the conversation without jeopardizing the only friend she had ever had. The problem was that to do that meant lying to a government agent who was trained to catch people being unhonest, which also meant she’d be lying to Kara’s overly-protective sister.

“I like that she likes him, but,” Lena stopped herself, taking time to contemplate her words. “Kara’s the best person I know. I don’t trust Mon-El to treat her as good as she should be treated. But at the same time, Kara was so hurt when he was gone. Now that he’s back I’m just glad she’s happy again. That’s all I’ll say on the matter.”

“I’m still not done,” Alex announced. “Turn left here again.”

Lena let out a sigh, her confidence in a positive outcome of this car ride dwindling down with each word that came out of Alex’s mouth.

“So, you’re glad she’s happy, but you’re not glad she’s happy with him?”

“She’ll realize she can do better eventually. I’m not that worried.”

“Are you better?”

She almost blew off a stop sign she was so caught off guard. “What?”

“Hypothetically speaking, if you were gay - just if - do you think you’d be better for her?”

“I’m not gay,” Lena repeated. “Not even hypothetically.”

“Why not? It’s just a hypothetical.”

“Until it turns into a theoretical,” she shot back at the challenge. “Don’t do this, Alex. I’m straight.”

She looked at her with that same analytical gaze before nodding and turning around to look out the front window. “I’m not trying to force you out of the closet. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not gay!“ she snapped.

“Sorry,” she winced at Lena’s tone. “I’m sorry. I’m drunk and single and just want good news. I’m not trying to be pushy.”

Now _that_ quirked her interest. Since when was her potentially being into Kara good news? At the end of the day, Alex was only being friendly because she was drunk and lonely and needed someone to keep her company so that her thoughts wouldn’t eat her alive. Lena was okay with that. She was. But asking her to pretend like Alex would ever root for her and Kara to be together was too much of a lie to go along with.

“What do you mean you want good news? You literally only tolerate me for Kara’s sake and we both know it.”

“Don’t take it personally, I’m just… slow to warm up to people that are close to her,” Alex tried to explain her position. “Kara trusts everyone. It’s my job to figure out who’s genuinely as good as she says there are. Of course it took me a while to gauge you, look at your background.”

“I’m not my brother,” she wanted to snap again, but let the well-rehearsed words flow out gently. “I’d never hurt anyone. Not Supergirl, not Kara.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Alex sighed. “I’m seeing things for what they are, okay? I’m coming around. It just took a while.”

The car was silent again until Alex fired yet another question.

“Do you know?”

Lena wanted to act as annoyed as she felt but she knew part of Alex couldn’t even help how chatty she was being. Hell, tomorrow morning it would probably be Alex who woke up most mortified by this conversation.

“Know what?” she asked warily.

“Supergirl’s identity?”

Lena could easily answer that question honestly. It was about time someone stopped taking her for an oblivious fool. “You two aren’t nearly as subtle as you think.”

Alex let out an airy laugh and nod. “Yeah, I figured you did.”

Lena once again had nothing to say, so she was relieved when Alex finally told her where to pull over. She parked the car which caused Alex to raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t invite you in.”

“I’m making sure you go in,” Lena shot back. “I’m not getting yelled at by Kara when I don’t personally see you inside and something happens to her drunk and vulnerable sister.”

“You’re impossible,” Alex rolled her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sure,” Lena nodded, opening her door and getting out of the car. “My point still stands that Kara would kill me if anything happened to you.”

“I think you’re the one person who Kara would kill _for_ ,” Alex brought up. “She couldn’t kill you even if she wanted to. Even if you did try to kill her she’d fight that it wasn’t really you somehow.”

Lena couldn’t help but smile at that, because Kara was the only person that that statement felt true with. “Yeah.”

“What I was saying before was that you and Kara… that’d be good news,” the older girl promised her, sincerity flowing through ever aspect of her. “I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but you do look out for her. And you care - really care. That’s good news in my book.”

She had been doing absolutely fine until that point. She had been lying to a federal agent with ease about Kara and her sexuality, but that comment made her look away with solemness. “I care a lot, you’re right.”

Alex led them in to the apartment building before they headed to the stairs to go up. “I wish you’d be honest with someone about all of this. Even if it isn’t me.”

Lena was glad she was walking a step behind Alex to make sure she didn’t fall in her stupor, because she couldn’t help but tear up at the words filled with truthfulness and candor.

She thought about the words hard before they came out, deciding if she really wanted to say them. “It wouldn’t matter if I was gay. Things are how they are.”

“But they’re not how you want them to be,” Alex hummed, not picking up on the anxiety spurring through Lena’s mind. “What I learned in the past year, what Maggie taught me is that coming out is terrifying, but people might not leave you.”

“Maybe in your life,” Lena sighed. “I’m CEO to a multi-billion dollar company. I barely have friends, it’s pretty much just Kara and Sam by my side. I don’t have many people I can risk leaving.”

“Well, Kara won’t leave you, I can tell you that right now.”

She stood back as Alex fumbled with getting her key into the lock. Lena wondered if she looked as small as she felt, because she felt so, _so_ small in this situation. Her voice came out meek and afraid and she _hated_ that. Nothing made her feel as terrified as confronting the reality of her feelings for Kara.

“Would she stay even if you weren’t completely off base with what you said?”

To Lena’s shock, Alex didn’t even seemed surprised at the confirmation in the least. “She’s still friends with James and Winn, isn’t she?”

“That’s different,” Lena let out a soft smile. “They’re not a girl.”

“She has never stood up for anyone as much as she stands up for you. You’re special to her,” Alex told her as she finally got the key into the lock. “She isn’t going to leave you. I can guarantee it.”

Lena stayed silent, watching the door swing open, but not moving forward.

“You coming in?”

“No, no,” she shook her head, terrified upon the realization of what she had just confessed to Alex hitting her. Out of anyone to have this conversation with it shouldn’t have been Alex. “Are you gonna tell her?”

“It’s the gay code not to out people,” Alex gave a gentle smile. “You sure you don’t want to come in?”

“I just wanted to make sure you got in okay,” Lena stared distantly, unsure of what the next step was from her. “I’m really sorry about this.”

“About me being wasted or you liking my sister?”

Lena stayed silent and Alex shook her head, taking a step out of the apartment into the hallway again.

“You never have to apologize for your feelings. I hope you come to terms with that soon. Besides, as I said, I’d be rooting for you if you ever chose to fight for her. Hell, my money would be on you in a fist fight against him too.”

“He’s an alien, that’s an awful bet.”

“You have wits and a brain, I think you could do it,” Alex shrugged off Lena’s argument. “I’m serious. I’m here if you need to talk. One gay to another.”

Lena didn’t say anything, didn’t even twitch, just staring. She had never called herself gay out loud and wasn’t so sure she’d ever be able to do so. At least, not as comfortably as Alex was able to do. She knew the term fit, but it’d feel wrong coming off her lips as a self-description.

“You sure you don’t want to come in? You can stay the night if you don’t want to go all the way back across the city.”

She actually thought about the offer, but in the end shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I should get going. I hope the hangover isn’t awful.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Lena waved a hand through the air and ignored the mess her mind was in. “I’m good. I’ll see you around.”

Alex stared, but eventually went in the apartment, closing the door as Lena turned around to walk away.

She hadn’t told anyone she was gay, but she had never even _planned_ to tell anyone she liked Kara. She had always thought that would be the secret she took to the grave. Maybe it was the small consumption of alcohol she had, maybe it was needing to get out the massive feelings that wanted to explode inside her chest everyday. Either way, she was stunned at what she had done.

She hoped it wouldn’t ruin the closest thing to family she had ever gotten.

* * *

Lena was at CatCo the next morning when she got a message from an unknown number. She frowned for a moment, but it made sense when she read it.

 _It’s Alex. Thanks for taking me home last night, I owe you one. And your secret’s safe with me_.

She prayed to the God she didn’t believe in that that was the truth.


	2. K: dark skies + the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sisters night (plus Lena) ft. a jealous kara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello this is one of those stories with alternating POVs between Lena and Kara because I have things I want to show from both sides regarding Alex.

It felt wrong. That’s all Kara could really think about last night. It felt wrong seeing Alex and Lena talking, then it felt wrong seeing Lena looking out for Alex and then it felt wrong again watching them leave together. They were the two people who were closest to her, but they were also _hers_. Not each others. Specifically Lena. Lena was hers and _only_ hers and she wasn’t going to share her with Alex. Everything else she could handle letting Alex in on, but Lena was where she drew the line.

“I’m surprised you’re here with how much you drank last night,” Kara managed to laugh as she tried to ignore the bitter feeling from the night before when she walked into the DEO the next day.

Alex held her fingers to her temple with a groan and murmur. “Quiet. Please.”

“You need to stop doing this. I can’t take any more time off with you and you can’t keep drinking your life away,” Kara couldn’t help but lecture.

“I won’t,” Alex rolled her eyes. Kara knew she thought there wasn’t a problem, but Kara would beg to differ. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna stop.”

“So I’ve heard,” she pursed her lips. “I’m serious, Alex. You’re two steps away from getting bad again.”

“I’m fine,” she somewhat sang, only letting a hint of the irritation she was feeling shine through. “I have it handled, Kara. You don’t have to worry.”

Kara opened her mouth to announce her thoughts on that statement, but before she could Alex was changing the subject.

“Lena’s nicer than I expected.”

That was the wrong thing to say. All that did was bring the fire within her alive and her voice came out a little too curt and pointed in her response. “ _I know_.”

“Chill,” Alex put up her hands with innocence and confusion. “I’m finally agreeing with you. You can’t possibly get mad at me for that.”

“I’m not,” Kara shrugged, walking away from the conversation with forced ease. “I’m glad you like her. It’s about time you dropped your preconceived notions.”

Alex snorted a little, nodding her head at the attitude Kara knew damn well she was giving off despite her efforts not to. “Sorry, me and my notions were deeply rooted. It’s not like I didn’t have a reason, though.”

Kara whipped around, her eyes furious at Alex’s added defense for herself. “She’s not her brother.”

“I know,” Alex urgently promised her. “I know that, okay? I like her. I’m just saying she was nicer than I expected. She’s much less uptight than her wardrobe makes her look.”

That made Kara laugh, nodding her head in agreement. “Fair.”

“You should invite her tonight,” Alex offered as if it was no big deal.

Kara, however, almost stopped breathing at the suggestion. “It’s Sisters Night.”

“I know, but she clearly means a lot to you,” Alex shrugged it off, pretending that she wasn’t extending the biggest olive branch Kara had ever heard of. “I’ll invite her.”

“Alex, no! You can’t just invite-”

But she was already walking away with a determination Kara knew wasn’t worth fighting with. Honestly, if it were anyone else in her life she wouldn’t even want to fight with it. Normally she would be ecstatic about Alex opening the door to Sisters Night, but this was Lena. Alex was unintentionally overstepping yet Kara couldn't even say so because she had fought for Sisters Night to be a little more open to outside guests so many times before. She was simply confused, because had brought Mon-El to Sisters Night once and Alex nearly flipped the table over from being so pissed off. She all but kicked Kara’s boyfriend out with her icy stares and cold tones. Hell, _Maggie_ had never been so eagerly invited to a true Sisters Night. Yet, here Lena was, getting an invitation after one drive home.

Kara didn’t like the idea of this at all. She didn't want Alex to get close to Lena and didn’t like the way Alex was suddenly so welcoming. If her and Alex got close Lena would be another mutual friend. Lena was too special to be a mere mutual friend.

“You look pissed,” Mon-El observed as he walked over. “What are we mad about?”

“Nothing,” Kara shook her head with a scowl. “Literally nothing. Apparently Lena is coming to Sisters Night.”

“Why can't I come to Sisters Night?”

Kara rolled her eyes at the question. “Ask Alex if you can now, because _apparently_ we’re allowing more people in.”

“The answer is _no_ ,” Alex’s voice came over the comm in Kara’s ear.

That created another very over-dramatic eye roll. “Looks like Lena is the only guest Alex is allowing tonight.”

Mon-El must have placed Kara being upset on the fact that he wasn’t invited, because he was soon comforting her over something she wasn’t upset over. “It’s okay. I’ll come next time. No big deal.”

“I gotta get to work,” Kara just sighed, moving towards the exit. “Lena isn’t asking as many questions about my disappearances but every now and then she’ll give me a hard time and today’s already not my day.”

“I’ll see you later, babe,” Mon-El leaned in to kiss her.

And while she was so glad Mon-El was back and alive and healthy, she desperately wished that it still felt as good kissing him as it used to. But something was different now. She was hoping whatever that thing was would go back to normal soon.

* * *

Walking into CatCo had become nothing but anxiety provoking ever since Lena had began floating around. At first it was terrible, but over the weeks it had become nothing short of unbearable. She knew she had to tell Lena she was Supergirl soon, but she also didn’t know how to say the words at this point. She cared about Lena so deeply and the guilt of keeping this huge secret was weighing her down immensely.

“Kara, hey,” Lena caught up to her with a smile as she walked in. “Were you working on the Wutherby story?”

“Oh, yeah,” she went along with that. “I was interviewing Supergirl on her take. Anyway, did Alex reach out to you? She wants you to come to our Sisters Night tonight.”

At the mention of Alex Lena looked sheepish, which only caused Kara to be confused. _What_ happened in that car?

“She did text me, but I don’t know. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You come to our game nights all the time,” Kara tried to make it seem like not big deal, to make it seem like her sister inviting Lena hadn’t been bothering her all morning and like the idea of Alex and Lena texting didn’t make her nauseous.

“Sisters Nights aren’t the same as game nights and we both know it,” she smiled softly. “You and Alex have a good thing. I’d feel out of place.”

“I understand,” Kara nodded with a soft smile, trying not to look ecstatic at the fact that her sister didn’t get to win this time. “I’ll explain it to Alex, don’t worry. She really likes you, by the way. Thanks for taking care of her last night.”

“Not a problem. Your family is my family,” Lena smiled that genuine smile that made Kara feel so at ease. “I hope you and Alex have a good time. Pick out a good movie for me.”

“It’s Alex’s turn to pick,” Kara wrinkled her nose in distaste. “I’m hoping for the best.”

“You’ve mentioned her awful taste in movies once or twice before,” Lena laughed along. “I’ll hope for the best too. For your sake. I gotta drop by L-Corp, though. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“It’s my day off. And it’s Sunday, for that matter, it should be your day off too.”

“I’m getting coffee with Sam in the afternoon, but my morning is free, so I might as well be here,” she shrugged. “Do you want to get coffee with us by any chance?”

Kara liked Sam. She didn’t know where Sam came from nor did she know if she could trust Sam, but for now she liked Sam. She just didn’t like the threat Sam brought to her, because for the billionth time, Lena was _her_ best friend. Lena was her person.Not Alex’s, not Sam’s. They were there for each other. They were exclusively each other’s best friends. The real possibility that Lena might one day decide that Sam is better and choose to switch over to confide in her instead of Kara left a tangled knot in the pit of her stomach.

“I’ll see how my morning goes, but I’ll try to make it,” Kara promised. “I gotta check with my boss to see if I can take a few hours off.”

“I’ll put in a good word for you, I have some pull,” Lena winked at the teasing. “See you tomorrow, Kara.”

Kara nodded in a daze, still amazed by how light-hearted Lena could suddenly make her feel with just one warm smile. “See you then.”

* * *

It was a bit of a shock to see Lena at sisters night after that conversation. Kara walked in with pot stickers and nearly dropped them at the sight of Lena sitting on her couch. Alex just looked at her sister with a testy expression, daring her to say something.

“Lena!” Kara was sputtering, unable to hide the surprise the girl had brought. “You came!”

“She scared the shit out of me enough for me to change my mind,” Lena nodded across the room to a proud looking Alex. “She can be very intimidating.”

“It’s a gift,” Alex hummed.

Kara rolled her eyes, slightly annoyed that Alex would do such a thing. “It’s exploitation of intimidation tactics.”

“You call it exploitation, I call it a gift,” Alex put on an innocent smile. “Either way, I got her to come.”

“Good,” Kara managed to put on a smile and hide the annoyance at the fact that Alex was barging in to the most personal relationship she had in her life right now. “Welcome to Sisters Night, Lena.”

* * *

Lena left at midnight claiming how she had to be in the office early the next day, only making Alex groan at the thought of Lena working on a Sunday. Kara was used to the drive in _her_ best friend by now, only smiling at how off-putting it was to her sister.

That smile was gone the second Lena left and Alex turned to face her with an amusement dancing across her face.

“You really didn’t want her here,” she noted.

Kara shook her head at the idea immediately, not wanting to go into this with Alex. “I love having Lena around. I’m thrilled she came.”

“You don’t use words like ‘thrilled’ when you’re actually thrilled.”

She laughed a little, turning around and closing up the take out boxes that were still scattered on the coffee table. “Why wouldn’t I be thrilled?”

“That’s what I’m wondering,” Alex stood her ground. “Did you not want her to come? Are you two in a fight?”

“I did, it’s just…” Kara scanned her brain for all the reasons that made sense for not wanting Lena to come, not willing to give out the overly possessive reason that had been consuming her. “I know you’re struggling right now. I wanted to talk to you, that’s all.”

“We can still talk now,” Alex offered. “But I’m fine. Today has been a good day.”

“I’m glad,” Kara gave a faint smile.

A deep silence set in for a couple minutes before Kara finally couldn’t hold in the question. Her voice was filled with exasperation to understand, because Alex was so uninviting to everyone, yet suddenly they had just had a Sisters Night with Lena. The more she thought about it the more desperate she became to know the reasoning behind the invitation, because the thought of Alex liking Lena as a friend bothered her, but inviting Lena to Sisters Night? What if this was about more than being friends? That would be more than Kara could handle.

“Why did you want her here so badly?” she asked with confusion.

Alex shrugged at the question, putting alcohol in the fridge before crossing the room to fold a blanket. “I just thought she should come. I liked talking to her last night and I think we should include her more. She doesn’t have many people in her life, right?”

Kara peered at Alex with skepticism. Mon-El didn’t have many people in his life. Maggie didn’t have many people in her life. James didn’t have many people in his life. Winn didn’t have many people either. J’onn? The same situation with him. Yet all the sudden Alex shared a drunken car ride with Lena and Lena was getting invited to a night that had always been just the two of them? This wasn’t about Lena having no one else. This was about Alex wanting her there for some odd reason.

“She has me.”

“Which is why I invited her,” Alex laughed a little, but it was filled with discomfort. “Why are you upset about this? I thought you'd be happy. I thought earlier was faux annoyance for Mon-El.”

“I'm not annoyed!” Kara snapped.

Controlling her temper, she placed her thumb and forefinger on each side of the bridge of her nose. When she spoke again it was quieter.

“I️ don't want Lena getting mixed into our group. It's too dangerous for her.”

“She throws herself into danger at first sight, with or without our group,” Alex crossed her arms. “Exhibit A: you needing to save her from a crashing plane.”

“And if she finds out I'm Supergirl?” Kara asked, knowing that that was where Alex would back down. If she had to pull her secret identity card out of her back pocket she would. “She will if she hangs around us all the time.”

She was wrong yet again and Kara wanted to know what the _hell_ was said in the fifteen minute car ride more than ever before. “You honestly think she doesn't know?”

Kara took a deep breath, not liking anything about this conversation.

Alex’s voice came out gentle and genuinely concerned. “What's going on, Kara?”

“She's mine,” she gave in, turning to look at Alex with challenge for her to say otherwise. Her tone was snippy and her face detestable, but she didn’t care. “Lena is mine. She my friend, she's my support, she's mine. I don't want to share her with all of you. She's the only person I️ have that I️ can count on. She's who I️ have to go to when I️ feel upset and need a crutch. She is _mine_ , Alex. It's not up for debate.”

Alex stared in shock at the rushed words and sharp tone, but eventually recovered with a challenge of her own. “I thought that Mon-El was your person to count on. I thought _he_ was your support. Your crutch.”

Closing her eyes, Kara turned away again, listening for a crime so she could break through a brick wall. That's what she needed right now, she needed to feel the sensation of her body going full force through a building.

“It's different with Mon-El and you know it.”

“I get that you want to have this different version of your life with Lena, but letting Lena into all of who you are wouldn't be so bad. You don't want to hear it, but it's gonna have to happen eventually. She deserves to know.”

“You're saying I should actually tell someone I'm Supergirl?” Kara clarified in utter disbelief. “ _You,_ of all people, are saying I should tell _Lena_ , of all people, my identity?”

“I'm saying it's about time you let her in, yes,” Alex didn't break eye contact, remaining fully serious and throwing Kara completely off balance with the suggestion.

She couldn’t stop herself from voicing the question, but she probably could've sounded a little less outraged about the idea. “Do you _like_ her?”

Alex laughed, but Kara was in full fury now. Her eyes were in a glare and her blonde hair was moving through the air as she shook her head and her eyes were two shades of red away from being lasers.

“I'm serious. Are you into Lena?” she demanded when Alex kept laughing, but didn’t answer.

“No!” she shouted as if the idea were ridiculous.

Kara took a moment to calm down, ignoring Alex looking her over. She went to the sink, pouring herself a glass of water purely because it was better than focusing on how threatening Lena and Alex dating would be.

“Are you into her?”

If Kara wasn't an alien she would've choked on the water. “ _What_?”

“You seem a little,” Alex did a big hand motion through the air.

Kara crossed her arms, looking at her sister ready for whatever fight was about to come. “A little what?”

Alex pursed her lips before smiling a little, seemingly humored. “You sound jealous right now, Kara.”

“I am not jealous,” she instantly clarified. “I'm with Mon-El, why would I possibly be into Lena?”

“You tell me,” Alex didn't answer the question, but she most certainly didn't back down like Kara had expected her to. “I mean, thinking about it, Lena _is_ the only person you've been consistently open to. She's the only person you're yourself with.”

“I haven't even told her I'm Supergirl.”

“I was talking about you, Kara. The only person who knows the true extent of you, Kara Danvers, is her. She's the only person you'll _let_ know the full version of the human you.”

“You know me.”

“I might know all of you, but she's seen parts of you that you won't let me in on.”

The truth reverberated through the room, leaving Kara wanting to escape. “So, you think I'm gay? Is that what you're saying?”

“I think Lena would be good for you if it so happened you were gay, _that's_ what I'm saying,” she reworded it, but Kara heard the same thing.

“You don't like her in more than a friend way?” Kara found herself asking again.

Alex shook her head with a sad laugh, wrinkling her nose at the idea. “I feel like I won't like anyone ever again. I'm too sad.”

That softened Kara from her defensive front. She sighed, going over to hug the sister that she sometimes forgot wasn’t invincible. “I'm sorry. I know it's a rough time for you.”

“I could use some good news,” Alex offered casually.

That made Kara stop for a minute. “Me being gay would be good news?”

“Oh, most definitely,” Alex just nodded with a smile.

She grinned at her sister, tilting her head. “Is suggesting I'm gay another ploy to get me to realize Mon-El isn’t good for me?”

“No, but if it works it works,” she huffed. “Honestly, I'm just saying that you deserve the moon and he's only a piece of chocolate.”

“What does that even _mean_?” Kara asked with defensive confusion and exasperation. “I like chocolate. I'm pretty sure almost everyone likes chocolate, actually. That's a horrible metaphor, even for a science girl.”

“Hear me out,” she held up her hands again. “I️ know everyone likes chocolate, okay? What I’m saying is, yeah, chocolate is comforting to eat for a second and satisfies cravings and that’s really great. But chocolate isn't what brightens up even the darkest nights.”

She tried to act disgruntled and as if she still thought the metaphor was dumb, but she started to see what Alex was getting at and she wasn’t sure she liked it. “What's your point?”

“You look for her on every dark night. She’s who you go to to brighten black skies.”

Kara sat in silence, just thinking about that statement, all of her landings on the L-Corp balcony flowing through her mind in one big blur. She thought of their couch sessions and bar nights and lunch dates on her bad days. Sure, she went to Lena in bad moments, but that was different. Lena wasn't her moon, she was the stability to every aspect of Kara's humanity. Except Kara wasn’t so sure the sound of that made it sound any less romantic.

“You're saying Lena is my moon?” Kara double checked. “You think–”

“I think you deserve the moon,” Alex cut her off and finished the sentence for her. “Maybe she's not your moon and I'm wrong, but if you're not gay she's the kind of guy you're looking for.”

“I'm not gay.”

Alex shrugged the statement off, letting the words float right by her. “Then you need to find a guy to look at the same way you were looking at her all night. Mon-El doesn't come close.”

“I love Mon-El,” Kara reiterated boldly. “I️ mourned him every second he was gone.”

“I wouldn't know,” Alex threw out the heavy statement so lightly. “You would only talk to her about what was going on.”

Kara's expression fell at the truth that felt like a wrecking ball. “It wasn't like that.”

“It was,” Alex straightened up, her voice coming across comforting while remaining strong and fierce and Alex-like. “And that's fine, it's okay, we don't have to always be each other's constant, Kara. But it _was_ like that.”

A silence settled over them again. She had wondered if she liked girls before, back in high school and college, but she had never wondered about Lena. Lena had always been unquestionably safe to her. She hadn’t ever questioned any aspect of Lena in her life. Lena could be counted on and they'd protect one another at all costs. They had proved that to be true numerous times and that's all Kara ever wanted to find. Depending on someone with full confidence that they wouldn’t let you down was an incredible high.

“I'm not gay.”

“That’s completely fine, Kara. In that case, all I’m saying is that you need to find a guy that makes you want to be as open as you are with her,” Alex stood by her words. “Mon-El isn’t for you. And you don't own Lena, okay? You can't order us not to hang out with her.”

“I know,” Kara pursed her lips, looking towards the ground at being called out. “I know.”

Alex nodded her head at the confirmation, going to the kitchen table to get her bag. “I'm gonna get going, though. It's late.”

“Yeah,” Kara forced a smile. Before Alex was out the door there were more words piling out of Kara despite her best efforts to keep the question contained inside of her. “Do you think Lena's gay?”

She watched Alex hesitate before shrugging. “I don't know. She's yours, not mine.”

“Very funny,” Kara sneered. “So, is that a yes? No?”

“She's as hard to read as you are,” she gave out. “I hope for your sake you both find what you have in each other in whoever you end up with.”

“She's my best friend,” Kara said, raising her hands and lazily letting them fall again. “I'm hers. That’s it.”

“You say that like it's small, but for two people who've never had a best friend before that's pretty big,” Alex continued to counsel. “You feel the need to minimize your friendship. What I want to know is how you can do that while looking like you were two steps away from knocking me out purely because you thought I liked her.”

“I did not almost–”

“Think about it,” Alex abruptly ended the conversation and halted Kara from getting worked up again. “She cares about you. Is she gay? Maybe. I don't know. All I know is she really fucking cares and that's something I can get behind.”

“Even if it's a girl?” Kara asked timidly.

Alex just laughed at that question. “ _Especially_ if it's a girl. My favorite parts of life are when we're playing for the same team.”

Kara couldn't help but laugh at that. “You want me to be gay?”

“No, I want you to be you,” Alex clarified. “But if that you just so happens to like girls I wouldn't be opposed.”

“Good to know,” Kara smiled weakly. “Text me to let me know you got home safe.”

“I will,” she promised. “Don’t think about what I said too hard.”

And she wouldn’t have had to if Alex didn’t have such concrete reasons for why she thought Kara was jealous. She had viewed her anger as wanting to protect Lena, but maybe it really was a case of not wanting Alex to have the privilege of having her in a way Kara couldn’t. Hell, maybe it was like that with everyone else too.

All she knew was that she would have dropped the chemicals if she could have only saved one half of the plane, because she couldn’t see the benefit of the rest of the world in that moment, she could only see what the rest of the world would look like if it was missing Lena Luthor. That was something she wasn’t so sure she could live with. Choosing to let go of Lena would be more than she could handle, yet she managed to let go of Mon-El to save the world. She had sent him away forever and didn’t even know where to.

Maybe she did need to think about why that was.

She had to think about why a lot of things between her and Lena were the way they were. Why did Kara blindly fight for Lena’s innocence when every hard piece of evidence told her not to, yet she couldn’t do the same for Jeremiah? Granted, she had been right in every situation so far, but what if she hadn’t been? She was always going off of her gut feelings with Lena, never what stone cold facts provided.

She was on video with kryptonite and linked to a plan to kill her and Kara fought for people to see she was innocent. There was a surveillance video of her that was nearly uncrackable, yet Kara still insisted that she wasn’t like her family. She didn’t want to listen to evidence. She wanted to listen to Lena. She would follow Lena anywhere, there was unwavering trust since day one.

And why did she have to force herself not to think of Lena’s past with Jack when they had briefly met last year? Why had she felt like she had won something more than her life when Lena had chosen to save her from the nanobots instead of letting her die and finding a way to stop them later in order to save Jack?

Finally, why was telling Lena she’s Supergirl so much harder than it was to tell Winn or James? Winn and her had been in the same situation. They had been best friends as well, yet Winn was the first person she had told after saving that first plane. The question was always on her mind. What made Lena so much more intimidating to break the news to?

Lena could leave.

Lena could be mad.

Lena could be _hurt_.

All of those were risks she had to be prepared to handle, risks she was trying to figure out how she’d cope with. It sounded like a stupid, over-exaggerated statement, but if Lena left she would lose the one person she was always authentic with. Not a day had gone by where she wasn’t one-hundred percent herself around Lena. She had shown her worst and best qualities around her and Lena took them all with grace. How could she risk losing that?

The answer was, she couldn’t. She didn’t have an explanation other than she cared more about her than she had ever cared about anyone outside of Alex. Kara knew herself and she knew was pure, she had always been self-conscious of it. She saw that purity matched when she was with Lena. Sure, Lena would never see or admit it, but her heart and intentions were just as pure, her mind was simply a little darker.

Kara sighed, picking up her phone beside her and texting the only person she had on her mind.

_Make it home okay?_

Lena texted back at once. _Just got in. There was lots of traffic. Thanks for having me, it was fun. Tell Alex I said so too._

Biting her lip, Kara wondered if it was normal to be so happy every time her phone glowed with Lena’s name. That was just due to the deep level of friendship her and Lena shared, right?

_I’m happy to hear that and glad you came too. Alex loves you._

She could hear Lena’s amusement as if she was right beside her and speaking aloud. _Maggie must really have her head in a mess. She went from wanting nothing to do with me to inviting me to sisters night in .2 seconds._

 _She’s a mess, but she likes you. I promise._ Kara decided not to add the last thought, but in the end she changed her mind and double-texted. _Not as much as I like you though - just for the record._

_You’re the best. Make sure to let me know if you can come with me and Sam tomorrow for coffee! We’d love to have you._

Kara smiled at the repeated invitation. _I will. I’ll try to be there._

The only response was the standard red heart emoji Lena always sent. She found herself wondering what exactly that meant and what she wanted it to mean. Suddenly everything was a puzzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me on tumblr:  
> shes-cured


	3. L: confessions and rage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is awkward with Lena and Lena is pissed about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, here's an update because we all know supergirl goes downhill starting tomorrow (thanks mon-el).

In one way Alex knowing about Lena’s feelings for Kara was a blessing. In another, it was nauseating. Alex knew and Lena didn’t know how long _your secret’s safe with me_ was effective for. Did that mean forever or did that mean until Lena upset her?

She was able to fake it well, though. She was still able to act normal with Kara, which was the most essential thing. She was also able to pretend like she was deeply interested when Sam was telling her stories the next day despite only being able to wonder if Sam would be just as nice to her if she knew the truth. Sure, Lena liked girls. That was fine and great to her, she honestly had no problem with it, she accepted that aspect of herself. It was how the rest of the world would react that she might have the problem with. She had finally built a great name for herself and coming out of the closet had the potential to make that come crashing down for her all over again.

“Alright,” Sam suddenly stopped in the middle of another story about Ruby, her voice becoming serious. Lena sat up a little straighter at the down-to-business tone. “Where is your head today? I can’t keep ignoring how you look like you’re lightyears away without feeling guilty for being a bad friend.”

Or she thought she had been faking it well.

“I’m here,” Lena shook her head. “I’m sorry, I’m tired. I’m here, though, I’m listening. I love hearing about Ruby.”

“I’m a very stubborn person, don’t make me drag it out of you,” Sam smiled with a teasing tone, but the words had no sense of joking in them. Lena knew she would. “The entire hour we’ve been here your responses have been nothing but broken up sentences.”

“I’m fine,” Lena shook her head yet again with no conviction. “I promise. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“I’m a great listener,” she offered.

Lena knew that was true, but she wasn’t a great speaker when it came to talking about Kara. The subject felt too close to her. Talking about Kara with other people always made it seem like she was giving up some of the closeness their long sessions of confiding in each other provided. And, honestly, talking about her feelings for Kara out loud would make it real that Lena liked those sessions of confiding in each other more than she let anyone know.

“It’s nothing. Kara will be here soon and I don’t want to get into it with her,” she excused herself politely, thinking that would automatically drop the subject.

It only brought more questions. Sam’s eyebrows furrowed in concern and her voice was filled with disbelief. “You don’t want _Kara_ knowing what’s going on with you? This must be serious.”

“It’s not serious,” Lena rolled her eyes a little.

“It’s either serious or you and Kara are in a fight,” she pronounced knowingly. “Which is it?”

“You think you’re so smart,” Lena taunted, taking a sip of her water to prevent her from having to answer.

“I am smart. That’s why you trust me to do what I do,” she quipped.

Lena looked past Sam to see Kara walking through the doors of the cafe and her face both lit up and fell all at the same time. She looked at Kara, immediately noticing how perfect she was. Lena always thought Kara was perfect, but admitting to Alex her feelings only made Lena notice all the more how unfriendly her thoughts were, purely because they were too friendly.

Maybe that didn’t make sense to anyone else, but it made sense to her. Feelings and friends are all fun and games until they become too friendly. Telling Kara would burn the safety net they had built in one another. It would burn that to the ground.

“Look, I won’t tell her anything, but I think-

“If you shut up and don’t say a word about this I’ll tell you everything,” Lena rushed out when Sam started talking again and Kara was getting closer.

She saw Kara’s eyebrows furrow as she overheard the quick words on the other side of the coffee shop, but Kara also didn’t question it when she got closer, which Lena was grateful for. One of the few perks to Kara not knowing Lena knew Kara was Supergirl was that she couldn’t bring things like that up. She couldn’t confront Lena over things she wasn’t supposed to be able to do. She was grateful for that at the very least.

“What are you-“

“Sorry I took forever!” Kara look as flustered as she always did when she made her very late entrances. “I got tied up with reporting on a story and-“

“It’s fine,” Lena assured her with a laugh. “Sam and I just finished business talk anyway.”

Kara turned, briefly acknowledging Sam with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. Lena still wondered if Kara liked Sam or not. Both girls were deeply rooted in Lena’s life, but something about Sam always seemed to make Kara uneasy. Lena was just trying to figure out what triggered that.

When she stood up and went in for their regular hug it happened. Lena’s most present fear came alive. It was subtle, but Kara hesitated a little and Lena nearly froze on the spot. For the first time the hug wasn’t comforting, it was awkward and uneasy, as if Kara was unsure if she should be doing it. All it brought up was rage in Lena.

Alex said _your secret’s safe with me_ , but Lena didn’t know why she had even began to believe that. Kara clearly knew what had been said, because she had never hesitated to hug her before. Maybe it was a little thing, but it was a big thing to Lena. Kara didn’t get awkward at the idea of hugging. Hell, if they were being honest, Kara had practically taught Lena how to hug.

The only explanation for the change in behavior was that Alex had opened her mouth and even though Lena had already knew telling her anything had been a mistake, Alex betraying her trust like that still stung. She didn’t know why, she should’ve expected it, but it just did.

Never in her life did she think she would be able relate to her mother’s anger at others after losing Lex, but in that moment she easily could. Rage consumed her at the thought of Alex ruining her friendship with Kara. Rage was all she could see, all she could feel. She couldn’t even act like it wasn’t.

“Hey, uh, sorry to cut this short, but there’s sort of an L-Corp emergency going on,” Sam was suddenly stuttering with nervous urgency while looking at her phone. “I…. This can’t wait, I need to take care of this. Did you want to help, Lena? I’m going to the office to make some calls.”

She let out a sigh of relief at Sam’s offer of escape ten minutes later. At least something was going right today. All she wanted was to bury herself in work, so an emergency sounded like a blessing.

“There’s a business emergency on a Sunday?” Kara asked. “You two never do get a day off, huh?”

“It’s usually not like this,” Sam was hastily explaining. “It’s just - I don’t even know what’s going on with this situation and there’s a huge meeting tomorrow with reps from their company, so-“

“I understand,” Kara assured her, nodding her head. “You two go. I’ll finish the article I was doing. I hope it works out.”

Even through awkwardness and anger, Lena apologized to Kara for leaving so abruptly. That didn’t stop her from feeling excited for the first time all day, because at least this was a distraction. God, she had been needing a distraction.

Except it wasn’t a distraction, but only Sam’s escape strategy. The second they reached Sam’s car the question were spilling out of her mouth. “What was _that_?”

“I’ll tell you after we get this situation sorted out,” Lena took a deep breath. “What's going on? Is it McMaddon again?”

“There's no situation, you just looked like you were slowly building up the nerve to punch someone,” Sam explained. “The second Kara got there you looked pissed.”

Lena felt disappointment fill her gut. There was no distraction. There was only her life to focus on. There was only the fact that she was gay and liked Kara and that Kara knew to focus on.

“Why are you guys fighting?”

“We’re not,” Lena rested her face in her hands. “We aren’t in a fight.”

Sam hesitated to point it out, but in the end she did. “Are you sure? That was uncomfortable to even _watch_. And you didn't want to talk to her about whatever’s going on, so I think–”

“I think she thinks I'm in love with her or something,” Lena mumbled, brushing it off with a casual shrug. “I–” she cut herself off to recollect her thoughts. “I don't know why it was like that just now.”

Sam stared at the casual announcement, opening and closing her mouth three times before words finally poured out. “And what led you to that conclusion, exactly?”

Lena didn't have anything to say.

“It was awkward, I’ll give you that, but why would you even think she thinks that? I mean, you're not even gay.”

“I know,” Lena nodded pointedly, then shook her head with the taste of rejection on her tongue. “I don’t know.”

Sam was quiet, then her eyebrows came in closer together and her voice came out gently and with concern. “You aren't gay, right?”

When Lena didn’t answer immediately, she took it as a cue to continue.

“Because if you are…”

Lena opened her mouth to assure Sam that she was definitely _not_ gay, but before she do that convincingly tears filled her eyes and her lip was quivering and it was too late to get out the lie and Lena was humiliated for looking so weak.

“Oh,” Sam said when the demeanor changed. “Sorry, I - I had no idea.”

Lena had nothing to say. Nothing to deny and certainly nothing to confirm.

“Did you tell her you have feelings for her?”

She hated the way her voice sounded when it quivered from being on the verge of crying, so she stayed silent, just shaking her head.

“Then why do you–”

“I told Alex,” Lena rushed out before tears started actually falling. Not a second after the sentence was out did they start. “She said she wouldn't tell Kara, but… I mean, you saw that, right? It was so, _so_ awkward. It was… I didn't tell her for a reason. I would've never told her. She means too much to me.”

Sam stayed in silent analysis mode before placing a hand on Lena's shoulder with a look of pure pity. “She's going to come around.”

“You don't know that.”

“No one cares about you as much as she does. She isn't just going to walk out of your life because you have a crush on her,” Sam tried to rationalize it. “She wouldn't. Now, if it were _me_ you had a crush on? Maybe. But not Kara.”

Lena laughed at the joke that was thrown in, looking to Sam, lacking any certainty in what she was saying. “How are you so sure?”

“There is no coming between you two,” Sam told her earnestly. “That was made clear on day one.”

“And you're not weirded out or anything? By me being gay?”

“I'm a little offended that you don't have a crush on me too, but no, I'm not weirded out,” she put on that soothing smile. “We’re both your best friends. We’ll both be there for you through whatever. If she does know, she's going to adjust. I promise. I’m more than positive about that.”

The mention of Kara knowing just refilled the rage. She sat up straighter, sniffling her nose and wiping away tears with determination. “Speaking of, can you drop me off somewhere?”

* * *

Lena stood outside Alex’s apartment with all that same rage, not a single ounce of it fading away in the ten minute drive. She didn't think she trusted Alex enough to feel betrayed by this, but apparently she had and she was.

She rose her fist, heavily and curtly pounding on the door before letting it rest at her side, still clenched in a ball and shaking.

When the door swung open Lena softened. This wasn't a version of Alex she could yell at.

“Lena!” her face lit up, which was all the confirmation Lena needed to be certain she was drunk. “Did you come to babysit again? I have enough booze for you. Do you want to drink? Kara says you're depressed when you drink, maybe you shouldn't drink.”

Lens stared from the doorway in awe at this version of Alex she had never imagined seeing. Correction: last night’s Alex was the drunk Alex. This Alex was completely and utterly wasted.

“What–” she looked past her into the kitchen and her heart fell. “Did you drink that whole bottle?”

“Yes,” Alex laughed. “Don't tell Kara, though, we're keeping secrets from her, remember?”

The rage was flaring, but she also couldn't scream at the girl in this state.

“We’re keeping secrets from her,” Lena muttered, walking in when Alex moved to the side. “So, you've just been in here getting drunk alone?”

“I'm always alone nowadays, it's beautiful, being single is beautiful,” she laughed again, talking as if she was spinning around in a field of daisies when in reality she just looked sad. “I love being alone.”

“Alex,” she sighed, glancing at her phone. She wanted to call Kara. She _should_ call Kara.

“Don't call your girlfriend, I want you to take care of me,” she giggled and giggled before letting out a content sigh. “I wish you and Kara were girlfriends. You should be girlfriends.”

“We’re only friends,” Lena told her strictly. “It's all we’ll ever be.”

“She might be gay,” Alex offered, her voice sounding bitter, but her face looked so happy. “People are gay. I'm gay, you're gay, the world is just one gay place.”

Lena led her to the couch, sitting her down before she sat down next to her.

The voice beside her was still light and airy when it spoke again, but there was a hint of despair. “You're going to tell Kara about this, aren't you?”

She honestly didn't know. She was stuck in a hard place, because on one hand she wanted to avoid Kara forever, but on the other Alex looked like she was two drinks away from alcohol poisoning at three in the afternoon on a Sunday.

“I don't know what I'll do,” she sighed, looking at Alex with the same pity Sam looked at her with earlier. “I know you're hurt, but you _can't_ do this, Alex. You have too much to lose to drink your life away.”

“I was fine last time and I'll be fine this time.”

“I don't know much about last time, but I know you don't look fine this time,” Lena called her bluff. “Alex, you can barely stand on your own.”

“I'm a little wobbly, but I'm good,” Alex stopped to seriously think about that fact before deciding she was right. “I'm good.”

But she didn't look good.

“Kara–”

“Just stay here tonight, then you can tell her tomorrow,” Alex offered. “Can you at least do that?”

“Why not tonight?”

“She has a big date Mon-El. He's been back for two weeks as of today,” Alex explained, throwing her head back. “Stupid, _stupid_ Mon-El. Why is she with him when she can be with you? I wouldn't date you because you look like you could kill me, but Kara? I think she likes that gloomy thing you got going on. And the eyebrows. You do have nice eyebrows.”

That ramble actually made her laugh. The situation was sad, but at least her eyebrows were still noteworthy.

“You smell good,” Alex told her. Then, she shot up to a position where she was sitting with a straight posture. She turned and looked at Lena with grave seriousness and warning. “That doesn't mean I like you though. I don't want to date you, okay?”

Lena smiled a little at the comment. “I didn't think you even wanted to be friends.”

“We’re more than friends, Lena, we’re practically sisters-in-law!”

Lena's heart stopped at the claim and her eyebrows furrowed, unable to stop herself from reacting to that. “ _What_?”

“Well, you know, give it a few years,” Alex explained as if it was common sense.

Lena just stared before giving up arguing and leaning back. “God, you're drunk.”

“I might be drunk, but I have a plan and faith,” Alex told her. “I want you to get married. I need a sister who looks like she could kill me. Kara has rainbows shooting out of her ass, but you have bullets.”

She actually let out a laugh at that. It was a bitter laugh with a hint of resentment, but she was still amused. “You're gonna be so humiliated you said all this tomorrow. I need a video or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, pick fun at the lonely drunk girl,” Alex hummed. “I might be drunk and lonely, but I'm not stupid. I see what's there.”

“You see a fairy tale,” Lena corrected dryly. “Tell me all of this when you're sober.”

“I will,” she huffed, crossing her arms and leaning back across the couch. “Was Kara weird today?”

Lena closed her eyes, getting up and switching Alex to a position where she was laying down before sitting on the floor beside the couch. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Are you mad I'm drunk?”

“I'd prefer the word deeply concerned,” Lena tried to give a soft smile. “I don't like seeing you like this.”

“I've been told I'm a hilarious drunk,” she proudly bragged as she furrowed her head into the pillow. “Want to go to a club? Let's go to a club.”

Lena put a hand on Alex’s bicep as she tried to sit up again, making her lay back down. “You aren't getting any more alcohol.”

“I just want a few more drinks,” she told Lena with pleading eyes.

It took a second for Lena to make the decision, but eventually she decided getting heartfelt with someone other than Kara might not be the end of the world.

“I know you want to forget,” she began slowly before contemplating her words, “but too many people need you right now for you to go off the rails. This isn’t college. This isn’t you anymore. You’re more than the party girl. You save the world everyday, you can’t let a girl ruin that. Even if it was someone as great as Maggie.”

Alex grew somber, looking into the distance deep in thought. “She was really great, wasn’t she?”

“She was,” Lena agreed. “But we both know that a life without kids wouldn’t be really great for you. You’re destined to be a mom, Alex. You’re more cut out for it than anyone I know. It was choosing a childless life of regret or choosing to be alone until you meet someone who _does_ want kids. And I can tell you right now, turning into the girl who hangs out at clubs every night again? You’re not gonna find someone with as good of heart as yours to raise kids with.”

“You can’t exactly say I’m good with kids, you hardly know me,” she slurred out, moving her hands in wild directions.

Lena just smiled, meeting her eyes with pure joy. “I know Kara. I see everyday how you molded her and how you still do. I can tell you right now you’ll mold a kid to be just as great one day. I can guarantee it.”

“You really think so?”

“Kara is one of a kind, but she has pieces of you in everything she does due to how you taught her to grow and be resilient,” Lena spoke profoundly. “That’s your biggest accomplishment, right there.”

Alex smiled at that. It made her content enough to roll over and close her eyes against the couch cushion, her voice suddenly coming out tired and at ease. “She’s the best person we know because of both of us. You only made her better. Just don’t expect me to be able to admit that when I’m sober.”

That caused a smile. Lena stood up, grabbing the blanket that was draped over the couch and throwing it over Alex instead. It took less than a second for Alex to grab onto it, snuggling into it with a sigh.

“You get some sleep. I’ll wake you up for dinner tonight before I head home.”

“Don’t stay,” Alex told her with a smile and nonchalant wave of the hand. “Go live your life! Don’t worry about me.”

“If you won’t let Kara worry, someone else has to,” Lena replied with gentleness striking every word. “I’m telling her about this first thing tomorrow though, so enjoy tonight.”

Lena didn’t know if Alex was sleeping or not, but she didn’t open her eyes after that. She sighed, going to the island at the kitchen and pulling her laptop out of her briefcase. She opened the computer, but didn’t get to work for another half hour. Instead, she intertwined her hands together, resting her chin on top of them as she stared above her fingers to the couch.

She wasn’t sure how she got to this point. She didn’t know how she got close enough to Kara to be taking care of her drunk sister or how she got close enough to her drunk sister to discuss Kara, but somehow it had all happened. Somehow, she had found this place to call home with these people to call friends.

That shouldn’t have made her anxious, but it did. Having people to count on meant she had people in her life that would cause pain when they decided to leave. She had finally grown accustomed to being the stereotypical successful businesswoman who was rich, but had no one in her life who cared for her. Now, it wasn’t like that anymore. It hurt her to think about how much that would screw her over when both sisters chose to leave her side. Not even work could distract her from the realization that that pain might be the thing to finally push her over the edge.

* * *

“Alex,” Lena nudged the girl who was still passed out on the couch, but she didn’t budge. “Alex, you gotta get up and eat for a second. You can go right back to sleep after.”

“I don’t need food,” she grumbled.

“Well, I tried to do this the easy way,” Lena laughed a little as she leaned down, sliding her arms under Alex’s and wrapping them around her body to hoist her into a sitting position in one swift tug.

“And Kara’s the alien?” Alex groaned. “Jesus, loosen the grip next time.”

“I see we’ve come down from the happy drunk and became the grumpy drunk,” Lena announced. “Here. It’s just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but I didn’t want to give you too heavy of a meal considering it’s midnight.”

That woke Alex up more. Her eyes opened to squint at Lena who was holding out a small plate with a juvenile sandwich on it. “I have two things to say. First, I’m shocked you know how to make a peanut butter and jelly considering you grew up on caviar. Second, why the hell are you here at _midnight_? You have work tomorrow.”

“So do you,” Lena pointed out the obvious in response to Alex pointing out the obvious.

“But I’m sleeping on my couch,” Alex argued, cracking her neck and beginning to mumble. “I’m gonna move to my bed, by the way.”

“Good call,” Lena chuckled a little, sitting beside her on the couch as Alex finally took the plate from her hands. She reached forward, to the coffee table, grabbing two small pills and the glass of water. “You’re gonna want to take this. Hopefully it’ll help.”

“Thanks,” she muttered. “Let’s hope. Did you call Kara yet?”

“I told you I wouldn’t until tomorrow morning,” Lena reminded her.

Alex looked surprised by that answer. “I didn’t think you were serious. I figured the second I was asleep you’d be on the phone.”

She looked the girl sitting next to her over, analyzing every detail. She looked like hell, but she was sober enough to have this conversation now. She was sober enough for Lena to be angry again.

Letting the bitterness seep through, Lena slouched back into the couch cushions. “You aren’t the only one avoiding Kara right now.”

“You seem mad,” Alex observed the obvious aloud again. “What’d she do?”

“I came over here to yell and swear and make a dramatic exit,” Lena confessed, not looking at Alex as she tilted her head looking bewildered. “Then you were too drunk. Now I’m tired and calm enough to be an adult again.”

“You’re mad at me?” she asked with shock, leaving Lena a little surprised.

She just took a deep breath, finding the tone of professional calmness she had mastered. “You promised me you wouldn’t tell Kara I have feelings for her, then you did.”

Alex furrowed her eyebrows at that, slowly shaking her head and pronouncing her words with delicacy. “I don’t know what you and Kara talked about, but I didn’t tell her anything you told me.”

“Well, she clearly feels awkward around me over something. If you honestly didn’t, why would she be hesitant to even hug me? We hug all the time.”

She didn’t mean for the words to come out with so much accusation and distrust, but they did. Alex and Kara were close. Lena would rather Alex be honest about breaking her promise due to the sisterly bond her and Kara shared than lie to her face.

“When people confide in me I take that seriously,” Alex corrected her. “I don’t know what’s up with Kara, but I swear on her life that I didn’t tell her a word about how you feel.”

There was no trace of lying. Lena looked and looked for any signs that Alex was being dishonest, but she was exhibiting nothing but truthfulness.

“She’s just weird sometimes. And I think with Mon-El back she’s trying to figure out where you fit,” Alex explained. “She cares about you so much and I think it throws her off. She’s never cared this much for someone other than me. I think Mon-El being back is making her realize she doesn’t feel the same. _Thank God_.”

Lena smiled at that reassurance. “But she doesn’t know about how I feel?”

“I told you I wouldn’t say a word,” Alex told her again as she took a bite of her sandwich. “I wouldn’t go back on that. And if I did I’d give you a heads up at the very least.”

Lena grimaced a little, looking at Alex with apologetic eyes. “Good thing you were drunk, because I really would’ve made a fool of myself had you been sober. I was ready to spit fire earlier.”

“I kind of wish I was sober, in that case, that would’ve been quite humorous.”

“I kind of wish you were sober too,” Lena murmured sadly, her gaze turning to one of seriousness. “Alex, you’re balancing on a tight rope that goes over a place that’d be a long battle to recover from.”

“You sound just like my sister,” Alex rolled her eyes. “I’m not an alcoholic. I’m drinking my sorrows away right now, but give it a couple weeks and I’ll be right back to normal. I always find my way. I make sure of it.”

Breaking eye contact, Lena’s voice turned husky. “I’m worried. For both you and Kara.”

“You’ve been taking care of Kara just fine,” she smiled softly.

She tried to ignore the guilt that set in. She knew it bothered Alex that Kara had been letting Lena in more while she excluded Alex, but Lena didn’t know how to fix that. She had tried talking to Kara about it multiple times, but every time she brought it up Kara shut down. After a while she had made the decision to stop trying.

“She needs both of us, you know?” Lena reminded her. “I’m a good friend, but you’re her sister. And you’re allowed to watch out for Supergirl too.”

Alex bit back a smile at the reminder of Lena’s knowledge. “You ever gonna tell her that you know?”

“She’ll tell me when she’s ready,” Lena shrugged it off.

It was silent as Alex took the last bite of her sandwich, but when she was finished chewing another question filled the room. “Does it bother you that she hasn’t already said something?”

“It doesn’t bother me that she hasn’t told me, it just bothers me when I have a question or comment regarding Supergirl that I have to remind myself not to ask. All the time I want to tell her something as if I was speaking to Supergirl, then I remember I supposedly don’t know.”

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters, every time she walks into CatCo I want to know what she was really doing, but I have to pretend I think she’s out on stories all day every day,” Lena shook her head in amusement. “Same with Supergirl. Whenever Kara saves me I want to tell her thank you so sincerely and be vulnerable, but Supergirl and I are too professional for that.”

Lena sat there, letting her feelings of familiarity with the situation wash over her. She couldn’t imagine a life where she _did_ know Kara was Supergirl. Some days it seemed like she never would.

“Besides, it’s fun messing with her sometimes with coy comments about how awful she is at keeping secrets.”

Alex laughed along at a joke that Lena knew she wouldn’t have a week ago. “Honestly, if that’s what you need to do in order not to be mad at her it’s fine with me.”

“Do you know why she hasn’t told me yet?” Lena asked, making sure her voice portrayed no hint of accusal and only curiosity.

“I don’t know for sure, but I have a suspicion,” Alex offered, and Lena nodded for her to go on. “I think she's scared you'll leave. Terrified of it, actually. You don't see it, but… God, she values you, Lena. She regrets not telling you sooner.”

“Why didn't she?”

Alex suddenly looked sheepish, a hand going to scratch the back of her neck. “I might have been a little demanding that you shouldn’t know.”

“You? Demanding?” Lena joked around with her for what could have been the first time. “I get it. I'm a Luthor.”

“Yeah, but you're a good person,” Alex finally acknowledged aloud. “Kara’s been trying to show me that and now that I see I've been trying to show her it's time to tell you.”

Lena raised one eyebrow at that with full skepticism. “Really?”

“You already know,” Alex shrugged, popping the two pills of Motrin in her mouth. “Besides, even if you didn't you _should_ know. She trusts you more than anyone. Unfortunately, I think that's the reason she doesn't want to tell you.”

“I won't leave,” Lena murmured. “I wouldn't.”

“She wouldn't leave if she knew your secret either.”

Lena just scoffed at that with a smile, looking at her watch. “Look at that, it's one in the morning. Well, I'd better get going.”

Alex laughed, shaking her head and balancing on wobbly legs. “I'll stop pressuring you, I get it. But you're not going. Stay the night. It's too late to go all the way across the city.”

She hesitated, but Alex had enough determination in her eyes to make her oblige. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Do you want to share the bed or sleep out here.”

“We've made progress, but we aren't quite on the bed sharing level yet,” Lena half-teased with a grin. “Thanks for letting me stay.”

“Thanks for waiting until tomorrow to tell Kara,” she murmured sleepily, turning to walk towards her real bed instead of the couch. “Have a good night.”

“You're not gonna drink more if I sleep, right?”

“You can sleep,” Alex looked irritated at the question. “I'm not an addict.”

Lena didn't reply to that, not knowing if she agreed or not. They were young, so maybe this truly was Alex being carefree, but where was the line drawn? Lena just knew Alex was so damn close to crossing it.

“But Lena?”

She looked up at Alex again, feeling heavy and tired and ready for bed. “Yeah?”

“Even adults have feelings. So, if you ever do come here yelling and screaming over how you think you've lost Kara, I’ll be sure to make you realize how untrue it is. She's obsessed with you.”

“Obsessions end.”

“Sometimes,” Alex agreed with no hesitation. “But sometimes not. The stars and moon are still obsessed, always sharing the sky and lighting up the night.”

“They're not humans.”

“My point stands,” Alex hummed. “Get some rest. You're gonna be dead tomorrow.”

“You're still gonna be hungover.”

“Probably,” she just laughed along. “Wake me up before you call Kara. I won't try to stop you, I just don't want her yelling to be my wake up call and I will bet you money she'll be flying over the second you tell her what's happened.”

“I wouldn't bet money against it,” Lena didn't defy her. “I'll wake you before my driver gets here.”

“Your–” Alex cut herself off, just shaking her head at the thought of a whole different world. “Yeah, you do that.”

* * *

When the divider in her car was up between her and her driver, Lena picked up her phone and clicked on the name that meant the most to her. She held the phone to her ear, nearly shaking as it rang. Not much made her nervous, but giving Kara bad news always did.

“Hey, Lena,” Kara answered with much more ease in her tone than she had in her overall demeanor the day before. “What's up?”

“I'm giving you the day off,” Lena told her professionally, trying to distance herself from this fragile situation as much as possible. She wasn't sure why Kara had been weird, so she planned on not making this overly emotional. “Keep an eye on Alex today. I went over last night and she was in a pretty bad state.”

“Bad how?” Kara asked with concern immediately seeping into her voice.

“She was pretty drunk,” Lena bit her lip at the memories. “She could barely stand on her own and I just think she could use you by her side. Consider it paid time off.”

“Did she say anything dumb?” Kara asked.

Well, Lena recalled Alex proclaiming her and Kara were basically soulmates and going to get married, but she didn't plan to tell Kara that one.

“Just a lot of rambling. I had her sleep it off and she was better this morning. Maybe this is normal and I'm over reacting, but I'm just worried, so if I–”

“No, thank you, Lena,” Kara spoke graciously. “She needs someone like you as a friend. We all do. We're lucky to have you.”

That made her face become joyous again as she hoped that comment meant their weirdness was over. She didn't even care why Kara was so uncomfortable around her yesterday, it didn't matter as long as it was over.

“As you said, we're sisters,” Lena remembered the term Kara had used that was supposed to bring comfort, yet only brought pain.

“I know I said that, but you're so much more than a sister to me,” Kara told her earnestly after a few moments of staying silent. “They need a whole new word for you. You're honestly a life saver, Lena.”

“You too,” Lena smiled at the compliment. “Take care of her, okay? Call me if you need _anything_.”

“We will,” she promised. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You’re one of my biggest priorities in life, so she is by association,” Lena laughed.

Kara was so silent that Lena had to pull the phone away from her ear to make sure she was still on the line.

“I hope I always have you by my side,” Kara spoke again, this time with tenderness. “There's no one my life would feel emptier without.”

Her heart stopped for a second at the heartfelt words before she realized she had to reply. “I'm here for you always.”

She was so quiet and Lena waited for her to come out with her identity due to how serious the mood had become, but it never happened.

“Thanks for letting me know about this. I'll text you.”

“Please do,” Lena blinked her frustration away. She was so close.

“I will. Bye, Lena. Have a good day.”

“You too, Kara.”

She pulled the phone away from her ear, staring at it as the call ended and wishing she could have spent longer hearing her voice. Why did she have to like her best friend so god damn much? Out of all the shitty things that had happened in her life, feeling so strongly for Kara might have been the most unfortunate. She finally had something she didn't want to lose, yet her heart left her on the verge of losing that so quick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex and lena are officially my favorite thing to write, so there's that. I hope you liked it, feel free to leave a comment or kudos or nothing, whatever floats your boat tbh


	4. K: the deep end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is still jealous and threatened of losing Lena and (plot twist) has realized she has feelings for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I just don’t care enough to write a dramatic Karamel ending scene, so I’m just not going to. That's done in this story.

“You've been sober two nights in a row,” Kara mentioned to her sister on Wednesday. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm proud of you.”

“You and your girlfriend are being overdramatic,” Alex grumbled. “I don't have a problem.”

“And I don't have a girlfriend,” Kara grumbled right back. “Speaking of, don't make a big deal out of it, but I’m giving up on Mon-El. I broke off whatever it is we’re doing, so… It’s over. Officially.”

Kara expected over-exaggerated cheers of joy, but instead Alex seemed more than cautious upon hearing the news. “I can't tell if you're fucking with me because I just fucked with you or if you're serious.”

“I'm dead serious,” Kara continued her casual tone, putting another bite of food in her mouth.

There were still no cheers.

“Did anything happen?” Alex asked carefully. “Did he do something worse than usual?”

“No, I just wasn't feeling it anymore,” she shrugged it off.

“You weren't…” Alex silently mused those words over in her head. “You nearly killed Kara Danvers off because he left and now you're just _not feeling it anymore_?”

“You wanted him out of the picture and now he is,” Kara told her. “Let’s just celebrate.”

There was _still_ no cheering. Alex just gave her a hard stare. “What's this about?”

“Don’t pretend to be sad over this,” Kara scoffed. “You hate him.”

“And you’re crazy about him,” Alex threw the reminder back to her. “You love being around him.”

“I love being around an alien, yes,” Kara corrected her. “But, after a lot of consideration, I've seen the light. I love the idea of him, but maybe not so much him.”

Alex looked her over, but eventually she nodded and the smile that Kara had been waiting for came out, along with a pat on the back. “Well, it's about damn time you saw the light. Took you long enough.”

“Yeah, well, after four nights in a row of wishing Lena was an alien it became pretty clear what my real interest in Mon-El was,” Kara muttered with a nervous laugh as Alex just looked dumbfounded at the comment. “Don't overreact to that. Please, just–”

“Say that again?” Alex turned to her with a wide smile, ignoring the last request completely as she almost looked giddy. “Can you rephrase that?”

“I wish Lena was an alien,” Kara repeated the words as if they meant nothing, keeping her tone as casual as ever. “That's all there is to it.”

“It's the context you're saying that in,” Alex clarified, digging further. “Why do you want Lena to be an alien?”

“It would just… you know.”

Alex leaned forward on Kara's couch, pressing her hand around Kara's calf while she spoke words of reassurance. “She might not mind that you're a weirdo from Krypton. You never know.”

“Yeah, But she’ll never fully understand me,” Kara brought up the real concern. “Even if she knows I'm Kryptonian she’ll never fully get it, you know? She’ll never understand what the world is like when you’re an alien. All I need is her, but what if we lose some of the deep understanding we have of each other when I tell her?”

Alex paused, then began asking more questions. “Are we talking in the sense of what you needing her as a friend or–”

“You were right, Alex,” Kara got out rushed and annoyed. “I _like_ her. Did you need me to come out and say that explicitly?”

“I mean, I was willing to keep asking questions until I could definitively read between the lines, but you just saved yourself from an interrogation if that's what you're asking.”

Kara was humored, but she couldn't find it in her to laugh. She just repeated her previous confession with defeat. “I like her.”

Alex stayed silent at the distraught expression.

“I have a crush on Lena, who is a girl, who is my best friend, who I don’t even know how to act around anymore. I couldn’t even hug her the other day, because all I was wondering about was if I like her.” Kara looked up nervously, her pale blue eyes meeting Alex with only insecurities floating around in them. “You were right. I like her, Alex. I like her in a really big way.”

“Okay,” Alex snapped out of her state of shock. It had been a long time since Kara had been fully honest and vulnerable about her love life with her, so Kara couldn’t exactly blame her for being so surprised. “So, what does that mean? Are you okay with that?”

“Not at all,” Kara looked away to laugh bitterly. “I like _her_.”

Her sister nodded, her eyes squinting until her question came out slowly and hesitantly. “Are you not okay with that because it's a girl or because it's Lena?”

“Oh, purely because it's Lena,” Kara shook her head with disappointment. “On Krypton gay rights had been introduced while you guys were still struggling with deciding slavery is wrong. I've never cared about what gender I happened to have a crush on, that's a weird Earth thing you guys do. I just… I always thought it'd be a boy, it’s always just felt like it’d be a boy. I never even questioned why I love being around Lena so much until you brought it up. I thought it was what having a friend who's a girl was like. I've never had one of those before.”

Alex just tilted her head. “So, James and Winn were what? Confusions?”

“I like guys too, but… it's different with her,” Kara settled for the explanation. “The way I like Lena is way different than I've ever liked any guy. I didn't even realize liking someone could feel like this. It's soft and gentle and kind. It’s not flirtatious looks, it's… it's everything about her. Everything about Lena brings me this excitement that I've never felt about anyone,” she shook her head at the thought. “It didn't occur to me that you could like someone in this way.”

“You like a girl,” Alex told her with pride, almost singing her words.

Kara still looked heartbroken as her words came out solemn. “I like _Lena_.”

Alex opened her mouth, then furrowed her eyebrows, leaning forward. “But what's the problem with that?”

“She's the one person I'd trust with my life outside of you,” Kara explained with sorrow.

Alex clearly didn't see what her sister found to be obvious. “So, once again, the problem is…”

“I'd rather hide this with her as my friend than be open about it with her as someone who _used_ to be my friend,” she told her sadly. “Having Lena as just a friend is better than not having her at all.”

“And what makes you think you wouldn't have her at all?”

Kara just looked at Alex as if she should know the answer. “She's not even gay.”

“You don't know that for sure,” Alex pointed out.

Except Kara did.

“She’s not.”

“But how do you know?”

There was a heavy silence, then Kara finally voiced the scene that had haunted her for months. “You didn’t see the way she looked at Jack.”

Because she had. She saw that crystal clear.

“You don’t see the way she looks at you,” Alex replied tenderly, not a single word seeming unsure. “I undoubtedly have a lot to learn about Lena, but I don't need to learn that she’ll stay with you no matter the circumstances. I know for a fact that she'd never run from you. Especially not due to this.”

“Are you willing to bet money on that?”

“I am, actually,” Alex brightened immensely up at the idea. “How much we talkin’ here?”

Kara laughed, looking at Alex again with challenge. “Three hundred dollars.”

“Pleasure doing business with you,” she extended her hand. When Kara shook it her sister just smiled. “So, can I get this deal in writing?”

“Funny,” she sneered. “I'm glad this is a joke to you.”

“I want it in writing because I'm so certain,” Alex clarified with smugness.

Kara bit her lip, looking at her older sister with nothing but anxiety. “How are you so sure she won't run?”

“If you opened your eyes you would be too,” she offered. “She’s there, Kara. She's as committed to you as you are her. She talks about how much she values you all the time.”

“Yeah, as a _friend_ ,” Kara emphasized. “I'm not talking about valuing her as a friend. That's my problem. Besides, telling her would do no good.”

“I mean–”

“Would you stop being an optimist? You're supposed to be the depressed one and I'm supposed to be positive.”

“Then why are you being so negative?”

Kara rolled her eyes at the question as she threw her head back. “I just feel defeated.”

Alex let out a deep breath, placing a soft hand on her sister’s back. “All I’m trying to say is that she might like you back.”

Kara shook her head with disappointment. “Even you said her sexuality is hard to read. I'm not risking it.”

She watched Alex purse her lips with frustration, but Kara couldn't find it in her to care if her sister was frustrated. She wasn't going to lose her best friend.

“You won't tell her, right?” Kara spoke up with a hint of fear. “This is gonna stay between us?”

“You're my sister, Kara,” Alex smiled reassuringly. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

“I know,” she sighed, happy with the confirmation. “If anyone is good at keeping secrets it's you.”

Alex let out a laugh to something Kara didn't mean for her to take as a joke. Her smile was still rather smug and Kara shook her head at the sight of it.

“You really shouldn't be so proud of that. Some of those are secrets you should tell.”

“You're just jealous because you suck at it,” Alex threw the playful jab at her with full force. “The only person you haven't told about your identity is… right,” she trailed off when Kara's face fell. “Right, now’s not the time for jokes about Lena. Sorry.”

She just tilted the corners of her lips upwards, knowing the attempt at smiling wasn't convincing in the least.

“How did I fall for _Lena_?” Kara asked with the smallest voice. “And how did you know before me?”

“My gaydar has gotten better lately,” Alex shrugged. “I didn’t completely know. I just had suspicions.”

“Either way,” Kara sighed, letting them sit for a little bit. Then, she heard her voice reverberating through the room again, almost echoing despite the small volume. “If I can’t tell her I'm Supergirl, how am I supposed to tell her my feelings?”

Grabbing Kara's hands and squeezing them tenderly, Alex gave her best advice. “Start small. Supergirl first. Feelings later.”

Kara just grinned, finding it in her to tease her sister again. “I never thought I'd hear you say my powers are a small secret.”

“Now _that_ is twisting my words around,” Alex held out an accusatory finger pointed directly at Kara. “I never said that.”

“Oh, but you did,” Kara gushed. “I just heard you.”

“You didn't hear me say anything of the sort,” Alex huffed before turning serious again. “The whole superpowers thing isn't as big of a deal to you as your feelings. It's smaller. Easier. Start there.”

“And if I end there?” Kara asked unsurely. “I don't know if I can ever tell her my actual feelings for her. I mean, it's Lena, you know? She's brilliant and I'm ordinary. Everything about me is ordinary and everything about her is…”

“Extraordinary?” Alex helped her out in the moment of fluster. “Kara, she stares at you like you're the sun and she doesn't even know about your powers. She's amazed by _you_.”

Kara looked away at that, because it seemed so true. When she was with Lena that was true, she treated Kara as if she were the best person to breathe the same air as her, but she just couldn't quite fathom it. She was Lena Luthor. Why would _she_ ever fall for someone _Kara_?

“Don't tell her I ended things with Mon-El,” she requested softly. “I will eventually,” she continued upon seeing Alex getting ready to lecture, “but not yet. I need to sort some of this out first.”

Alex peered at Kara as if that decision was a mistake, but a bigger mistake would be Kara telling Lena. If Kara told her Lena would ask questions. If Lena asked questions, Kara would answer honestly. If Kara answered honestly, she would lose Lena, she would lose her best friend. Kara didn't want to lose her best friend.

“You can't just keep hiding things from her,” Alex tried to persuade her. “She deserves to know at least this.”

“I'll tell her I'm Supergirl, but I don't want her knowing this yet,” Kara held her ground.

“I think–”

“I get that you two are BFFs or something now, but this is my decision,” she snapped as quick and hard as a mousetrap. “You can't control every aspect of my life and Lena was mine to begin with.”

Alex just held back a laugh. “I don't _like_ your girlfriend. Chill.”

“She's _not_ my girlfriend,” Kara growled. “Stop saying that!”

“You want her to be.”

“Yeah, well,” Kara let out a heavy sigh. “We all want things we can't have, so.”

“I think you should–”

“You don't know Lena like I do, so I don't think you should be giving me advice on her,” Kara once again lost composure at Alex’s insistence and blind optimism. “If you want her in either of our lives you'll listen to me.”

Alex closed her eyes, pressing two fingers on each temple as she brought them full circle. “She wouldn't leave.”

“I know more about that than you, don't I?”

Once again, Alex held back a smile at Kara's territorial attitude.

“I'm not jealous,” she added before Alex could comment on it. “I just need you to stay out of this. Just trust me, for once in your life.”

Alex gave her a complacent smile, nodding her head and holding up her hands. “I'll stay out of it. But I still want that bet in writing.”

“Happily,” she muttered. “Easiest three hundred bucks I've made to date.”

“I think I'll be saying that,” Alex grumbled, leaning back into the couch.

It was silent for a moment and it almost gave Kara enough time to get wrapped up in sad thoughts about how her feelings were useless to her, but then Alex saved her again.

“You think I'll fall in love again one day, right?”

She sat up straight, looking at Alex with no doubt. “I've never been more sure of anything.”

Alex nodded, then sighed, admitting the truth. “I miss being you… I miss being smitten. I miss everything.”

“I know you do,” Kara sighed, leaning forward to be in closer proximity to her sister. “You're going to find someone. You just got to get over this hard part first.”

“Yeah,” Alex smiled weakly when she opened her eyes. “I hope I can.”

“You can. And you will.”

She looked up with eyes that weren’t convinced. “Promise?”

Kara nodded, because she was more convinced than ever. “Promise. You’ll have a wife and kids before you know it.”

“Because I’m almost thirty, I don’t have much time,” Alex brought up with a slight playfulness, but there was a real hidden anxiety in her words.

Kara wrapped an arm around her as her sister leaned into the embrace. “You’ll be fine, Alex. You’re the only one doubting that.”

* * *

It was the day. It was Saturday afternoon and Kara was going to surprise Lena at L-Corp and she was going to drag her out of there and make her be a normal human being who didn't work on a Saturday when they already worked the other six days that week and when they were deep into their brunch, she was going to tell her about Supergirl. Today was the day.

_Was_.

Then Sam was there at L-Corp with her and ruined everything. Kara bounced into the office expecting to see Lena hunched over her desk, but she was laughing with Sam on the couch. _Their_ couch. That wasn't in her plan and it was suddenly not the day.

“Kara!” Lena's face lit up at the sight of her. “I didn't know you were stopping by.”

“I was worried you were overworking yourself,” Kara let out a nervous laugh at the wrong assumption. “ I see you’re busy, though, so–”

“You see nothing,” Lena dismissed the idea of interrupting - the something that Kara definitely saw - with a comforting and inviting smile. That was still their couch, though. Not Sam’s. Theirs. “Sam and I were just talking about going out to get something to eat. Do you want to come?”

She stood there, thinking about honestly saying no before she realized she wanted to spend time with Lena too badly to do so. “Yeah! Yeah, that's what I came to ask you.”

She felt Sam’s eyes on her in analysis mode and she wondered if Sam liked Lena too. Maybe this jealousy was mutual. If it was, then at least Kara wouldn't be the only crazy one.

“Can Alex come?” she found herself asking, purely to prove to Sam how deeply ingrained she was in Lena's life.

She loved Sam, but she was also wary. She didn't trust her intentions with Lena. The way Sam had been looking at her when the three of them were together lately was a little too uptight, as if she thought she knew things about Lena that Kara didn’t. Kara didn’t want that to be true, so it only pissed her off.

“Of course, she's always invited,” Lena said words Kara would've choked at two weeks ago. “Is she off today?”

“Yeah,” Kara nodded, knowing damn well her sister was at the DEO right now. “I mean, you know, it’s the _FBI,_ ” she emphasized for Sam’s benefit, “so there could always be some top-secret _classified_ emergency, but she should be able to come. She said she’s free and it’s been slow crime lately.”

“The FBI,” Sam mused, seeming to mock her. “Impressive.”

“I agree,” Kara said curtly. “I’ll call her. Let me just step out really quick.”

When she walked out and the door shut behind her she listened in only to hear Sam laugh. “Well, someone is jealous.”

“Huh?” Lena asked. “Who?”

“She is not happy to see me here,” Sam announced with an amusement that made Kara angry. She shouldn’t be amused, she should be intimidated. “I think she wants quality time with you.”

“She just invited Alex,” Lena told her with confusion.

“You’re so innocent, it’s cute,” Sam teased, causing Kara’s blood to once again boil behind the door. “She invited Alex for back up.”

“Back up for what?”

“She thinks I’m trying to steal you away,” Sam explained the situation slowly. And while that was the exact situation occurring, Kara was enraged she’d inform Lena of such a thing. “C’mon, you gotta keep up, Lena!”

Kara had to walk away. Lena’s name didn’t sound as melodic when it was coming out of Sam’s lips. She sighed, holding the phone up to ear and ending her eavesdropping session.

“Hello?”

“Hey Alex,” Kara laughed nervously at the new realization of what she had done. “So, I put myself in a slight pickle that only you can get me out of.”

“What else is new?” Alex muttered. “Where do you need me and how much back up do I need?”

“Not a Supergirl pickle, a… personal pickle,” she explained. “I told Lena you had the day off so you could come with us to brunch.”

“Are you asking me to leave my _government job_ to go to _brunch_ with you and your girlfriend after telling me about a hundred times in the past few weeks to back off of her?”

“Please,” Kara gave up her pride and started begging. “Alex, you have to do this. Sam is coming and I need you there for support, because I’m gonna say something stupid if you aren’t there. And I told them you have the day off, so it’ll technically look bad on you if you don’t show.”

She expected Alex to be mad at the lie, so when she heard Alex laugh a little Kara was confused as to what she found funny, but when she asked the next question she saw the center of Alex’s hilarity. “Did you only say I had the day off because Sam is coming?”

Kara thought it over, then offered her answer as a question, not sure if a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would be worse. “No?”

“Jesus, you’re in deep,” Alex cursed. “Kara, you need to calm down the jealous thing you got going on. I’ve never seen you like this with anyone and you’re not even dating her.”

She just groaned in response. She knew she was overwhelmingly jealous, she didn’t need that pointed out, but Lena was just so… incredibly Lena. She was so Lena that it physically hurt to think of Sam winning her over and whisking her away.

“Please,” she continued the begging. “I will never tease you about anything ever again, just _please_ do this.”

“That is the biggest load of shit, you’ll be teasing me as soon as I walk in the door of brunch,” her sister laughed. “Yes, I’ll save you, but only this one time. Watch your mouth, because I can’t just ditch a government agency for your love life all the time.”

“You got it,” Kara smiled, feeling more than relieved. “I love you.”

“Text me the address,” she sighed. “And try not to dig yourself any more holes before I get there, yeah?”

* * *

Kara may have made a mistake in inviting Alex, because now Lena was actually including her sister in the conversation, which Kara hadn’t anticipated. She was telling Sam about Alex’s education and past projects she worked on and every detail of Alex that Kara couldn’t care less about. She loved her sister to death, but the science side of her wasn’t what she adored so much.

Still, as annoyed and disinterested as she was at the topic of conversation she couldn’t help but be enamored by the proud way Lena was talking about Alex’s achievements. She had been Alex’s friend for less than a month, yet she was bragging like Alex was _her_ sister. It was endearing that Lena adopted Kara’s family under her wing so easily.

“Well, it runs in the family,” Alex told Lena when she mentioned how good Alex must’ve been at science in high school to have such an impressive performance in college. “Kara’s pretty good at science too. She knows more than anyone I know about physics.”

Kara’s eyes went wide at the statement as she laughed, ignoring Lena’s instant confusion. “No, I’m really not. I don’t know anything.”

“You literally teased me all the time for how hard I had to - oh, wait,” Alex cut herself off at Kara’s silent cues to not finish that sentence, “wrong person. I think I was thinking of Winn.”

Lena just let out a small smile, as if she was catching a child in a lie, turning to Kara with confusion. “You’re good at physics? Why did you pretend not to know anything about my projects?”

Kara continued her anxiety tactics, shrugging her shoulders. “You just seemed really into it. I didn’t want to ruin your vibe.”

“I’m always up for talking about that stuff,” Lena brought up with eagerness, smiling her life away. “You don't have to act dumb just to make me feel smart.”

“My bad,” Alex muttered next to her in a voice that was too quiet for anyone without powers to hear. “Didn't know you were the type of girl to act dumb for your girlfriend.”

Kara gritted her teeth, jabbing Alex with her elbow out of annoyance. “ _Stop_.”

Alex grinned, picking up her lemonade as Lena eyed it warily until the straw left her lips again and Alex was speaking. “Never.”

* * *

“You do know she spiked that drink, right?” Lena asked her when it was the two of them alone again in the CatCo office that night. “She definitely spiked that drink.”

“What?” Kara asked with shock. “With alcohol?”

Lena laughed at the question, just nodding her head and foregoing the sarcastic response. “Yes, Kara, with alcohol.”

“How? We were both there the entire time.”

“When she said her lemonade was too sugary and needed to water it down,” Lena reminded her with an eye roll. “That was vodka in her water bottle. I would bet my entire life on it.”

Kara just shook her head, deciding to give Alex the benefit of the doubt. “It was water. Alex has been sober the past three days.”

Lena was silent, but it was clear she had a comment on the matter. Kara ignored her desire to speak, then thought it over. Alex needing to go to the bathroom alone, her suddenly always carrying around a water bottle, the insistence that Kara run errands lately and _I’ll be fine on my own_ … it all came together.

“She wasn't sober,” Kara realized aloud. “But – why would she be drinking in secret?”

“To get you off her back,” Lena answered as if it was obvious, then continued with her plan. “So, you're going to stay quiet about this and stay off her back and let me handle it.”

“You think you can handle my sister?” Kara asked with cocky doubt. “Yeah, good luck.”

Lena gave her a knowing look. “You lecture her, but _I_ talk to her. So, your way hasn't been working. My turn.”

“With Alex?” Kara confirmed. “I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into.”

“Then let me find out,” Lena shrugged. “I'm a big girl. I'll call you if I need back up, otherwise I'm on Alex duty tonight. Deal?”

She hesitated, purely because she wasn't used to anyone being concerned enough about Alex to actually stand beside her while she struggled. Most people looked the other way when Alex made poor life choices. Hell, Kara did that too sometimes. Lena looked like she was ready to fight.

“Deal,” Kara gave in. “I'll be by my phone. Just know there are many drunk versions of Alex and a pissed one is under there. Be careful. And don't hold anything she says against me.”

“Never,” Lena promised. “But I think Alex and I will be quite alright.”

Kara nodded, staying silent until she couldn't hold the question in. “She's not an alcoholic, right?”

When Lena stayed silent, Kara reiterated the question.

“I mean, I know she hasn't been well lately, but she's not like, _addicted_ to alcohol, right? She’s too young for that.”

Lena’s voice was soft with her eyes looking concerned and Kara wondered if that concern was for her or her sister. “I don't know. I'm hoping not.”

Kara took those words in. That wasn't a _no_. She had wanted a _no._

“She’ll be okay,” Lena told her softly upon seeing her face. She wrapped an arm around her and Kara was flooded with comfort despite the circumstances. “Alex is always okay. And you’ll be okay too.”

She just nodded along, not really sure if she believed that, but figuring she’d have to.

“Have you been good lately?” Lena asked cautiously. “With Mon-El back I know things must be pretty hectic.”

Kara forced a smile, hating that she was semi-lying to Lena, but still unable to answer the questions Lena would have if Kara announced she wasn’t as into him as she had once thought. “I’m good. Just… been busy.”

Lena tore her eyes away and Kara watched her fake her own smile. Nothing killed Kara more than seeing how sad it looked. “I’m glad he’s back. It’s good to see you happy.”

Suddenly she felt horrible. Lena might have Alex now, but Kara had undoubtedly been pushing her away. It was unintentional and mostly to distance herself from the possibility of heartbreak, but she had been doing it nonetheless.

“I’ve missed you, though,” Kara brought up, watching a real smile come out of Lena this time. “We’ll need to catch up, just me and you. I need to talk to you about some stuff too. I’ve been meaning to tell you a few things for a while now.”

“Tomorrow?” Lena asked. “I’ll check in on Alex tonight and give you the scoop on that, then you can tell me whatever you have?”

Kara felt familiarity overwhelm her core as Lena suggested quality time with just them. It seemed like it had been so long since that had happened and Kara hated it. Sure, they were alone now, but this was brief. It was in the CatCo office, it was Lena looking around to make sure no one saw her being so warm. Kara wanted the two of them to be _really_ alone. To watch Lena melt. To see her best friend, not the public persona her best friend put on.

“Tomorrow. Don’t stand me up,” Kara teased.

Lena just looked at her with all the genuineness the world could handle. “I wouldn’t dream of it. I’d never forget a date involving you.”

And Kara knew she didn’t mean it in a romantic way, but her heart was still fluttering. Lena had said date when referring to her. It was pathetic how head over heels Kara truly was.

“I’m glad you and Sam have gotten closer,” Kara told her half sincere and half lying through her teeth. “It’s good to see you branching yourself out to all these people. It makes me happy. You can get rather dark when you’re alone.”

“I’m hardly dark,” Lena scoffed. “A little pessimistic every now and then, sure, but not _dark_.”

“Well, either way,” Kara settled. “It’s good. She’s good.”

“Yeah, but she’s not you,” she replied so casually. “I think you’ll always be my favorite. I guess it’s a perk you get for being the only one to believe I wasn’t evil for so long, even with the world pitted against me.”

Kara just leaned into Lena who still had an arm wrapped around her as they sat on the couch in the office. It wasn’t their couch, but it had become a close second.

“You don’t have it in you to be evil,” Kara told her for the billionth time. “I’ll stand by that until I die.”

“Thank you.”

She hated how grateful Lena looked at the fact that someone believed in her. No one should look so thankful just because one person had faith in them. Everyone should have faith in Lena, because her intentions had always been nothing but pure.

“I gotta get going, but don’t forget about tomorrow,” Kara forced herself to pull away from Lena’s comforting embrace. “Take care of Alex?”

“I will,” she promised. “I care about both of you. I got this handled.”

Kara nodded, walking away. Before she left she couldn’t help but turn and take a few steps closer again, tilting her head to the side and rambling out the heartfelt, long overdue ramble. “Thank you, by the way. I don’t think I thanked you for taking such good care of her even after everything she said and believed about you. You didn’t have to, but you did, so just… Thanks. It means a lot to me and I know it does to her too, even if she won’t admit it.”

Lena smiled at her with an affection Kara loved to see. “Anything for a Danvers.”

“I owe you,” Kara tossed out casually over her shoulder, trying to lighten the deep mood before they parted ways. “Don’t get too gloomy without me!”

Lena didn’t answer, but when Kara looked back she had on a smile. Kara tossed out a playful wink, making her way to the elevator and hoping Lena didn’t stay too late or work herself too hard.

Then she groaned when she realized what she was worrying about.

Alex had never been more right in her life when she said that Kara was she in deep. God, did she like Lena. It was too bad she’d never have the guts to say so to her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish they explored the side of Alex that loves drinking more on the show, so if you’re not up for reading about addiction you might not like where this is heading. it’ll still be Supercorp with a heavy Alex/Lena friendship, but Alex will be struggling a little. just a heads up if you're not into that!
> 
> also, I'm gonna try better to reply to comments but know that I have seen them all and they're so encouraging and nice and remind me to continue writing, so thank you :')


	5. L: baggage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena confronts Alex about her drinking (ft. another nice talk about Kara)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, basically, sorry I didn't update. tbh I had this written then forgot to post it... my bad lol

Lena was still debating what approach she would take with Alex when she was knocking on her door the next day. When Alex answered rubbing her eyes a little and looking at the clock on her oven Lena chose the skeptical one. 

“It’s ten o’ clock,” Alex croaked out. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“And you’re… sleeping?” Lena asked with slight disbelief, then added on a joke to lighten how she questioning the validity of Alex’s statement. “I didn’t think you ever slept.”

She didn’t want to be so untrusting, but at the same time she was worried that taking Alex at face value right now would make her a fool. She took a look behind her, peering behind her at open bottles.

Lena looked away just as quick, not acknowledging them in the least. “I was hoping I could come in.”

“I’m really tired,” Alex let out a dramatic yawn.

“I just wanted a friend,” she sighed sadly, pulling the guilt trip card. “I hate bothering Kara. I’m always afraid I’m taking her away from Mon-El. You’re my only other friend who’s not a busy single parent.”

Alex looked immediately annoyed by that answer, blinking repeatedly in frustration as she moved aside to let Lena in. “Of course. Good ole’ Mon-El.”

When Lena was in she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. The house was disheveled, but not outright messy. Alex’s hair was messy, but she didn’t smell, so Lena took that as a good sign that she was keeping up with daily hygiene. Other than her clearly faking tiredness she seemed okay. Too okay.

“Are we staying in or do you want to go to a bar or?”

“I’m staying sober,” Alex told her with a straight face. She looked behind her to the bottle of alcohol on the counter and shrugged. “Mostly sober. I’ve only had a couple drinks in the past week.”

“Wow,” Lena nodded. “That’s amazing.”

“Yeah, so you and Kara can stop worrying,” she smiled warmly. Lena’s look must have been as outwardly analytical as she was being inside, because Alex just playfully rolled her eyes. “You can. I’m doing good again. I told you to give me a couple weeks and now I’m good. I’m still sad, but… I’ll be okay.”

She said it so confidently and convincingly that if Lena didn’t know she hadn’t been as sober as she was proclaiming even she would’ve believed her. Now, her statements just made her more worried than ever. It was one thing to drink all the time, but it was a whole other thing to hide you were doing it.

“Just like that?” Lena asked with no trace of disbelief or distrust.

“I just needed to mope for a bit,” she shrugged. “I’m good now. Back to being there for Kara and saving the world. It’s good to be me again.”

Lena’s face fell at just how good Alex, the most honest person she’d met, was at lying in order to save her own ass. “I know you’ve been drinking at least a little.”

Again, her performance was Oscar-worthy. There was no malice in her voice, no annoyance, just pure innocent confusion. “I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Is Kara worried?”

If Alex wanted her to bring it up, she would.

“We haven’t talked about it much, but I grew up in a family of liars,” Lena reminded her with a darkness she tried to avoid. “I’ve said it to Kara and I’ll say it to you; I can tell when someone’s lying to me.”

Alex's eyes narrowed as she looked at Lena with incredulousness. "Are you comparing me to your family of criminals?”

Lena didn’t back down, just looking up further to continue their eye contact when Alex took a step forward for intimidation’s sake. “You can twist the words however you want to, but at the day a liar is a liar.”

“You have a lot of nerve, coming in here just to accuse me of being an _addict_ ,” Alex glared, her innocent look being replaced by anger.You don’t even know me.”

“I think I see you more than everyone close to you does,” Lena challenged, remaining completely calm, but not totally warm. “They all want to pretend you’re okay. We both know you’re not. And, for the record, I never called you an addict. That was all you.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Alex reiterated coolly, causing Lena to flashback to the early days of Alex hating her. She wondered if they’d be going back to that after tonight. It was a risk she knew she had to take even if nothing in her wanted to. “Does Kara know you’re here? Accusing me of being a shitty person?”

“I’m not saying you’re a shitty person, I’m saying you might have a problem,” Lena clarified, walking to the counter and grabbing the water bottle Alex had been carrying around everywhere. Opening it up, she took a sip, making a face as the alcohol burned down her throat. “I see a problem with watering down drinks with vodka. I see a problem with the flask we both know you have in your purse - yeah, I saw it at brunch. But most importantly, I see a problem with you saying you’re sober when we both know that hasn’t been true in quite a while.”

“I think you should leave,” Alex told her firmly, her jaw line tenser than ever.

Lena’s lips twisted into a wry, sad smile. “I don’t think I’m done here just yet.”

“I am a federal agent-“

“Who hasn’t shown up to work without alcohol in her system for weeks and has been going into the field drunk - yes, I’m sure your supervisors would love to know,” Lena finished the sentence without batting an eye, staying eerily well composed and calm. “If you’re going to threaten me, I’ll threaten you right back. You aren’t in the position of power here. And I don’t back down to people I care about. Kara will back me up on that.”

Alex shook her head, letting out a laugh full of resentment. “You’re two steps away from experiencing mean drunk.”

“The thing with me is, whatever you say about me, whatever jabs you have,” Lena shrugged the ideas away, “I’ve already heard twenty times worse. I can guarantee it.”

Alex’s face faltered, pity quickly crossing it before it turned stone cold again. “You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“Give it your best shot,” she welcomed her with open arms to begin the insults. “Try to scare me away with mean words. Whatever will make you feel better.”

She looked at Lena with such a pissed off sort of determination that Lena was positive she was about to get screamed at for being so bold, but then Alex let out a deep sigh. Her entire posture slouched as she sat on the couch, closing her eyes and holding her forehead in the palm of her hands. “I’m not a drunk. I might drink more than average, but I’m not an alcoholic, Lena. I’m not.”

“I never said that,” Lena slouched with her, sitting beside her with her body turned towards Alex while Alex seemed too embarrassed to face her. It hurt Lena to see the most confident person she knew look so unsure of herself. “But, that is the road you’re heading down. And Alex, let me tell you, I know you like drinking, I know it’s a great escape for you - maybe the only escape for you - but it’s not going to be a great escape when you’re hitting rock bottom because of it. People lose their jobs, their families, everything. I've seen it happen.”

Alex pursed her lips, but Lena saw her jaw tremble. “Do you think Kara will leave if I get bad again? Will she leave if I turn into the party girl I was before the DEO?”

Lena almost didn’t reach out in fear of Alex pushing her away, but eventually she allowed her instincts to take over as she wrapped a comforting arm around Alex. “Kara would never leave you. But you can’t expect everyone you love to stay blind to all of this either. People are going to see through you. It’s only a matter of time.”

The older girl stayed quiet, still avoiding turning her head towards Lena in the slightest.

“For what it’s worth, I’m by your side through all of this too,” Lena got out after many moments of contemplating if the words would be considered too cliche or meaningless coming from her. “Anything you need, even if it’s just an open ear other than Kara… I’m here too.”

“Some things are dark,” Alex warned her with a hint of shame. “There are things I think about that would kill Kara to hear.”

“Kara’s stronger than you think,” Lena promised. “But if you don’t want to tell her, I’m pretty emotionally fucked up sometimes too. I’m on your side, okay? Always.”

“And not a word would go back to Kara about whatever I say?”

“Not a word,” Lena promised. “But you can’t keep lying to her about how sober you are either. She cares about you so much.”

“I’ll take it you told her about me spiking my lemonade at brunch?” Alex asked timidly, smiling at something neither one of them found all that funny. “That’s how you figured it out, right?”

“Amongst other things,” Lena let out huskily. She exhaled a deep breath, admitting the words with a desperation to be taken seriously this time. “I’m really worried about you.”

“You don’t have to be.”

She grimaced at that, nudging Alex until she finally turned to face her. When they met eyes Lena gave her a knowing look. “Someone has to.”

“I think Kara does enough for everyone.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but Kara trusts you too much to worry as much as she should,” Lena informed her the bluntest manner she could muster up. “Hell, she trusts everyone too much. But me?” She put on a smile at the bittersweet truth. “I have trust issues that run on for miles. I see your lies before they even come all the way out of your mouth.”

Alex laughed, looking at her with gratitude. “Kara needs someone like that by her side. Your trust issues comfort me.”

Lena bowed her head at the words, letting out a firm nod. “Glad I can assist.”

The girl who was less than sober let out a deep sigh beside her, shaking her head as she buried it back in her palm. “Cutting down on alcohol sounds like an awful life.”

“But at least it’s a life,” Lena pointed out gently. “Destroying what you’ve built would kill you. You know it, even I know it, everyone knows it. This isn’t what you want.”

Alex looked away and opened her mouth, but shut it just as quick.

“Say it,” Lena told her, not leaving it as a choice, but rather a command. “Whatever you were gonna say, just say it.”

Scared brown eyes met what Lena hoped were fierce green ones. “What if I need it though? What if I’m just mopey and sad and depressed when I’m sober? No one wants to be around that.”

“At least you’ll be Alex,” Lena offered. “If I had to pick only a constantly mopey you or constantly drunk you to deal with for the rest of my life, I’d pick the mopey you every time. It’s better than always being intoxicated.”

“Easy for you to say, you’ve never seen me mopey,” Alex laughed through the tears brimming her eyes, quickly wiping them away. Lena turned away, pretending not to notice the moment of vulnerability that Alex was trying to hide. “There’s nothing I hate more than being sad.”

“I know,” Lena promised. “But they say there are three outcomes of addiction; hospitals, jail and death. Neither of those sound appealing for you.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“It’s not now,” Lena agreed. “But this could be just the beginning if you don’t get a handle on things.”

Alex nodded, quickly wiping her eyes while Lena kept pretending not to notice she was crying in the first place.

“I know you have to tell Kara some of this, but can you avoid a word-for-word summary?” Alex asked quietly. “I don’t want her knowing how bad it gets sometimes.”

“You got it,” Lena nodded, placing a hand on Alex’s leg. “Let’s get some rest, though.”

“Will you stay tonight?” she asked. When she watched Lena hesitate she explained further. “Not because it’s convenient for you, I just… can you please stay?”

She didn’t need to say the words out loud for Lena to hear them. She felt honored she was even wanted there by someone as strong as Alex. From afar, Alex looked like she could take on the world with one blink. It was hard to see her so distraught, but it was also empowering to know that Lena helped with it. It was even more special when she remembered that the strong girl who needed her help was Kara’s sister. She loved being around Alex, but she also loved that being around Alex and genuinely liking the time they spent together only made her feel closer to Kara.

“Of course I will,” she nodded.

Alex looked at her with a teasing smile. “Did you realize my couch is uncomfortable yet or are we still not on the bed sharing level?”

Lena rolled her eyes and shook her head, standing up and holding her hand out for Alex to grab on to. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“It can be like a slumber party,” Alex laughed at the casual comment.

It was the simplest comment and not meant to evoke such strong emotions, but Lena had never been to a slumber party. The idea that she had friends to do such a typical girl thing with was unfathomable to her. But she played it cool, just laughing along, because telling Alex about her lonely childhood would only make them both more sad. They didn’t need that. Not tonight anyway. Maybe another time.

* * *

The next morning Lena woke up to the smell of coffee and sausage, neither of which she opposed after an emotional night. She smiled a little, sitting up and fixing her hair before making her way to the kitchen. Alex was turned away from her, working on the sausage and turning off the burner the pan of eggs was on top of.

“Well, I must say you’re a better cook than your sister, that’s for sure,” Lena laughed.

Alex looked over her shoulder with a grim smile. “It’s a thank you breakfast.”

“I can’t say I’ve ever had one of those before,” she nodded as she picked up a piece of already cooked sausage off a plate. “You didn’t need to do this.”

“You were way too nice to me last night,” Alex grimaced, turning back around and putting all her focus into her cooking. “If roles were reversed I would’ve ripped your drunk ass to shreds, so, yeah, I kind of did need to do this.”

“You’re sober,” Lena observed her tired eyes and somewhat shaky hands. Then, she let out a small laugh to herself, moving on from how painful it was to see Alex struggling purely because she wasn’t buzzed. “I don’t know if we’ve ever had a conversation with just the two of us without booze involved.”

“We better use our time wisely. Should we talk about Kara, my issues or the childhood issues that you’ve clearly had that you haven’t brought up yet?”

Lena rolled her eyes at that, raising her eyebrows. “And why do you think I have childhood issues?”

“You’re much too empathetic to not have had them,” Alex shrugged as if it were that simple. “Something clearly scarred you somewhere along the lines.”

“I mean, there are plenty of options for that, really… Having an apathetic terrorist mother or psychotic murderous brother are the top two suspicions of my empathy, but a close third is my dad dying and leaving me with only them to grow up with. Which part fucks someone up more?”

Alex laughed at the dry humor, pouring herself a cup of coffee and then pouring Lena one as well. “I assume you drink it black? Seems like something someone like you would do.”

“I do, much to Kara’s dismay,” Lena grinned. “And you?”

“Oh, always,” Alex agreed with a smile, letting them both sit with coffee and warm food for a few moments of silence. “We drive her crazy, you know? Us and our issues.”

“We do, she's not good with issues,” Lena laughed, then she let out sad smile. “I learned the hard way over watching her during the seven months Mon-El was gone that it really sucks seeing someone you love in such pain… When she lost the love of her life all I wanted to do was make it better for her and I couldn’t do anything. I’d never felt so completely helpless before. I think that's how she feels all the time with us. She wants to fix us and our problems.”

“She’s a fixer,” Alex agreed. Snorting under breath, she slowly shook her head with a wrinkled nose. “Don’t call him the love of her life, though. I can guarantee you he’s not.”

Lena looked down at her fingers, fumbling with them before looking up with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “I know you want to believe Kara and I will eventually get together and she’ll like me back and everything will turn out like one big gay fairy tale, but I see them together, Alex. I don’t think she’s ever going to give up fighting for him.”

“Me and you see _very_ different things,” Alex said after hesitating over her words for a few moments. “She might have a special place for him, but she has a hell of a special place for you too. They’re just in different ways.”

“Yeah, she loves me, but she’s in love with him,” Lena muttered with a wry smile. “No need to remind me, but thanks.”

Alex laughed, taking a sip of her coffee and setting the mug down again. “Oh, Lena. If only you could see things through my eyes. She’s crazy about you.”

Lena raised her eyebrows with direct disbelief. “Has she told you that?”

“I just know,” Alex promised her, but Lena noticed how she didn’t answer the question. Kara hadn’t said a thing. “I know her and I can tell.”

“I can’t risk it,” Lena sighed. “I wish I could risk trusting that you know what you’re talking about and that you’re a psychic who can read minds and say with certainty that she’d not only accept me, but also reciprocate the feelings, but I can’t do that. And I definitely can’t risk losing her friendship. And even if I could do those things I can’t risk coming out to the entire world and Kara deserves someone who could show her off.”

Alex once again let out a chuckle, sipping more coffee. “You make things so unbelievably difficult for yourself, you know that, right?”

“I am _so_ much better at reassuring you than you are me,” Lena scoffed. “If that’s your idea of comfort you’re awful at it.”

“I have been reassuring you!” Alex laughed at her crankiness. “You don’t want to listen to the reassurance, though. Which is fine, I understand, it’s something about you _ridiculously_ thinking you’ll lose Kara if you tell her, whatever. I’m just saying that the only barrier you have is yourself right now.”

“And Mon-El,” Lena reminded them both of who Lena still insisted was the love of Kara’s life.

The girl on the other side of the kitchen island groaned so loudly that Lena jumped from the intensity. “Forget about Mon-El. He’s irrelevant.”

“He’s basically her _boy_ friend,” she relayed back. “That’s slightly relevant considering you’re asking me to tell her I have feelings for her.”

“It’s just Mon-El,” Alex shrugged. “As I said, we have very different views on Kara’s feelings for him right now.”

Lena softly rolled her eyes, shaking her head with both humor and irritation. “You’re so god damn stubborn.”

“Yeah, because you’re super easy to persuade yourself,” Alex muttered sarcastically as she rolled her eyes too. “You’re the most stubborn person I know. Just listen to me!”

“Back at you,” Lena smirked, watching Alex do the same. Then, she grew a little more serious, dropping the frustration for curiosity. “Why do you want me to tell her so bad? Why do you want us to get together? I’m a _Luthor_ and we both know I have way more baggage than Mon-El does. He might be the better choice for her.”

“Baggage isn’t a bad thing,” Alex promised her. “And Luthor is a last name, not a destiny. There is no one who cares as much about her as you do.”

“Other than you?” Lena grinned.

The Danvers sister that Lena was still newly befriending just huffed at that. “Of course other than me, I’ll always care about her the most.”

She grinned, nodding her head at the bold statement. “I wouldn’t dare try to challenge you.”

“Know your place,” Alex laughed along. Then she looked into her coffee cup, circling her hand around the rim of it. “If you want me to be real with you, I just want to see my sister happy. Even if I can’t find it in me to feel anything other than this flooding sadness, I want Kara to be happy so badly. She deserves that more than anyone I know, and the only thing I know for sure right now, the only thing I’m absolutely positive on is that you make her so incredibly happy.”

Lena looked to the floor upon hearing those words, small smile creeping onto her face. “That means a lot coming from you.”

Alex looked overly smug at the reaction, just boasting with pride. “Good. It really should. I do know her better than anyone.”

“For now,” Lena teased. “I might steal that title from you one day.”

“I’ll watch my back.”

Lena was so happy to see a grin on the sober girl’s face. “Yeah, you better.”

“Last night is proof you aren’t afraid to fight me if I’m in the wrong,” Alex looked down, but to Lena’s surprise there was appreciation at that fact. “It’s good to have someone like that around. We all need reality checks. Even if it’s with my drinking, even if it’s with Kara one day.”

A smile came to Lena’s face at the sincere tone. “I’m good for both of those.”

“I know you are,” Alex nodded firmly. “That’s why I like having you around so much. For both me _and_ Kara. I don’t trust my sister with just anyone, you know?”

“Oh, I’ve heard,” Lena laughed as Alex joined in. “You’re quite picky apparently.”

“I need to look out for her,” she spoke softly when the humor died down.

Lena didn’t fight with that at all. Kara needed someone to do so. Even Supergirl needed someone to protect her sometimes.

“I know you do.”

* * *

Lena was able to walk with a perk in her step knowing that she handled Alex just fine, both the angry and bitter version along with the sober and heartfelt version. It had helped that Alex said she made Kara happy, but that was an added bonus to the overall accomplishment. Still, if anyone else would had said it it wouldn’t have meant much. If Winn or James or even Mon-El said that, it’d mean so little, because what do they know about her and Kara?

But _Alex_ saying it meant nearly everything. There was no one who knew Kara better than her older sister did. That wasn’t up for debate. Lena knew she didn’t and she was also pretty sure that Kara didn’t even know herself as well as Alex did. Alex was the one to listen to. Unless it came to her proclaiming Kara liked her back. Then she still knew nothing.

She looked down when her phone vibrated, smiling at the simple text from Kara.

_Me and you tonight still, right? I’ll bring food, you bring the update on Alex?_

She didn’t hesitate to instantly text back. Her and Kara were long past playing waiting games with each other.

_Sounds good. You have something to tell me too you said? Is that still a plan?_

Once again, the text back was instant.

_Definitely. Deep talks and junk food. Don’t stand me up!_

Lena smiled a little at that, sending the signature heart that meant so much more than Kara could imagine. She couldn’t help but wonder if Kara’s news was going to be her finally telling the truth about Supergirl or if this was yet another false alarm. Honestly, at this point, Lena wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear about Kara’s secret. She had always wanted for Kara to tell her, but something had shifted lately. Something between them had been undeniably altered and Lena had accepted that neither of them knew what that thing was. They were still unbelievably close, they still told each other everything, but there were also spaces in silences that weren’t there before.

As badly as she wanted Kara to tell her about Supergirl, she just as badly wanted nothing more between them to change for a very long time, because although they were still entangled more than ever, Lena noticed the longing in both of them to share more than they were. Lena knew this might be it, that this might be what Kara wanted to share, but she also didn’t want to risk another change pushing them over the edge, because the idea of losing Kara truly did terrify her. If keeping Kara meant that Lena stayed in the dark for a little bit longer, that was okay. At least Kara was being kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's to hoping I don't update like a snail :) I hope you all enjoyed and are still with this story and all that jazz.
> 
> also how's everyone feeling about sg right now?


	6. K: confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara finally tells Lena about her identity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know if anyone is still interested in this story, but here’s an update!

Kara had thought there would be nothing standing in the way of telling Lena. In fact, she was pretty sure she had practiced her tone and facial expressions while she said, “I’m Supergirl” hundreds of times in the mirror by the night Lena was due to come over – she was well rehearsed and convinced it'd go well. Still, she had also talked to Alex about what to do if it went terribly wrong as well. She was prepared for anything and wasn’t feeling nervous about it at all until reality hit.

  
When there was a knock on the door, Kara felt the human-like butterflies in her stomach and wondered if this was what being nauseous was. If it was nausea she was one-hundred percent sure vomit would magically come any second. All the readiness and determination that was filling her body two seconds ago quickly leaked out, leaving her wanting to take back ever announcing to Lena she had something to tell her. She was frozen for so long that another knock sounded, causing her to rush to get to the door.

  
Lena was standing on the other side and Kara just looked at her apologetically. “Sorry! Sorry, I was in the bathroom.”

  
Lena laughed at the excuse. “Only you, Kara Danvers.”

  
“Only me? What do you do?”

  
“Obviously I pay someone to do it for me,” Lena explained without missing a beat. “You should know that now.”

  
Kara nodded, her expression full of fake understanding. “Makes sense. You did buy me a company, so you have a lot of money to spare.”

  
“I did not buy you a company,” she pointed a finger at her. “You need to stop saying that. I made an investment.”

  
“You can call it whatever you want to call it, but at the end of the day, I asked you to save CatCo and you bought it instead.”

  
Lena crossed her arms. “And you don't think that was to piss of Edge?”

  
Kara thought it over, then shook her head. “That would require more resentment than you're capable of having against someone.”

  
“You'd be surprised,” Lena told her, turning around as she took off her coat. ”I have quite the inner rage.”

  
Kara didn't let how much that scared her show. She hoped that inner rage wouldn't be directed at her.

  
Instead of being nervous, Kara moved the conversation forward. “You bought me a company.”

  
Finally, Lena shrugged it off. “As you say, that's what friends are for, right?”

  
“No, friends are good for a lunch. Maybe a dinner, if you're lucky,” Kara informed her. “Friends don't buy media empires.”

  
Lena playfully scoffed, a smile on her face all the while as she let loose and teased her. “Maybe that's what people do on your salary, but Luthors buy empires.”

  
“I could be just as rich as you,” Kara informed her haughtily. “You don't know my life.”

  
“I know more than you think,” Lena was smug.

  
Kara found herself wishing that were true. She wished she didn't have to tell Lena, because losing Lena was more than she could handle.

  
Alex seemed oddly confident that Lena wouldn't bail, but Kara no longer trusted a word Alex said regarding her anymore. She had become too out of character to believe when it came to Lena. She was supposed to hate her – she had always hated Lena and Kara always stood up for her, that was their routine. This newfound fondness Alex had for her ruined everything, not to mention how it only added fuel to Kara's suspicion of Alex's intentions.

  
“I ordered us pizza, so that should be here soon,” Kara opted to change the subject instead of responding.

  
“My hero,” Lena chimed. “I'll swear by that the rest of my life.”

  
“Supergirl might save you, but I feed you and that's ten times more important.”

  
“Yes, I'd much rather die than be hungry,” Lena went along with that logic.

  
Kara frowned, momentarily looking away. “I don't like thinking about you dying.”

  
“I'll try to avoid helicopters, my mother and evil alien queens for your sake, then,” she promised.

  
That made her grin, but it was short lived.

  
“How’s Mon-El doing anyway?” Lena tilted her head to the side. “You haven't talked about him much lately.”

  
“Same old,” Kara shrugged, not bringing up their break up despite the golden opportunity Lena handed her. “It's nice to have him back.”

  
Lena gave her a warm smile. “I'm happy for you. I know you missed him.”

  
What should have made Kara feel better made her feel worse. She didn't want Lena to be happy seeing her with someone else. She wanted her to want her back.

  
“So, how’s Alex?” Kara changed the subject before they got too deep into that conversation and Kara ended up confessing something she wanted to temporarily keep a secret. “Did you get the angry drunk last night?”

  
The words came out light-hearted, but Kara was actually pretty worried. She didn’t want to express it aloud, but Alex was terrifying her lately with her drinking. In college it had felt like she had been left behind when Alex relied on partying and alcohol to cope, and she didn't want to go through that again.

  
“Oh, she was pretty livid I was there,” Lena assured her. “You weren't lying about that part.”

  
“Did you actually voice your concerns?” Kara asked skeptically. “Did you get that far or did she scare you away first?”

  
“She didn’t scare me away at all, I spent the night,” Lena told her, acting like it was no big deal.

  
Kara, however, felt a rush of envy. Well, that was quite a friendly thing to do. Alex insisted she didn’t have a crush on Lena, yet they had become best friends in less than a month when Alex kept everyone else at arms length. Kara didn’t understand how all of this was happening.

  
She forced a smile despite the confusion. “That’s good. I’m glad you aren’t scarred for life by her irrational anger.”

  
“I’m a Luthor. There is no irrational anger that outdoes ours,” her best friend pointed out with a smile.

  
Kara shook her head, but she couldn’t argue it. “You’re probably right on that.”

  
“She’s Alex, though,” Lena brought them back on track. Kara appreciated the comfort that those words brought. “She’s always okay.”

  
She nodded, knowing her sister was always okay, but wanting her to be better. She wanted her to be good, if not great.

  
“Did she say what’s going on? Is it Maggie? Is she still depressed?”

  
Lena hesitated, then fumbled with her hands before looking up at Kara again. “She doesn’t want me to tell you everything, but she’s okay, Kara. She was sober when I left and she even made us breakfast and apologized for the night before. She’s going to be okay.”

  
Kara looked down at that, pursing her lips with her own anger. “Why doesn’t she want me to know?”

  
She watched Lena shrug and avoid eye contact. “I think you should ask her.”

  
“Lena,” Kara laughed a little, but knew it was a lost cause. “I’m not going to tell her if you tell me. We’re best friends.”

  
Instead of giving in, Lena put on a soft smile. “Don’t put me in that position, Kara.”

  
That she could respect. She could respect Lena respecting Alex – hell, Alex needed that type of friend in her life – she just didn’t know why she was being pushed away.

  
“I think you both are just afraid of letting each other see the darker sides of you,” Lena told her gently. “I-“

  
That surprised her to hear and she was interrupting Lena before she could finish. “She might be afraid of that, but I’m not.”

  
“I didn’t tell her what you told me in our talks about Mon-El,” she reminded her. “You wouldn’t let her in when you were going through that. I think now it’s her turn to go through the hard stuff.”

  
Kara let out a deep breath. She was still angry, but she couldn’t be angry at Lena for Alex’s choice. “You’ll tell me if it gets too out of hand, though?”

  
“You have my word,” Lena promised. “I’ll tell you as much as I can. I know she’s your sister.”

  
She let out a slow nod. “I care about her. And I’m worried for her. That's all.”

  
“I know you are,” Lena assured her. “I’m looking out for her too, okay? I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure she’s okay. I know how much she means to you.”

  
Somehow, making that promise made Kara fall for Lena Luthor even more. Lena hadn't signed up for this. She hadn't signed up to get sucked into the dark road that Alex could walk down, but she was taking the responsibility upon herself with no questions asked. She wasn’t even hesitating to help Alex, she just was. And not only that, she was staying true to her sister, even when Kara wanted so badly for her not to. Kara didn’t like being kept out of Alex’s life, but she was glad she could trust Lena to be the type of friend Alex desperately needed right now.

  
She found herself ignoring the anxieties she’d gotten all of the sudden regarding touching Lena, and leaned in to wrap her in her arms. She felt the ends of her soft hair brush against her fingers and wanted to play with them, but she managed to at least ignore that temptation. Lena relaxed at the embrace, quickly hugging her back.

  
“I’m just so thankful to have you,” Kara sighed as they pulled away from their hug and Lena shifted her position to allow herself to hold Kara like they used to do all the damn time. It made Kara feel even safer after not doing it for so long. She didn't realize how much she had been missing it.

  
“You’ll always have me,” Lena murmured.

  
And Kara almost wanted to test that right then and there, almost wanted to spill everything about how she felt. But she couldn’t.  
“You had something to tell me?” Lena read her mind.

  
She thought about it, her heart racing at the idea of finally letting Lena in, then she shook her head. “I did, but it’s not important anymore.”

  
Lena tilted her head to the side, causing her cheek to rest on top of Kara’s head. “Are you sure?”

  
Kara looked up to meet her eyes as Lena pulled away to do the same. “I’m sure. I just want to have fun tonight. No more serious talks.”

  
Lena let out a laugh at that, nodding her head. “You won’t hear a complaint about that from me.”

* * *

After their deep talk, things felt so normal between the two of them. There was no Alex or Sam or Mon-El, it was just the two of them again, filling each other in on what they had missed. Kara had never cherished one interaction so much. Talking with Lena always felt like getting lost in the clouds. It seemed like it was literally the two of them against the world sometimes, but Kara loved it. She loved that she had someone to count on to fight against the rest of the world with her. Not only would she fight for Lena, but she knew Lena would fight for her, which was a feeling that she’d never been confident in with anyone aside from Alex before.

It was five hours later when Lena looked at her phone for the first time all night and Kara couldn’t have been prouder, because she knew better than anyone how hard it was to get Lena away from her phone and email and work. She was dedicated, and, truthfully, Kara worried sometimes, because while Lena was diligent, she was also a perfectionist at heart. Kara’s life goal was to teach her that falling short was okay. The world wouldn’t end from one or two or even a hundred mistakes. She wanted Lena to see that more than ever.

  
“Two a.m.?” Lena’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head as Kara laughed. “Jesus, time always flies with you.”

  
Kara felt her heart warm at the compliment that she wasn't so sure Lena even realized she’d given.

  
“You want to stay the night?” she asked.

  
Lena looked like she was going to say no, but then agreed last minute. “If I do can I borrow a t-shirt?”

  
“Of course,” Kara gave her a teasing smile as she thought of the t-shirt drawer that was slowly becoming more and more empty. “You can even keep it if you want.”

  
“I'm shocked you even have t-shirt's I've stolen so many,” Lena laughed at the taunting. “I'll return them one day.”

  
Kara looked at her through peering yet amused eyes. “Sure you will.”

  
“I will,” she insisted. “Eventually. Maybe.”

  
“Yeah, maybe is more like it,” Kara smiled right alongside her.

  
Still, it wasn't like Kara really minded Lena stealing her t-shirts. There weren't many sights in the world that were better than seeing Lena in her t-shirts. Honestly, seeing Lena in her t-shirts might beat flying. Lena dressing down was a feat of its own, so Lena dressed down in Kara's clothes was a spectacular sight. She looked casual and so unlike the girl Kara had met that first day in the oversized office of L-Corp.

  
“Thanks for a good night,” Lena offered in the bedroom as Kara took off her own shirt to change.

  
She opened the dresser drawer and tossed one to Lena, grabbing another for herself. She turned around and wanted to laugh at how Lena looked so professional and composed. Two seconds ago she was relaxed, but now she rigid with a blank expression and a topless Kara just laughed.

  
“Thinking about work?”

  
She suddenly snapped out of it as Kara pulled her shirt over her head. “Huh?”

  
“You had that forced neutral face on for a second,” she explained. “You always wear that when James is boring you in staff meetings.”

  
“Oh,” Lena shook her head and seemed to shake herself out of her daze in the process. “Yeah, just – it's not important. Something crossed my mind for a second, but I'll do it tomorrow.”

  
“You better do it tomorrow. I'm certainly not letting you work at this hour,” she chastised.

  
She went to sit on the bed, unable to take her eyes off of Lena as she watched her peel off her blouse for the simple t-shirt.

  
“I mean, technically you're not the boss. I am,” Lena reminded her as she crawled next to her on the bed. “You have no control over my work habits. It's me who has control over yours.”

  
“Maybe as an employee I don't, but as a friend?” Kara challenged. “If you think I'll ever let you work at two a.m. you're sorely mistaken.”

  
“You should call before you visit me in the middle of the night,” Lena said what Kara knew all too well was not a joke. “I wouldn't want to get in trouble, now would I?”

  
Kara smiled, turning onto her left side as Lena laid beside her, propped up on her right side to face her.

  
“You need to stop working so hard,” she lectured. “There is no one who works as hard as you.”

“There's Supergirl,” Lena tossed out. “We have plenty of late night talks. You should join us sometime.”

  
Kara looked down, then looked back up into big green eyes, anxiety pulling through her. That was the opening and this was the time. “Speaking of that, I've been trying to tell you something for a while now…”

  
Lena furrowed her eyebrows, but her expression was calm. “Regarding Supergirl?”

  
Kara silently nodded.

  
“And you?”

  
“Yeah, it's–” she cut herself off. “I, uh, it's – well you see, I’m–” she took another deep breath, then shook her head. Apparently that practice in the mirror was useless. “I don't even know how to say this.”

  
“I know her identity, you know?” Lena smiled softly in reassurance, interrupting the mess that was Kara Danvers. “I've known for a while.”  
Kara looked surprised, then concerned. Who the hell did Lena think Supergirl was?

  
“Are you sure?” she asked nervously. “I don't think you do, because – I just don't think you do.

  
Lena laughed, clarifying her previous statement. “I know it's you, Kara.”

  
“You…” she trailed off, unsure what to even say to that until she fully processed what it meant. “Wait, you know?” she nearly had an aneurism from disbelief. “You knew this whole time?”

  
“Not the whole time, but a lot of the time, yeah,” Lena informed her.

  
“But–” Kara cut herself off. “All those comments about me not being able to hide things from you – those were just playing mind games?”  
“It was entertaining,” Lena smirked a little.

  
Kara sat in silence, thinking it over. “I genuinely thought you had no idea.”

  
“You're horrible at hiding it, of course I had an idea,” Lena rolled over as Kara's head spun. “If I didn't know I'd be pissed my employee was leaving the office for hours at a time all the time. You're gone more than you're there.”

  
“You're serious?” Kara double checked. “You knew?”

  
“Yes, that's what I'm saying,” she smiled, turning to look at her.

  
Kara furrowed her eyebrows. “Then why didn't you say anything?”

  
Lena just shrugged, her voice containing nothing but an understanding that made Kara feel safe. “I figured you'd tell me when you were ready. And you did.”

  
There was silence, then Kara’s eyes twisted into a hopeful expression. “You're not mad?”

  
“Not at all,” Lena promised. “It's a big secret to carry. I'm honored you even felt you could tell me at all.”

  
Kara smiled a little, rolling over to lay on her back. “If I were you I'd be pissed at me, so thanks.”

  
Lena looked at the ceiling with a small chuckle, closing her eyes in contentment. “That's why I'm a better person than you.”

  
“You know, claiming you're a better person than me is a big statement considering who you now know I am.”

  
Lena was silent, pretending she was deep in thought before she shook her head with a playfulness that Kara knew she was privileged to see. “No, I'm pretty sure I'm still better.”

  
“Cocky, much?” she huffed with her own smile, because this was so incredibly normal.

  
Things weren't weird at all after bombshell. She expected shock and questions and awkwardness, but there was none of that. There was just them, joking around like they always did when they were alone. There was Lena's dry wit and Kara's snarky retorts, just like always.  
“Are you saying I'm not as good of a person as you? Because that's just as cocky, is it not?” Lena argued a very valid point.

  
Kara thought it over, then let out a defeated sigh. “You pulled a check mate. I lose if I say I'm not as good as you and I lose if I say I am.”

  
“I will always win at fights,” Lena bragged before starting to tease Kara again. “It's just another thing I'm better at than you, I guess.”

  
“Yeah, yeah, you're better at everything, I get it. Just remember who writes such great articles about you. We wouldn't want that to change.”

  
Lena scoffed at that, but had a grin of confidence. “You couldn't write a negative article about me if you tried.”

  
“You know, the sad thing is, I probably couldn't,” Kara admitted. “There's nothing about you I can critique – at least anything big enough to do publicly.”

  
“Gee, thanks,” Lena mumbled. But she was still smiling and that was all that mattered to Kara.

  
“Hey, boss?”

  
Lena let out a laugh at the title, turning to her side on the bed in order to make eye contact again. “Yes, Kara?”

  
“Can I be late to work tomorrow? I was up late and I need to sleep in.”

  
Kara was greeted by a snort. “I’m pretty sure you make your own schedule at this point anyway.”

  
She laughed at the comment, her cheeks turning red. “I'm glad it's out in the open.”

  
“Me too,” Lena let out a small nod.

  
“You really knew?” Kara squinted, still in slight disbelief.

  
Lena rolled her eyes. “I have an entire list of times you've basically given yourself away in front of me. You aren't exactly subtle. Between saving me from literal space ships and falling planes, I've seen a lot of Supergirl.”

  
Kara thought back on the past few months, then nodded her head. “I can see that now. Okay, makes sense. So, you realized when I saved you?”

  
“Amongst other things,” Lena shook her head with amusement. “You and Alex literally talk about Supergirl right next to me all the time.”

  
“You always looked like you didn’t hear us!” Kara laughed along, shaking her head at the numerous memories she had of her and Alex discussing Supergirl matters right next to Lena. “You kept a straight face so well.”

  
“I'm a business woman. Keeping a straight face is basically my entire job,” she quipped. “I, personally, found humor in the situation.”  
Kara timidly smiled. “And you're not mad at all?”

  
“Not at all,” Lena promised. “But if you miss much more work I'll be forced to write you up, so get some sleep.”

  
“You'd write me up?” Kara scoffed at the insinuation. “As if.”

  
“You're much too comfortable in your job,” she mumbled with no seriousness whatsoever. “Goodnight, Kara.”

  
She just laughed, rolling over so her back was to Lena. “Goodnight, Lena. I hope you wake up less boss-like. I don't like it.”

  
“Goodnivht, Kara,” Lena reiterated with a small laugh.

  
Kara’s heart swelled at the familiarity of the situation. “Sleep tight. See you in the morning. We can get ready for another fun day together.”

  
“For work,” Lena clarified. “You're going to work tomorrow.”

  
“Of course,” Kara nodded. “Of course, sure I am. I'll be there.”

  
“I need sleep,” she groaned with real drowsiness. “For the third time, goodnight, Kara.”

  
“Wait,” Kara murmured before Lena could doze off. “Thanks for being with me tonight. And thanks for everything you've done.”

  
“I want to do all of it, don't worry,” Lena assured her groggily. “You, Alex, Sam… you all make National City feel like a home. I've never had one of those before.”

  
Kara rolled over a third time, this time looking at Lena who was half asleep with her eyes closed. “We all love you, you know?”

  
“I know,” she smiled without opening her eyes. “It's a new feeling, but I think I like it.”

  
Kara grinned, staring at Lena and taking in every aspect of her while she could and Lena wasn't looking. “On that depressing note, I'll let you sleep.”

  
“It’s hardly depressing, I find it to be a pretty amazing thing I got going for me,” Lena sighed with contentment. “But seriously, I'm falling asleep now.”

  
“Sweet dreams,” Kara let out.

  
Lena just increased her smile at that. “Night. Love you.”

  
“Love you too,” she murmured sadly, knowing it wasn't in quite the same way as Lena meant it.

  
Either way, she'd love her regardless.

* * *

Kara tried not to bring it up. She honestly did try, she wasn't going to mention Lena at all when she was with Alex, but then she just couldn’t help herself. 

“So, Lena told me you guys had a talk,” she approached the topic with tenderness, but still sounded rather accusatory. “You know you can tell me stuff, right?”

  
A darkness crossed into Alex's eyes as her jaw tightened. "What did Lena tell you?"

  
"That's the problem," Kara groaned. "She wouldn't tell me anything. We talk about everyone together, but you? Oh, no, that would betray your trust."

  
"I think it's great that she knows the meaning of keeping a secret," Alex smirked, much more light-hearted than two seconds ago. "She's a good friend. I can see why you keep her around."

  
"She is," Kara hummed, trying to contain her jealousy this time around. “She's a great friend. I can't think of a better friend. She thinks she's not but she's a really good friend."

  
"Kara," Alex laughed. "She's just a friend. She's your girlfriend, not mine."

  
"She's not-"

  
"She is," Alex cut her off. "I don't like her in that way. If I did I'd tell you. I'm not your competition, I'm your wingman."

  
That made Kara's eyes go wide. "No, no, no. You can be friends with Lena but you can not be my wingman. You wouldn't know the first thing about getting two people together without being completely obvious about it."

  
"You'd be surprised," Alex shrugged nonchalantly.

  
Kara placed a hand on Alex's shoulder, shaking her head frantically. "You are not my wingman. Agreed?"

  
"I know. I'd probably be awful at being coy, don't worry."

  
She let out a sigh of relief. Alex was many things and being obvious with her intentions was undeniably one of them. There wasn't a subtle bone in her body, so matchmaking would be a nightmare.

  
"Thank you," Kara let out a sigh. "That’s a relief. I trust you with a lot of things, but setting me up is definitely not one of them.”

  
Alex threw a hand around Kara’s shoulders, shaking her head with mock scorn. “You should really learn to trust that I know more than you think I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But for real, let me know if you still wanna read this ???


	7. L: small skyscrapers

Lena looked around the DEO headquarters, trying to conceal her awe. This was her dream. Fancy computers and high tech inventions and hustling and bustling… it was a literal dream coming to life. 

She followed Alex in, holding her breath to stop herself from waking up. She was afraid if she breathed too loud this would all disappear and be over. She would wake up in her bed, alone, then go to CatCo and maybe see Kara, if she decided to actually show up for work that day. 

Apparently, she hadn't decided to show up. Kara – or Supergirl – walked out of a room and smiled, heading over to the two of them. “Hey. Sorry, I know I promised I'd be at work, but–” Kara cut herself off, seemingly disturbed as she looked around to verify her surroundings. “Wait, you're here?” 

Kara looked directly at Alex for an explanation of why Lena was standing in the DEO headquarters, but Alex was quite unconcerned. There was confusion written across her face while she looked to Alex, to Lena, to Alex, to Lena, to Alex. 

“You actually let her in? To the DEO?” 

“You know she knows your secret now, so we might as well invite her to the party,” Alex explained her logic. “All your other friends have somehow gained access and half of them are of no use to us. At least she's competent enough to help.” 

Lena watched as Kara looked at her sister with squinted eyes, trying to figure her out. 

“Who are you?” she finally asked. “Alex, are you okay lately?” 

Alex rolled her eyes at the skepticism. “Someone is being over dramatic.” 

“You have gotten mad at me for every single person I've brought here,” Kara told her. She looked at Lena apologetically, clarifying her attitude. “Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here, it’s just…” she turned back to Alex. “I am genuinely worried about you right now.” 

“It's just Lena,” Alex acted like it was no big deal. 

And maybe to Alex it wasn't a big deal anymore, but Lena's heart almost stopped at the nonchalance in her voice. It was so casual, as if it had been more than a month of Alex forgetting her preconceptions of Lena's last name. It almost felt like she had always belonged there, and that feeling was entirely overwhelming and foreign from anyone other than Kara (and some days Sam). 

“Yeah,” Kara squinted her eyes, staring at Alex pointedly. “You have a point. All of our other friends are allowed here.” 

Lena furrowed her eyebrows at the emphasis, not sure if it was supposed to be as much of a slap in the face as it felt. 

Alex was unfazed. “I always have a point. Now, if you'll excuse us, I'm going to have Winn show Lena the nerdy computer stuff.” 

As they walked away, Lena glanced back at Kara, who looked more shocked than ever. She gave her a small smile, which Kara returned before she stalked away down another hallway. 

“Why did Kara emphasize that we’re friends?” she asked Alex quietly, her voice unable to hide her concern. “Did you tell her?” 

Her response was a laugh. “Oh, no. That was because she thinks I'm trying to date you.” 

Lena's eyes widened, her jaw slightly dropping. “Why would she think that?” 

“She’s quite possessive over you,” Alex informed her. She glanced at where Kara had just been standing, then cleared up the vagueness of that statement. “She worries that I'm trying to steal you away from her or you won't want to be her friend if we were to be more than friends. Which, for the record, will never happen. No offense, but I'm not trying to get with you.” 

“Yeah, I would hope not, considering the topic of half our conversations,” Lena quipped. She looked behind her as well. “But if you were trying to date me, why wouldn't Kara approve?” 

Alex smiled to herself, glancing down with her own grin. “If you ask me, it's probably because she wants to date you.” 

Lena looked at her warningly, her voice flat and sharp. “You’re not funny.” 

“I never said I was joking,” she pointed out. “I know my sister. There's something there. Even if she doesn't want to admit it.” 

“Mon-El,” Lena said the name she hated. 

Alex turned around, sitting down on the chair to wait for Winn. “Screw Mon-El. He has his wife and Kara deserves better.” 

“Yeah, well, she's in love with him, so there's not much I can do,” Lena told her with defeat, sitting on the chair beside her. 

“Fine. For now, I will let it go,” she muttered unhappily. “Anyway, how’s Sam doing with running L-Corp?” 

Lena smiled at the thought of how beautifully Sam was rising to the occasion. “Even better than expected.” 

Alex slowly nodded, turning to the computer and rapidly typing something, pulling up a new screen. “I give her props. You seem like you'd be an awful boss.” 

“Technically, I'm Kara's boss,” she pointed out. “She doesn't think I'm too awful.” 

“Right, but CatCo is a side job that you took on because you're whipped,” Alex boldly, yet casually, proclaimed. “L-Corp is your baby.” 

Lena grimaced. “My family’s baby.” 

“Your family ruined it. You rebuilt it,” Alex reminded her. “There would be no need for Sam if it weren't for the work you put into it.” 

She smiled, thinking that over. That was true. 

Alex glanced at her again, then turned back to the computer as if she was disinterested and making small talk. “Hey, tell her if she ever needs someone to watch Ruby for a bit, I can anytime.” 

Lena raised her eyebrows, leaning forward in her seat with surprise as Alex stayed oddly focused on the computer in front of her all of the sudden. “Are you interested in Sam?” 

“I'm offering to babysit. I don't even know if she's gay. My gaydar sucks,” Alex rolled her eyes, her voice wry, but posture fidgety as she rolled out the lame explanation. “It's called lending a helpful hand.” 

“Who's to say you won't be called into the DEO for an emergency?” 

She still didn't peel her eyes away from the computer and Lena was ninety-nine percent sure that her clicking of buttons was doing absolutely nothing except distracting her, but she didn't call her out. 

“If there's an emergency, Winn, Supergirl and J’onn are here. They can survive without me for one mission,” Alex stated matter-of-factory. “I need a day off, anyway.” 

Lena nodded her head with a knowing smile. “I'll pass on the offer.” 

“It's just an offer,” Alex nodded, leaning in closer to the computer screen, then speaking slower as if she was intrigued by something. “Don't look too far into it.” 

She didn't have to look too far into it, because Alex was completely failing in her attempts to be subtle with her curiosity. Lena sat back in her chair, moving her tone back to being casual and lighthearted as she gave the very real warning. 

“I'll put in a good word for you, but you better not be drunk if you watch her.” 

Alex’s head snapped over with a glare that Lena almost backed down to. “I would never put a life in danger.” 

“And what would you call it when you come here drunk?” Lena asked, cool as a cucumber. 

She watched Alex turn to the computer again. This time with annoyance instead of nervousness. Her tone had an edge. “I'm in a good mood, so I'd appreciate you not pissing me off.” 

“If you want someone to put things nicely, go to Kara, because I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you,” Lena informed her with a voice lacking pity. “If you don't want me to comment on it, stop getting drunk all time.” 

“I've had one drink in the past three days.” 

Lena sighed, shaking her head. Her voice was no longer light. “Just be careful. Okay?” 

Alex looked to her with a softer expression, nodding her head with reassurance. “I will.” 

///// 

When Lena got ready to leave the DEO, she caught sight of Supergirl landing on the balcony and waited for her to come over. They both smiled until Lena eventually spoke first. 

“You planning to come in to work today, or what?” 

“Sorry, I'm a little busy saving the world,” Kara tossed back. 

Lena laughed, pulling her briefcase closer to her side. “Yeah, well, you're about to get your first warning if you don't start at least making an appearance. Just because I know doesn't mean you can avoid your job. You have no idea how many times Snapper has barked at me about your uncanny ability to disappear.” 

“Well, next time tell him if he was a little more pleasant he'd see me more often.” 

Lena rose her eyebrows at Kara's confidence. “Why would I say that when you're the one who's disappearing?” 

“Because you're much more intimidating than me,” Kara grinned. “I'm a stuttering mess, but you? You can be scary.” 

She shook her head as she laughed the laugh only Kara could pull out of her. “I am hardly scary.” 

“You have gone into boss mode once with me and it was terrifying,” Kara emphasized. “I wanted to internally combust on the spot just to get away you.” 

“Well, you were being unpleasant,” Lena laughed at the memory. 

“You knew where I had been!” Kara exclaimed her defense. “You were playing dumb! And you acted like you knew about,” she looked down at her suit, gesturing to it, “this, then clarified you were just talking about Mon-El. I genuinely thought you were calling me out on being Supergirl, right there, in the middle of CatCo. I was panicking, yet you were playing a mind game. If anything, it's me who should be mad at you.” 

Lena smiled at their banter, continuing the argument with her own defense. “Yes, I knew where you were and maybe shouldn't have messed with you like that, but you're the one who snapped on me. I was being nothing but nice to you – I even offered you paid time off – then you were incredibly rude, in a way that was entirely uncalled for, if you ask me.” 

“You deserved my rudeness,” Kara held her ground. “That's where mind games land you. What was uncalled for was scaring the shit out of me by being all serious and mad. It's not cool to give people a heart attack, Lena.” 

“From my understanding, you aren't capable of having a heart attack.” 

“Well, you sure did test that out, didn’t you?” she smiled right back at Lena. When she bounced out of her daze, she gave in to Lena's point. “I'll do you a favor and show up to do my job for a little bit. Okay?” 

“Wow, thank you for doing me such a huge favor,” she mocked Kara's word choice. “It's not like I pay you or anything.” 

“You know, I don't think I like you having access to the DEO,” Kara hummed. “You’re much too snarky. And don't think I haven't noticed how much more you pick on me since you've befriended Alex.” 

“I'll see you at the office, Kara,” Lena laughed as she started to walk away, her high heels clacking with every step. Eventually, she turned around, giving her pointed look. “And I better see you, or expect the scary boss mode.” 

Kara smiled, waving her away. “That threat is terrifying enough for me to show up. I'll even beat you there, boss. Don't you worry.” 

Lena turned around to continue her walk to her car. She always felt so at ease after talking to Kara, even if all they did was tease each other – especially if all they did was tease each other. She didn't have many people she felt comfortable letting loose around, but within a month of knowing each other, Kara had made that so easy to do. Now, Kara was the only one who really knew every side of her. 

And that's what friends were for. 

///// 

When Lena got to CatCo, Kara had shockingly followed her word and beat her there. Honestly, at that point, Lena didn't expect her to make an appearance. Openly knowing she was Supergirl was great for their friendship, but not so much their work relationship. 

“Lena!” Kara walked up to her with that tone of excitement and surprise, while keeping a strong sense of professionalism in the forefront. “I have the information on the Bettendorf case you asked for.” 

Lena put on her own mask of professionalism as well, but her eyes couldn't hide that amusement. “Thank you for following up. Can you see what you can put together with the facts we've gathered?” 

“Of course,” Kara gave a firm nod. “I'll be here pretty late tonight. You know, I have some things to catch up on.” 

Lena quirked an eyebrow with an entertained smile, nodding along. “Yeah. I bet you do.” 

///// 

When Lena was done at CatCo she went to check on L-Corp, although she didn't know why, because Sam was probably doing a better job at running the company than Lena herself had. She walked up to the elevator she used to go on every day. Nostalgia always hit strong when she walked into a building that hadn't felt so much like hers lately. 

It wasn't that she didn't care about L-Corp anymore. Lena cared more than ever – L-Corp truly was her baby. Hell, L-Corp was her redemption. But, at the end of the day, she simply trusted Sam to run L-Corp much more than she trusted James to run CatCo. 

“If it isn't Lena Luthor,” Sam looked up with a wide grin as she walked in. “Did you finally get bored of the fancy media job with the pretty journalist?” 

“I don't do well to being teased,” Lena gave her a pointed look. “We’re just friends.” 

“It's all good,” Sam waved it away. “I have kept this place in tip-top shape for you, no check ins needed.” 

“I believe that fully,” she promised. “However, I didn't come to talk business with you.” 

Sam raised an intrigued eyebrow, motioning for Lena to sit on a chair across from her. “Do tell.” 

“I have someone who has offered to babysit Ruby if you ever need it.” 

“Really?” Sam asked skeptically. “I don't really trust Kara with a kid.” 

Lena simply chuckled. “It's not Kara. Although she's more dependable than you think.” 

“Right, sure,” Sam smirked. “Well, who else do you know?” 

“Alex,” Lena threw the name out. “She's good with kids.” 

“She is,” Sam agreed. “Her and Ruby hit it off great at the Christmas celebration.” 

Lena was almost taken aback by Sam’s thoughtful gaze. She hadn't seen that expression before – at least, not from Sam. “She’s having a hard time with a recent break up. So, if you ever need someone, I know she truly would love to lend a hand.” 

She watched as Sam slowly nodded, a small smile coming to her face. “I'll keep that in mind.” 

“I'll text you her number for if you ever need it,” she squirted at the odd behavior, pulling out her phone. 

Sam accepted that offer, straightening out papers on her desk, which was a very similar distraction technique as Alex had used earlier. Lena was actually shocked with Alex’s gaydar that supposedly sucked. 

“Her break up,” Sam treaded carefully. “What happened?” 

“Oh, uh,” Lena's hand pushed a strand of hair that wasn't there behind her ear. “Alex wanted kids and Maggie didn't.” 

“Wow,” Sam pursed her lips, staring down for a brief moment before looking to Lena with a grimace. “That has to be rough.” 

“She seems over her, sort of, just… she needs to feel needed, you know? So, if you ever want to…” 

“I'll reach out,” Sam promised. “Thanks for letting me know shes there.” 

“Any time,” Lena beamed, not bringing up the question of Sam’s sexuality. Not yet. 

Sam leaned forward, moving the focus off of her and back to Lena. “So, you and Kara?” 

Lena simply shrugged, looking down with discouragement. “I mean, there's never gonna be much to say. Kara and I are never going to be more than friends. She's not into girls and even if she was, I'm a Luthor and she's… Kara.” 

“Yes, and Kara believes in you more than everyone else in the world combined,” Sam proclaimed. “If she doesn't like girls, I'd pay to see how she acts around a guy she likes, because I can't imagine her fawning any more obviously. You guys have this weird tension together, and it takes two to build a tension.” 

“Kara and I have never had a tension between us,” Lena argued, her eyebrows scrunching together. “That's what makes things so easy with her. It's always been just us.” 

“Maybe the two of you don't feel it, but everyone else does. That entire brunch Alex and I saw the same thing,” she broke the news. “You do this odd dance around each other, where it's like you both don't want to be too flirty or something. She holds herself back, then you hold yourself back… break the cycle and you'll be fine.” 

“How do you know Alex felt it?” Lena crossed her arms. 

Sam laughed at the challenge. “Maybe if you got your eyes away from Kara for more than half a second, you would've seen the silent conversation that we had about you two.” 

Once again, Lena held in questioning Sam’s sexuality. However, if she was gay or bisexual or whatever else, Lena never would have guessed. 

“Kara is a friend,” she defined them with finality. 

Sam held up her hands upon hearing the warning in Lena's voice. She nodded, going along with that despite it being clear she didn't agree. “Well, she always has been a good friend too.” 

///// 

“So,” Kara pronounced loudly as she landed on the balcony of CatCo. She looked around after barging in, her cape swaying as she walked, then quieted her voice and leaned in, “you know I'm Supergirl, now.” 

“Technically, I have known you're supergirl, but go on,” Lena nodded. 

Kara huffed at the minor technicality. “Well…” 

Lena bent down, catching Kara's gaze to the floor. “Well?” 

“I was wondering if…” 

She gave a soft smile, knowing she usually finished Kara's questions when she trailed off like that, but she genuinely had no idea what she was struggling to ask. “I can't help you out with this one. If… what?” 

Kara closed her eyes, mustering up enough confidence to say it, but not enough to sound sure of herself while she did. “Would you maybe want to fly?” 

Out of all the questions that could've come out, Lena wasn't expecting that one. Upon her silence, Kara began explaining, 

“It's cool up there and I want to show you – if you want to, that is. I… I just think you'd really like it.” 

Lena's heart sped up at the offer, but if Kara was listening she didn't react to it. “Fly?” 

“You’re right, it's stupid,” Kara waved a hand through the air, shaking her head and laughing at her own idea. “Never mind.” 

“No!” Lena exclaimed, holding out an arm to stop her from going to fly away. She looked outside to the office, but everyone else had gone home long ago. “I just wasn't expecting the offer. I'd love to fly.” 

A smile that melted Lena's entire being came to Kara's face as excitement flooded over her. “Really? You would?” 

“Yeah,” Lena nodded. Then she furrowed her eyebrows. “Is that allowed, though? Would Alex be okay with that?” 

“Alex is not my keeper,” Kara annunciated. “It's allowed if no one says no, and no one will say no if I don't ask for permission.” 

She bit her lip, not fully sure if that was the answer she was looking for. 

“No one has ever told me not to fly Lena Luthor through the sky, now have they?” Kara continued trying to persuade her when she hesitated. “It's not like there's a rule against it.” 

She was nervous with that answer, because she probably shouldn't do it, but in the end, the offer was too tempting. “Let’s fly, then.” 

Kara's entire face lit up and, with it, so did Lena's world. She followed Kara to the balcony. They made eye contact, and Kara looked apprehensive, almost as if she was asking for further permission. Lena nodded with a smile, bracing herself to fly for purposes other than being saved from death. That would be a nice change. 

After a deep breath, Kara stepped forward. It was odd to see her nervous while suited. As Kara Danvers she was always nervous and stumbling, but right now Supergirl’s usual unwavering confidence had disappeared. 

“You’re comfortable with this?” Kara double checked. 

Lena met her eyes again. “I promise.” 

That was all the permission Kara needed to pick her up. They were in the air with one quick swoop, but once they were high enough for Kara not to be seen, she slowed down, almost to a hover. Lena stayed focused on Kara's eyes, which looked sure enough to keep her calm despite knowing she was higher than a plane. 

“Look at the city,” Kara told her softly. 

Lena clung her arms to Kara tighter, genuinely nervous as she took down her brave front. “I feel like I'll freak out if I look down.” 

“I got you,” Kara assured her. Her voice was so tender and promising as she looked at Lena, stopping in place, standing still in the air. “I mean it every time I say it – I'll never let anything happen to you. You're safe.” 

Meeting eyes that were so sure, Lena took a deep breath, then turned to look down. Her jaw slightly dropped at the lit up city, all the buildings looking small. She felt like she was on top of the world. She took it all in, trying to pick out L-Corp and CatCo and even Kara's quaint apartment complex. 

“This is incredible,” she faced Kara with utter amazement, feeling a slight breeze as Kara began circling the city ever so slowly. 

There was a fondness in her eyes that overwhelmed Lena to see. No one had ever looked at her with so much kindness and appreciation before. Hell, almost no one had ever looked at her with kindness and appreciation at all. The way Kara stared at her, a slight smile on her lips, made her feel like she was the most important person in the world. She was still getting used to that. 

“I'm glad you like it,” she murmured, looking down at the city as well. “Flying is one of my favorite things. I wanted you to see it.” 

Lena nodded, looking down to what seemed like such a small collection of buildings. That was an entire city. It blew her mind. Suddenly the world under them so was tiny and meaningless. 

“I can see why,” she said, her eyes moving across the skyline. “This is…” she thought it over, then shook her head. “Theres not a word for how this feels.” 

She sat in Kara's arms, feeling her warmth. She felt Kara's grip loosen, but somehow Lena felt no less secure. She could barely fly in a plane, yet flying out in the open with only Kara for protection felt safer than ever. 

She felt Kara's hair brush against her cheek, she felt the tight fabric of Kara's suit against her arms, she felt plenty of things inside her head and she knew she'd be okay if they stayed like this forever. If she had to be stranded in one place for the rest of her life, it would be high above the sky in the arms of Kara Danvers – because that's who she was. She was Kara Danvers. She always would be. That was the super part to her. 

“We've been spotted,” Kara gave a laugh, causing Lena to break out of their contented silence and look up at her with confusion. “Alex is not too happy in my comm right now.” 

They met eyes and exchanged smiles as Lena fought herself from saying I told you so. “I can't say I'm surprised.” 

“She said this isn't funny,” Kara relayed to her. After a few seconds she huffed with amusement. “Now she said I should reply to her instead of just telling you what she's saying.” 

Lena let out a sigh, sad that this had to be over for them so quickly. She took one last look at the buildings that looked too big to tackle from the ground. She stared and stared, trying to paste the sight into her memory, trying to figure out a way how to hold onto it forever. When she couldn't figure out a way, she turned back to Kara with disappointment. 

“We should probably head back.” 

Kara met her eyes, then flickered her attention back to the skyline. “We can stay for a little while.” 

“You sure?” 

Kara's eyebrows raised and she let go of Lena with one arm to turn of her comm, but the movement was so quick that Lena was almost convinced it didn't happen. 

“Yeah,” Kara smiled when her arms were back around Lena. She pulled her closer. “Alex can wait. I want you to enjoy it.” 

///// 

“Supergirl!” Alex shouted with no amount of relief, but plenty of irritation when they landed at the DEO. She was storming over to them without a second of hesitation. 

Kara turned to Lena with a pointed expression. “I told you we should've went home.” 

“Oh, you should not have!” Alex let out a low laugh. “I would've been livid if you ignored a direct order to show up here immediately – which you half did, because your arrival was far from immediate.” 

“It's not a big deal.” 

Kara rolled her eyes at her sister. Lena had known she was Supergirl for months, but seeing the mannerisms of Kara Danvers show up in the appearance of Supergirl was surreal. Her posture was lanky again, her annoyance fully present. She may have been suited up, but gone was the persona of a hero. 

“You were flying through the sky holding a Luthor,” Alex told her matter-of-factly. 

Lena still internally winced, as she did every time she heard her last name, but it wasn't so bad hearing it mentioned casually rather than it being flooded with malice and distrust. 

“Excuse me?” Kara was quickly defensive, apparently seeing the reminder of where Lena came from just as harsh as it had always been. Which considering Kara was the only one who knew the full extent of how bothered Lena got by it was understandable. She turned her body to practically shield Lena from her own last name. “What exactly is that supposed to mean?” 

“Chill,” Alex ordered sharply. “Just because we know who Lena is, there are parts of National City that still don't trust her. And I don't like that as much as you don't, but the last thing either of you need are speculations of why a Super was carrying a Luthor higher than the clouds on an otherwise quiet night.” 

Kara turned to Lena with pure distaste and the slightest hits of actual anger. “I'm sorry my sister is being so incredibly awful right now.” 

Lena held out her hand, landing it on Kara's forearm in comfort. “I am a Luthor. As much as that fact isn't my favorite thing in the world, she's not wrong.” 

“I'm sorry,” Alex gave an apology that was only half heartfelt, her eyes still baring into Kara. “And you are not off the hook. You cannot, under any circumstances, be floating people up into the sky.” 

She hid a smile as she watched the power struggle occur between the two sisters. 

“You never told me that I couldn't fly Lena through the sky,” Kara repeated the argument. 

Alex took a step closer to her sister, raising her eyebrows with threatening challenge, despite all three of them knowing she wouldn't stand a chance in a fight against Kara. “It's was a given.” 

“I didn't get it when you gave it, then,” Kara let out an innocent shrug. 

Before Alex could say another word, Kara was walking away from the conversation, seemingly unbothered. Alex turned to Lena who quickly tried to hide her smile of enjoyment. 

“This isn’t funny,” she warned. 

Lena kept fighting the smile. “I'm not laughing.” 

Alex stepped closer, turning so that they were both looking at Kara, standing side by side. Alex’s voice sounded half dismayed and half joyous. “Well, I cant say she's ever flown anyone for fun before.” She paused. “Well, except me.” 

Lena quickly glanced at her, then turned back to Kara. “I'm honored.” 

“One day, you're going to see you mean more to her than you think you do,” she reinforced what she had been saying the past few days. “She didn't even do that with Mon-El.” 

“It was cool,” she breathed out, ignoring the point of her comment. “There's nothing quite like it.” 

Alex let out a passive sigh. “You're gonna have to tell her.” 

“Some things you just don't share,” Lena shrugged. 

“You shared with me.” 

“And regret that every day,” she agreed with a thin smirk. 

She heard a laugh from beside her as they briefly made eye contact. “I'm not going to let this go.” 

She hated thinking of reality. 

“You will when the right guy comes along.” 

Alex turned quicker than ever, nudging her arm to achieve meet eyes again. She spoke with conviction. “She doesn't need a guy.” 

“She doesn’t want a girl,” the truth came out thick. 

She watched Alex's emotions cloud over as she turned back to Kara unsurely. “I don't know about that.” 

“She’s only dated guys.” 

“She’s never felt the need to show them how great flying is to her,” Alex was still caught up on that small tidbit. “She hasn't felt that need since high school. It's her favorite thing to do, but she's never wanted to share it with anyone else. Yet here we are.” 

Lena stayed silent. 

“There's a reason you make her want to,” Alex kept trying to persuade her. “You must see that.” 

She looked over. Lena wasn't completely blind. She knew Kara must feel something for her, but hoping she felt that something romantically was a lot to hope for. Whatever she felt was probably innocent and platonic – which was great, but not what Lena craved. 

“We’re best friends,” she croaked out. 

They watched as Mon-El walked over, Imra by his side as they stood near Kara who suddenly looked nothing but uncomfortable. 

“That's who she loves,” she gave up. 

Alex shook her head. “That squirming isn't love. She's well past over him.” 

“She told me just the other day that they're doing better than ever.” 

Alex let out an audible scoff. “She’s an idiot.” 

“For loving him?” Lena asked. 

For a moment, Alex was silent, but then she gave a soft nod. “Yeah. Sure.” 

Lena gave a pointed look. “Are you saying–” 

“We see very different things,” Alex articulated. Then she finally dropped it. “Are you still coming over tomorrow?” 

She nodded, tearing her eyes away from Kara for good. “I'll be there.” 

“I'm glad you're not working on a Saturday night. It's a nice change for you.” 

Lena crossed her arm, arching one eyebrow. “And you're one to talk?” 

“I'm an agent for the federal government. What's your excuse?” 

“I'm simultaneously running two mass empires.” 

Alex snorted, taking the chance to lighten the mood once and for all. “Well, that makes you sound more important than you are.” 

“Are you insinuating I'm not important?” she asked with a sense of challenge. 

Alex didn't give in to that. “You’re not important enough to work on a Saturday night, no.” 

“Well,” Lena began, a smirk plastered on her own face. “Working for an unknown, nonexistent government agency is no more impressive.” 

“I'm FBI,” she spoke indignantly. 

Lena looked around the spacious room slow and dramatically, then let out a hmph. “Could of fooled me.” 

Alex grinned, causing Lena to match it. Even if Kara would never feel the same, at least this was some odd sense of family. Unrequited love sucked, but the sensation of belonging? Lena was okay if unrequited meant she got to feel like she belonged somewhere for a little while. 


	8. K: confessions #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone pointed out there was inconsistency with Mon El’s storyline last chapter regarding how he was her boyfriend in the beginning and I made a reference he was married last chapter and honestly, my bad bc I just don't care enough to keep track of him but I'll try not to do that again. For the sake of this he’ll be married just to semi go along with season three, despite this only half following it. Okay okay, hope you like it!

Kara sat at her desk, watching as James strode into what used to be Cat Grant’s office. He walked over to Lena with a confidence only James Olsen held, his head high and smile wide. She wasn't eaves dropping, because that would've been an invasion of privacy, but she did just happen to overhear them talking – by accident.

“Mr. Olsen,” Lena gave him a curt nod that almost made Kara laugh.

She literally owned the place, yet here she was bowing down to James Olsen. It should've been the other way around – even if Lena didn't own the place it should've been the other way around, in Kara's unbiased opinion.

“Ms. Luthor,” he greeted with an even bigger smile.

If there was one thing Kara despise, it was hearing the way James said Luthor. Nowadays it sounded nonchalant and civil, but she remembered too vividly when it wasn't so nonchalant and certainly not all that civil. Not too long ago it had been challenging, hostile, distrusting. Even if his tone was now changed, Luthor didn’t belong on his lips.

“I was just coming to find you,” he made small talk. “Are you still planning to do that meeting with the marketing department at two?”

“Yeah, I am,” she briefly looked up from the papers she was looking over on the couch. “Should I expect you there?”

“You should. I was just making sure you didn't change the time on me again.”

Lena laughed, shaking her head and looking down dismissively. “That was one time, Mr. Olsen.”

He took a step closer, his eyes amused. On the other hand, Kara's eyes narrowed as she fought the impulse of tearing them apart with heat vision right then and there, in plain sight of everyone.

“So, you've been doing pretty good here, huh?” he asked in the way he used to ask Kara questions when they were on their way to being a little more than friends.

Lena looked up with a polite smile, then a shrug. “I guess.”

He sat down next to her on the couch, furrowing his eyebrows. “You guess? Things are going smoothly.”

She glanced at him with appreciation, not looking down as quickly this time. “I appreciate that. Thank you.”

“You, uh–”

“I'm sorry to cut this short, but I just remembered I have to check with Kara to see if she's done with an article I'm waiting on.”

James sat up straighter, his smile falling. “Right.”

She hurriedly turned away from her escapade of not eavesdropping, focusing on the laptop that was on her desk. She couldn't help but feel like she had won, though. Her only question was, did Lena run from James’ clear attraction to her due to nervousness or disinterest? She prayed to god it was disinterest, because James was great, but not great enough to deserve Lena.

* * *

James sauntered over to Kara a few hours later, looking around the office dramatically. When no one was around, he laughed at her expense. “I've seen you in the office more today than I have all month.”

Kara looked up at him with a smile, pushing her glasses further up on her nose. “Ha ha, very funny.”

She was quickly realizing she only appreciated that sort of teasing from Lena.

“Low crime?”

“Low crime and high suspicion from Snapper,” Kara confirmed.

He was surprised for a moment. “That you're Supergirl?”

She shook her head. “No, I think he thinks I'm a drug addict or something. He said he's going to have Lena start monitoring my daily activities while I'm out in the field to make sure I’m not getting cozy with criminals.”

James let out a real laugh at that one. “He thinks Lena would actually monitor you?”

“She has no favorites,” Kara sang.

“She has a favorite,” he looked at her pointedly.

She wasn't going to question him about her, by eventually she couldn't stop herself. “Are you interested in Lena?”

“What?” he asked as if he hadn't looked like he was about to ask her out three hours ago. “No! Why?”

“Just wondering,” she shrugged at the answer that was a definitely not ‘no’. “I'm glad you aren't.”

He was taken aback, as if there was no reason at all Kara would be concerned if the two of them dated. “Why is that?”

“I mean, you've mentioned you don't trust her, so I’d be pretty confused.”

“I trust her,” he revised every previous statement he had ever made about her. “I just got nervous with her and you sometimes. I didn't want you to get hurt. She's really proved herself, though.”

It was a casual statement, but Kara still felt frustration bubbling to the surface. “It shouldn’t have taken you that long. She's a good person.”

“I'm not arguing that,” he agreed.

Kara let out a soft smile. “Anymore.”

“Anymore,” he agreed yet again with much more hesitation. “It was nothing personal–”

“It was completely personal,” Kara confidently defied him. “It's about where she came from when that's irrelevant to who she is. That's personal.”

James looked her over and must have seen something fiery, because his hands were up in the air and he was nodding. “Alright. You're right.”

“I know I am.”

He gave a small smile, gazing at her as if he was trying to figure something out. It was analytical enough for Kara to become self conscious about seeming too friendly in her protectiveness, but not enough for her to get rid of the protective glare she was wearing. He didn't get to drag Lena's name through the mud and then date her two seconds later. He shouldn't have needed her to save a city to be worthy. He should've believed in her from the start, because Lena was as good as they come and Kara would shout that from rooftops until her death.

“She's lucky to have you,” he distantly praised her. “You're a good friend.”

“She's not lucky. She’s earned good friends,” she didn't hesitate to correct him.

His shrug was short and voice was calm. “I'm trying to be one.”

Kara stared at him, letting it linger for a few seconds before slowly nodding with a plentiful amount of judgment. “That's great, but prove you can be a friend before you go and make a move. She deserves more than someone who's doubtful of who she is due to something as small as a last name.”

James gave a small nod, his expression thoughtful. “Will do. I see your point.”

Kara took deep breaths. They didn't necessarily fully relax her, but they were enough to allow her eyes to soften and fists to unclench.

“Don't hurt her,” she warned. “I don't threaten to use my powers against people often, but trust that I will if you hurt her.”

“Is anyone capable of hurting someone as strong as Lena Luthor?”

There was her last name again, unpoetic and rolling off the tip of his tongue with too much ease.

Kara thought it over. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to proclaim how everything hurt Lena to some extent, she simply didn't show it. It was a fact that she was undeniably strong – stronger than herself and Kal El combined – but in a way she was fragile. With every mention of ‘Luthor’, every reminder of killing Daxamites, every mistake that was pointed out to her, a look of defeat would pass through her eyes. Just because she didn't voice it didn't mean it wasn't there.

Lena would make it through anything, she would always be okay, that was a given. But strength didn't mean she was never hurt, it meant she always got back up. It was almost impossible to physically harm Kara, but she had only a fraction of the strength Lena was bursting to the seams with.

In the end, despite her ability to get back up, despite her strength, Lena was still too easy to hurt. She hurt when she was reminded of where she came from. She hurt when she saw her mother on the news. She hurt when she told stories of the boy Lex once was. She hurt when she made the most minor of mistakes, because she tried harder than ever to be perfect, despite knowing that could never be achieved.

Plenty of things could hurt Lena. She hurt all the time. But Kara certainly wasn't going to tell James that.

“No, they can't,” she answered sharply. “But that doesn't mean you should have the chance to try.”

“I wouldn't try,” he assured her.

Kara was still glaring. She almost couldn't help it. “You would be if you still hold her last name above her character. She can't change where she came from, so if you're not past that, don't go near her.”

She didn't need him to answer that. She didn't want him to. She needed to walk away and she wanted to see Lena. She missed her.

* * *

It took three rings to answer her phone, but when Kara heard the shuffling that said their game of phone tag was finally over she grinned.

“Kara!”

“Lena Luthor? Answering a phone call?” she asked with faux shock.

She heard the melody that was Lena's laugh reverberate through the phone and felt at ease.

“Yeah, I'm glad you called. You busy?”

Kara looked around the abandoned CatCo cubicles. “I mean, I'm working.”

There was a mimicking of Kara's shock. “Kara Danvers? Doing her job?”

She smiled, sitting on the other end of the phone in bliss. “Hey, my attendance has been incredible lately. I don't want to hear it.”

“It has, it’s shocking, actually, so as your boss, I'm demanding you take the night off. It's a direct order.”

“Well,” Kara played along with a laugh. She leaned back on her office chair. “I can't exactly refuse to do it then,, now can I?”

“No, you cannot,” she confirmed. “However, what you can do is come get a drink with me. You can invite Alex, if you want.”

Kara thought it over, then smiled at the offer. “Yeah. Okay. Alex is working, though.”

“That's fine,” she brushed it away. “Me and you, then.”

“Yeah,” she found herself biting her lip. Somehow every time she spoke with Lena she felt like the luckiest girl in the world. “Meet you in a half hour?”

“At the alien bar?”

“You got it,” Kara agreed.

“Great,” she could almost picture Lena’s smile of contentment as well. “I'll see you soon.”

* * *

When she walked into the dimly lit bar, Kara looked around. She saw the dark hair and ghostly skin at once, holding up her hand in a wave. Her face brightened upon her arrival and Kara waved a hand of her own.

“Hey,” she plopped down in the booth across from her. “How are things?”

“They're things,” Lena shrugged. “How about you?”

Kara shrugged, briefly raising her hands in the air with a smile. “They're things.”

“Hey, how’s Mon-El? You haven't brought him up in a while,” Lena mentioned. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” Kara waved away, trying to make things as nonchalant as possible. “I don't think we're gonna work after all.”

“What?” her face genuinely fell with sympathy. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“Things are just too complicated,” Kara sighed, hoping she sounded sad rather than nervous.

She wasn't sure why she was nervous. With Lena it was just… weird sometimes. Talking about Mon-El like he was her everything was uncomfortable when she was now conscious of the way she felt for Lena – the way she wanted to be with Lena. Talking about Mon-El was like talking about an ex with a new crush. It felt like she shouldn't be.

“It's honestly good for me,” she rushed to continue. “Mon-El taught me a lot of lessons, but we were too different to be compatible. I overlooked a lot of things that I shouldn't have.”

Lena stared at her unsurely, then nodded, speaking slowly. “I do agree. I'm glad you've come to that decision.”

Kara grinned with amusement, cupping her hands around the drink M’gann had just brought over. “I see Alex has told you all about her fondness for him.”

She watched Lena think it over, but eventually she spoke what was on her mind. “The first thing Alex and I ever bonded over was our dislike for him, actually.”

That was news to her. She had always thought Lena loved Mon-El. Granted, Lena had never said as much, but she never acted like she didn't like him either.

“I didn't know you weren't a fan,” she scrunched her nose. “You never told me that.”

Lena looked nervous. She stirred her drink, giving a small shrug. “You seemed happy and I didn't have a reason not to like him. Besides, it's not like I could've told you after I had literally banished him from the planet.”

“I wouldn't have taken it as malicious,” Kara gave a soft sigh. “You had to do it. I know that and you know that.”

“Yeah, it was just… very Luthor-like,” she remarked flatly. Then, she waved a hand through the air, pushing her last name away. “But anyway, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you.”

“I'm not,” she gave a small shrug. “What's meant to be will be.”

Lena took a sip of her drink, briefly raising the glass. “Cheers to that.”

Kara almost won against her curiosity, but almost wasn't enough. “Speaking of boys… you and James?”

She clearly knew what Kara was getting at, but she acted oblivious despite it. “What about James and I?”

“James and I,” she mimicked before returning to normal. “Every time you challenge someone, you talk even more proper than usual.”

Lena tilted her head with the slightest hint of a smirk. “Is that a problem for you?”

“Not at all. It's amusing to me,” Kara corrected her. “I like it.”

She watched Lena look down to her almost empty drink with a small smile. When she looked back up, her face was a bit bashful. She never had been good at accepting compliments. “I'm glad.”

“But we got off topic!” Kara jumped to exclaim when she remembered her probing question. “As I was saying, you and James… are you interested in him like that?”

“Not quite,” Lena smiled as if she was telling herself a joke.

Kara felt victorious upon hearing the attraction was one sided, but she also couldn't help huffing about how, “He seems interested.”

“He does,” she sounded just as annoyed. “I don't know why he's suddenly less frosty towards me, but I'd rather him go back to how he was than be like this.”

“He's not that bad,” Kara insisted.

She was surprised by Lena's strong reaction, but she wasn't exactly complaining. If she didn't like James that was fine with her. She was obligated to insert a minimal good word for him, but she certainly wouldn't be pushing the issue.

“No, he's great!” she hurriedly corrected herself. “I didn't mean it like that. He's just… not for me.”

There seemed to be more meaning behind that than Kara could grasp. It took a lot for Lena to get nervous and fidgety in a casual conversation, but there she was, in a bar, nervous and fidgety.

“Are you not ready to date after everything with…” when Lena looked up confused, Kara was forced to mumble the name, “Jack.”

“No, no! Nothing like that,” she promised. “Just not my type.”

Kara thought over their previous conversations, but other than the grief from Mon-El and the little amount of information Kara had extracted from her about Jack, they really hadn't talked much about guys together.

“What is your type, anyway?”

The fidgeting increased as the laughter became forced. “Not James Olsen, I can assure you of that.”

Kara furrowed her eyebrows at the discomfort Lena was projecting. She held out a hand across the table with concern. This reaction was far from expected. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she hastily nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine. Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Kara grinned, but the mood was no longer light. She leaned forward, unsure of how to approach a version of Lena that was this nervous. “What's going on?”

She finally glanced to Kara again, then squinted her eyes. “Maybe we should go somewhere more private for this conversation.”

“Okay,” Kara accepted that plan. “My place or yours?”

“Yours. It's homier.”

Kara waved M’gann over to pay. “To mine it is, then.”

* * *

 

They made small talk the entire way to Kara's apartment, but it was surface level conversations that didn't drown out how loud and fast Lena's heart was thudding against her chest.

And just because Kara didn't comment on it, didn't mean she didn't notice the constant gazes at everything but her. She noticed the way Lena sat up straighter to emphasize how fine she was. She noticed how her breaths sounded shallow yet deafening, all at the same time.

When they reached Kara's apartment complex, they walked up in silence. Somehow, Lena's heart somehow got faster – which Kara hadn't thought was even possible. She turned back purely to double check that Lena wasn't in the midst of a heart attack. The sight didn't reassure her. She looked no more composed outwardly than she sounded inward.

If it were anyone else on the planet – including Alex – Kara wouldn't be worried by her appearance. She wasn't sweaty or red in the face or trembling with anxiety, but for Lena Luthor, Kara was concerned. She didn't exhibit signs of anxiety by anyone else's standards, but her stiff posture and inability to keep her hands still said it all.

“Are you sure you're okay? With full honesty, are you okay right now?” she asked worriedly when they were both seated on her couch, the little lightheartedness that was left at the bar now gone from their dynamic. “You're worrying me.”

It took more moments of silence for her to start talking. Kara tried to keep her gaze soft, but it was becoming more and more difficult to keep it from hardening over with protection. She looked like she was hurting and Kara wanted to kill whoever did that.

“If I'm honest with you about something,” Lena wrung out her hands, her eyes darting anywhere except Kara, “can you promise me it won't get weird between us?”

Kara let out a deep sigh, already knowing whatever Lena had to say would never make things weird. She was underestimating how untouchable their friendship had become over their time of knowing one another.

After adjusting their positions on the couch so that they were sitting side by side, Kara wrapped a firm arm around Lena in order to pull her closer. She wished she could get them to be even closer without hurting her. “Me and you will never get weird, Lena. I promise.”

She nodded, but didn't stop fiddling with her hands.

She gave a small squeeze. “What's going on?”

And better yet, why did the topic of dating someone who was James’ type – whatever that meant – elicit this immense amount of anxiety?

Green eyes quickly burned through her before looking down again. She had seen Lena in many different states, but insecure about Kara leaving was never one of them. She had been insecure regarding her family and her business and whether or not she was a good person or deserved good things, but never had she been insecure about Kara's loyalty.

“I'm right here,” she murmured, keeping her arm firmly around her and placing her other hand over the hands that were still squirming, trying to calm them.

Lena slowly and reluctantly pulled their hands apart, her gaze downcast. With one deep breath of courage, the words spilled out. “I'm gay, Kara.”

In hindsight, Kara should've said something, but Lena's greeting was silence. Lena was gay. She was gay. Lena Luthor was really gay. Kara was happier to hear her come out than she was her own sister. She was gay.

Then came the downfall and a stuttering nervous ramble that Kara hadn't thought someone like Lena Luthor was capable of.

“I hope this doesn't make things weird or different with us, though. I mean, I obviously don't like you like that – it's not creepy or anything – I swear – but, yeah,” she recollected herself with a long inhale of air, going back to the demeanor of a well put together professional. “James isn't my type, because I’m gay.”

Right. Lena didn't like her like that. Of course.

“Why would you be afraid to tell me?” she forced herself to focus on that and ignore her heart being brutally stabbed. She was happy her chin was on the crown of Lena's head, because her face would betray her unbothered act if Lena was able to see it. “Alex is gay. I'm fine with that.”

“Yeah, I just… panicked,” Lena nodded, but made no move to look up at Kara. Her voice became timid and uncertain of the answer she would receive, which broke Kara's heart even further. “We’re okay, then?”

“We’re perfect,” Kara promised, giving her a slight squeeze for reassurance.

But she wasn't. She was at a loss, trying to figure out how to handle this type of pain. She didn't know her heart could rise that high and fall that low so quickly. Lena being gay was the most phenomenal news she had gotten in quite some time. Lena not liking her had cancelled that phenomenon out.

“You're sure? Because I know we can be a little physically affectionate with each other sometimes, so if you're not okay with that anymore, I'd–”

“Lena,” she murmured, practically pulling her onto her lap for emphasis. “Nothing has changed. I'm fine with it. Whether you're gay, straight or in between, you're my best friend.”

That must have been the comfort she needed, because as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Lena's hands came to rest on the ones Kara had latched around her body. She leaned further into her, breathing out a mass amount of air.

“I love you.”

She didn't feel awkward or weird or like Lena was any different, but she did feel unbelievably defeated. She could get her ass beat by all the aliens in the world and it still wouldn't come close to how defeated she felt on that couch with Lena, hearing the direct phrase, ‘I obviously don't like you like that’.

Not knowing if Lena was gay somehow seemed like a blessing now. Kara would happily go back to thinking Lena was straight over what she was feeling right now. Before, she was crushing on someone who she thought had no interest in girls. Now, she was crushing on someone who was definitely into girls, but not into her.

She tried to smile through all that. “I love you too.”

* * *

 

“Lena's gay,” Kara announced louder than necessary as she barged into Alex's apartment.

She froze when the one and only, Lena, was sitting on the couch, an amused smile gracing her face as Kara became mortified. Of course Lena would be here. Where else would she be? Apparently her and Alex were best friends now – which Kara was completely, one-hundred percent fine with. She should know by now that they didn't have to inform her every time they hang out.

Her sister was trying her best not to laugh at Kara's expense, but she wasn't doing a very good job of it. “Yes, I've heard. Lena does appear to be gay, now doesn't she?”

“Your secret keeping abilities impress me more and more with each passing day,” Lena hummed over to Kara, who was still lost.

Lena wasn't supposed to be there and she definitely wasn't supposed to hear that. Kara prayed to god she didn't hear the exasperation in her voice. She didn't want her to take it the wrong way.

“I – well – it’s Alex,” she settled for the explanation, moving to sit near them. “We tell each other everything.”

“She thinks we do,” Alex nodded with a smirk.

Kara just rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. “You literally tell me every detail of your life.”

“Well, that's presumptuous of you.”

“I see my best friend has been teaching you big words.”

Lena looked between them, laughing at their banter. Kara loved it when she laughed like that. Then, just she was suddenly disappointed, because Lena was standing up and grabbing her purse from the table.

“I was just heading out, actually. I have to go to L-Corp and help Sam with something.”

“Tell her I'll be there at eight tomorrow to pick up Ruby,” Alex reminded her.

Kara’s eyes followed Lena's retreating form until the door was shut behind her. Alex’s words were finally able to be processed once Lena wasn't there to distract her.

“Wait, you’re watching Ruby?”

“She has the day off school and Sam asked me if I could help,” she shrugged it off.

Kara narrowed her eyes, trying to fit the pieces of how that worked together. “So… you're not going into the DEO – where you are a top federal agent – because you're babysitting?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” Alex raised a quizzical eyebrow.

Kara didn't back down, because she never called off of work, yet here she was, taking the day off in order to babysit. “Uh, yeah, it is hard to believe. The last time you called off was months ago, when you and Mag – oh…” Kara processed that. Alex hadn't called off since Maggie. In fact, she had delved into work at full force since Maggie had left, which insinuated, “Hold on. Sam?”

“Yes, Kara, Sam,” Alex rolled her eyes, huffing with displeasure at Kara solving the puzzle. “It's not a big deal.”

“So…” Kara sat there, absolutely shocked and trying to process it. “You truly aren't into Lena?”

Alex's jaw hung open as she shook her head. “No! But it says a lot that when I admit I like someone, you're focused on how I'm no longer a threat to you.”

“Well, you and her are oddly close,” Kara defended herself. “You left me no other possibilities.”

“I left you about a hundred other possibilities,” Alex deadpanned. “Anyway, why did you burst in here declaring how gay Lena is?”

Kara held her head in her hands for a moment, glancing at the door and groaning at her own embarrassment. “I hope she's not mad.”

“She’s not. The first thing she said when she came was, ‘Did Kara tell you yet?’, followed by, ‘Oh, well she’ll probably be over within the half hour,’” Alex looked down at her watch, then up with a smirk. “Look at that, she was right.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” she rolled her eyes. “So, yeah. Lena's gay.”

“She is,” Alex nodded, leaning back with slight amusement. “What a surprise, right? I'm closer to that three hundred dollars we settled on every day.”

“Not quite,” Kara looked down. “She's gay, but she doesn't like me as anything more than a friend.”

Alex peered at her with analytical eyes, then dismissed the claim entirely. “That's not true. I'll up our bet to four hundred on saying she's a liar and infatuated with you.”

“How are you this confident?” Kara asked incredulously. “Alex, her exact words were ‘I obviously don't like you like that’. Emphasis on obviously. It was said like it was already a given.”

Her sister still shook her head, seemingly unbothered. “It's a load of shit. She likes you. She knew you'd be okay with her being gay, because I'm gay. She couldn't have doubted it. If she hid it from you, it's because she likes you.”

“Well, that's a stretch,” Kara sighed. She looked up with Alex with sad eyes. “I want her to like me back.”

“Maybe she's just scared you'd be weirded out by her liking you since she thinks you're straight,” Alex offered. “That's more than plausible.”

“That's beyond unlikely,” Kara resigned.

“Crazy idea here, but you should come out to her too,” she suggested like it was no big deal. “Just do it. See what happens.”

“Lena is the only girl I've ever been into enough that I'd actually date her if I had the chance,” she explained. “If she's not into it, what's the point in me saying anything l?”

Alex leaned over, holding her head in her hands with a greater frustration than Kara would expect from her. “You're both dumb. It's clear she likes you and it's clear you like her. Just listen to me and come out.”

“She made it crystal clear that that's not the case on her end,” Kara fought, defending her reasoning and irritated that it was even being questioned. “I know you want us to get together, but it's just not in the cards.”

Alex opened her mouth like she was going to argue that, but then she nodded, leaning back into the couch. “Okay. It's your decision.”

“It is,” she agreed. She looked at Alex, then crossed her arms with a grumble. “You better not tell her my feelings now that you know she's gay.”

She watched her laugh at that, nodding along. She was enjoying this situation way too much, in Kara's honest opinion. There was nothing humorous about this.

“You're secret’s safe with me.”


	9. L: hauntings of the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This goes from fluffy to dramatic real quick, so be prepared

The first thing Lena did the morning after coming out to Kara was go to Alex’s. She called on the way there to ask if Kara had dropped by, relieved when she wasn't, because Alex was the only person who would get it. Sam understood somewhat, but Alex was her go to person regarding all things Kara.

She hesitantly walked through the apartment door carefully scanning the place before speaking, double checking to make sure Kara hadn't shown up.

“She's not here,” Alex laughed at the obvious scoping. “What's so emergent?”

“There's good news and bad news,” she announced, making her way to Alex’s couch without further invitation. “Good news: I finally told Kara I'm gay.”

Alex lit up, then her face fell. “Wait... if that's good news…?”

“In doing so, I may have implicated that I have no feelings for her whatsoever,” she retold the story of the prior night. “She’ll probably be over within the half hour, if that, so let's make your lecture quick.”

She received gawking as Alex looked more exasperated with her than ever before. “ _Why_ would you tell her that?”

“She was just staring and all quiet after I came out and – I don't know, I panicked,” she rambled, unable to discuss Kara Danvers with the same poise she had in every other topic. “I mean, I knew she'd be fine with it, but in the moment it was beyond uncomfortable. She just sat there! So, I just said what she wanted to hear.”

“Lena, you're an idiot,” she was short and blunt with her words. “Who's to say Kara doesn't feel the same?”

“I am,” she grunted. “She was _dead_  silent. I had to say something, and that was the first thing that came out.”

Alex massaged her temples with frustration as Lena watched on with a hint of nervousness.

“I can see you're annoyed, but – Alex, you're wrong, okay? She doesn't like me like that. Trust me.”

She got a hard stare as Alex’s mouth opened, then closed as she thought over her response. Once it was properly elegant, she rolled her eyes. “You're a dumbass.”

“What?” Lena cried out. “How am _I_ the dumbass? You're the one living in a fairy tale.”

“Sure,” she nodded flatly. “Yup, that's me, alright. Or, and hear me out here, Lena, _you're_ just too pessimistic and don't see your self worth enough to think Kara would like you.”

The words hit home, because they were definitely true, but Lena decided to scoff as if they weren't.

“No, not at all. It's just that Kara's not gay,” she pronounced adamantly. “This is hardly a self esteem issue of mine. It's a reality issue of yours.”

Alex once again held her gaze, then she squinted her eyes and let out a heavy sigh that never signaled a good thing following it.

“Alright, I’m going to make the mood serious,” she propped an arm up on the couch cushion, turning to further face Lena.

Lena, on the other hand, braced herself for the worst. Usually she was the one being serious while Alex got called out. She had never exactly longed for a role reversal.

“I think a part of you doesn't see how Kara feels, because you genuinely think you aren't enough to be worth feeling the same about.”

She rolled her eyes, not wanting to have this discussion. She didn't talk about her self image. Even with Kara, she had only brushed the surface of how harsh her self image was most days. Talking about it only made her sad and she hated being sad around other people.

“Enough what? I'm plenty.”

“Enough of anything,” Alex shrugged, but it was soft and tender. The nonchalance was gone. “I don't believe that you truly think you're plenty – to be honest, I think it's the opposite. I think you worry you aren't good enough in regards to your character, I don't think you value your intelligence as much as you should and, I know you joke about it all the time, but I don't think you’re always kidding around when you remind yourself you're a Luthor and destined for evil. Being related to that bothers you. A lot bothers you and it adds up to you feeling like you don't deserve her.”

Lena stared into space, trying to think of an appropriate dry response for that. Alex wasn't wrong, but Lena wasn't one to mope about how small her self confidence was either. She'd rather be the all-powerful, untouchable CEO than the woman who couldn't come out of the closet because she wasn't strong enough to handle backlash or the girl who still had nightmares that she was the terrorist.

She didn't like thinking about what she wished she could change in regards to herself. She didn't want to feel weak and insecure, because she wasn't weak and didn't want to be insecure. At work, she excelled. It was only her personal life where that wasn't so much the case.

“You don’t have to reply to that,” Alex spoke up after momentary silence. “But I hope you know that, as both your friend and Kara's sister, I think you're more than enough. You're capable of more than you think you are and your anxiety over being a horrible person due to your last name further proves you aren't one. And as for Kara… you're the best friend she's ever had – you truly are.”

“Alex–”

“Nope,” she held up her hand to stop her from interrupting. “I'm not finished. I don't say you're the best friend she's had in the sense that you're best friends, I mean that in the sense that no friend of hers, past or present, has ever treated her so well or loved her so unconditionally. She poured her heart out to you over Mon-El and despite your feelings for her, you listened. She didn't tell you she was Supergirl and you waited patiently until she was ready to – not once did you pressure her or get angry. You make grand gestures all the time, whether she views them as romantic or not. You pushed her to be a journalist after two seconds of knowing one another. You saved CatCo for her. You always make sure she's okay, even when you're swamped at work or out at fancy business dinners.”

Lena looked away somewhere in that speech, feeling both proud Alex thought so highly of her and awkward that all of these feelings and gestures were one-sided.

Alex continued, even after Lena broke their eye contact. “People can say they love someone or they'll always be there – that's easy. But you? You show it. You fight. You push her to do even better – to be even better than she already is. That's the hard stuff. And you make it look effortless.”

That all meant a lot to her, but she never was one to show pride and happiness well.

“It is effortless, but I appreciate that,” she nodded curtly with a mask of professionalism. “And that was really nice to hear, especially from you, but that doesn't mean the feelings I have are mutual.”

“No?” Alex challenged with a smirk plastered on her face. “Alright, so let's make a list for Kara, then. I know the feelings are mutual, because she fights for you too. The entire world can proclaim you're evil – you could be on video, shooting up a school of innocent children – and Kara would be determined you were innocent. She would find a way to prove you were framed or forced or blackmailed. When there was a video of you stealing kryptonite, the one thing that would kill her in a second, she still knew you were innocent. Everyone else at that DEO told her you were guilty – including me. She defied every single one of us. There's a reason she can't write a bad article on you, why everything you read about you in CatCo is so complimentary. She sees you as a force of good. She sees you as someone who's a better person than she is. She wants to be as good of a person as you are. She opens up to you, even when she shuts the rest of the world out completely. She smiles around you. Like, _really_  smiles around you. Even the way she looks at you screams how infatuated she is. When you walk into a room, her attention leaves the conversation and focuses on you altogether. When she's mid-sentence, the idea is never finished. It's all about you from that point on.”

Lena took an unsteady breath upon hearing all of that. When it was put together, it seemed like something more than it was. Kara was open with people. She was soft. She was kind-hearted.

“That's just who she is,” she brushed it all away.

Alex laughed, shaking her head. “No. You should have seen her at the DEO when you were arrested. She was about to get violent, she was so mad people were denouncing you as guilty so quickly. Hell, I thought Maggie was a dead man walking after that arrest.”

The way she said Maggie's name so naturally and pain free didn't go unnoticed, but Lena was in too much shock over the their current conversation to comment.

“Kara?” she double checked, skeptic and disbelieving.

“Yes. My point exactly. Kara.”

“That's hard to imagine. She reall–”

She wasn't able to finish, but she jumped as the door opened so quick that it nearly fell off its hinges. “Lena's gay!”

She had to suppress a laugh, but she couldn't hide an amused smile that only widened when Kara turned to see her sitting there.

Alex, however, couldn't hold the snarky comment in. She leaned back on the couch, enjoying her sister’s embarrassment with a hum. “Yes, I've heard. Lena does appear to be gay, now doesn't she?”

She watched the panic float through Kara's eyes, preparing herself for the stuttering that was guaranteed to come, the stuttering she had fallen head over heels for. She fucking loved that stuttering.

Then again, she loved just seeing her. She loved everything about her so much. She just wished that Kara loved her too.

* * *

She walked into L-Corp with a briefcase tugged close to her side and her heels clicked against the floor with every step. Her head was high. She felt most in her element here. As much as she loved CatCo, this place was her home away from home.

She got on the elevator, making her way to Sam’s office. It always felt weird knocking on the door to announce her presence at a place she once spent days at a time at.

“Hey!” Sam looked up with a smile. “How are you?”

“Same old,” she shrugged, digging into her briefcase and pulling out the correct folder. “I looked up those figures you asked for.”

“You're a lifesaver,” she grinned. “Hey! Someone just came looking for you, by the way.”

“Oh, really?” Lena tilted her head. “Who?”

“No idea. Jess said they didn't want to see me. The matter was specific to you.”

It was a new season and with new seasons came new attempts to kill her. It could be a slew of people, but Lena's best bet was her mother or Edge. Or a hitman – which would be sent by Edge. If her mother was going to kill her, she'd want to carry out the whole ordeal on her own.

Instead of voicing that to Sam, she just gave a wry smile and made a note to send security footage to herself so she could look it over when she got home.

Staying calm, she shrugged like that wasn't concerning in the least. “Well, I'm sure they'll be back.”

* * *

They came back quicker than expected – as in the second she left L-Corp, she fell into their trap.

She got into her car, letting out a sigh and muttering, “CatCo,” before becoming absorbed in her phone. She immediately pulled up Kara's text thread to inform her of the fact that her bi-monthly trauma was early, but she set the phone down, deleting what she had typed.

She was being paranoid. Just because someone was looking for her and didn't want to see Sam, didn’t mean someone was after her again. That could be a slew of different things. It was probably a contractor or journalist or weird fan. It didn't mean Edge and it _certainly_ didn't mean her mother.

Just as she had calmed herself down, her stomach fell, because it was then that she focused on exactly where she was. It wasn't shady, it was still familiar, actually, but it was the opposite direction of CatCo. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't paranoia.

“I said CatCo,” she tried to sound unfazed.

When the driver didn't answer, she picked up her phone again, but it wouldn't leave the screen it was on. It was frozen on the screen of her email app, unresponsive to touch whatsoever.

“It's hacked,” her mother’s unimpressed voice came over the car speakers, sounding just as displeased as usual.

She hardly reacted. This wasn't a surprise anymore, it was honestly no reason to panic at this point. Her mother was back. Of course she was. Better than Edge.

Lena leaned back into the seat, becoming resigned. The doors were locked, she had no phone to save her, the guy looked like he could fight The Rock… for now she'd let this play out. If her mother wanted to play a game, she'd learn the rules before she made her first move.

“No fight?” her mom practically taunted.

At this point, Lena didn't even bother looking for a camera that was undoubtedly hiding somewhere.

“What's the point, right? I've learned by now that the kidnapping part is always flawless,” she dragged out, less than impressed. “It's everything else you can't seem to get right.”

“Yes,” she bit back. “Well, we’ll see you soon, dear. Don't give Dave too much trouble, now. He's new.”

“You'll tire of her eventually,” Lena directed her comment to him. “She's quite hard to please, trust me.”

“Ah, grateful as always,” she chimed. “I can't wait to be reunited with my gracious daughter. Don't be too long.”

A shudder went down Lena's spine at the words. She didn't feel like she was her daughter. She didn't feel that way at all, so she _hated_ being reminded that she was.

She picked up her phone, but it was still of no use. She sunk back again, slowly and inconspicuously analyzing the car for a way out of this. The appearance of resignation would always be better than displaying the panic within in her, so she stuck with that.

She wasn't so much panicked for herself. She'd be fine. There was an eighty percent chance her mother would never follow through with killing her. Kara, however, she would. And she knew, without a doubt, the second this news got towards Kara she'd be crashing through walls to save her. Hell, Lena could practically be considered bait by now. She knew damn well her mother knew that, too. It couldn't go unnoticed that whenever she disappeared, Supergirl wasn't far behind to swoop in and save the day.

She found herself tapping her fingers against her thigh due to the anxiety brought upon thinking about Kara being hurt. She tried to dismiss it, unwilling to linger too long without getting distracted. She held her hand still, subconsciously searching the sky for a quick blur of red and blue. Nothing.

She hoped she it stayed that way and Kara wouldn't follow her. Lena could get out of this on her own. It was Kara who doubted how much her mother was capable of. Lena could think like a Luthor if she really had to, which meant she could see what her mom plotted if she squinted long enough.

Kara was sunshine and butterflies. She was impulse and hope for the best. Lena loved that to death, she loved the blind optimism, but it would always scare her to her wits end. Her mother could kill optimism as easy as she blinked. Lena would know.

Don't save me, she willed, momentarily closing her eyes to take a deep breath. Someone stop her from her need to save the day. I'll be okay.

* * *

She expected the car to pull into a warehouse, as that was the location of every prior meeting, so she frowned as they went through a gate with barbed wire after hours of driving through a mix of busy and practically deserted streets.

“She here yet?” Dave finally spoke.

“They're both ready for her,” the guard lifted the gate without asking for an ID.

Suddenly her heart was racing. Her mother she could overcome, that was for certain, but them? If she was somehow going to bring Lex out of his cell… she wasn't so certain about that.

She hadn't seen her brother since the trial. She hadn't been to visit, because no one she loved was in prison. She adored her brother. She loved him more than anyone. The man who was now sitting in Lex Luthor’s body hadn't been her brother in a long while.

“Your mother went through a lot to set this up for you,” Dave spoke to her directly for the first time, sounding as if Lena should be getting ready to say thank you. “This wasn't easy. I hope you know that.”

She couldn't answer when she felt like she would vomit. Her stomach was twisting and her entire body was shaking. She was as close to a panic attack as she'd ever been. She wasn't ready to see him. She didn't want to see him. She never, ever wanted to see him.

The car drove to the back of the facility, parking alongside a curb. Her mother was outside, waiting with a smirk that was even more perfected than Lena's. She looked smug. And she should be. Lena had to admit, this was a curveball she wasn't so sure she could hit out of the park.

“It's been a while since we've had a family dinner,” she smiled with a love that had never been real. “Your brother has missed you.”

“I'm not going in there,” Lena spoke firmly, crossing her arms for emphasis. “I have no interest.”

“It took a lot of pulled strings to arrange this,” her mother scolded. “Whether you like it or not, we're your family.”

“No,” she shook her head with a small smile, because she realized she now knew what family was. Alex and Kara… they had taught her firsthand that this was far from it. “I do have a family, but I can assure you they aren't found in jail cells and America's Most Wanted.”

That comment received an eye roll and Lillian waved a finger. “You could've done this the easy way, Lena. It's a shame you must always fight like this,” she looked past her. “Hank. A hand, please?”

She felt rough hands on her biceps and tried to shake them off despite knowing it was a waste of time. She pursed her lips, begrudging letting them escort her into the correctional facility, but fussing the whole time.

A guard held the door open, allowing them to walk down a narrow hallway. Lena took in her surroundings and her breath stopped for a moment. She passed by each solitary cell, her heart pounding louder and louder as she tried to silence it.

She wasn't sure how far away from Kara they were, but by now they probably noticed she was missing. Somehow the DEO always did. She once again found herself blocking out the present moment to pray, in case some god would somehow grant her the wish of having Kara not plow through this place. Because Lena had absolutely no doubt in her mind that she would.

“Here we are, Ms. Luthor,” the guard opened the cell.

Lena froze when she realized what they expected her to do. They wanted her to go into a prison cell. Her brother’s prison cell. Where she couldn't get out.

Now came the actual panic attack.

“He can't come out?” she stammered, staying in place and looking rapidly from one face to the next.

Her brother spoke as if it were the most absurd question he had ever heard. “I'm in solitary, Lena. Of course I can't come out.”

The voice brought tears to her eyes, because it was the same voice that used to comfort her, yet now it admittedly made her fearful and terrified and wanting to run for her life. It was mashing the past with the present and all it left her with was feeling jumbled and unable to think clearly. Her entire world was spinning, every sound deafening.

“I'm good out here, thanks,” she declined, letting her mother slip by and waltz in as if it were her second home. She managed one last witty comment. “You've been here before, I see.”

Cue the perfected smirk. “Where do you think I've been hiding? I had to live somewhere.”

Her heart dropped and she became dizzy with the still spinning world. She could scheme against anything, but she worried this might be too much. Still, somewhere in the back of her mind she was praying Kara didn't come chasing her. She'd find a way out. She just needed time.

She kept her strong front despite her sanity unraveling as she turned to the guards standing nearby. “It's a felony to abet a terrorist. You like money now, but you sure will miss it when it's you two rotting in a cell. Which you will be. Just wait.”

“Such harsh words,” Lex tsked.

Her mom let out a dramatic sigh, stepping out of the cell to shove Lena in. “For god’s sake, Lena. You have to make everything so hard.”

With those words, the guards slammed the door to the cell shut and Lena realized exactly what was happening. Her mom was walking away. The guards were letting her leave, then talking on a phone. She was being framed to make it appear as if _she_  was abetting a criminal.

She had many options, but at this point all but one of them were useless. She listened as one of the officers spoke on a phone attached to the wall and knew she'd have to count on the DEO to trust her. It was up to Kara now. And maybe Alex. She wasn't sure exactly how far her and Alex had come, but she hoped Alex would have her back in this. Kara could get emotional, but if she had Alex… if she had Alex’s faith in her she would be okay. The DEO would help her get out of this. They had to. At this point, they truly had to. It was her last hope.

But still, even though her and Alex were now good, was it good enough to ignore solid evidence of what would be a prison guard’s report detailing finding Lena attempting to help her brother escape? Because that would undoubtedly be there. By thinking like a Luthor, she could say that with confidence already. She wanted to be in a place where Alex trusted her enough to believe her, but feared they might not be that far yet.

Instead of screaming bloody murder, she was paralyzed and silent. She stood there with an expression of stone, not reacting to her mother walking away or Lex filling her in on how much time this plan took under his breath. She ignored the story of how they had to find the funds with both of their accounts frozen, how they had to disable the security cameras, how they had to carefully choose which guards to trust. He told her how in depth they had discussed her meticulous kidnapping – or, as he called it, requesting of your presence – was. How there was a kink when only Sam was at L-Corp, but how easy Lena made it when she pulled up shortly after.

No. She didn't react to any of that. Instead, she stood by the entrance with crossed arms, wanting to get out as soon as possible. She needed to get out of here and needed to keep looking unfazed. She willed herself to stay that way, because all she wanted to do was cry.

“Lena, don’t panic. Just–”

“Don't fucking touch me!” she hissed, jumping away from the hand on her shoulder as footsteps ran down the hall. She was spewing her words with a I'd of hate and terror. “Stay away from me. I'm a lost cause for your mission.”

“Your friend is due to make an appearance soon, though, right?” he referenced Supergirl in the same tone of voice he used to ask when Veronica was coming over when they were younger. “My mission may be going as planned.”

She closed her eyes. _This isn’t Lex. This isn’t your brother. It’s not high school. It's not him._

She took deep breaths, wishing they would come to arrest her with a little more urgency.. She couldn't care less if she was now a felon, but she would rather be in solitary confinement than a cell with her brother.

Suddenly, there were guards surrounding them and pointing guns towards the cell.

“Mathers! Is she still there?”

“In all her glory,” the guard who had just been on the phone glared at her with a sickening smirk. “Lena Luthor, doer of good, trying to rescue her assassin of a brother. She's right there. Caught her myself.”

“She should be knocking down walls any minute now, right?” Lex murmured low enough that only Lena could hear. “I figured I could depend on Supergirl to save me. They have a thing for us Luthors.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” she spoke through gritted teeth as the reality that Kara could easily do just that gripped her.

Knowing Lex was in jail was the only comfort she had. And apparently he could get out quite fine on his own if her mother paid a high enough price. Setting him free would ruin her life. Not to mention that if he wanted Kara here, he had a plan to hurt her. She couldn't have that happen either.

“Lena Luthor,” an officer came in as Lex threw his hands in the air like the perfect felon he was. “You're under arrest. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be used…”

She listened as her Miranda rights were read to her, feeling a stinging in her eyes that hadn't been there in months. She didn't know who Lex was, she didn't know the plan her only two living family members came up with, she didn't know if Kara was about to be killed – or worse, tortured. She needed to know something. She was almost always certain about everything, but right now she knew nothing. She didn't know who she could trust or how she'd get out without the help she didn't want from Kara.

She was depending on Alex to get the DEO to rescue her. To prove she was innocent. Alex was who she needed. Alex would help her.

She hoped.

* * *

It was twelve hours later and she was still trembling.

She had seen Lex. She had heard Lex. She had felt Lex – she still felt Lex. And now, when all she wanted to do was sit in a shower for days to wash off the feeling of being a Luthor, she was sitting in the same building as her brother. The thought of that made her shake with fear. Apparently he had friends in high places and she was a sitting duck.

She laid in fetal position on the bed, holding her palms to her eyes to stop the tears. The shaking increased and all she wanted was Kara beside her. Even if she had never seen her in this broken state, Kare would somehow help. She needed her, yet hoped she wasn't coming to get entangled in this mess, yet desperately wanted her there.

“Luthor,” a guard came in. She tried to hide her sniffling, not turning away from the wall or looking up to face him. “You're out of here. You're changing facilities.”

Her mind raced, trying to decide if she trusted that. Was it safe to go with a guard? Was it safe to step out of this building? Would they really transfer her, or would her brother be on the transport too? Was this a trap? Was she safe at all? In any way, shape or form, was she safe?

“I'll take it from here, Officer. I appreciate your cooperation.”

She looked over her shoulder upon hearing the voice and couldn't contain her emotions for another second. She barely knew J’onn, but he was a familiar face. She could trust him. Right now, without Kara or Alex, at least she could trust him. She shot up from the bed, moving to cling on to him for dear life as sobs finally wracked out of her.

She was okay. And Kara wasn't here or in danger – she knew because she‘d be storming through these halls if she were. Kara was safe somewhere else and Lena could trust J’onn to take her some place that would be just as safe.

Lena's body shook as her arms snaked around him for some sort of comfort. Tears poured out as she realized she could get away from Lex and go home. She never thought she'd have a home, but now that she did, that's the only place she wanted to be in a time like this.

When she calmed down, she pulled away, standing up straight again with a firm nod, realizing that having that reaction upon seeing an FBI agent probably wasn't the most appropriate greeting.

She took a deep breath. “You’re the FBI guy.”

J’onn glanced over to the guard, then gave a firm nod, participating in the show. “I must say, I was hoping we wouldn't run in to each other again.”

“You're taking me, then? For questioning?“ There was no acting needed in order to beg for a trusted escape route.

There was compassion and empathy in his eyes as his words came out with professionalism. “We’re taking you into FBI custody, Ms. Luthor. We have questions and need you in a place where you can be better and more closely monitored.”

He stared at her apprehensively, then pulled out handcuffs. He silently pleaded with her to let this happen despite her anxious state, but that was the least anxious she had been all day. At that point, she didn't care if he needed to cuff her. J’onn could arrest her three times a day for the rest of her life – he could place her in solitary at the DEO with no access to a single soul ever again and deliver her food through a slot in the door. All of that would still be better than sitting anywhere in this building.

When they were breathing fresh air on the outside, J’onn put a hesitant hand on Lena's back, giving a comforting smile. “If you're ready to head back to National City, there are two people who really want to see you. They would've come themselves, but they're locked up in a cell of their own right now. They were getting reckless.”

That was enough to make Lena give an airy laugh, wiping away the last of her tears and urgently nodding.

“Good,” she smiled, feeling reassured. “Better them be there than here.”

Kara hadn't tried to save her. Kara didn't get hurt. Lex was still (hopefully) in jail. Everything was okay for now.

“Be sure to tell them that,” he nodded pointedly. “They aren't too happy with me.”

“Kara doesn't like the word ’no’,” Lena laughed along, but still felt homesick. She needed to see them. She needed to see them both so badly.

“Now would be a good time to mention I'm an alien,” he said, serious as ever, yet so casually. Lena smiled at the familiarity of that contradiction. “Mind if we take an alternative method of transportation?”

“The quicker the better,” she gave a heavy sigh, not questioning anything about that revelation. “I just want to go home.”

“You'll have to stay at the DEO for a while, so I'm afraid home can't happen, but I don't think you'll be alone. Those Danvers sisters might not ever leave your side after today.”

She wanted to mention the Danvers sisters were the home she wanted to get to. Her apartment was merely a collection of rooms with overly extravagant furniture. Kara and Alex were where she felt safe.

Speaking of Alex, she asked about her status with trepidation and a sense of insecurity she wouldn't show under normal circumstances. “Alex wants to see me too?”

“Oh,” J’onn laughed at a joke Lena didn't get. “Alex was the worst of the two.”

“Worse than Kara?”

He chuckled, pulling her to the side and away from the street. “You have no idea. But they'll kill me if we aren't back shortly. Are you ready?”

Lena smiled, taking one last chance to wipe eyes that still felt wet. When there were no tears, she nodded. “I can't wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: this whole ordeal is retold from Kara's point of view back at the DEO. Also, the next chapter is almost written, so if it's not posted within a few days come yell at me to post it, because it means I forgot to.
> 
> if ya wanna stalk my tumblr I won't stop you. @ shes-cured


	10. K: panic

It wasn't supposed to be a chaotic day. Life had been calm lately. It was supposed to be a day at the DEO, trying to get her mind off of Lena and the fact that her feelings weren't mutual. She was supposed mope and feel sorry for herself. She planned to be miserable for a day or two, sulking about how the girl she was probably in love with didn't love her back.

What her day was not supposed to be was filled with panicking for Lena's life enough to forget that she had been rejected without even the other person even realizing it. She'd rather a pity party and misery than to panic.

“Kara, hey!”

Winn's voice had been hesitant on the phone with a forced sense of happiness, which was enough to cause Kara to listen closer to the city around her. Forced happiness was unbecoming on him, because it was always accompanied with bad news, yet there were no signs of sirens. In fact, it was a quiet day.

At that point, there was still just a pity party and bored tone on a normal day. “Who's in trouble?”

“No one’s in trouble, but you're needed at the DEO,” he vaguely explained.

She sighed, not wanting to play this game. Lena was gay, but not for her. She just needed a day to sulk over that. She couldn't hide her dismay and apathy, her voice flat. “Just tell me where to go. I need to punch something anyway.”

“No, uh,” he stuttered, pausing for a moment. “ _You're_ needed here. As in Kara Danvers. You're needed. Here.”

She squinted her eyes, listening to the yelling in the background. She recognized the voice barking orders with a sense of panic. “Is that _Alex_?”

“Is that enough to entice you?”

That was when the day filled with panic began.

“That's the most concerning thing I've ever heard,” she furrowed her eyebrows, changing and soaring into the sky within seconds. “Why is she–” she flew into the DEO at full speed– “screaming?”

Alex was pacing in front of a wall of screens, screaming directions at Vasquez all the while. She stopped to hover over another guy, her eyes glaring at the screen that was filled with a rampantly moving code, searching for something. Kara wished she understood.

She watched the hustle bustle, then moved closer to Winn, who still looked even apprehensive than he had sounded. “Wow, that was record time. I'm impressed. Hey, how fast was that, anyway?”

She wasn't allowing him to stall, cutting directly to the chase. Her sister never panicked. She expressed herself through anger and determination, maybe even throwing some punches if it was really bad. If she was this off balance it meant there was something beyond what they had faced before.

“What's going on?” she breathed out. “Is Maggie back? Or Jeremiah? Fill me in.”

Winn stared at Alex silently, then turned back to the screen, only mumbling out a warning. “Brace yourself before looking closer.”

There wasn't time to brace herself if Alex was in this condition. She immediately peered to the screen in front of Winn and froze upon seeing Lena's name with an animation displaying they were scanning the area. She stared at the monitor, hoping she hadn't seen it right, then she looked at Winn. There was no more joking. Her expression was grave and voice low.

“You're going to tell me what's going on and you're going to do it _now._ ”

“Lillian Luthor paid National City a visit this morning,” he rushed to explain, pulling out a photograph of Lillian exiting L-Corp. “And right after she came out of hiding, Lena's driver was conveniently found drugged in an alleyway a block away.”

Kara's heart stopped. She looked up at Alex screaming and was glad one of them was together enough to panic. Kara had an eerie calm, ready to pound through anything and anyone who stood between her and Lena. There was no panic, just a mental preparation to kill whoever might go after her.

“Then, where's Lena?”

“That's what we’re trying to figure out,” he sighed. “No trace of anything her mom usually carries – not even kryptonite. There hasn't been a spotting of the car – there hasn't even been a spotting of Lillian. But we've deduced that Lena is with her, wherever she is.”

She took a deep breath and the determination increased. “Where was her last location?”

“That's how we know she's with Lillian, wherever that is,” he swallowed at Kara looking over his shoulder. “She was last seen leaving L-Corp, getting into her usual car.”

He pulled up security footage of Lena getting into the car Kara recognized well. After two blurry photographs of the street from security footage, it was over. Kara stepped back with wide eyes and disbelief. She needed more than two blurry photos.

“ _That's_ your lead?”

Alex caught sight of her upon hearing her raised voice. She rushed over, breathing heavy. Kara didn't realize how rare it was to see Alex out of breath until the sight was there in front of her.

“Lena's gone.”

Kara fidgeted with the glasses she wasn't wearing, feeling just as jumbled as Alex on the inside. Even Kara hadn't thought she cared about Lena to the extent of worrying as much as she was.

They were waiting for another sign for hours, both of the Danvers sisters attached to the screens. Her cell phone came across as if it had never existed in the first place, the license plate wasn't recognized again, no suspicious weapons or materials were being sensed… it was dead end after dead end, and the DEO was _never_ filled with dead ends. The first time it had no clues couldn't be with Lena. Kara refused to let that happen.

“I'm going out there.”

“If you are you're taking me,” Alex declared.

“No, I'm not–”

“ _Yes_ , you are,” she persisted. “You need back up and I want to go. You'll need help once you find her.”

They had a stare down, but eventually Kara nodded. “Fine. Get your gun and let’s go.”

“You guys can't–”

Alex dismissed Winn’s protest by walking away and Kara waved at him to stop talking, still anxiously staring at the monitors that weren't picking up any new information.

“C’mon,” she murmured to the computer, as if it would listen and give them a sign. “Lena, give us something. C'mon, c'mon, c’mon.”

Still nothing.

Alex sped back into the room with two guns, nodding her head. “I'm ready.”

“Agent Danvers! Supergirl!” J’onn addressed them both rather formally, his calm demeanor still in tact. “A word? It's about… this situation.”

They looked to one another, but eventually Alex sighed. “Yes, sir.”

He looked around as if he was suspicious, then nodded backwards. “In private.”

Kara shook her head. “There's no time. We have to–”

“A _word_ ,” he repeated. “I have intel.”

That got her moving faster than ever. They followed him to the end of the furthest hallway. He opened the door and Kara recognized it as a room similar to the one she and Alex had dueled in when she was learning how to properly fight. That seemed like forever ago.

He led them inside, letting both of them follow behind. When the door shut behind her, Kara narrowed her eyes. She noticed the difference immediately. There was no enhanced hearing. She peered to the door, frowning again. No superior vision either.

“Alex,” she turned with panic, speaking lowly with distrust of the third person in the room. “I have no powers right now.”

She was obviously just as confused, beginning to walk towards the control. “That makes no sense. We haven't used this room in–”

“If you'll excuse me. I'll return shortly with the information,” J’onn nodded to them, but instead of using the door he went directly through the wall.

“Why did he–”

“This isn't right,” Kara murmured, trying to open the door as J’onn left the room. “We’re locked in. We – I think we're being held hostage.”

“He wouldn't do that,” Alex dismissed, going to try to open the door herself.

Up until they entered, those doors hadn't been locked. People were free to come and go into this room. She swiped her badge to inactivate the lock, but it didn't work. She swiped it again, but still nothing. It was as if there wasn't even a badge. No red light denying access and certainly no green light permitting it.

“It's not working,” she spoke with confusion, moving to the keypad as Kara’s fear was confirmed.

Alex entered the ten digit code into the keypad, but it was to no avail. That was inactive as well. The next step was moving to the controls and trying to deactivate the room to allow Kara to use her powers, but once again her badge was useless.

J'onn stood outside and spoke to them through the intercom. Well, at least _something_ in the stupid room still worked.

“Your access to DEO controls have been temporarily revoked,” he told Alex pointedly. Then, he turned to Kara. “So have your powers.”

“You can't–”

Kara didn't need to speak up, because Alex was interrupting and speaking with much more ferociously. “This is unethical. I'm assistant director and this is an all hands on deck case.”

“You two were about to leave without informing anyone where you were going, nor having a plan in mind or back up,” he reminded them of what Kara wished they would've done. They couldn't be stuck here. “If your plan was to wing it, it means you're both too close to the case to be on it. And I don't trust either one of you to stay back and let us do our jobs. So, for now, you're in here until there _is_ a plan.”

“She needs our help,” Alex still fought with more passion than Kara had seen out of her in a long time. Maybe more passion than she'd seen out of her in general. “You need to let us out of here. Kara and I need to save her.”

“The DEO needs to save her.”

“I _am_ DEO,” she reminded him, spitting out words like venom. “I will burn this place to the ground before I sit here.”

He stared, then gave a reserved nod. “I'll leave you to that, Agent.”

“I–”

“We will find her,” he promised. “But I don't need my top agents doing something stupid and making things worse.”

“We wouldn’t–”

“Lillian Luthor always has a plan,” he announced as if Kara didn't already know that. As if that wasn't why she was so worried. “I'm not risking you two assisting her in completing it. You're too close for this case.”

“This is immoral,” Alex hissed. “It's an abuse of authoritative powers. I will–”

“I'm sorry you feel that way,” J'onn once again cut her off. “I'll keep you both posted.”

He began walking again, leaving the two of them alone and panicking, cut off from all information. A monitor turned on, allowing them to see what was happening on the main computer out front, but that still felt like nothing.

Kara let out a sigh, sitting on the floor with defeat. “Well, we were easy targets to outsmart”

“We weren't outsmarted yet,” Alex snapped, still pacing back and forth. “She ruined my dad. She turned him into a monster. She – I'm not letting her try to do the same with Lena. We need to find a way out of here.”

Kara watched her sister move to the keypad, uselessly entering the code three more times, then banging on it. She moved to the door as if it would magically be unlocked, but it still didn't budge.

“There has to be a way, Kara.” She looked back and her eyes darkened at the sight of her anxiously watching the monitor instead of looking for an escape. “You can't just _sit_ there. Help me!”

“I have no powers,” she mumbled, not tearing her eyes away from the illuminated screen, deciding to panic internally rather than whatever route Alex was taking. “I can't do anything in here without powers. And, I don't like it as much as you don't, but he has a point.”

“He doesn't have a point!” she nearly screamed. “To reminds you, Lena is out there, somewhere, with her _mother,_ and we don't know if she's okay. Does that not concern you?”

“Of course it does!” Kara snapped at the accusation, finally peeling her eyes away to briefly glare at Alex. “But what are we supposed to do? This is probably the most high tech base in the world and we fell right into his trap. Without your access to the controls or my powers, there is no escape route. I’ve tried to escape this room plenty of times before. Trust me that there's nothing we can do.”

Alex stared at her, then went back to pacing and looking for an exit to somehow appear out of thin air. She took her badge, swiping it again.

“There is _always_ a way,” she closed her eyes, rubbing her temples and trying to think. “If you'd help me out, instead of sitting there and giving up, we could get somewhere.”

“I could be gone and back by now if I hadn't waited for you to get your guns,” she couldn't help but be bitter before lowering her voice to a murmur. “I shouldn't have waited.”

“Well, you did, so now we have to find a way out of here. I don't trust any of them to refrain from treating her as a fugitive amd we both know she isn't. But Lillian always finds a way to make it appear otherwise.”

Alex kept storming around the room, looking at walls, glass doors, the ceiling, the floor, begging for a way out with her eyes.

“There's gotta be something I'm not thinking of.”

“Take it from someone who's been locked in the DEO more times than you can count on both hands… if they don't want you out of a room, there's no getting out.”

Alex shook her head, not accepting that answer. “I'm not giving up.”

Kara switched between watching the monitor and watching Alex pace as a small smile played across her lips.

“ _What_ are you smiling at,” her sister sneered. “There is nothing funny about this.”

She shook her head. She could agree with that. Kara was terrified for Lena and pissed that they had no way of saving her, so their situation wasn't funny by any means, but there Alex was, completely infuriated on Lena’s behalf. That was enough to provoke a smile.

“I'm not used to having someone else agree that she's innocent against evidence that says otherwise,” she voiced how different things were. “This is where you'd tell me I have too much blind faith and optimism.”

“We don’t need an _I told you so_ right now, Kara, we have to find a way out! We have to figure out how to save her,” Alex began breathing heavier. “They're going to treat her like they would a criminal.”

“I know,” she pursed her lips, trying to think of a plan herself and just as unhappy as her sister. “But I can't figure out a way out of here. So, for now I’m enjoying what I can and putting my trust in the DEO. And I think you should too.”

“This level of optimism is inappropriate,” Alex practically sneered. “I don't know if you've met the people we work with, but I wouldn't trust them with Lena for a second.”

Kara's smile grew at the words, provoking an exaggerated groan from Alex.

“Stop enjoying this. There is nothing to smile about.”

“I don't think you realize how strong she is,” Kara brought up. “Lena is more than capable of handling her mother until J’onn figures out what's going on.”

“I don't think _you_ realize–”

The monitor on the wall dinged and they both whipped to face it. A location was pinned and Kara frowned with confusion.

“She's at a correctional facility in Metropolis?”

“Oh, no, no, no, no, no,,” Alex was suddenly on the next level of panicking, not confused whatsoever. “That means Lex. Her mother brought her to Lex and – Kara you need to stop being useless and figure something out. You always figure something out, so get a move on and do it!”

“No, I'm always impulsive while _you_ figure something out,” she corrected her, with a heart that was racing at the idea of Lena being forced to see Lex.

She still stood by her claim that Lena was strong – because Lena was, she was incredibly strong. She meant it when she said Lena was more than capable of handling her mother. But she had doubts about Lex. Her brother was a whole new ball game that she didn't know how to play. She had heard plenty of stories about how traumatizing the Lex situation was for her and Kara didn't want to imagine what seeing him again would be doing to her.

She brought her fingers to her mouth, nervously biting her nails. She didn't care that Lena didn't like her back. There was no pity party today. She was through with her sulking and focused purely on the fact that nothing could make Lena unable to think clearly as much as Lex could. He was her biggest – and maybe _only_ – weakness.

“This isn't good,” she murmured.

Alex turned to glare at her with fire in her eyes. “I _know_ it's not good. _You're_ the one who’s just sitting there!”

Instead of answering, Kara hunched over, waiting for more information to come. Other leads always began popping up shortly after the first. She needed another to come now. 

“There's no way out of this room,” she repeated firmly. She had been trapped in rooms here time and time again.She had no doubt in her mind that trying to escape was a useless effort.

More information ran across the screen and Kara's heart fell with a silent rage. Alex’s rage was much more vocal.

“They're framing her,” she narrated with disbelief. “They – no, they can't do this again!”

Kara looked down, holding her head in her hands. Even Lena wouldn't be able to put up a strong front after this. Seeing her brother, then being thought of as guilty when her name had finally been associated with good… she would be right back to square one.

“We _need_ to go,” Alex insisted, looking to Kara as if she could bash through a wall, even without powers. “No one believes in her, but us.”

“I do,” J’onn’s voice sounded through the intercom again.

Alex spun around, storming towards the door. She opened her mouth to speak, but he continued before she could.

“I'm going as FBI. I’ll bring her here immediately after for questioning,” he filled them in as promised. “We’ll interrogate her here.”

“You're not _interrogating_ her,” Alex was ordering him around again and Kara tried to focus on that. She tried to smile at the fact that Alex was now just as protective of Lena as Kara. “There's – no! She's innocent!”

“Which is why I'm leaving the job up to you two,” he offered.

Alex scoffed, apparently not seeing the generosity he seemed to think he was giving. “I’m not interrogating her.”

“Well, in my time away, think of a way, because you need to question her. I don't care if it's biased, but she’ll trust the two of you enough to be honest. Be ready to be an agent again when I get back,” he ordered. Then, he softened. “But until I do, trust that I’ve got this, Alex.”

She shook her head, not giving up so easily. “You need to take me.”

“As rational as you seem to be thinking, I'll handle this one alone,” he turned down the proposition with the slightest hint of a smile. “I'll be back with her soon. Until then, sit tight.”

Once again, he was walking away before Alex could respond.

She must have realized there truly was no escape, because once he was gone, she moved to the center of the room and sat next to Kara. It was a rare time that Kara's arm was the one draped around Alex’s shoulder, not the other way around.

“It'll be okay,” she comforted her with full confidence. “J’onn will bring her back.”

She felt Alex's head shake against her with disagreement. “How do you know?”

Kara was used to caring about Lena enough to feel the need to go against protocol. She was used to being too passionate that she was innocent. She was used to knowing everyone else would think she was crazy for not turning against a Luthor. Kara had been in this boat of fighting for justice on Lena's behalf plenty of times before, but this was new to her sister.

“Because when I've been too close and almost ruined things by acting impulsively, you and the DEO have always saved the day,” she replied simply. “He has a point. I know it sucks for us, but being too close really can ruin things.”

She sounded small. “But what if they think she's guilty?”

“Everyone’s thought so before and rose above beautifully,” Kara reminded her. When Alex looked down with guilt, she pulled her closer. “Alex, she's going to be fine. We're the ones questioning her, so we’ll have access to her immediately once she's on base to verify that. We just have to have faith.”

Alex took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down, but Kara wasn't so sure it helped, because she still sounded scared. “When something happens to you I can, at least, rely on the fact that you're a superhuman alien. Lena is just…” she didn't finish the sentence. “She needs to be okay.”

There was no doubt in Kara's mind that she would be physically, but emotionally, returning to a state of fine could take a while. However, she certainly wasn't going to mention that to this new, anxiety-ridden version of Alex.

“She will be.”

“And if she's not?”

She stayed quiet. There was a larger chance that she was perfectly fine. “She will be, okay? I trust J’onn.”

“I trust _him_ ,” she clarified in. “It's everyone else in the world.”

It was quiet as they sat there, both trying not to think about it and failing miserably.

“I could kill Lillian,” Alex finally broke the silence with a vengeance in her tone. “I never thought I had it in me, but right now…” she thought it over, nodding slowly. “I would if I could.”

Kara hesitated, almost deciding to take the route of pretending to be the bigger person, but instead she relied on honesty. “Most days I want to snap both her _and_ Lex in half. I could rip them apart limb by limb for this.”

Instead of reprimanding her, Alex wholeheartedly allowed the gory picture. “If the opportunity arises, it definitely won't be me stopping you.”

She laughed, smiling at her sister’s protectiveness of someone other than her. “What happened to don't be an alien?”

“They want to kill you for being an alien,” she was all of the sudden able to rationalize it. “Fair is fair.”

Kara wished so badly that that was how the world worked. Whenever she ran into Lillian she had to consciously remind herself how, despite the pain she's caused, Lena somehow still wouldn't want her dead. Kara, on the other hand, would do it happily, if not for that.

“I hate Lillian more than I thought I was capable of hating someone,” Kara murmured. “And making her see Lex… Lena won't be the same person who left National City, let's put it that way.”

“She hasn't talked to me about him. She doesn't talk about her family to anyone but you,” her sister admitted, treading her words carefully. “You think it's gonna be that bad?”

“When she even tells stories about him, it's hard to watch,” Kara pursed her lips, not wanting to imagine the shaken state Lena must be in. “Her words are strong, because she's tough, we both know that. But it tears her apart thinking about Lex. She's come to terms with her mother, but him… she won't say it, but she still struggles. That much is loud and clear.”

Alex pulled away from their embrace, letting them face each other again. Both of their eyes were worried and Kara wondered which of their expressions outdid the other’s.

“They used to be so close,” she continued to explain what little she knew about the situation. “It's so hard for her to accept that her brother isn't who he used to be. Just talking about it upsets her, so seeing him?”

Alex’s breath caught in her chest. “By tomorrow she’ll be portrayed by the media as trying to free him.”

Kara groaned at the realization, resting her head in her hands. The world was going to think she was trying to rescue him. That she was on his side when it had always been the exact opposite.

“I don't want this to ruin her,” she sighed, rubbing her palm against her forehead. “This will be so hard.”

“Tell me how I can help,” Alex told her softly. “You know her better than me, but I want to help, however I can.”

“I love her so much,” Kara bit her lip, unable to meet Alex's gaze. “I don't want her hurting, yet I know she has to be right now, no matter how put together she’ll act when she comes back. And she’ll probably hurt for quite a while after this. I wish I could save her from all that.”

Alex sighed, leaning forward for comfort. “If anyone knows what to say, it'll be you. Being there for her is saving her in itself. She loves you so much. You're doing plenty.”

Kara teared up at the reminder of the love that wasn't the same as hers. “Earlier I was so sad she didn't feel the same and now that feels so minuscule. I don't care if ever loves me the same, really. I just need her to be okay. That's all I care about right now.”

Kara looked up with eyes that were desperate to see Lena waltzing through that door. No matter how bad of shape she was in, seeing any version of Lena was needed now more than ever. 

“Kara,” Alex murmured, staring with pity that was interlaced with guilt. Her voice was soft as she took in the pain that Kara couldn't hold in. “She _does_ love you back.”

“Not now, okay?” she asked, all the mixed emotions she was trying to contain inside herself, coming to the forefront. She looked down again. “I don't want to get into this right now.”

Alex stared at her, taking a deep breath yet again. Her voice came out as if she was unsure of the words she was saying. “I think there's something you should know… considering the circumstances.”

Kara shook her head, waving the suggestion away, then wiping tears as well. “I don't care about whatever it is. I just want to see her. Nothing else in the world will matter until I see her.”

“I haven't been totally honest with you on a few matters pertaining to her,” her voice trembled. “To Lena.”

She looked up again, furrowing her eyebrows. Alex's words were always forceful. They were never timid or uncertain. She said things confidently, even if she was wrong. If she said something, it was always guaranteed to come out either confidently or threateningly. Fearfully has never been an adjective that was associated with Alex Danvers.

“Is this going to make me angry?” she tried to gauge it out.

“I hope not,” Alex put on an innocent smile. “It's good news, but I don't want you to be mad I didn't tell you sooner. Because, in my defense, I promised her I wouldn't tell you, as I did you.”

Kara wasn't sure if she wanted to hear whatever Alex was getting at. She didn't have the emotional capacity to be angry with her right now. Kara couldn't take much more bad news. But she also wanted to know everything about Lena Luthor. Even the secrets she wanted to hide. She wanted to know every aspect, every detail, every hidden part Lena had. She wanted love each and every one of them.

“I would honor the promise,” Alex clarified, “but this was a close call for her. And if she wasn't okay… Well, if she would've not been okay today, I never would have forgiven myself for not telling you this,” she bit her lip. “But, please, don't be mad, okay? I _promised_ her. You know how much I stick to my word.”

Kara took a deep breath, bracing herself for the worst. If this secret was something that Kara could've helped with to prevent their current situation, she didn't know if she'd be able to stop herself from being angry. Still, she needed to hear whatever it was.

She gave a firm nod. “You do keep your word. But what's going on?”

Alex bit the inside of her cheek, then gave a small smile that lit up the dreary moment.

“She _does_ love you back,” she relayed earnestly, almost singing the words she spoke. “She is just as obsessed with you as you are her. And that's why I've been trying to tell you both to open your eyes – which has been utterly useless, by the way. You're both beyond stubborn.”

Kara processed that for a moment, then gave a wondrous smile of her own. “She loves me?”

Alex was exuberant as she confirmed it. “She does, Kara.”

“And she told you that?” she couldn't help but double check. “She explicitly said that? Without you prodding?”

“She told me her feelings before you told me yours,” Alex confessed. “Both of you were just too scared to see it.”

She kept shaking her head, mulling over the concept of feelings being mutual. “But why did she say she didn't like me?”

Her sister let out the first laugh either of them had in hours. It was weak, but it was there. “ _Apparently_ , someone was silent after she came out, so she panicked.”

“I was processing it!” Kara defended herself. “It was big news!”

“Well, either way, now you know,” Alex grinned, leaning forward with a somewhat uplifted mood. “Whatever you want to do with that information is up to you, but you know.”

Kara took a deep breath, nodding her head. “Thank you. I know you hate breaking promises.”

“You're my sister,” she offered. “Just… tell me before you tell her I have loose lips. I need to prepare for her mix of annoyance and amusement.”

“Wow, you do know her well,” she was genuinely surprised at the prediction. “That'll be her exact reaction.”

“She's family now, right?”

Kara's heart could've burst open right then and there. Her entire face brightened at the words, because she didn't know how badly she needed Alex and Lena to be close until they were. The description was incredible. Their entire relationship was, to be honest.

Never would Kara have imagined Alex would be beside her in this situation. Lena was framed and caught by guards trying to release Lex from solitary isolation. She had a badge with a pseudonym found in her bag, which supposedly allowed her to break in. According to the information given on their display, there were three eye witnesses from guards with a story that perfectly aligned to her brother’s. Yet, there Alex was, locked in a room to prevent the two of them from being reckless.

Less than six months ago, Alex would be with J’onn, retrieving Lena and bringing her back in handcuffs. She would declare how guilty she clearly was. She'd be treating Lena as a criminal, and she'd be telling Kara about how she had warned her to stay away. Kara would protest she was innocent, but no one else would believe her – J’onn certainly wouldn't. They'd all say she was too naive. Less than six months ago, Kara had been the only one in Lena Luthor’s corner.

Now, there was Alex. And Alex had the entire DEO on her side. She was rational, level headed and fair. Her instincts weren't optimistic, but rather realistic. Alex had an influence she probably wasn't even aware of.

Suddenly, Lena had all of this support. And even if the majority of the DEO only refrained from proclaiming her guilty due to Alex ordering them to, it didn't matter. To be frank, even if the rest of the DEO didn't support Lena, it'd be perfectly fine with Kara. Because the only other person who mattered did.

Throughout this entire ordeal, Alex hadn't thought she was guilty for a single second. She had stood by her this time. She fought for her even after Kara had given up and she made sure she had no way to escape this stupid room before allowing herself to give up as well.

Suddenly, there were two people who were unconditionally in Lena's corner. And Alex not only approved of Lena, but also of Kara _with_ Lena. And really, that's all she had ever wished for from the start.

* * *

Kara immediately noticed when her hearing returned to being above normal and shot up quicker than expected, due to both excitement and needing to adapt to being an alien again.

“My powers are back,” she explained to Alex's confused gaze.

That got Alex moving too, as she followed her lead, going to the door and swiping her badge in front of the panel. When the light turned green and the door unlocked her eyes widened. Her and Kara both rushed out of the room as if they had been prisoners for years.

“Danvers!” J’onn sounded from their left.

They turned to see him with a reserved Lena Luthor standing by his side, an attempt at a smile on her face.

“Delivered as promised.”

Kara rushed over quicker than humanly possible, wrapping Lena in her arms with a desperation to feel she was okay. She wanted to feel every last bump of her body and make sure she was in tact.

“Loosen it a bit,” Lena's voice came out happy and amused, despite her appearance being ill.

Her nose was red, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bloodshot. Her body subtly trembled and Kara fought to loosen the grip that she only wanted to tighten around the version of Lena that seemed to be afraid of the world. She wanted to hold her ten times closer than she was, but instead she forced herself to let go the slightest bit.

“Thank god, you're okay,” she murmured. After thinking it over, she rephrased the statement with tenderness. “You'll be okay now.”

Alex stayed a few steps behind her to let them have their moment, but Kara felt Lena’s jaw adjust to smile towards her.

“I'm really happy you're okay too,” her sister promised, coming closer to wrap her arms around both of them. “We were so worried.”

“Yeah, Alex almost lost her mind,” Kara pulled away, trying her best to smile when she met the saddened eyes. “You missed the one and only time I've seen her lose composure.”

“That is not–”

“She was pacing so much I thought she'd burn a hole in the floor,” Kara cut off her sister's attempt to defend herself, knowing very well that would get under her skin while cheering Lena up, which was a win-win situation.

On cue, Alex's jaw tightened. She glared at Kara, then turned to Lena with dismay at her exposure. “I was worried about you. _Sue me_.”

Lena's lip shook for a moment before she dug into their arms again, hiding her face from view. Kara felt her shuffle around, then tiny arms tighten around her. A few seconds later, Lena’s entire frame was shaking. After that, her cries became vocal.

Alex looked to Kara apprehensively, but Kara had no answers. She was nervous too, because this was new. Even to Kara, this vulnerability was new.

She had seen Lena cry before, but coming undone, showing herself bare to that extent, took a lot of pain. Bawling was something Kara never expected to see from Lena – especially not in the middle of the DEO, less than five minutes after they were reunited.

Alex tucked Lena in between them further, resting her chin on her shoulder. “It's okay.”

That snapped Kara to attention as she once again pulled her close. “We’re right here.”

“I know,” Lena breathed out unevenly. “I just missed you both so much.”

Kara didn't know what happened, but she knew Lena certainly was the least okay she had ever been. When she first moved, Lena portrayed her hurt with a mask of confidence and indifference. Right now, her pain was on full display. It was excruciating to watch it pour out, so Kara didn't want to know how horrible it must be to go through.

“We were so relieved when we heard you were okay after what happened.”

“I didn't do it,” she told them with urgency, but was still unable to pull away to look at them. “I didn't–”

“We know,” Kara promised.

Alex nodded from behind. “We didn't doubt you for a second.”

Lena let out a breath of fresh air when the comforting words came from Alex, and Kara realized that Lena would probably never fully believe just how worried her sister had been. She would never be able to express Alex's immense fear in a way that Lena would believe. Not once did she even question her innocence. Alex knew from the start, with full certainty, that Lena would never try to free her brother.

“Thank you,” she murmured against Kara's chest. “I've never had anyone as loyal as the two of you by my side.”

“Back at you,” Alex spoke for both of them again.

Kara was okay with that being the case for once. Most of the time, she despised when Alex spoke for her, but right now comments of their loyalty probably meant so much more coming from someone who hadn't proven themselves as many times as Kara had.

Lena didn't say anything else, just shaking her head with some sort of intense emotion and burying herself further into Kara's body to cry harder. Kara ignored the sinking in her chest, rubbing a comforting hand up and down across Lena's back while Alex did the same to her arm.

“We’re here for you,” she promised her candidly. “We will always be your family. I'm sorry yours couldn't do the same.”

Lena pulled away to say something, but her face scrunched and breathing stopped again, then she gasped for air with more tears. Kara shook her head and pulled her back to their previous position of Lena's head pressed against her chest.

“Don't say anything. Just know we’ve got you.”

Lena nodded. She wouldn't have been able to say anything if she tried. Her sobs were too frequent.

Kara met Alex’s eyes over Lena's head. Alex had questions, but Kara didn't have answers. They'd have to piece together this shattered version of Lena together. Kara had no tips, because she never could've imagined Lena like this – not in her wildest dreams.

Her sister tore their eyes apart to once again look at the back of Lena's head with concern.

“Try to relax,” she directed in a tender manner that was so rare to hear from her that Kara oftentimes forgot it existed. “We’re right here. And we aren't leaving until we all agree your ready to be alone.”

“Promise?” she asked with a meekness that was not, by any means, Lena Luthor material.

There was no hesitation on Alex's end. “Promise. More than anything else, I can promise you that.”

* * *

Lena laid on a bed at the DEO, unable to sleep and laying in Kara's arms, curled up into the smallest ball she could manage. She had barely said a word since she had come back. She put up that brief happy front, then she cried, then completely shut down. She'd been shut down ever since.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kara croaked through the air again.

Lena simply shook her head, her hands wrapped around Kara's forearm, clutching it with all she had.

Kara looked to her side to see J’onn looking towards her. They had yet to debrief Lena, but Kara refused to allow anyone to make her live through it twice. When an agent so much as looked their way she had a glare that made it quite clear who would win if they tried to start a war over the matter.

“I'm sorry I couldn't protect you,” she found herself murmuring when her attention was drawn back to the girl in her arms.

Lena shuffled on the bed until her forehead was pressed against Kara's chest again. Her breathing was still deep, but it was no longer frantic.

“You couldn't have done anything. You did more for me by staying here than you would've by saving me,” she promised. She was silent, then her heart sped up and voice came out low. “He wanted you there for some reason. He expected you to come save me. I don't know why, but he want you there. It was…”

She never finished, just wrapping her arms around Kara again. One of the most awe-striking things about Lena was that she never needed anyone to be okay. She had always wanted Kara, sure, but she never needed anyone by her side to be okay. Kara wasn't so sure that was the case anymore. The arms around her felt different than their usual embraces. They felt desperate for comfort and terrified that Kara might leave.

“I'm so sorry,” Lena let out a deep sigh.

Kara frowned, placing a hand on Lena's shoulder. “Why are you sorry?”

She moved forward on the bed again, closing her eyes and pressing against her chest for the billionth time that day. “I know this can't be easy for you to deal with. It's not ideal when my entire family wants to kill you. I'm just really sorry about it all.”

“Lena,” she admonished with a soft sigh. “You have _nothing_ to apologize for. I promise.

There was a laugh, but it was bitter and sad. “Feels like I complicate your life much too often. I wish I could change that.”

She placed a hand on Lena's shoulder again to regain eye contact, but Lena refused to look up.

“I don't want to talk about it. I'm just sorry. For this mess and the previous ones.”

When Lena wouldn't pull away to look up, Kara gave in and opted to pull her even closer instead. Her voice was soft, concerned and pained. She was so pained for her. “You aren't your family. This isn't your fault. Don't apologize.”

They sat in silence again and Kara almost didn't want to know what was running through her mind. She had a lot to think about, none of them good. Kara wondered how long it might take for Lena to feel okay again. This wouldn't be an easy bounce back, that was for sure.

“Thank you for staying with me,” her low voice proclaimed for the third time.

Kara nodded, hating that Lena was back to not seeing her own worth. It had taken so long to get her to even begin seeing it the first time. “Always. I promised then, I’ll promise now. I'm always going to be here for you.”

“I know that you think that's what friends are for,” she rested even closer to Kara, “but no one could ask for a friend more loyal than you. You're the best friend anyone could have.”

“I love you, Lena,” she murmured, knowing it might be a while until Lena was ready to talk about romantic feelings. She had enough going on without all of that being added. “You're the best friend I have, and you _will_ be okay. We’ll all make sure of it.”

Lena smiled, glancing up, then down. “Alex really didn't doubt me?”

Kara laughed at the question, because it seemed so absurd after seeing the pacing and shaking and practical tantrum from her sister. “She was terrified for you. She didn't even think to question you.”

That at least made her smile.

“She really cares about you,” Kara promised. “You've really changed her.”

She stayed quiet, but Kara no longer knew what her silences meant.

“You touch every life you walk into,” she continued. ”Everyone is lucky to have you in their life, and I have _never_ viewed you as a complication in mine. Whatever you do, know that.”

Lena sighed with contentment, her grip loosening with comfort. When her breaths were slow and steady, Kara allowed herself to slightly relax.

Half an hour later, J’onn came to the door, motioning for Kara to step away from Lena and come with him. When they were outside of the room, he gave her a hard look.

“I hear you and Alex questioned her when you were all in there last night.”

Kara looked over to Alex who was appearing from down a hallway. They definitely had _not_ questioned her. In fact, they had declared how awful it was that anyone was questioning Lena. Whatever J’onn was talking about was a blatant lie.

“I need your signature as witness of the interrogation. Since it wasn't filmed, you're verifying this interaction under the court of law,” he explained, holding out a clipboard of papers.

There was an entire transcript of an interrogation that had never happened with Alex’s scribble of a signature at the bottom. Kara looked over to her sister again who was waving a hand through the air, silently mouthing _sign it_.

She did so without question, putting a much loopier signature beside her sister’s. J’onn didn't question the report, but he most certainly didn't believe they had asked Lena a damn thing either. If he did he'd be a fool.

When Kara reached Alex’s side soon after, she spoke quietly. “You typed up an entire transcript overnight?”

“Couldn't sleep,” she shrugged it off. “Besides, based on your position for the past twelve hours, I doubted you were going to pull away from her long enough to help.”

“That’s accurate,” Kara fiddled with her glasses. “Thank you. I mean it.”

Before Alex could answer, Winn walked in and her sister was storming towards him, her finger pointed and demeanor back to being as threatening as usual.

“If you _ever_ lock me in a room again, I will personally revoke _your_ access to the DEO, Schott! Understood?”

Apparently, he wasn't expecting that to be his greeting when he stepped into work, because he took a step back from Alex, immediately stuttering out his explanation. “J’onn – uh – he assured me that that wouldn't happen.”

“I wouldn't test that if I were you,” she hovered over him with an icy glare. “Don't underestimate my power here.”

“I–”

“Agent Danvers,” J’onn called out from across the room. “You cannot threaten agents for following _my_ orders.”

Alex looked down at Winn as Kara held a hand to her mouth and tried not to laugh at what she knew was only half a joke. “Your career with the DEO can end just as quickly as it started. I advise you not be fooled by false promises.”

“J’onn!” he yelled to his side, but his cautious eyes never left Alex.

When J’onn turned to Alex, she held up her hands, sauntering back to Kara with a pleased nod. “I think I made myself clear.”

Kara laughed, nodding along, but when she caught sight of Lena’s sleeping frame, her smile fell a few notches. She began staring again, letting her attention fix on the small body in fetal position on the bed. How could someone so strong look so weak? She hadn't seen Lena look defeated before. It was heartbreaking.

“Did you tell her you know how she feels?” Alex asked from beside her.

Kara shook her head, looking up at her sister. “I told you I'd warn you when I did.”

“Are you going to?” she questioned with a spark in her eye that Kara couldn’t seem to find. “She could probably use some good news right about now.”

“She could use status quo right about now,” Kara argued back. “She needs to get through this first.”

Alex stared at Lena too for a few moments, then shrugged, tearing her attention away. “It's up to you, but I'm sticking with my claim that she could use some good news. And we both know you want to hear how she feels from her own mouth.”

“She can and I do,” Kara acknowledged. “But the timing isn’t right, you know?”

Based on her hefty sigh, Alex clearly didn’t know, but she nodded nonetheless. “I can respect that.”

“Thank you,” Kara tried to sound gracious, but all she wanted to do was hold Lena forever.

Still, she was also hungry and needed a shower, along with a reminder that the world wasn’t cruel, just Lena’s family. She needed free air.

“Can you keep her company for a little bit? I want to go get us all food. Maybe take a breather for a minute, go for a fly. I'm not used to not knowing how to help.”

“You got it,” Alex put a hand on her shoulder for reassurance. “And you are helping.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “Who knows, though.”

“Kara, we've got this,” she spoke uncertainty as if it were fact. “ _She's_ got this.”

Instead of arguing, Kara simply nodded, pretending that the statement helped her faith. “I know.”

She didn’t. But she sure did hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing anxious alex was a good ole time, in case anyone was wondering
> 
> get ready for lots of lena/alex brotp coming up!


	11. L: home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy valentine's day, here's an update!
> 
> this chapter is longer than usual but I couldn't figure out which part to exclude in order for it to be shorter before switching to Kara's POV, so get some junk food and kick back!

Lena heard who she assumed to be Kara walk into the room, but when they spoke it ended up being Alex. Or, someone who looked like Alex. She certainly didn't sound like her, however, not with all the nervousness and anxiety in her voice.

“Am I allowed to lay here too?”

Lena rolled over with a grin, scooting to one half of the bed and letting Alex lay down on the other. “As if I'd say no.”

Alex was tense and nervous for a moment, but after they adjusted to their positions the stiffness turned into softness. It became comfortable as she laid one arm out under Lena’s back. It felt different from how she felt when she was held in Kara’s arms in a multitude of ways. It was still comforting and safe, but not to the same overwhelming extent Kara offered. Even the physical feeling was different. Alex was firm and strong, but her arms lacked the desperation Kara's had as they clung to her.

“I only have one thing to say after all of this,” Alex spoke matter-of-factly.

Lena smiled, laying back and staring at the ceiling with as much amusement as she could muster up. She was already expecting a dry remark and Alex didn’t disappoint.

“Everyone already knew I don’t handle Kara disappearing too well, but I think it’s safe to say I’m even worse with you, so you either need to get superpowers to defend yourself with or never disappear again, because I was not a fan of learning what anxiety is.”

Lena gave a small laugh, glancing up at her with her first eye roll since being back. “I'll send the request up my family tree.”

She felt Alex laugh too, then silence settled again. Lena had so many questions about what went on here in her absence. She wanted to know how they found her, what everyone thought, and _especially_ how J’onn had successfully gotten Alex and Kara into their ‘cell’ as everyone seemed to be calling it.She wanted to ask a plethora of questions, but she was too afraid to know the answers to most of them. She was almost positive that Alex was probably in the same boat.

Lena was the first to muster up the courage and vocally inquire about one of them. “Between me and you… Full disclosure… What went through your mind when it appeared that I was trying to free my brother?”

“That–”

“Your impulse,” she clarified before Alex could properly answer. “Not when you rationalized it. When you first saw the news, what did you immediately think? And I won't get mad, I’m just curious.”

“Well, my _impulse_ was to go out and _kill_ ,” she spewed out forcefully enough for Lena to hear the hatred loud and clear. “I still want to, actually - say the word and I'll find a way. But when I rationalized it, I realized I was unable to, because I was locked in a room against my will, so I sat next to Kara and we worried about you together.”

As absurd and inappropriate as the reaction to hearing that Alex wanted to kill her family was, Lena felt a smile creep on to her face, because it really was surprising that she no longer had doubts about Lena’s innocence. “You really knew I didn't do it?”

“I know you better than you think,” she laughed at Lena’s incredulity. “Why are you so in awe by the fact that I had your back?”

“Well, for starters, the last time this happened you were convinced I was guilty.”

Alex let out a long groan, throwing her head back to emphasize the frustration. “How many times are you going to force me to admit I've made one wrong judgment call in my life?”

“Just one?”

“Just you,” she stuck by the statistic

Lena chuckled, grateful for the light atmosphere that Alex was providing. Kara was worried and she knew Alex was too, but they reacted to that worry in such different ways. Kara was sincere and commiserative, which was always much needed, but Alex hid her feelings behind humor, which Lena felt at ease with. There was nothing Lena could do better than hide behind dry jokes.

“I've never made a wrong call,” she mused, placing relaxing her hands on her own stomach. “I _would_ say it must be unfortunate to be you right now, but at the moment it seems like it'd be nice to be anyone else. Wrong calls and all.”

Alex gave a heavy breath at that, turning to fully hug her as they laid side by side. The sound of their breathing filled the room and Lena didn’t hug her back, but she let Alex hold her while she soaked in the warmth it brought. When Alex spoke again, her quiet voice was deafening.

“I can handle the dark side of you, so be real with me,” she proclaimed before pausing, sounding so certain she was capable of that that Lena was tempted to believe her. “How bad are things in your mind right now?”

There was bitter laugh, then a small pool of tears threatening to overflow again. She forced out a strained smile out of habit, because she was used to putting on a full show of being okay by now, even if Alex couldn’t see her face in their current position. “They could be peachier, to say the least.”

Alex sighed beside her, hiding the concern that Lena knew she held for her. She sounded empathetic, but not worried. “I don’t doubt that much.”

Neither of them said anything more until Lena shook her head. She spoke hoarsely with an alarming amount fear in her voice. She cursed herself, because she _hated_ sounding scared. She had everything. She could overcome anything. And she was used to this - she shouldn’t be afraid of the whole being kidnapped thing anymore. She especially shouldn’t be afraid of her own family.

“I knew I could handle my mother. When she took me, I was so confident that I'd be fine, because how many times have I outsmarted my mother? But when I saw Lex again…” she took a deep breath to steady herself, then continued to speak at the slow, thought out pace from before. “I could barely see straight. The entire world was spinning and it seemed like the walls were closing in on me. For a moment, I really thought I was going to die. Not from him murdering me, or anything, I wasn’t worried about that, but it literally felt like the air was being sucked out of me right then and there. He wasn’t hurting me, he wasn’t even threatening me, but when I saw him, I immediately felt like I was suffocating. And that was before the whole being framed thing.” She paused and shook her head. “I didn’t know if I’d see you again, because I was terrified, Alex. I… Yeah. I was terrified.”

Alex processed the words, then her suggestion was timid. “Have you ever considered therapy? It could help and the DEO has people we could recommend–”

“Don't be an agent right now.”

She was pleading, because she didn’t want to hear how talking to someone would help. It wouldn’t. They wouldn’t understand, nor would they care. If anything, they’d probably think she was guilty, just like the rest of the world did. The only people she would ever confide in were the Danvers sisters. Talking to a stranger was out of the question. Trusting a stranger was even further out of the question.

“In a week, if I'm not getting better on my own, give me all the referrals you want, but right now I just need you and Kara to be there.”

Alex sighed, wrapping her arms around further around Lena. “We’re there. I’m just saying, there's no shame–”

“A week,” she interrupted her for a second time. “Give me that much.”

She wasn't sure if she'd truly be better in a week, but for both of their sakes she was hoping she would. She could entertain Alex’s idea of therapy, but they both knew she would need a lot more pestering before she’d even consider such a thing. She was a Luthor. She didn’t need therapy, she needed a better blood family.

“I know you don't want to talk about it, but if you ever do… I want to listen,” Alex stumbled over her words, as if offering to be there to lean on was a crime. “I won’t be pushy, but I’m here for you. If you want that.”

Despite definitely _not_ wanting to talk about it, Lena found herself murmuring the opposite. “I don't care if we talk about it.”

Eventually she’d have to talk to someone about what happened – and she'd have to be debriefed for information as well. Besides, she loved Kara to pieces, but at the end of the day, Lena felt most comfortable disclosing how awful everything was to Alex. Alex wouldn’t try to fix it. Instead, she'd listen and empathize, which was all that was needed. She knew Kara just wanted to help, but there wasn’t a solution to this, no matter how hard her or Supergirl would try. Lena couldn't change her DNA. And even if she could, she couldn't erase the memories she had with a family that used to be normal. There was no fixing that.

There was no fixing the fact that she couldn’t talk about anything related to Lex or Lillian without being ashamed of them - and sometimes being ashamed in herself for not somehow stopping them. There was no fixing how there were times she wanted to scream and scream and scream into a void to attempt to release her anger - because there was a _lot_ of anger. Above any other emotion, she was so, _so_ angry. She was resentful, because this wasn't fair. She was good. Or she tried to be. But the cost of that was losing the family she use to love. And Kara couldn’t fix that.

Dismissing Alex’s surprise, she continued with her offer. “What do you want to know?”

Clearly taken aback by the openness, she began backtracking, her voice gentle. “I don't want to force you to talk about things if you don't want to.”

“You're not,” Lena promised. “I'm offering. I'm assuming you eventually need a debriefing, anyway. I’m surprised it hasn’t already come up.”

“ _Well_ , more like I need verification of a debriefing,” Alex slowly explained, rolling away from hugging Lena and laying flat on her back. She turned her head to meet eyes with Lena, a bashful grin on her face. “J’onn was pushing for one, so I sort of made it up based on the surface details you told Kara and I last night.”

Lena’s eyebrows shot up at the information. “You _forged_ the debriefing?”

“Well when you use _forged,_ it sounds illegal,” Alex huffed at what Lena knew was, in fact, illegal. “I simply pulled together facts from a prior conversation and rearranged them in order to create an official document to file.”

Lena snorted, nodding along to the rephrasing. “That sounds infinitely better, you're absolutely right.”

The eye roll from Alex was audible. “You should be thanking me. Not pointing out that I broke DEO rules.”

“The law,” she corrected. “Can't forget that you also broke the law.”

“ _Moving on_ ,” she dragged out. “I'd love to hear what happened for nonofficial purposes, as well.”

Lena was quiet. There was so much to say about everything, so many different places she could start. She felt tears as she admitted the obvious, her voice cracking in the process. “All I wanted was to see you or Kara.”

She felt Alex twitch, then the arm that was wrapped under her back pull her close. Lena rested her head on her shoulder, letting herself sink into the warmth again.

“You and Kara make things feel okay in those rare moments where I can’t feel okay on my own. At the time, all I wanted was to feel okay,” she murmured. “Although honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay in the same way I was before all this.”

“You will,” Alex said with enough confidence for the both of them. “You may not see it, but things will improve. Ever since we met, you've told me how things can't hurt forever. It's your turn to trust those words.”

“You make the whole trust concept seem easy, but I’ve already told you how I have issues that go on for miles regarding that word.”

Alex smiled, nodding along. “And after the past couple days, I'm seeing why.”

Lena took a deep breath. It was funny how everyone but Alex and Kara thought she was guilty when she was actually traumatized. She hated that word, because it seemed melodramatic. _Traumatized._ She wasn’t a victim. She was too privileged to be a victim of any sort of trauma. Yet she still felt it.

“He was taunting me, Alex,” she relayed the scenario with so much pain and a hint of anxiety. “From the second I got there, he was smug as could be. He knew his effect on me and instead of caring, he manipulated it for personal gain. He used my fear as an advantage.”

Apparently Alex couldn’t find the same empathy for Lex as she had for her, because voice was hateful and protective. “He's an asshole. I will do everything in my power to make sure he’s in a worse off cell with much better guards.”

That didn’t help. She still felt as broke and before.

“He didn't care about me,” she felt the unsteady breathing begin again as her eyes began stinging. “He used to be my _brother_. We were as close as you are to Kara - he was my best friend! He was… he was my absolute best friend. And now he's just angry and uses my own insecurities against me. Now, he watches me hurt and worsens it when he used to always make me feel better. And I _hate_ that he’s able to effect me like this when he does all that. I hate that I still care about him, because I despise him. I wish he was never my brother to begin with. Then, I hate how awful I am for wishing such a thing, because our relationship was beautiful, once upon a time.”

Alex didn't say anything, so Lena figured she simply didn't know what to say, but then she began speaking again with a trepidation that made it clear she knew what she wanted to say the whole time, she just didn't know if she _should_ say it.

“Has Kara told you about red kryptonite?”

“I know what it is, but not from Kara.” Lena thought over the question, then looked up when she realized why Kara would want to tell her about it. “Was she effected by red kryptonite?”

“Yeah. Before you came,” she breathed out. “But when she was under that, she was _just_ like your brother. She was angry and everything she said was truthful, but spun in a way that _killed_ me to hear. It vocalized every insecurity I had, it brought to light every harsh reality there was. She said things that she knew would hurt me to hear – things she truly believed. She pointed out my weaknesses, all the things that she knew I hated about myself, then made me hate them more than I already did. And _I'm_ lucky enough to be able to rationalize it by saying it was a drug, that that’s not who she really is, but you aren't. This is who he’s grown into and you dealing with all this… I _wish_ I could change that for you. But I can’t. And no one can. But it is more than fair for you to wish you didn’t have the good times, because then you wouldn’t be facing the bad right now. Even when I knew that it wasn't really Kara, there was a single moment that I wished she had never come into my life. I love her to death – you _know_ I do – but for that one tiny second, I wished she wasn't my sister, so I wouldn't need to deal with the heart wrenching pain she was causing for me. And if I'm allowed to think that of my sister while she was effected by an external substance, you are _definitely_ allowed to think it of your brother.”

Lena sighed. It sounded logical and made her feel slightly better, but she still felt like she was obligated to love him enough to not wish he didn’t exist. He wasn’t always a horrible person. She should cherish those memories. Instead, she despised them.

“You don't think I'm awful?”

Alex shook her head as her voice was nothing but promising. “You aren't awful for wanting people who put you through hell to go through their own. But it’s also okay if you still care about him. Who he is now doesn’t erase who he was to you when you were younger. Caring about him doesn’t make you any less of a good person.”

“I know,” she gave in.

She felt Alex staring, but didn’t turn to meet her gaze. She did know. She knew that she was allowed to care about Lex. But that didn’t make it easier, because she didn’t want to. She wanted to be able to not care, she wanted to be indifferent, she wanted to forget he existed. Above all, she wanted both him and her mother out of her life for good. Every time she finally learned to stand on her own again, they would rip the rug out from under her.

Alex’s voice was low and grave. “You’re allowed to be angry when people hurt you.”

“It feels like he destroyed me,” Lena admitted. “It feels like this will always haunt me. Like I'll never move on. And when I do make the slightest step forward, he’ll be right behind me to drag me back down.”

Alex rubbed a reassuring arm up and down Lena’s bicep, nudging her to look up. When she finally did, there was a gentle smile and words of conviction. “You're going to be okay again.”

It still didn't feel that way. She felt broken and wondered if being ’okay’ was still in the cards for her.

“I hope you're right.”

“When have I ever been wrong?”

“When you thought I was a fugitive.”

Alex narrowed her eyes, causing Lena to grin. “Good to see you're not too sad to rub that in my face not once, but _twice_ in the past half hour.”

Lena broke their eyes apart, laid her head flat on Alex's arm and stared at the ceiling. “Do friends not point out each other's flaws? Sorry, I'm new at this.”

She heard grumbling, then mumbling. “I bet you don't point out _Kara's_ flaws like that.”

“Well, _Kara_ is a superhero and quite possibly the most perfect person I've ever met.”

Alex crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow. “And I am?”

“Second best,” she gave an apathetic shrug.

She got a small laugh in reply, then a nod of acceptance. “Well, I appreciate your honesty, despite it being quite harsh.”

“I believe the phrase goes, ’what are friends for?’”

Alex outright scoffed at the words, quickly arguing protesting against the use. “Me and you are _not_ starting with the stupid phrase that has absolutely _no_ meaning when its used between the two of you – none, whatsoever.”

Lena looked down with a small smile, because she wished that were true. Unfortunately, though, it seemed to have plenty of meaning.

“She’s worried about you,” Alex stated the obvious with sadness. “I've never seen her worry about anyone's wellbeing this much.”

Lena looked up, but stayed frozen until she spoke. “I don't want to lay this on her.”

“But you do me?”

“Your mind is already dark,” she shrugged out the logical answer. “I'm not making it any darker. Kara's? I'd be taking away the sunshine and I can't do that to her or myself. I need that sunshine.”

Alex readjusted her position on the bed, shaking her head and lacking the same empathy for her sister in her dry tone. “I know you think she shits out daisies, but her mind is darker than you think. She's been through traumas of her own. If anything, she knows what you're going through better than I do.”

“She probably does, but… there's no solution to this,” Lena vocalized her reasoning. “The best thing she can do is listen, but she’ll want to fix it, because that’s who she is. And I _love_ that about her, but right now, nothing can she do will fix it.”

“She means well,” Alex told Lena what she already knew. “Her constant need to fix can be beyond irritating, I definitely agree with that, but she means well. When you were gone, her first instinct was to do whatever it took to save you. Watching people she cares about when they’re hurting, especially me and you, makes her want to go into Supergirl mode and save them.”

“I know, but I don’t want her to save me,” Lena sighed with frustration. “To be honest, even during the whole ordeal, it wasn’t her that I was counting on. I was hoping it was you who’d be doing the saving.”

She felt Alex freeze and wondered if she said the wrong thing, but when she finally spoke the honor in her voice assured Lena that she hadn’t. “ _Me_?”

“Yes, _you_ ,” she laughed.

Alex was genuinely baffled by the idea. “How on Earth would _I_ help you against your psychotic family.”

“Well, for starters, you’re practically co-director of the DEO,” Lena stated the obvious. “You don’t need powers. The entire time, all I wanted was your faith in my innocence, because I knew if I had you on my side, the DEO would follow. They’d listen to you, and they’d save me. I just needed you. And I guess I got it.”

“You guess?” she laughed, scooting their bodies closer together. “You got me, Lena. Through and through.”

She _hated_ the desperation for reassurance in her own voice. “Promise?”

“I promise,” Alex confirmed. “Me or Kara aren’t going anywhere.”

Lena looked up. She wasn’t smiling, but her lips twitched upwards for a moment. “Thank you for being such a good friend.”

“You make it easy.”

“Right,” she huffed a sort of laugh through her nose. “I’m sure I do.”

“You do,” Alex protested with finality. “And I am _so_ glad you’re safe.”

Lena turned to look away again, laying back down on Alex’s arm. She refrained from answering, because she didn’t feel too safe. She felt like she wanted to rip her insides out and all she wanted to do was shower and cleanse herself from her brother’s touch. The only safe place was her current location and she couldn't stay there forever. Laying in the DEO meant being in a bubble where no one could touch her. She wished she could live in it.

Lena looked at the clock, seeing it was once again mid-afternoon. She had been back for twenty-four hours, yet was still two steps away from beginning the shaking and crying ordeal again. She felt absolutely fine, but she also felt like one small thing could make her lose her mind.

“Where did Kara go?”

Because Kara made her feel safe and she missed that. She missed her. Actually, she had found herself to be missing Kara a lot in the past two days. The only person who brought her complete serenity and peace of mind was Kara. There was something about the way her arms tightened around her, the way she held Lena close. She spoke with determination in every syllable each time she vowed to protect her. Even the way she would stare at Lena from across a room, those blue eyes always seeming to be soft and tender, was the most reassuring, on top of the world feeling there was.

“Don’t worry, your girlfriend will be back soon,” Alex teased, giving her a quick squeeze. “She went for a fly, then she was going to get something for her undying appetite. I think she’s bringing you something too.”

Lena's words sounded bitter, but were only playful. “Making girlfriend jokes about feelings that aren't mutual? A bit rude considering the timing, don't you think?”

Alex laughed, but it died down quicker than usual. She stared at Lena for a moment in deep thoughtful, then gave in to whatever internal battle she had been fighting. “I’m going to disclose something Kara wants me to wait to disclose. She thinks the timing is off, but _I_ , for one, think you should know.”

“Kara knows me better than you,” Lena kindly offered, blunt as ever. “She might be right.”

“It’s good news,” she explained. “Big news, but good news. And I think you could use good news. You don't?”

Lena thought the logic over, but it didn’t take a genius to realize her thought process wasn't flawed. Still, the promise of good news seemed too good to be true.

“Is there such a thing in a time like this?”

“Well, _that’s_ depressing,” Alex muttered before persisting her point. “I think you’ll consider this good news. Great news, in fact.”

Lena was hesitant due to the fact that Kara didn’t think so, but eventually agreed to listen when curiosity outweighed apprehension. “Alright. Let’s hear.”

“When you were gone, I - uh - okay, you’ll _eventually_ consider this good news,” Alex made the disclaimer. “This first part you might not.”

Lena shook her head, genuinely amused by the revision of Alex's prior statement. “That sounds very promising. Please, do continue.”

“Well… while you were missing, I told Kara you have feelings for her.”

Lens shot up to a sitting position, turning to stare with rage and betrayal. “You _what_?”

“No need to be melodramatic,” Alex pulled her back to her previous position of laying down. “I told you, the first part might not be good news for you.”

“The second part better be damn good, then,” she warned, anger coursing through her blood stream. “It has to be to redeem _that_.”

“The second part is the reason I told her,” she explained. “Which is, because she told me she has those same feelings for you a while ago.”

She looked at Alex with genuine confusion, because that didn’t make sense. Why would Kara like _her_? The pieces didn’t fit together at all. Especially not now, after her family proved they weren’t giving up on turning her life upside down. Lena had such an insane amount of baggage due to blood, and most of it involved Kara herself. Not to mention that Kara Danvers could literally pick anyone and they’d return the feelings. She was contagious and naturally alluring, so why would she ever pick a Luthor? It seemed unreal.

It took a moment to decide on a thought to vocalize. “This sounds like you making things up to make me feel better. How much did you have to twist her arm for her to say she has feelings?”

“I repeat: she told she had feelings _a while ago_ ,” Alex emphasized with a loose smile. “She told me she did months ago - way before all this. But I promised you I wouldn’t tell, then she made me promise her I wouldn’t tell. When you could’ve died I figured it might be a good time to break a promise or two.”

Lena kept staring. She was in utter awe. “You’re not kidding?”

“No.”

“This isn’t to make me feel better?”

“Believe it or not, Lena, she might actually have feelings for you,” Alex grinned.

She narrowed her eyes with challenge, noticing the evasion of a straight answer. “Can I get that answer in the form of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’?”

“ _Why_ do you have so little faith in me?” Alex asked with exasperation. When Lena didn’t laugh, she answered. “ _No_ , it’s not just to make you feel better.”

Lena thought it over some more, trying to make sense of the foreign concept of Kara having feelings too. Lena liked someone and that someone liked her back. She liked - no, she _loved_ Kara and _Kara_ liked - or loved? - her back. It seemed too good to be true, especially after the past couple days. Five minutes ago she had felt like nothing in life would go her way ever again. Now, she felt amazed, because maybe something was.

“She’d been sitting with me the entire time I’ve been back until you stepped in,” Lena narrated with her head in a daze. “Why wouldn’t she say anything?”

“As I said, she thinks it’s not the right time. She doesn’t want to overwhelm you.”

“Overwhelm me?” Lena shook her head at the idea. “That’s the best thing you’ve told me to date.”

Alex rose her eyebrows, her voice overly smug. “Are you saying I was right and Kara was wrong?”

Lena held up her hands to the question, knowing better than to get in the middle of that. “Pleading the fifth.”

“Cop out answer.”

“You’re completely right.”

Alex looked down, her expression full of anticipation. “Are you going to tell her you know?”

Lena searched her eyes, trying to find a sign of dishonesty, but they were candid. There seemed to be nothing to hide.

“You’re serious about all this? That she told you a while ago?”

“Swear to god,” Alex immediately promised, her voice soft. “She’s head over heels for you, Lena. I’ve been trying to tell you that for months.”

She looked away, unable to speak. She was on cloud nine. Finally, she found words.

“I suppose you have.”

* * *

They fell into a routine of small talk and banter until Kara returned a half hour later. She was dressed as Supergirl and carrying a To Go bag from Lena’s favorite Italian restaurant on the east side of the city. She held it up with a warm smile.

“I come bearing gifts. And I got you ravioli, Lena,” Kara met her eyes, daring her to argue. “You need comfort food, not health nut food.”

She squinted at the logic. “Lots of carbs.”

“Meaning lots of comfort,” Kara nodded with a cheeky grin. She turned to her sister, looking less sure with her meal. “I got you that pasta with cheese and weird stuff that has the overly fancy name.”

Alex wore an amused smile. “Is that how you described it when ordering?”

“Yes, but I know it’s the right dish,” she promised. “The lady said one entree and I knew that wasn’t the one, but then she said _another_ and _that_ was definitely it.”

That made Alex laugh and she accepted the answer. “I’m shocked you got me something either way. Thank you.”

“I was kind of obligated to get you something,” Kara stated matter-of-factly, looking between them. “We’re a trio now, right?”

Lena and Alex turned to each other, both grinning. Because, yeah. Lena guessed they were.

Kara set the bag of food on the table, pulling out dishes and plastic forks. She handed Alex her meal, then Lena, then pulled out two for herself. Lena wished she would have been more surprised at the fact there were two, but she only would’ve been shocked if Kara had only ordered one. She pulled the lid off the ravioli dish and couldn’t help but feel better already. Kara was right. She did need comfort food. She’d have a salad in a couple days. Or maybe a couple weeks. Whenever she felt better, she’d have a salad.

Alex's phone sounded off and she looked down at the text, looking up to them with a neutral and bashful expression, then looking down again to reply immediately.

“That was _very_ subtle,” Kara commented on the odd behavior that Lena had planned to ignore.

Alex responded, but only once she had finished typing and put her phone off to the side. “What was?”

“You're texting into her. Sam, I mean,” Kara didn't beat around the bush. “ You only look guilty and immediately text back when you like someone.”

“You've seen me like _one_ person before.”

“And that one person was enough,” she threw back.

Alex rolled her eyes, denying Kara’s assumption, “I wasn't even texting Sam.”

“Yeah, you were,” Lena casually joined in on the conversation. “I know that, because you're _always_ texting Sam.”

The bed moved up and down as Alex shuffled around, then her glare turned to Lena. “I haven't picked up my phone since I've been in here.”

“True, but if you're sending a text to anyone other than us, it's Sam,” she pointed out, to which Kara eagerly agreed. “And _we’re_ right here. I don't have my phone and Kara doesn't seem to know how to turn her phone on silent, so by deductions, you're texting Sam.”

Alex stared with her jaw slightly ajar, looking completely annoyed. “Why did we even become a trio? I don't deserve this kind of mistreatment.”

Kara was a quarter through her first meal already. “Yeah, you do. I'm not smart enough to call you out with that degree of eloquence, but you say stuff like that to me all the time. Karma sucks, doesn't it?”

“What is karma, Kara?” Alex dared her swear and Lena stifled a laugh watching Kara contemplate if she should. “Hm?”

“Not fun, that's for sure,” she grumbled.

Lena smiled at their antics, taking another bite of ravioli and relishing in the moment of being home. Her biggest fear throughout her voyage to and from Metropolis was that she wouldn’t get more moments like this. She didn’t know if Lex would kill her, then she didn’t know if Alex would believe in her. After she got back, she didn’t know if either of them would be awkward.

They weren’t. Both Kara and Alex were tiptoeing around her - more so Kara - but it wasn’t awkward. If anything, it was due to Lena’s uncanny talent of holding things in and them refraining from forcing her to open up. She opened up to Alex, but that was only the beginning. There was so much more to say about how horribly her family effected her. She didn’t want them to, but her mother and Lex… they were the two people who knew exactly how to bring her down.

She looked at Kara who was smiling brightly around the room, then at Alex who had on her lecturing voice and felt reassured that life was okay, because these were the people who knew how to pick her back up.

* * *

"So," Kara stared at her sister through the window of Lena’s current home at the DEO. Alex was leaning against a desk with a phone up to her ear as Kara mused. “Think her and Sam are going to become a thing?”

Lena was following her gaze, watching Alex smile. “I don’t know. What’s she saying?”

“No idea.”

She looked to Kara, tilting her head with a glint in her eyes. “Well, you have superpowers for a reason, do you not?”

“Not for that, no. When I first came to Earth, Alex was so scary and since I was dumb, I signed some stupid contract she made agreeing to never use my hearing to eavesdrop on her conversations.” When she saw Lena’s amusement, she explained further. “It seemed like maybe that’d make her finally like me.”

Lena’s ears perked up, looking between the two sisters. “ _Alex_ didn’t like you?”

“Me and you have much more in common than you think,” she confirmed with a grin. “Alex _hated_ me when I first got here. It felt like decades before she even began to tolerate me, because time just dragged on and on. It was excruciating.”

Lena was skeptical. “Alex Danvers? Your _sister_ , Alex Danvers? The Alex Danvers who hated me without knowing me, because my brother was a threat to the cousin you never talk to?”

Kara laughed, shrugging her shoulders. “She went from viewing me as her biggest enemy to being my my strongest ally.”

Lena watched Alex, in awe that there could’ve ever been a version of her that didn’t like Kara. Seeing them now, it seemed like they had always been inseparable. The minute she became friends with Kara, the only thing that was crystal clear was that in no world would Kara view anyone higher than she did Alex. Likewise, in no world would Alex look after anyone more protectively than she did her sister.

“Was she nice to you?” Kara asked, tearing Lena out of her daze. “I know I was gone for a while. She wasn’t too pushy, right? Because she can be and-“

“She was very well behaved,” Lena promised, cutting off the anxious ramble, despite wanting to hear it. Even though Kara hated them, Lena could listen to the stuttering and lengthy explanations for hours. “You have no reason to worry.”

They both went back to silently watching Alex.

“Will you listen in yet?” Kara looked down to her pleading eyes as she shifted to using the past couple day’s events to her advantage. “I _am_ pretty sad. Knowing what they’re saying sure would make me feel better.”

Kara was still conflicted, but eventually she gave a hearty sigh. “Alright. But me doing this never leaves this room. Deal?”

Lena happily smiled, nodding along. “Deal.”

She watched Kara focus, then her eyebrows furrow, then her eyes widen. She looked back to Lena with surprise. “It’s not Sam. She’s talking to Ruby.”

“Ruby?” Lena asked, just as shocked. “Why would she be-“

“I don’t know, but it’s not serious,” Kara continued listening, then turned back. “It’s just about how school is going.”

Lena grinned to herself, nodding at how endearing that was. “Well, that’s domestic, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t even know Sam was gay.”

“You didn’t even know _I_ was gay,” Lena pointed out. “Your gaydar isn’t exactly impeccable.”

Kara arched an eyebrow, looking down at her as Lena laid back on her chest. “And yours is any better?”

She knew Kara was into girls after her conversation with Alex, but in order for her point to be proven, she pretended she didn’t. “I’m not the one who missed that her best friend is gay.”

She felt Kara’s arm tense for a second, but she went back to her normal demeanor so quickly she almost missed it. Instead of answering, Kara let the silence linger for a few moments, then changed the subject.

“I’m surprised you haven’t asked to go home yet.”

_I am home._

She didn’t say that. Instead she shrugged the comment off. “I’m surprised you haven’t gone home yet.”

For what seemed like the trillionth time, Kara tugged their bodies closer together. Her words were slurring with affection. “I’m not leaving your side.”

Lena’s heart melted at the audible genuineness in Kara’s voice. Even though she never wanted Kara to leave, she offered her an out. “You don’t have to stay. I know this bed is uncomfortable.”

“Of course I’m staying,” she rolled her eyes, not even thinking about going to her own apartment. Her voice sounded thicker than usual when she cited their slogan. “That’s what friends are for.”

Lena wrapped an arm around Kara’s stomach, pressing her cheek further against her body. She wanted to stay like this forever. Kara physically holding them together this firmly was all she needed. She knew she’d be okay again whenever Kara was around.

“Yeah, well, you're a really good friend, then,” Lena murmured, feeling Kara’s chest rise and fall against her. “This is a lot.”

She heard Kara hum in response. “Maybe so. But we both know it's nothing compared to what's going through your mind right now.”

The thoughts flooded in for a moment, then Lena re-focused on Kara. She focused on her soft hair sprawled under her shoulder blade, the defined bicep around her back, her chest rising and falling with every breath she took, causing Lena's face to rise and fall as well.

“I love you, Lena,” Kara proclaimed when there was an extended period of silence. “I hope you know that.”

She couldn't help but smile at Kara's earnestness. “I do.”

“No matter what,” Kara continued to promise. “It's unconditional.”

The word was overwhelming to hear, because it vocalized the feeling. It somehow always felt like an unconditional bond to Lena. Half of her thought Kara would get fed up with her family and leave, but the other half knew she wouldn't. There were people who made promises, then there were people who kept them. Kara Danvers kept them every time.

She almost didn't kiss her. She wasn’t sure if she should risk ruining their friendship when Kara’s presence in her life was crucial, but in the end she decided she needed to take a leap. She needed to kiss Kara, because Kara deserved to be kissed.

With her face still against Kara’s chest, she looked up, causing Kara to look down at her. They met eyes and held the eye contact until Lena propped herself up on her forearm and scooted upwards on the bed. She pulled their entangled limbs apart, sitting up and holding her head above Kara's as she swept her dark hair to one side of her neck.

When her face was hovering directly over Kara’s, she paused, almost expecting her to say she didn’t want this. When she didn’t protest, Lena continued. She leant forward slower than she'd like, purely because she was still waiting for a ‘stop’. Any minute now, she was expecting Kara to tell her not to do it. But she never said a word.

When she realized Kara was going to let this happen, she gently pressed their lips together, then released some of her weight off her arm to press harder. After a few seconds of their lips learning a new language, she pulled away. There was nothing to say, so instead she rolled over and laid her head back down on Kara’s chest.

Lena looked out the window of the room she hadn’t left to see Alex with a dropped jaw and wide smile. If she was any more ecstatic she would have been jumping in the air. When Lena sent a glare of warning she held up her hands, turning around and continuing her phone call.

That left Lena to focus on Kara again. She turned to her to comment on her sister’s behavior, but Kara was too far gone. She seemed to be on another plane of existence, her eyes blank and unfocused, her lips slightly parted. She regained composure after a moment and turned to face Lena again. When she realized Lena was staring right back, she immediately turned to look anywhere else in the room.

Lena knew Kara was back on Earth when she returned to fidgeting. She opened her mouth to say something three times before actually speaking. The hesitation and loss of words would usually make Lena nervous, but the small smile Kara wore assured her there was nothing to worry about.

“That is _not_ what friends are for, if anyone else ever asks,” Kara made sure to clarify.

Lena laughed, turning to rest her head on Kara's shoulders again. “I don't think anyone will ever quiz me on the subject, but on the off chance they do, I'll keep that in mind.”

She watched Kara take a deep breath, then let out a laugh of her own. “That was a surprise.”

“Yeah. It was.”

The words sounded awkward, but the feeling in the room wasn't. It was oddly comfortable, considering the circumstances.

“I thought you didn't like me like that,” Kara recited her exact words to her.

If Alex hadn't told her that Kara already knew her feelings, she'd feel guilty for saying such a thing, but Kara wasn't as oblivious as she was letting on. She had known how Lena felt without her having to explicitly state it.

“Of course I told you that, I was panicking,” she brushed the reminder of her blatant lie away. “Then Alex informed me you feel the same as I do. So, I figured… well… yeah.”

“Yeah,” Kara hummed. Once she was done with the happy moment, her voice was much less affectionate. “I'm going to kill her, though. I told her not to mention it and I was clear as day.”

Lena looked up, siding with Alex for once. “She was right. I needed good news.”

That provoked a dramatic eye roll and huffing from Kara. “Alex thinks we team up on _her_ , but ever since you two became friends you've done nothing but team up against _me_.”

Her expression was one of a child who didn't get her way, but it was also the most adorable thing Lena had ever seen. She often felt like she knew everything there was to know about Kara Danvers, but it was in moments like that one where she got the sense that she might not ever fully understand. Kara always seemed to have some side of her that Lena hadn’t seen before.

If there was one strong suit Lena had, it was being great at analysis, collecting data and memorizing facts. She was a scientist and had always thought reading people was nothing more than one big science project. It was simple to analyze quirks, note them down and memorize them until that person became comfortingly familiar and predictable. But she couldn’t seem to do that with Kara. She was always familiar, but never predictable. No matter how hard she tried, Kara’s quirks weren’t easy to foresee. And, honestly, half the fun of being her best friend was trying to understand the depths underneath all the cheerfulness, because she had so many more quirks than the rambling cheerfulness that showed upon first glance. For example, right now, she had a pout that was making Lena’s heart melt.

“If you were right about the timing being bad, I’d team up with you, but you weren’t. You were wrong,” Lena smirked, watching Kara scowl at the lack of pity.

She crossed one leg over the other to pout more. “Alex is a traitor regardless.”

“Oh, I’ll agree with you on that,” Lena declared. “She wasn’t supposed to tell you how I feel.”

“Well, I’m her sister. She wasn’t supposed to tell _you_ how _I_ feel even more.”

“She betrayed me first, though.”

Kara shook her head, clearly not caring about Lena’s very solid argument. “All she showed is that blood means nothing.”

Lena squinted, trying to add up how that worked in her head, but eventually she came to the conclusion that it didn’t. “But… you’re not blood related.”

“Yeah, well,” Kara was huffing and puffing again. “Technicalities. The point is, I’m supposed to be her only sister and now she’s overstepping and being yours. She can be family, but she doesn’t need to be all sisterly.”

Lena couldn’t help but bite back a laugh. Over the past few weeks she had been learning that in the depths of Kara there was also quite a bit of jealousy when she felt threatened. “You don’t do well with sharing.”

“I do well with sharing, but she… she’s supposed to listen to me and side with me, because she’s _my_ sister. And you’re supposed to do the same! Because you’re _my_ best friend - not hers,” she grumbled, then tried to explain it in a less possessive, more grown up manner. “It’s weird having you guys all friendly with each other. I’m excellent at sharing, just not with the two of you. I mean, you both used to be purely, one-hundred percent mine. She only confided in me - _you_ only confided in me. I’m still getting used to that not being the case. I was always the only person Alex worried about until Maggie came along, and Maggie was Maggie, but you’re… you. And I know you aren’t into her, but she cares about you as much as me in a non-romantic way. I’m not used to that yet. But I’m trying.”

Lena softened when she realized the matter wasn’t a funny joke to her. Kara was genuinely struggling with something Lena had never viewed as an adjustment. Her and Alex clicked. And Kara liked that - she knew Kara liked them meshing so well together. But she could also see how it might be scary for her to face the thought of herself or Alex caring for the other more than they cared for her.

Because Kara was right about not sharing people. As far as Lena could see, based on what she’d heard from both Alex and Kara, they had always only had each other in common. There had never been a mutual friend as close as she was to each of them. They hadn’t ‘shared’ someone before, at least, not that Lena had heard of.

She cuddled into her. It was Lena’s turn to tighten her arms around her and hold her close. “No matter how close Alex and I get, you’ll always be her primary concern. Okay? I know that for a fact and I’m okay with it, because, Kara, let me tell you. Alex knows who her sister is. You’ll always be number one to her. I’m not deluding myself into believing otherwise.”

Kara released a deep sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want you and Alex to be there for each other. I love that you guys are so close now. And Lena, you _are_ family, both to me and to her, but… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just… different for me.”

Lena settled further into Kara, readjusting to pull herself even closer. “You guys are both the only people I consider family, but I know I can never fill the place you have in her life, even if you foolishly seem to think I can. You’re her sister and I could never take over that position. I wouldn’t try to, nor would Alex let me. And _you_ are my best friend… or something of the sort. And _Alex_ could never fill that position in _my_ life, nor would I want her to.”

Kara shifted her position to rest her chin on the crown of Lena’s head, picking her up off the bed as if she were a one pound kitten. She parted her legs, placing Lena in the middle of them, then set her down to rest against her chest again with a happy sigh. “Thank you.”

She laughed at the response. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You always do something,” Kara argued. “It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Lena would never be used to someone proclaiming they loved anything about her - especially not someone as great as Kara - but wouldn’t voice that thought, because the last thing she needed was pity. Besides, to Lena it wasn’t anything to pity. Hearing Kara say that made her happier than anyone could begin to comprehend. Even if she was willing to explain how great it was, Kara would never understand how incredible feeling loved and appreciated was after so long of feeling like the forgotten outcast.

Instead of explaining all that, Lena settled into the comfort Kara once again brought. “I don’t want to be sappy. It’s been an emotional few days.”

“You began the sap the minute you gave your speech about Alex,” Kara rejected every ounce responsibility. “The sappiness was not started by me, Lena.”

Lena shook her head, placing a hand on Kara’s stomach and feeling the firmness of the many well defined muscles. “I went through a lot. Just be nice to me and let me have my way.”

Kara laughed, nodding her head along. “I think I can do that for a little while. Not forever, though.”

“Not forever,” Lena smiled. She glanced up, then glanced away, murmuring words that she didn’t know how Kara would interpret. “I love you so much.”

She had no hesitation. “I love you too. So much.”

And Lena didn’t know what way Kara wanted her to interpret the words.

Instead of dwelling on uncertainties, she gave a wry laugh. “You do realize your sister’s been fucking with us this entire time, right?”

“She’s the queen of meddling. It’s annoying.”

“Kind of funny, though.”

Kara was much less amused than her. “Give it a few months. You’ll get tired of it _real_ quick.”

“I’m not so sure,” she argued nonchalantly. Her voice was playful, but her words weren’t untruthful. “Having someone who cares enough to meddle is new to me.”

She was greeted by silence, then Kara’s somberness. “If you don’t want sappy conversations, don’t say things like that.”

Lena looked at her with the most happiness she could muster up in a time like this. She was greeted with sad eyes and sighed, readjusting her position yet again so that she was able to stretch upwards enough to kiss her for a second time.

And the second time was different. The first time they had kissed the most noticeable thing to Lena were her nerves, because her and Kara were finally doing it - they were finally, finally connected in the way she had wanted. She had been so distracted with hoping it was okay that she forgot to enjoy it.

The second time, however, she _definitely_ enjoyed it. The kiss was nothing like the first. It was filled with getting to know each other and distinguishing a rhythm. It was Kara’s hands coming to the crook of Lena’s back and Lena’s hand coming to delicately rest against Kara’s cheek. It was the warmth of their skin, soft and gentle, discovering new territory together.

When they pulled away, Lena’s fingertips brushed down Kara’s cheek until her hand was resting on Kara’s chest again. She was still holding herself up to look at Kara, both of them staring with small smiles.

“So, this kissing ordeal,” Lena murmured. “It’s a thing now?”

Kara’s smile widened, slowly nodding her head with a bashfulness Lena hadn’t seen out of her before. “Yeah. I think it is.”

She laid her head back down, placing her arms under Kara, letting the weight of her body ground her. She opened her mouth to speak, but they both jumped as a voice filled the room at a much louder volume than the two of them had been speaking at.

“Well, well, well…” Alex was leaning against the door frame, a smirk gracing her lips as she ruined their moment. “Who would’ve thought that Lena Luthor would _ever_ actually make a move?”

Kara’s voice lost the affection it held two seconds ago and was filled exclusively with irritability. “Alex, go away. I swear to-“

“It took long enough,” she interrupted Kara’s threat. “I had given up hope, if we’re being honest.”

Unlike Kara who nearly had steam coming out of her ears, Lena was calm and amused. “Alright, thank you for your input.”

She stepped fully into the room, standing at the end of the bed with her arms crossed. She opened her mouth to speak, but Kara beat her to the chase.

“No one invited you in here,” she got out through gritted teeth.

Lena almost had to laugh at how obnoxiously Alex dismissed the blatant hint. “I’m always invited. Right, Lena?”

Both of them stared at her, waiting for an answer. She generally answered every question that was thrown at her with confidence, but she would not, under any circumstances, be thrown into the middle of the sibling rivalry that was being presented.

“There’s no way I’m participating in this.”

“She’ll listen to _you_ if you tell her to go away,” Kara protested, clearly wanting Alex to walk right back out that door.

But Lena didn’t mind her sister’s presence as much. She definitely wanted time alone with Kara, but it was nice being cared for enough to be teased. It was nice being included in banter. Kara sometimes took it for granted, but it was nice being wanted by the people that labeled her as family.

“Silence means I’m invited,” Alex pulled up one of the chairs against the wall to sit near the bed.

Kara completely disagreed. “No, silence is a polite way to say _you aren’t._ ”

Lena smiled, leaning back against Kara and keeping her mouth shut. It was clear that Kara’s side of the sisterly argument was real, but Lena had a feeling that Alex was doing it purely for Lena’s benefit based on the sly looks shot towards her with each remark that got further under Kara’s skin.

Overall, this was still a dreary time in her life. Her mother had framed her and, in result, she was sure there were multiple emboldened headlines asserting her guilt. Her anxiety was now at an all time high, wondering if Lex was coming back. She wondered if he’d hurt her, or worse, if he’d hurt Alex or Kara. Yet despite the bleak thoughts running on repeat through her mind, it was incredible to be in the DEO experiencing this, because it would have played out much differently not too long ago.

If this had all happened when she first moved to National City, before befriending Kara or winning over Alex, Lena would, without a doubt, be in the middle of an interrogation right now. She would still be trying to get Agent Danvers to believe she was innocent while Supergirl watched on with her overly straightened posture and crossed arms. She would still be the victim, but she’d be automatically pegged as the criminal, because no one would believe her story, because she was a Luthor. She would be feeling worthless and unloved and undoubtedly helpless.

Sitting with Alex and Kara, she felt none of that. She only felt grateful, because not once in the entire ordeal had she felt alone. Not for a single second. She had felt sad, sure. She had felt a plethora of negative emotions since she first came back. Hell, half of the time, she still felt like she might never be as okay as she was seventy-two hours ago. But she knew for a fact that she wasn’t worthless and felt more than loved. She felt accepted. Understood. She felt like Kara and Alex would help her through whatever, no matter the circumstances.

She loved the Danvers more unconditionally than she thought was possible. She didn’t want to, she was raised not to love like that, but finding people who were worth enough to risk loving? Finding people she was able lean on? That would give anyone strength to push through something as devastating as what had happened was. And all in all, that was the most important lesson the two bickering girls had taught her. They had not only said, but also proven that loving people wouldn’t make her weak, but rather powerful. She had viewed getting close to anyone as a waste of time before moving here, but somewhere along the lines, she realized getting close to people wouldn’t always destroy her. It could also heal her, if she chose the right people. They were the right people.

So, that’s why she would listen to their stupid fight all night long if she had to. It might eventually bring on a raging headache, but even that would beat moping or serious conversations. If listening to their antics meant delaying the inevitable heavy conversations she knew were coming, she’d let them argue until their death. For now, she didn’t want to be serious. She needed a few more moments like this to enjoy how it felt to be authentic and loved at the same time, because who knew that sort of freedom even existed?

Lena Luthor hadn’t, that was for sure. Not until she had met them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come join me on tumblr? shes-cured


	12. K: adjusting to new norms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGH don't you hate it when fics aren't updated for months... so annoying. if you don't remember this story because I haven't updated in five thousand years... my bad. like, really, my bad.

Kara wanted to call Lena, but wasn’t sure if she should, so instead she listened to her heartbeat from afar. 

Lena had been released from DEO custody earlier that day, so it was their first night at their respective apartments and away from each other. Kara had offered for Lena to stay with her, but she was greeted with a lengthy explanation about how Lena didn’t want to move too fast, because she didn’t want to ruin a good thing, then she continued to over explain how too much too quick could be overwhelming - that _she_ could be overwhelming. No matter how hard Kara insisted otherwise, there seemed to be no room for argument.

So, there she was, listening to her heartbeat from across the city. It was a steady rhythm, but that rhythm was faster than usual, the beats shorter. She tried to picture Lena, then decided not to, because picturing a Lena with that heartbeat was sad. It was a version that was lonely, a version that was scared, and, as always, a version that didn’t want to call for help, but all Kara wanted to do was help.

Instead of a phone call, Kara eventually opted for a text. That seemed casual enough. It shouldn't scare her too much – or she hoped not.

_You okay?_

The heartbeat slowed the slightest bit. _Yeah. You?_

_Good. I’m fine too. Let me know if you need anything! I'm still here._

The text back was instantaneous. _I know. I'm okay. Thank you though. I'll see you tomorrow!_

Kara laid down into bed, trying to sleep, but unable to as she continuously seemed to focus on that same stumbling heartbeat. As time went on it gradually got faster – not too fast, not fast enough to text again, but faster than normal.

After thirty-six minutes, her phone _dinged_ again. _You still up?_

This time it was Kara texting back instantaneously. _Yeah. What's up?_

 _I changed my mind._ There was a second break between texts before another flowed in. _Can I maybe come over?_

That was all Kara needed to hear. She shot off the bed, not bothering to change into her suit. She just wanted to see her. She wanted to make sure Lena was okay. She knew rationally that Lena was perfectly fine, but she wanted to see it, not just hear it.

When she reached the balcony of the oversized apartment, Lena was sitting on her bed with her legs criss-crossed, staring at her phone. Kara looked on for a moment, then gently tapped the glass with her finger. She regretted it immediately as Lena shot to a standing position, then calmed when they met eyes.

“Sorry!” Kara profusely apologized immediately. “Sorry, I should've texted. I didn't mean to scare you.”

Lena didn't say anything in response, just wrapping her arms around Kara to pull her close. She held her so tightly that Kara could've cried, because it so rarely seemed like Lena actually needed anyone, but, wow, it did right then.

“Thank you for coming.”

“No thanks needed.”

Lena shook her head against Kara's shoulder. “Yes, there is.”

Kara's hand reached out to press against the back of Lena's shoulder blade, pulling her in closer. If she was being honest, she needed Lena as badly as Lena needed her. “I'm glad you texted me. I want to be here.”

“I know,” Lena sighed, smiling against Kara’s neck. “Thank you for making that so easy to believe.”

“Stop thanking me!” Kara playfully scolded, pulling away with a goofy grin. “This is _literally_ what friends are for.”

Lena glanced down to her lips at the statement, but didn't reach out. Her gaze focused there and Kara's smile widened. Her hand moved to brush hair out of Lena's face, sticking it behind her ear. Her thumb slowly came around to brush Lena’s cheek and she listened to the heartbeat quicken, but watched a small smile spread across her face.

“Can I kiss you?” Kara murmured. She received an unsure look, so she asked again, because the last thing on her To Do list was spook Lena into running. “Would that be okay?”

There as no verbal response, but there was a nod. Kara took that as her cue to lean in, pressing her palm against Lena's cheek as she did until their lips were colliding once again. Suddenly she was on top of the world again. Lena’s hands eventually came to rest around Kara’s back and they got acquainted in this way yet again. They had been kissing a lot lately, but it was still new. Kara had been waiting for the ecstatic feeling to wear off, or for the exploding fireworks in her stomach to sizzle out, but so far nothing had changed. Every time her and Lena connected, her insides lit up.

“Thank you,” Lena breathed out again when they pulled away.

Kara shook her head with an eye roll and small laugh. “ _Stop_ thanking me, Lena.”

“I'm trying, I’m trying.” She looked around, taking a survey of the room before looking back to Kara with a hopeful expression. “If it’s not too much to ask, can we sleep at your place? I really don't want to be here.”

Kara didn’t even need to think about it. “Of course we can. Are you okay with flying?”

“Yeah. I’m okay with anything as long as it's with you.”

The words were so casual that Kara was pretty sure Lena didn't even know how touching they were. While Kara’s heart was madly thumping, Lena’s had almost returned to normal.

“Alright,” she grabbed hold of Lena's hand, leading them to the balcony. “Grab on, then. And I’ll warn you right now, the sky is always pretty cold this time of night.”

* * *

When they reached Kara's apartment Lena wasted no time in moving to Kara's bed, going under the covers and wrapping herself in them. She looked to Kara and patted the spot beside her, inviting her to her own bed. 

“I would say make yourself at home, but it looks like there's no need,” Kara teased as she laid beside her. They both shifted and repositioned themselves until they were tangled in the same way they were hours before at the DEO.

Lena rolled on her side, curling into Kara and resting her forearm across her stomach. It made Kara wonder when the last time Lena had let someone hold her like this was. Before she came along, when was the last time Lena had let someone comfort her or hold her or tell her everything would be alright? A part of Kara was honored that she was probably the first person in a long while, but a bigger part of her was heartbroken, because this was what Lena deserved to have all the time.

Kara… she had been dealt a rough deck in life. She knew she had to go through a lot of things that were hard, things other people wouldn't have made it through. But _Lena_ had been dealt a nearly impossible deck. What she had to go through was downright cruel. They were things even Kara wouldn't have made it through. And looking down at her, Kara saw that her eyes were scared, but they were also soft, which only served to leave Kara in awe. The world had been so cruel to her, yet Lena was still so gentle, so kind. so pure. She had every right to be a villain – even Supergirl wouldn't blame her for turning to the dark side at this point – but she wasn't. She was still Lena, and to Kara that was jaw dropping.

“I'm really proud of you,” Kara murmured, moving a hand to play with the raven hair that was pooling around her neck. “You’re so s strong for going through all this so beautifully.”

Lena laughed to herself, shrugging. “It was just my quarterly assassination attempt, right?”

“Don't say that,” she sighed, not liking the sound of it at all. “It's not funny.”

Lena’s voice lacked Kara’s sadness. “Alex would've laughed.”

“Well, Alex isn't funny either.”

“I think she's pretty funny.”

“Oh, I bet you do,” she mused.

They fell into a comfortable silence after that, but all Kara could do was watch Lena watch the wall. She kept running her fingers through her hair, hoping she was somehow helping. She didn't know how to fix this and it killed her. She felt move in to be closer to her, her arm snaking further around her. She took a deep breath, but didn't say anything.

“I'm so glad you're here,” Kara finally pierced through the quiet.

Lena moved to look up at her, but there was no smile. There was just Lena, still looking scared and ignoring Kara's comment. “Do you think I have it in me to kill someone?”

Kara's heart fell at Lena’s meekness and fear. “Yeah. I think everyone does.”

“But like, do you think I _really_ do?” she asked. “I'm a Luthor, you know.”

“You are,” Kara agreed. “But you're also Lena.”

Lena looked away again, going back to staring out the window. She shook her head the slightest bit, clenching her jaw as her voice husked out the truth. “I want to kill her. I want to kill both of them.”

Kara opened her mouth to say something, but Lena wasn't finished.

“And then, after I think about wanting that, I just think how _horrible_ that is. I was so sad when it first happened, because he's my brother and he still did this, and Lillian is awful, but she's still my mom… Now, I'm not sad, I’m just… I want them dead. I wish they were dead,” she confessed. “I want to make them suffer the way they've made me. And I hate myself for that. I really, _really_ hate myself for it.”

“Lena,” Kara admonished. “I–”

“I'm not going to kill them, don’t worry. I just… I still feel horrible for even thinking it.”

“But that's what makes you good,” Kara pointed out. “And if we’re being honest, you're better than me. I want them dead and don't feel horrible for thinking it whatsoever.”

“Well, they want you dead too, so you're kind of even.”

“Oh, I don't care about that vendetta,” she brushed the death wish away. “Plenty of people want me dead. That's nothing new. I only care because they're so awful to you. _That’s_ what leaves me murderous.”

“Supergirl is murderous?” Lena raise a skeptical eyebrow.

Kara squeezed her closer, but was crystal clear with her message. “I know Alex already offered to take them out, and you should know that I wouldn't exactly dissuade you from taking her up on it. I'm one step away from encouraging you to.”

Lena shifted to stare at Kara again, her eyes absolutely wondrous. “You really care that much?”

She sometimes forgot how foreign it was for Lena to have someone who loved her unconditionally, dark sides and all. “You're my best friend and biggest priority right now. I care more than you know.”

She let her bathe that in for a moment, letting silence fill the room.

“Whatever you need, I'm here,” Kara continued after a moment.

Lena let out a content sigh at that. “I just need you.”

“You got me,” Kara promised, clutching her tighter as if it were proof. “Are you gonna be able to sleep tonight?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she sighed. “Truthfully, being with you makes me feel a whole lot safer.”

“Supergirl does that for people,” Kara subtly boasted.

Lena didn't laugh, just looking to Kara with so much adulation that it was hard to breathe for a second. “I didn't mean Supergirl, Kara. _You_.”

“Kara Danvers makes you feel safer?” she was beyond mind blown at the thought. “ _Why_?”

Lena shrugged, saying the words so simply. “You're the one person who's always had my back. And I know that you and Supergirl are technically one in the same, but it doesn't feel that way. No one gets me like you do. The way you listen, the way you care, the way you stand up for me and try to protect me whenever anyone gives me a hard time… No one’s ever done those types of things before. And I know Alex cares now, but you never once doubted me. From the second we met, you've had my back, no questions asked, even when you knew of my family's hate for you. That's something I can never make up to you.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “You don't have to make it up to me.”

“I wish I could, though,” she murmured. “I _really_ wish I could.”

“You don't owe people something just because they believe in your innocence.”

“This isn't about you believing in my innocence. It's about you believing that I'm outright good and never doubting it - not even when I tell you there's a part of me that wants to take out my family,” she smiled a little. “No one makes me feel safer than you, Kara. I know I can always be honest with you.”

“You can,” she enforced that. “And I know it's still hard for you to believe, but Alex is on your side too. You can tell her those things. I know she wants you to.”

“I know she does, but I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. I mean, I know we're close now, but she only just started to trust me,” Lena explained her rationale. “I don't want to blow it.”

“You wouldn't blow it,” Kara protested.

She had complete faith that her sister would never walk away at this point. Seeing Alex in the DEO while Lena was missing made it quite clear that she wouldn’t be straying any time soon. She was on Lena’s side through and through at this point, even if Lena had trouble believing such a thing. If anything, Alex would understand those dark desires better than Kara ever would.

“You should’ve seen how defiant she was while you were gone. She was ready to tear down anyone who called you anything but innocent.”

“I know. I’ve heard. That’s why I don’t want to push my luck.” She saw everything in an entirely different light. “I don’t want her to start doubting me again, because I’d never actually _do_ anything. I just don't want to lose her.”

“But she wouldn’t–”

“I don’t want to lose her, Kara,” she cut off her rebuttal, repeated the words firmer.

Kara decided to drop it for the time being, only because she knew Lena would only believe it if she heard the words from Alex herself. There was nothing Kara could say to change her mind when she was that sure of something. Besides, she couldn’t exactly blame her. Alex _had_ doubted her. She had doubted her for a long time. Their relationship was new - it wasn’t fragile like Lena seemed to think, but it was new.

“I'm not agreeing, but there's no convincing you otherwise right now. And that's okay. You'll see my side eventually.”

It was silent and eventually Kara heard Lena's breathing steady out and her heartbeat return to its sleeping state. She didn't stop tracing patterns on her arm, because Lena wasn't the only one who wanted to be close tonight. After almost losing her, all Kara wanted to do was feel her laying close, not because she almost lost her, but because holding her like this was still new to them. Yet it felt like it was the way things were always supposed to be.

And it wasn't even about liking Lena as more than a friend or even having those feelings reciprocated. She wanted Lena to be close, because she was her best friend and there was no one she’d feel more comfortable holding in her arms like this. She didn't know where they would end up, as they'd only been kissing without talking about titles, but above all, Lena Luthor was her absolute best friend, the person she could be fully herself with. She was the person who would always firmly believe Kara was good, and Kara was the person who would always firmly believe that the goodness was a two way street. Lena went to fought against the wrongs of the world over and over again, and it didn't go unnoticed.

Honestly, Kara could see herself falling in love with Lena. Maybe she already was. Maybe she always had been. She wasn't sure if she believed in the whole ’love at first sight’ concept, but she knew from the second she saw Lena something caught in her throat and she was hooked. She was like a drug and Kara didn't get it at first, but she always wanted to see her, she always wanted another hit to leave her feeling on cloud nine. How she didn't see how infatuated she was until Alex pointed it out was beyond her, because that had been there since she visited L-Corp with Clark.

Which, in Kara’s defense, who _wouldn't_ be uselessly in love with Lena? She was _Lena_. That was why she had been so skeptical of Alex not liking her romantically; it just absolutely baffled her that anyone wouldn't want to date her. That was why while she wanted to introduce Lena to everyone all their friends, she also wanted to keep her all to herself, because there was so much to fall in love with. She knew she had to share her, because Lena deserved to be shared, but she was constantly worried this was a dream or a joke or an illusion or _something_ and Lena would be changing her mind soon. She was just Kara. She could see if Lena were to love Supergirl, but Kara Danvers? She didn’t get it.

That was half of how Kara knew this was something big - these feelings were huge. People liking her was nothing new. James and Winn and Mon-El had all liked her at one point or another, and was nice. It was flattering, and with Mon-El she even felt like someone understood the alien parts to her, but with Lena… God, she was blown away someone so great could like her back. It was unfathomable to her. And generally Kara wasn't too insecure, she could see she had lovable qualities, but this was _Lena_. Lena was in a league of her own. No one was good enough for her, not even Kara.

And beyond all of that, beyond being confused how someone like her could like someone as dorky and wacky as Kara, when they were alone together… When Lena was as open as she was tonight, it was the greatest privilege, because Kara knew she wasn't like that too often. She wasn't like that with anyone else and she wanted all the quality time she could get. She wanted Lena to tell her everything - she wanted to know every piece of her, dark, light and in between. Better yet, Kara found herself wanting to be just as raw with Lena. She wanted to tell her about Krypton, and about how much she hated the Danvers upon first meeting them, and about how isolating Earth could be. She wanted to tell her about the people who most inspired her, she wanted to tell her all the quirks that Lena had probably already noticed because she was Lena, she wanted to tell her all the little things that made her tick. Then, she wanted to tell her how she had never wanted to tell anyone about all those things before her arrival.

Kara looked down at the small girl in her arms, wanting to squeeze her as close as possible, but not wanting to wake her up. She lifted her head up the slightest bit, feeling Lena’s hair against her and taking in the moment. She placed a delicate kiss on the crown of her head, then settled back in.

 _Yeah_ , she decided. She was probably in love with her. She didn't want to say it, because it seemed like something that was too big to say right then, but Kara was in love. It felt like it happened quickly – they weren't even dating and _love_ was a big concept – but did it really? Was it really that quick? Lena had been her confidant for what seemed like forever. It felt like Kara had always known her, even if it wasn’t even two years yet. Lena wasn't new to her. Lena wasn't a new person or a crush. She knew her core – and that was comforting.

Knowing someone so intimately… it was really god damn comforting. It wasn't the same as confiding in Alex. When she shared things with Lena it felt different. It felt like she could bare her soul and Lena would still adore her. Kara could share her situations with Alex, and her feelings to some extent, but with Lena she could share every little piece of herself and know she wouldn't be judged – that she'd still be worthy of love. More importantly, with Lena there was this desire to understand. Lena always tried to see where Kara was coming from, she always tried to dig until she completely understood her view.

Kara tore her eyes away from her, trying to sleep herself, but it all felt too perfect. She didn't want to sleep, because this was honestly all she ever dreamed of. She hadn’t know it was Lena, but she had always dreamed of falling asleep next to someone she loved and someone who loved her. She thought she had found that in Mon-El, but sleeping next to him was _nothing_ compared to this. It was cliche and dumb and nauseating, but she didn’t want to wake up from this.

Who knew you could feel so strongly for some? Not Kara, that was for sure.

* * *

Lena and Kara were sitting in the kitchen when Alex knocked, then let herself in. She seemed unfazed to see Lena there at seven a.m., which only served to confuse Kara because it wasn't like that was an ordinary occurrence. 

“Hey,” she greeted, walking closer and setting her bag on the counter. “Thanks for not telling me you're here. I went all the way to your apartment before I texted you.”

“Well, you should've texted me before going,” Lena stated the obvious.

“Well, _you_ said you weren't coming over here last time we spoke.”

“Well, _I_ changed my mind,” Lena mocked her. “Sue me.”

“I was worried,” Alex proclaimed. “I thought something happened when you weren't there.”

Kara watched on, mixing the eggs around in the pan as she listened to them bicker. She still had mixed feelings about how close they had become, but she had to admit that it was nice for Alex to actually _like_ someone she was interested in, never mind be able to bicker like that. She usually only did that with her.

She was still worried about the potential of being replaced, but both of them had made her feel a little more secure. She was the slightest bit more confident that they all had their unique positions in each other’s lives. Lena was more than clear about her feelings, and Alex teasing them both so relentlessly made it more than clear that she supported the two of them together.

When they finished eating, Lena stood up and Alex took inventory of her outfit for the first time, narrowing her eyes. “Are you going to _work_?”

“Yeah, I've already missed too much,” she brushed the incredulity away, trying to downplay what Kara already knew Alex wouldn’t let be downplayed.

Sure enough, Alex looked at Kara for backup, so she raised her hands, shaking her head with a dismay of her own. “I've tried to convince her. She didn't wanna hear it.”

“I still don't want to hear it,” she was pointed. “This isn't a discussion. I need to do _something_.”

“Lena, you just went through something really traumatic! You can't just pretend like it didn't happen,” Alex exclaimed. “You're allowed to take time off!”

“If I take time off, I'm just going to mope around and think about what happened until I cry. I don't like crying,” she was blunt. “Work is good for me right now. I need to keep busy and work is where I feel competent. It's not a chore, I genuinely love it.”

Alex was wary, looking at Kara to do something, but Kara had honestly already tried everything. “She's not backing down. And she has solid points.”

“Are you going to CatCo?” Alex asked, then turned her questions to Kara. “You'll both be there?”

“Yes, Kara can babysit me if that'll make you feel better,” Lena muttered. “I truly am fine, though.”

Kara wouldn't mention how broken she looked last night, but that didn’t stop her from thinking about it.

“I wasn't asking for permission, but I'm glad you consent,” Alex gave a wry smile. She was clearly nervous about the whole thing, but shook her head, directing her attention to Kara. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will,” she promised.

Her sister turned to Lena with disapproval, making it known that she didn’t like her plan one bit. “I would tell you to call me, but you seem incapable of asking for help.”

“I won't need help because I'll be fine,” Lena insisted. “If not, Kara is there, and if she's not and I'm _genuinely_ not okay, I promise I'll call.”

Alex looked her over with analytical eyes, her jaw tight. “You promise?”

Lena nodded, repeating herself. “I promise.”

Alex shook her head yet again, not even bothering to hide her unhappiness with the decision. Still, she stopped wasting her breath, which Kara thought was wise. She had literally already tried _everything_.

As Lena gathered her things from the couch, she turned to Kara with a small smirk. “In order for you to babysit you have to actually show up to work, though.”

“Yeah, yeah, I'll be there, boss,” she waved her away. “Give me an hour.”

“An hour tops,” Alex was the one who was scolding Kara.

“She’s a big girl, Alex,” Kara finally defended her. “She has a point. You wouldn’t be sitting around either.”

“Thank you, _Kara_ ,” Lena’s voice was sharp, clutching her briefcase to her side. “I’ll be fine. Really. If I’m not I’ll call.”

They exchanged goodbyes and the second Lena was out the door Alex was tsking away. “She won’t call and you know it.”

“I’ll be there,” Kara assured her. “As long as nothing comes up at the DEO–”

“If it does I will personally handle it,” Alex interrupted, completely defiant on the matter. “You’re staying there.”

Kara’s heart warmed as she smiled, turning back to wash the pans the eggs were on a few minutes ago. “You care about her.”

“Of course I do,” her sister rolled her eyes. “We’ve established that.”

“We have,” Kara nodded. “However, _Lena_ has some doubts.”

“Wait, what?” Alex furrowed her eyebrows, moving to sit down and lean forward. “What kind of doubts?”

“She knows you care,” Kara made the disclaimer, “but she thinks if she tells you certain things you’ll think she’s evil again or turn your back on her.”

“ _What_?” Alex asked as if the idea was far-fetched and absolutely absurd. “I know she’s not some – some – some–”

“Luthor?” Kara finished for her. “Yeah, tell her that.”

“She told you she thinks this?”

“She said she’s still worried you’ll stop trusting her,” she relayed their conversation, unsure if she was doing the right thing when she knew Lena had meant for it to be private.

Alex rested her weight on her forearms as she leaned over the counter with concern. “Well, what did you say?”

“Obviously I told her to give you more credit, but she’s still scared she’ll lose you if she gets too comfortable,” Kara sighed. “She’s not going to believe me. I think you need to talk to her.”

“I will talk to her, because that’s ridiculous,” Alex told her with pure awe. “I know our past was rocky, but I’m on her side.”

“I know that.”

“And that’s not going to change,” she enforced.

Kara nodded. “I know.”

“I’m not going to suddenly revert to thinking she’s some criminal.”

Kara reached out, placing a hand on Alex’s forearm. “I know, Alex. But she needs to hear that.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “What an idiot.”

“Oh, definitely phrase it like that,” Kara’s voice was dry. “That’ll really get through to her.”

“You know what, I just might,” she huffed. “What a stupid assumption.”

Kara repeated it again, because she did. “I know.”

When Alex was done stewing over Lena’s idiocy, she turned to Kara with a hint of hope. “How was she last night? She came over?”

“Texted me around eleven and asked if she could,” Kara confirmed. “I picked her up and brought her here.”

“Did she seem okay?”

Kara stared, finally shrugging with defeat. “As okay as she could be. I think it may take a while for her to be truly _okay_ , though.”

“Well, I’m glad she at least reached out. Even if it did take her ‘til eleven.”

“I was honestly shocked,” she shook her head. “I think it just shows how _not_ okay she is. She never asks for comfort. I’ve walked into L-Corp and found her in tears and I wasn’t there because she asked me to come, I had just happened to drop by. She doesn’t reach out for help.”

Alex gave a heavy sigh, and Kara couldn’t blame her. Thinking of Lena hurting was hard, because she was _tough_. Lena was a force to be reckoned with, but people were reckoning with her again and again and again, and it made Kara furious. It made her want to hunt Lillian down and show her exactly how awful aliens could be, but despite Lena’s admission that she wanted to kill them, she knew she didn’t want them dead.

“She bottles everything up so much. She holds it all in,” Kara continued. “I just want to fix it for her.”

“I know you do, but you can’t,” Alex murmured. “She knows you can’t, so don’t even try.”

“I told her I'd protect her and this happens,” she shook her head with regret. “I feel awful.”

Her sister was immediately protesting against it. “Kara, you can’t be guilty over that. You had no way of knowing–”

“I should’ve! I don’t know how, I just should’ve known.”

Alex repositioned their arms so that it was her hands on Kara’s. “There’s nothing you could’ve done. She said herself she was praying you didn’t come save her. They tried to bait you.”

“I would’ve been fine,” she muttered. “I’m still bitter we were locked up.”

“We were so naive,” Alex sulked over it too. “What were we thinking?”

“That J’onn wasn’t a traitor.”

“At least now we know better.”

Kara was grumbling under her breath. “Should’ve known it before.”

“We were blindsided,” Alex defended them. When they fell into a silence, she broke it by grinning ear-to-ear and leaning back in her chair, practically singing the question. “So, how’s the romance front going?”

“You shouldn’t have told her,” Kara wasted no time reiterate for the billionth time.

Her sister groaned, throwing her head back in exasperation. “How many times are you going to say that?”

“Until it seems like you feel bad about it.”

She morphed her face into one of faux regret and sorrow, subtly looking down. “I am _so_ sorry, Kara. I so deeply wish I could go back in time and not tell her.”

Kara rose her eyebrows, completely unfazed. “You shouldn’t have told her.”

Alex dismissed the comment, moving on to her original question. “So? How is it? Did you kiss again last night?”

“We did,” Kara felt her cheeks warming. “When I picked her up we did, then the rest of the night we just laid down together, side by side. Nothing sexual, nothing like that at all, but… Alex, I didn’t know how badly I wanted that until it happened.”

Her sister’s smile was wide and ecstatic. “I know you’re crazy about her, because you’ve never told me something like that willingly.”

Kara looked down, tapping her fingers on the hard surface below them. “My feelings for her are overwhelming. I mean, I’ve never felt like this before – not about anyone.”

“Ever?”

She shook her head, still in complete disbelief over it. “I didn’t even know I could.”

“Kara,” Alex sighed, so much happiness and support in her name. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from you.”

“Mon-El was okay, but Lena…” she kept raving over her. “I had no idea life could feel this perfect when everything is in such disarray.”

Alex looked like she could burst as she took a moment to pat herself on the back. “I’m such a good matchmaker.”

“You’re deceiving is what you are. You wasted all of our times with your little secret keeping games,” Kara rephrased it.

“You owe me a lot of money,” she continued to gloat. “Hell, God himself should give me money. I got both of you to admit you’re gay, then both of you to tell me you like each other, then I got both of you together.”

Kara was unamused and refused to go along with that. “You don’t deserve any money. Especially not from me. You cheated.”

“I strategized.”

“You _cheated_ ,” she emphasized. “You knew information you weren’t willing to share, then placed bets you knew you couldn’t lose.”

Alex shrugged, appearing to be quite pleased with herself. “Sounds like a good strategy to me. Did we settle on three or four hundred?”

“I’m not giving you a cent, Alex.”

She let out a low whistle, sounding overly disappointed. “Who knew my sister was such a sore loser?”

“Oh, _what_ ever,” Kara scoffed. She didn’t feel bad about it for a second. “You’re a scam artist.”

“Strong words,” she chided. “I believe what you mean to say is _thank you_.”

“Do I?” Kara quizzed. “I’m pretty sure I meant scam artist.”

“You’re being quite ungrateful,” she scolded in full big sister mode. “I pulled through for you and you know it.”

Kara shook her head. That was more than true, but she wouldn’t give Alex the satisfaction of agreeing.

“Well, when you’re ready to say thank you, I’ll be here,” she offered. “Oh, or when you’re ready to give me my money. Whichever comes first.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

Alex looked at her watch, then looked over Kara’s wardrobe choice of pajamas. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?”

“She couldn’t have left more than ten minutes ago. She’s fine,” she made sure to point out. Then she moved put the plates in the sink, deciding to wash them later. “But I think I’ll get ready anyway.”

“Thank you,” she sighed. “I mean it. Call me if you need anything. Or if there’s _anything_ suspicious–”

“I know the DEO’s number by heart,” she promised. “I’ll call you, I’ll call them, I’ll call 911. Believe it or not, I know emergency procedures.”

Alex was still hesitant. “I’m just worried about her.”

Kara softened at the concern, admitting the truth. “Me too.”

“I’ll talk to her about her doubts in me, though. I don’t know when yet, but I will.”

“Good,” Kara gave a small smile. “She needs to see you. To know you’re still there.”

Alex rolled her eyes again, repeating her earlier words. “What an idiot.”

Kara was going to comment on it, but opted to let Alex verbalize reality. “I’ll see you later. I’ll try to drop by the DEO.”

“No, you’ll stay with Lena,” her sister was quickly correcting her plan. “I am _ordering_ you to stay with Lena, actually. We don’t need you at the DEO today, Kara, I told you that.”

She held her hands up, miming Alex with silent lips as she walked to go get changed. “I’ll _text_ you then.”

“Much better,” she approved. “I approve of that plan much more.”

Kara laughed, shaking her head. “You’re gonna be a pain in her ass through all this, aren’t you?”

Alex was at the door and didn’t hesitate to answer. “Oh, you can count on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this and promise to update SOON this time. next chapter is a lot of lena/alex brotp bc this story can't go too long without that.
> 
> tumblr: shes-cured.tumblr.com // holla @ me.


	13. L: too much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you an update would be soon

Lena was working on her second drink at a bar that wasn't the alien bar, stirring the ice around with her straw and eventually taking another sip. She was answering her phone before, but now it was on silent, laying face down on the bar. She couldn't be bothered right now. It was her time to mope, and she wanted to do so alone.

She used to come to this bar all the time during the days before Kara. Even after they had met, before they became close, she frequented this place at least once a week. It wasn't to meet people, but rather the opposite. It was quiet here. It was mainly an older crowd who didn't bug her and the hum of voices was softer than other bars in the area. It had a laid back tone that the hustle and bustle of the alien bar couldn't provide – not to mention that she didn't want to be found right now.

“This place is dead,” someone called out from behind her

Lena knew it was Alex without having to look, but she looked anyway, offering a dry grin. “That's the beauty in it.”

Alex slid onto the bar stool beside her, but didn’t turn forward. Her full attention was on Lena. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm fine,” Lena tiredly assured her, hoping that'd be enough to get her to leave. She didn’t need some deep, philosophical talk right now. She just wanted to be left alone. “You don't have to follow me.”

“I'll let you go to work, because, according to you, that's what you need to do, but don't feed me bullshit about how fine you are,” Alex wasted no time in calling her out. “We don't even have to talk, I'll just be here if you need me.”

Lena shrugged, not saying anything back. She didn’t want to talk, so if Alex honestly wanted to spend her night in silence, that's what they could do. And Lena had planned to stick to that decision, but on her third drink she finally spoke up, interrupting Alex from composing an email on her phone.

“You're really gonna stay with me even though we’re not saying anything?”

“Of course I am,” she put down her phone, turning her attention back to Lena. “I'm not leaving you to be some sad drunk girl in a shady ass bar full of middle-aged men.”

“It's not that shady. And I’m not that drunk.”

Alex clearly wanted to argue, but she kept her mouth shut. Silence fell upon them again until it was Alex finally found delicate words. “I've been where you are right now.”

Lena stared down into her drink, mixing it with her straw again as she tried not to listen. She wasn't sure she had it in her to listen to Alex’s concern over her, because she didn't want concern. She wanted to be drunk enough to pass out. She wanted to be drunk enough to stop being a baby and be able to sleep in her own god damn apartment.

“It's scary,” Alex continued to admit, her voice soft. “Being so low that these sorts of places seem like a good place to be… that's a hard point to be at. I was there just a few weeks ago until you came around to knock some sense into me. And now it's my turn to do that for you, because you're not alone, Lena. You have me, you have Kara, the DEO is on your side… you have us all. You don’t need to be here. We all have your back.”

Lena choked back tears, because at that moment it sounded like Alex cared more about Lena's wellbeing than Lena herself did. “I know I'm not alone.”

Alex pursed her lips, declining a drink for the third time when the bartender came around, then bringing up what Lena had made their reality. “You've been shutting me out.”

She shook her head, denying it entirely. “No, I haven't.”

She ignored Alex’s stare. She could stare all she wanted, but Lena had hit a low she could barely show Kara, never mind her. At first, just a week ago, voicing dark thoughts to Alex felt natural, but the darker they got the less she wanted to share. Because Kara might want to fix things, but at least Lena knew she wouldn't leave. Alex she couldn't be so sure about.

Alex got the dark and twisty parts of her, but it was a fragile balancing act with her. Lena didn't want to say too much, because she didn't want to make Alex doubt her. Some things she felt, she shouldn’t be feeling. She would never act on killing someone, she would never act on her thoughts of wanting to lash out at the world, but she still had them, and she didn't want Alex to question her lack of commitment on following through.

“You can lie all you want, but at the end of the day you're still shutting me out.”

Lena let out a dry laugh at Alex's over confidence on the matter, raising an eyebrow and still staring at her drink. “That's not true.”

“Kara and I were together all day, you know? I was there when you two were texting.”

She hadn't known that, but she quickly saw where this was going.

“She asked you if anything was wrong and you texted back immediately with the truth,” Alex narrated the tale of events. “I asked two hours earlier and got a text back two hours after her that everything was totally fine.”

“You're the one who told me to open up to Kara more.”

“I wouldn't have had I known it'd be at the expense of myself.”

Lena closed her eyes at the brutal honesty, looking up to Alex pleadingly. “It's nothing personal. I just know Kara better.”

“I know you do,” she didn't hesitate to assure her. “But we got _really_ close. When you were staying at the DEO you were so upfront with me and I appreciated that _so_ much. And now it kinda seems like you don't want to tell me anything.”

Because she didn't. Lena wasn't sure how or when that shift happened, but she found herself wanting to sugarcoat things for Alex to keep their relationship running smoothly.

“It's not like that.”

Alex took a deep breath, then raised and lowered her eyebrows with a somewhat sour expression. “It seems to be like that.”

Instead of addressing the issue, she chose to get defensive. “So, what? You and Kara just talk about how I am all the time? How did my differing replies even come up?”

“I asked if she'd heard back from you yet and she said you responded an hour and a half ago that you were having a rough day. A half hour later you finally replied back to me that you were having a _good_ day.”

Lena made a face at her drink. She couldn't even be angry, because it wasn't like they had been gossiping about her. Alex was just concerned – and Lena couldn't exactly fault her for that considering the circumstances.

“I promise it's nothing personal.”

Alex leaned forward, resting a hand over Lena's as Lena's eyes moved to stare at it. “Why are you closing yourself off to me? I won't be mad, I just want to know how to fix it.”

Lena moved her arm, disconnecting them as she held her fingers against her temple in frustration with both herself and the situation. “I'm just having a rough time. I'm not one to talk about it.”

Alex sighed at that, finally accepting the answer. “Okay. But I'm here if you want to talk about it – any of it. Or we don't even have to talk about all that, we can talk about anything!”

Lena couldn’t help but give a small smile. She might’ve still been fearful of Alex leaving, but hearing her try so hard was reassuring.

“It's not that you don't trust me, though, right?” Alex approached it cautiously. “I mean, I hope you have trust that I'm on your side – that I'll always be on your side.”

She ignored how spot on Alex was, waving for a fourth drink instead.

“I wouldn't leave you,” she continued to prod. “I know we have a bad track record – purely because of my trust issues, I know that – but nothing you could say, no matter how awry, would make me leave.”

“I'm not worried about that,” Lena managed to serve an eye roll with the blatant lie.

Alex didn't let it go. “I don't buy that.”

The confidence in her defiance made Lena peer up, her eyes squinted with suspicion. “And why is that?”

She had no explanation. “I just don't.”

Lena smiled, shaking her head with a wry smile. “Your sister is a snake. She told you what I said.”

“Kara didn't say anything,” Alex insisted.

She fully turned to look at Alex, daring her to repeat the lie, because the _only_ way Alex would have so much confidence in Lena’s insecurities is if Kara had relayed them to her. “No?”

“Even if she did, she didn't need to,” she clarified. “Lena, we went from being as close as ever to practical strangers. All you've done is avoid me. It's obvious something shifted.”

“That isn't–”

“It is true,” Alex defied her again. “C'mon. Tell me. What's up?”

She eyed her carefully, unsure if she should answer that honestly. She didn't want to offend Alex by telling her what little faith she had that she'd stay, because Alex _did_ stay. Besides Kara, no one stuck around this long, but so far Alex had. She admittedly had, but that's why Lena was afraid to go darker. Any darker would be pushing her luck.

After staring at each other, Lena finally gave in. Apparently, Kara already informed Alex of her thoughts, so she might as well be truthful about them. “I have you and Kara,” she began to explain. “That's it. You and Kara. I have Sam, but it's not like you two. I don't have some big circle of people I'm authentically myself with. I don't have people to fall back on – I don't even have a biological family. You and Kara are my family – or I consider you to be, at least, even if that's not the case.”

“You’re family,” Alex assured her when Lena paused to think over her words. “But I don't see why that'd make you think I wouldn't stick by you. If anything it should make you feel better.”

“I love having you by my side,” Lena was horrifyingly transparent with her. “Getting to know you the past couple months has been the greatest privilege, Alex – I say that with my whole heart. I love Kara to death, but you bring this rawness to the table that I've never seen before – and you act so brave while you do it, even when you're terrified. And the two of us relate in so many ways that I would've never guessed we would. You have this soulfulness that I just _get_. And I've said so many things and you've understood where I was coming from every time when I thought you wouldn’t, and–”

“This is really sweet, but cut to chase,” Alex told her with both order and kindness. “What's the ’but’?”

Lena looked away again. Her voice was suddenly low. “ _But_ it took us a long time to get this place. To get here, where you trust me enough to know all that about you.”

This time it was Alex's turn to look away. She reached out to fumble with something, but there was no drink, so she just looked towards her fingers in a resemblance of shame.

“I know it's easy to pretend it's not there, but you didn't like me for over a year–”

“It's not that I didn't like you–”

“It's that you didn't trust my intentions,” Lena finished. “It wasn't that long ago that you changed your mind on me – and it happened overnight. Who's to say that won't happen again?”

“Lena,” she sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. “I am _not_ going to turn my back on you. I know you now.”

“But you also thought you knew me then.”

When Alex turned to look at Lena, Lena turned to look anywhere else. Her thoughts were hazy, and she blamed the tears in her eyes on the depressing amount of alcohol that had been consumed in the past hour and a half

“I don't know how to make it any clearer that I have absolute faith in you _and_ your intentions,” Alex promised. “I have your back. I swear to god, I do.”

“That's easy to say, but if it came down to it, you–”

“Try me,” she challenged Lena before Lena could challenge her. “What do you think is enough to make me doubt you?”

Lena bent down, taking a sip of her drink. When she rose again, the words flowed out. “A lot.”

“Well, go on,” Alex ordered. “Let's hear it.”

“Alex, please, just–”

“I'm not letting it go.” Her determination shone through. “Neither of us are leaving this bar until I prove you wrong.”

Lena quirked an eyebrow, voicing her very real possibility. “And what if you don't prove me wrong?”

“I would bet my badge I will,” she proclaimed. “I'll even throw in my gun.”

Lena looked her over with weariness, but her determination was unwavering, so she sighed. “Fine. But remember you asked for this.”

“I did.”

They met eyes until Lena finally went on, her voice raspy and dark and hurting.“I hate them… a lot. I hate my family so much that I want them dead. And I hate them so much that I'd rather be dead than have to go through that again. And I just have so much hate in me right now that I don't know what to do with it all,” she confessed. “When people wrong me in the smallest ways, I want to physically _hurt_ them, because I’ve done so much less, yet have to go through all this shit that I’ve never deserved. When a publication questions my innocence I want to destroy them – I want to put their company out of business and let their families scour the streets for another source of money, because it's not fair that my name is constantly dragged through the mud when I've done nothing but help National City. I'm just constantly so, so mad – _so_ mad, and I don't know what to do with it all or how to get it out of me. I honestly wish I could rip someone apart, because I want someone else to hurt too – I want someone who deserves it to feel this pain. I need them to go through this too.”

Alex's stare had a pain of its own, her eyes looking on with so much pain.

“This is where you talk about how much you still believe in me,” Lena was dull.

The girl beside her let out a heavy breath, standing up off her bar stool to wrap her arms around Lena. Her hand trailed up and down Lena’s upper arm as she reassured her. “Of course I still believe in you, Lena. _Of course_ I do.”

“Do you, though?”

“God, don't be stupid,” Alex gave an airy laugh. “I have full faith in you. It's _you_ who needs to have faith in _me_.”

Even though there was a small smile, Lena stayed quiet, but Alex wrapped her arms around her tighter in response to the silence.

“Look. You're allowed to be angry, Lena. You _should_ be angry! What happened to you is not okay. It's awful. And you're right, you didn't deserve it at all. You don't deserve to go through all these tragedies when you choose goodness time over time. It is absolutely not fair, and you are absolutely allowed to be _pissed_ over that, because I'm pissed for you!” Alex went on a rant of her own. “You aren't a bad person for wanting to hurt the people who hurt you. And you aren't a bad person for wishing the world would be fair – or for wanting the universe to stop repeatedly fucking you over. Hating the world is understandable right now, but at least talk to me while you hate it.”

Her heart swelled at the pure rage in Alex's voice. She sounded so passionately upset for her, and it was weird to see someone like Alex, someone who had seen crimes much worse than what Lena had gone through, get so upset on her behalf. Alex validating her thoughts without hesitation was admittedly unforeseen.

“Sorry,” Lena finally mumbled.

“Don't apologize,” Alex coaxed, still standing with her arms around Lena. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I shouldn't have doubted you.”

“You shouldn't have, but you had every right to,” Alex sorrowfully admitted. “I judged you wrongly in the past, and we may have moved past that, but it's not wrong or outlandish to fear going back to it.”

Lena leaned into Alex's arms, lifting her hands to rest on her forearm. “Thank you for being here – and for understanding.”

“I'll always be here,” Alex told her with sincerity. “Never be afraid to talk to me. I want to listen, even if I can't help.”

Lena let out a content breath, wiping tears that were a mix of happy and sad. It was heartbreaking to feel so bleak, but having Alex say something so earnest made her warm, it made her feel loved, even though she didn't feel too lovable.

“How'd you find me, anyway?”

Alex scoffed at the question. “I work for a government agency. All I had to do was track your phone.”

“Well, _that's_ against my rights.”

Alex finally pulled away, sitting back down on the stool beside her with a sly grin. “You're the one who said we're family. Who invades privacy better than family?”

“Oh, family invades privacy?” Lena feigned ignorance. “Hm, I might rescind the label then.”

“You can rescind it all you want, but it's not a label, it's a feeling,” Alex broke the news. She glanced at Lena's empty drink and called over the bartender, asking for the tab. When it was paid she turned back to Lena. “C'mon, boozey. Let's take you home.”

“ _You're_ the boozey.” The words meant less when Lena stumbled while she spoke them. “Can we go to yours or Kara's apartment though? I've been avoiding my own.”

“So I've heard,” Alex guided her towards the exit. “Of course. Which would you prefer?”

She was surprisingly genuine. “We can go to yours. I've missed you.”

Alex beamed at that, intertwining their arms. “I've missed you too.”

They got into Alex's car, neither of them voicing the role reversal. It had always been Lena who took home a drunken Alex. As much as Lena hated being in this state, it was good to know Alex wasn’t.

“We can invite Kara, if you want,” she offered, letting Lena decide. “I wouldn't mind.”

She shook her head, appreciating it but declining. “You're enough for me, Alex. Don’t worry. Besides, I am _not_ in the mood for your teasing and it’s ten times worse when Kara and I are in the same room.”

“Speaking of, I definitely want your version of the details,” Alex was grinning already. “How are things? Is it what you wanted? Do you have a date planned yet? Kara says you don’t, but you never know with her – she could be hiding it from me. Do you?”

Lena smiled at all the questions, happy to think of Kara instead of moping around. Kara was the brightest thing in her life – she always had been, but she especially was now. And she was more than happy to share that with Alex instead of dwell in her sorrows.

* * *

When Kara walked into her apartment late the following night, Lena was sitting on the couch waiting for her. She laughed as Kara avoided eye contact and made a bee line to her room. They had been texting banter about Kara’s being loose lipped over the past twenty-four hours, but somehow Kara had _conveniently_ not showed up at CatCo due to ’Supergirl matters’, so Lena hadn't gotten to rail on her in person yet. 

“Wow, late night, huh?”

“Villains don't have business hours, Lena,” Kara informed her very matter-of-factly.

She laughed, following Kara into her room and not-so-subtly looking her up and down as she got changed. “You've been avoiding me, so you wouldn't have to own up to your wrongdoings.”

“I did what had to be done,” she dramatically rolled her hands around in the air. “You weren’t going to talk to Alex about it.”

“No, I was not.”

“So, I did.”

“That wasn’t the solution,” Lena reiterated.

Kara looked at her with testy eyes and it was right then that Lena knew she had lost. “Is your problem solved?”

She pursed her lips, clearly able to see where that question was leading and not willing to play into admitting Kara was right.

But apparently, Kara didn’t need Lena’s answer to continue insisting she did the right thing. Her lips formed a soft smile and her eyes sparkled as she basked in being right. “Well, then. I guess it was the solution.”

She moved closer to Kara, wrapping her arms around her and tucking her chin over her shoulder. “You can’t just tell Alex private conversations.”

“I can if I know it’ll fix something you’re upset over.”

Lena disagreed, but she had honestly brought this on herself. She had known quite well that Kara was a fixer, so her turning to her sister shouldn’t have been a shock. Maybe that was where they differed, though, because if Kara had mentioned she thought telling Alex would fix it, Lena would’ve insisted that she was wrong the whole time.

“Stop sulking,” Kara ordered. “Just celebrate the fact that Alex proved herself, then move on with your life.”

She laughed against her, nudging Kara until she turned around so that a short kiss of affection could be placed against her lips. “You’re a meddler, Kara Danvers.”

“Yes, but I’m just so good at it,” she bragged.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Lena was over the topic. “I'm seeing Sam tomorrow. Did you want to come?”

“Sam?” Kara perked up. “Arias?”

“That would be the one, yes.”

Kara pulled out of her arms, moving to busy herself with brushing her hair. “I haven’t heard you talk about her in a while.”

“Yeah, she was busy with Ruby, then I was busy getting kidnapped,” Lena reminded her with casualness. “We’re meeting to catch up.”

“Oh,” she nodded. “Well, that makes sense. Are you sure you feel up to it, though?”

“Sam is one of my closest friends. Of course I feel up to it,” she smiled, trying to meet Kara's eyes while she refused to look in her direction. “Is everything okay?”

“What? Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course! I love Sam!” Kara’s over compensation for happiness was so dramatic that Lena could have laughed. “Do you know if her and Alex are a thing yet?”

“Their first official date is Saturday,” Lena gave information that she knew Alex had already given Kara as well. “Why are you being weird?”

“I’m just asking a question,” Kara scoffed at the label. “So, is she as into Alex as Alex is to her?”

“Last time I checked, yes,” Lena smiled a little, beginning to catch on to what was happening.

“Good. That’s good,” Kara nodded to herself. “Did you tell her we’re… you know?”

Lena knew they were probably going through an episode of Kara’s whole jealousy thing, but she also knew an opening when she saw one. “We’re what?”

“I mean, we’re _basically_ dating, right?” she asked.

“Hm,” Lena moved closer, a small smile on her face. “I don’t recall you taking me out.”

“Oh,” Kara was suddenly stumbling over her words for an entirely different reason. “I – uh – I didn’t know you’d want to. I thought of asking, but then figured it’d be dumb, because I didn’t even know if you liked dates, because you’ve never really gone on one while you’ve lived here - at least not that I know of - not to say you have to tell me everything about your romantic life, so maybe you have. Plus, you went through something pretty awful, so I didn’t want to make it look like I was taking advantage of you in a crisis, because I’m definitely not – I lo-like you a lot – I have for a while, so it’s nothing like that, I just-“

“Kara,” Lena grabbed her hands for comfort. She had been expecting a ramble, but not _that_ big of a ramble. “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you feel insecure. I’m honestly fine with how we’ve been.”

“But you’d like to go out?” Kara double checked. “With me? Like, a real date?”

“If that’s what you want.”

Suddenly Kara was bubbling over with a smile, nodding her head and biting her lip. “Of course it is.”

Sitting beside her on the bed, Lena once again found her way coddled under Kara’s strong arms again. “Let me know when you’re free.”

“I’m free any time. _I’m_ not a workaholic CEO of two companies.”

“Well, _I’m_ not a superhero with a day job,” Lena quipped back. “I think you out-busy me, hun.”

She felt Kara freeze at the term of endearment, then happily relax. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll try to tell the criminals to chill for a day so I can take out my girlfriend. They’d love that.”

Lena sunk further into Kara upon hearing the title, because it felt so right. She had wanted to hear Kara say those words for so long and never thought it’d actually happen.

“Is that okay?” Kara asked after a few seconds of silence. When Lena looked up with a head tilt, she clarified. “Calling you my girlfriend?”

“Do you want me to be your girlfriend?”

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Kara changed the tables on her.

Lena reached up, kissing her softly and letting their lips graze as she pulled away. She couldn’t stop the smile on her face. “Kara, you’re you. Anyone in their right mind would want to be your girlfriend.”

Kara hesitantly gazed downwards, then looked back up with unsureness. “Anyone including you?”

“Oh, _especially_ me,” Lena promised.

She was continuously blown away by the fact that someone as great as Kara could have such insecurities. It was honestly a foreign concept to her. This amazing woman who was kind and loyal enough to be Kara Danvers, and also brave and invulnerable enough to be Supergirl seemed so shocked that Lena would want her. Kara… there wasn't anyone better out there. It wasn't even a question to her, there wasn't anyone who could beat Kara's greatness. How didn’t Kara see that?

“Well… good,” Kara murmured, her cheeks glowing crimson as they both turned away from each other.

Lena hoped Kara was as in bliss as she was.

“Maybe Monday?” Lena asked. “That's a low crime day, right?”

“You want to have our first date on a _Monday_?” she asked. “We have work the next day.”

“Our hours are hardly rigid,” Lena laughed at the incredulity. “I'm the boss and you hardly show up as it is–”

“My attendance has been impeccable lately.”

“Yes, I'll tell Alex what an excellent babysitter you've been,” Lena threw back. “I know you aren't at CatCo all day by choice. It's killing you to not be out fighting crimes in the middle of the day and we both know the only reason you aren't is because your sister is being _annoyingly_ overprotective.”

“Well, at least you finally admit she's annoying,” Kara mumbled in return. “It's about time.”

“The whole overprotective thing she has going on definitely is,” Lena didn't take back her word choice. “I'm a big girl, Kara.”

“Tell her that!” she exclaimed. “I'm an alien who's practically invincible and she still meddles in my personal life! If she thinks someone has the slightest potential of hurting me, she will let it be known to the world – how she treated you at first is exhibit A, B and C! I have superpowers, I'll be _fine_.”

“I've grown up with this shitty family. What happened was almost expected. I'll be fine too,” Lena huffed right alongside her. “You can't tell her to lay off? She's _your_ sister.”

“Alex laying off?” Kara rose an eyebrow and squeezed Lena tighter for a second. “The over protective thing is part of her core. You wanted a family? You got it. There are downsides to having a sister, Lena. _Really_ annoying downsides.”

She smiled at Kara's words, because they were valid. Alex wouldn't be so over bearing if she didn't consider Lena family – after all, she didn't see Winn or James getting this treatment – so as annoying as it was, it was also uplifting.

“Yeah,” Lena murmured, in a state of disbelief that she was where she was. “Anyway, are you coming with Sam and I tomorrow?”

“I’ll let you two catch up on your own,” Kara offered, her voice sounding sadder than Lena would expect it to.

She looked up to see Kara with her eyes closed. “You can come. I’d love to have you there.”

“I want to come, but… you need your own friends,” she sighed. “And Sam is your friend. Not mine.”

“She loves you.”

“Yeah, I know. But you guys are close and haven’t seen each other in a while,” Kara continued to explain. “I’ll come next time.”

Lena stared, because while Kara’s points made sense, when she said them she still sounded down about not coming. “Promise you’re okay about it?”

“I promise,” she pulled Lena tighter. “Have fun with her.”

* * *

“Hey! I didn’t think you’d actually come!” Sam stood to give Lena a hug when she walked into the small diner.

Lena furrowed her eyebrows at her friend’s surprise, because when had she _ever_ stood her up? She literally had never done such a thing, so, “ _Why_ didn’t you think I’d come, exactly?”

“Well,” Sam sat back down, looking up to Lena with the smuggest smile. “I hear you got the girl. I figured you’d either bail or bring her along.”

“Oh, God. If your first comment is giving me a hard time about Kara this is gonna be a long day.”

“Hey, you’re the one who forgot to mention you two were a thing now,” Sam waved it away. “Maybe if I heard it from you I wouldn’t give you a hard time, but I didn’t, so now I have no mercy.”

Lena bowed her head with a small smile and mentally cursed Alex for beating her to the chase. “I was going to tell you today.”

“I bet you were,” she smiled. “I told you she liked you.”

She buried her face in her hands. It was apparently going to be a long day. “You did.”

“So,” Sam sat back. “Tell me everything.”

“Uh,” Lena thought it over, but didn’t even know where to start. What part of everything did she want to know? A lot had happened over the past couple of weeks. “There’s not much to say. We’re together now.”

“It’s cute if you truly think I’ll let you get away with that answer. I need details. How’d it happen? Was it as good as you hoped? How does it feel to have things go your way for once? Is it weird? The adjustment process, I mean. Is that weird? Tell me everything.”

So, Lena let her hear it. She explained a watered down story of events, slowly navigating how to omit the DEO from her chain of events, then moved on to how it was better than she could’ve possibly imagined. She mentioned how Kara was already everything she had ever wanted when they were friends, so when she actually got her as more she was unimaginable. This was like living out something she thought would always only be a dream. And she told Sam about how it didn’t feel weird at all. Their adjustment had its awkward moments, but overall they still felt like best friends. Kara was still her go-to source for comfort and affection and intimacy. All those things had been in place long before their kiss, and nothing had changed with them. Things weren’t weird, they were perfect.

When she got done with her long-winded response, Sam was quiet for a moment, then looked away with a small smile. “I never thought I’d see Lena Luthor head over heels for someone.”

She was going to deny it, but she couldn’t. “It’s Kara.”

“Oh, I know. Kara, the overly optimistic, unbelievable bubbly journalist. I must say, she does balance out the dark, CEO, heiress thing you got going on quite well.”

Lena rolled her eyes, tearing off a piece of the pastry on the table and plopping it in her mouth. “We’re not _that_ opposite.”

“You are,” Sam defied her. “I would’ve never put you two together.”

“Honestly, me either. But we just work, you know? The two of us work together.”

Sam was quiet with a small smile again, looking over Lena in the most analytical way, then she pulled herself out of it. “ _Well_ , I know you were both driving Alex crazy with your obliviousness, so I’m glad everything’s out in the open for her sake too.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lena waved it away. As she thought the words over more, her eyes narrowed and jaw dropped at the realization of what they meant. “Wait, you _knew_?”

“Bits and pieces,” she shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. “It was kind of humorous from the outsider’s point of view. You’d both go to Alex and she would literally tell you the same thing, almost word for word.”

“And you let her?” Lena asked with exasperation. “You encouraged this?”

“She _tried_ to tell you,” Sam defended her. “When the four of us got coffee together it was blatant she was trying to set you guys up and it went right over both your heads. She filled me in on the extent of things when she babysat Ruby.”

Lena shook her head, leaning back in her chair. “I can’t believe you were in on this, but I’ll save my annoyance for a later date, because I have questions too.”

“Yeah?” Sam asked. She waved a hand for her to continue. “Go on, then.”

“You and Alex are going on a date,” she brought up. “First of all, I would’ve never guessed you were into girls. Second of all… she’s a pain in the ass, so get ready.”

She watched Sam laugh, then give a pointed stare. “She speaks of you much more highly, you know?”

“She knows she’s been a pain in my ass,” Lena brushed it off. “You’re into her, though?”

Suddenly, Sam was squirming, but a wide smile was still on her face. Her cheeks were the faintest shade of red and Lena realized hadn’t ever seen Sam this interested in someone. She was like a kid. “Yeah. I like her a lot, actually.”

“Does Ruby know?”

“She knows I’m seeing her, but I don’t think she thinks it’s a date. If she did,” Sam shook her head. “She’d be over the moon. She loves Alex already - and I can see why. Alex is so good with her. Did you know they went over to some girl’s house and Alex showed off her badge just so she’d stop picking on Ruby?”

Lena was choking. “She _what_?”

“She threatened a middle school kid,” Sam laughed at the reaction. “I don’t know, it sounds extreme, but you don’t have a kid. Not many _parents_ would go to that length to stop their kid from being bullied, never mind someone who just met Ruby.”

“That’s-“

“And Ruby… God, she would have Alex over all the time if she could. Ruby thinks she’s the biggest badass,” Sam shook her head. “And I can’t blame her. Alex is good. From what I see… she’s really good.”

Lena had to give credit where credit was due. “I’m standing by my claim that she’s a pain in the ass, but I need to admit that’s she is good.”

Sam smiled at her, bringing up something Lena was shocked Alex had even mentioned. “She said you’re the reason she’s not an alcoholic right now.”

“I–,” Lena cut herself off, thinking the statement over. “That’s quite the claim.”

“Yeah. She said you’re the only one who had the balls to repeatedly call her out. Actually, I think at one point she said you were a pain in the ass too, now that I think about it,” Sam laughed at the recollection. “But she was so grateful for you. She talks so highly of everything you’ve done for her. She went on a tangent about how her and I wouldn’t be where we’re at if it weren’t for you coming around and looking out for her. Sounds like you prevented a dark path.”

She had realized Alex stopped drinking, but her labeling Lena as a primary source of why was all news to her. “She told you all of that?”

“We were talking about demons of the past,” Sam shrugged it off. “That doesn’t scare me. Honestly, the only thing about her that scares me is your girlfriend.”

Lena couldn’t help but throw her head back in laughter. When she realized Sam was serious, she tried to pull it together, but she did a poor job. “ _Kara_ scares you?”

“Yeah!” Sam was defensive and insistent. “I mean, Alex loves her so much, but Kara does _not_ like me.”

“Kara likes you.”

“She’s always tried to make sure I know she’s better than me,” Sam bit her lip. “The last time she used Alex’s status in the FBI to prove her point that she was better.”

Lena shook her head. “You said it yourself. She was just jealous of you.”

“I know, but still,” she sighed, fumbling with her fingers. “Alex values her opinion so much. She’s like the make-it-or-break-it person.”

“I know bringing up exes is taboo, but Kara and Maggie weren’t exactly the best of friends,” Lena recalled. “Kara and her clashed a _lot_. Near the end they had found some silver lining of respect for one another, but they still weren’t overly close.”

That seemed to calm Sam down, but she was still uptight over it. “I just want her to like me.”

“It’s not like she doesn’t already know you,” Lena kept protesting. “Trust me, if she didn’t like you she would’ve told Alex by now. She’s glad her sister is happy. Her and I have talked about how good you two would be for each other.”

“Yeah, I’m just nervous, I guess,” she sighed. “And you and Alex are so close… you guys are like this little family already and if Kara doesn’t like me it’s like, you three plus me.”

“Sam,” Lena reached out to comfort her. “Kara will love you. I assure you that she doesn’t hate you, at the very least.”

No matter what Lena said, Sam still seemed to be just as intimidated. Finally, she shook her head. “Let’s just go back to talking about your love life. Did you guys go on an official date yet?”

“Not yet. I think Kara’s planning it,” she tried to sound casual over it, despite her excitement.

“ _That’s_ exciting,” Sam leaned forward with a smile, her anxieties seemingly forgotten. “Are you nervous?”

“A little, but overall I’m just… in awe?” Lena tried to adequately explain it. “I think it’s different when you fall in love with your best friend, you know? It’s not like the first date is going to be getting to know her. It’ll be like hanging out with her usually is, but _I’ll_ know it means more than going out as just friends. So, I mean, yeah, it’s nerve-wracking, but it’s also long overdue in so many ways. It feels like we’re finally polishing off this beautiful project we’ve been working on together over the course of a long period of time. It’s a big next step, it’s crazy to think we’ve gotten this far, but it’s definitely the finishing touches, not a new beginning.”

“Wow. Who knew Lena Luthor could be poetic,” Sam sat back, then turned serious. “I’m so happy for you, Lena. I truly am. You have no idea.”

“I’m happy for myself too,” she admitted. “I can’t imagine anyone who’s a better fit for me than Kara. She’s changed my entire life in the very best way.”

Sam was clearly debating saying it, but eventually she did. “You fell in love, Lena.”

“What?” Lena scoffed the idea away as if it were beyond far fetched. “I don’t love her. Not yet, at least. She’s just – I care about her, but I don’t _love_ her.”

“It sounds like you do,” Sam broke the news gently.

“No,” she was defiant. “No, I don’t. I definitely don’t, I _know_ I don’t love her. I don’t.”

“Lena,” Sam’s voice turned soft. “Loving someone isn’t the worst thing in the world. In fact, it’s kind of beautiful.”

“Maybe for you,” she shook her head. “When I love people they die, or become a terrorist, or are overtaken by nanobots. There’s nothing beautiful about that.”

She looked down when Sam’s eyes turned pitiful, because she wasn’t looking for pity, she was reciting her reality.

“Kara isn’t going to die,” Sam tried to console her. “She’s not going to become a terrorist, and she has a very low likelihood of being consumed by nanobots.”

Lena almost fought that she had nearly watched the third one happen, but that sounded like a lot of explaining just to prove her point, so she kept quiet. She pursed her lips, because she had so many things to say, but no will to say them. The short and simple truth of the matter was that when she loved something it found some way to leave her. Every time, without fail, love left her.

“She’s crazy about you,” Sam continued to reassure her. “It’s okay to be crazy about her back.”

“I am crazy about her, but love…” Lena thought it over, then shook her head. “I don’t love her. Not yet. It’s too soon. It’s too soon. It’s _too_ soon. It’s – it’s too soon.”

“Lena–”

“You know what? I forgot, I gotta go take care of something,” she excused herself, beginning to gather her things.

“Lena–”

“It was good to see you again, though,” she didn’t look up. “We’ll have to do this again soon.”

“Lena, don’t–”

“It’s really work,” she finally met Sam’s eye to tell the lie. Her heart was racing and she wanted to cry, which she’d much rather do in private. “You know, CatCo stuff. Thanks for the coffee.”

“Lena!” Sam called after her as she made her getaway. Still, she had better sense than to chase her, so Lena gave her credit for that.

She made it to her car, but even a parking lot wasn’t private enough to fall apart in. She gunned the gas, going directly to the one place she had cried at more than she hadn’t; her apartment. It wasn’t good for much – it terrified her, honestly – but it was good for falling apart.

She looked composed the entire time. The entire drive, she felt tears, but took deep breaths. She just had to make it to her apartment. When she exited the car to go inside, she still felt tears, but took more deep breaths. _Just make it to the apartment_. In the elevator, she took deep breath after deep breath, because she was almost there. She could almost let loose.

And the second the door was closed behind her, she covered her mouth, trying to hold in dreadful sobs. She wanted to curl up on the floor and cry and cry and cry, because she did. She loved Kara. She loved her.

And that only meant misfortune was on its way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> catch me on tumblr: shes-cured.tumblr.com


	14. K: the first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I learned how to update in a semi-reasonable time frame

“Kara! You home?” Alex barged in, yelling through the apartment, clearly without looking around.

Kara looked up from her place on the couch, then furrowed her eyebrows when she realized what time it was. “Shouldn't you be getting ready for your date?”

“I just have to change and put on some make up, maybe do my hair, I'm fine. You're the one who freaks out over dates,” Alex waved it away. “I wanted to come over here to warn you of a fun talk Sam had with Lena yesterday. I figured you told me Lena's anxieties about me, so I'll tell you her anxieties about you.”

“You should tell me no matter what, but go on,” Kara sat up straighter, full of concern. “What's up?”

“I guess Lena stormed out of their catch up session,” Alex sat down, resting her arm against the couch cushion. “She was freaking out about… her feelings.”

“Yeah, she tends not to like those,” Kara tried to laugh, but Alex's trepidation was ruining the funniness. “Did Sam react badly to the thoughts about her family, did it make her self conscious? Or did Sam ask–”

“No, Kara. She reacted badly to her feelings about you,” Alex told her softly. “Sam said it seems like she’s in love with you and I guess she panicked.”

Kara scrunched in her eyebrows, trying to think up an adequate response to that, but she couldn't. It _felt_ like her and Lena had mutual feelings – and Kara most certainly loved Lena, that was indisputable – but Kara saying she _knew_ Lena was in love with her sounded a bit egotistical. Maybe she wasn't. Maybe Kara was reading her all wrong.

“I don't even know what to say.”

“Well, don't be all somber over it,” Alex seemed much less insecure over where Lena’s mind was at. “I don't know where you're at with the love thing, but if you ask me, you're in love with her. And she is _definitely_ in love with you. Sam saw it and I can't ignore it – it's obvious. I just thought you should know what happened in case she's weird.”

“Thanks,” Kara forced a smile. “You're _sure_ she loves me, though?”

“Oh, that girl is crazy about you,” Alex confirmed. “You can't talk about someone the way she talks about you if you aren't in love with them.”

“But you're positive?” Kara double-checked. “I don't want to force her to love me.”

“You already are by being you,” Alex informed her. “You'd have to force her to fall out of love with you at this point.”

Kara felt oddly reassured at that. She felt more at ease – not to mention less cocky. Because it felt like Lena was in love to her too. “Good. I'll handle it, then. Seriously, thanks for the heads up.”

“Any time,” she grinned. “But if you'll excuse me, I have a date to get ready for.”

“I'm expecting a call with all the details!” Kara insisted. “Don't leave anything that I'd want to hear out!”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see,” Alex brushed off the order.

Kara was going to fight her on it, but instead she let it go. It was nice to see her sister happy again. “Just have fun.”

“I already know I will.” Kara had never seen Alex smile like such a fool to something other than fancy guns or computer programs. “She's really great.”

“So are you,” Kara promised. “Call after?”

Alex shook her head, but they both knew she would. She could hide it well, but it was no secret that Alex was beyond excited. She'd want to talk about it. “Yeah, yeah.”

* * *

Kara wasn't sure what to expect from Lena when she came over that night, but it was nothing good. The past two nights Lena had slept in her own apartment, which Kara had at first found to be a sign of improvement, but now she wasn't so sure. Suddenly, it seemed more like an avoidance measure than a return to normalcy. However, she knew the last thing she expected was Lena waltzing into her apartment like she was perfectly fine. 

“Hey!” she moved to give Kara a quick kiss. “I brought us dinner.”

If they were going the perfectly fine route, Kara would play along for the time being. She gave a wide grin, stating the truth. “That's my all time favorite greeting, you know?”

“I'm truly shocked,” Lena smirked, setting the take out on the table.

When she pulled out a salad, Kara made a sour face. “You're back to salads?”

“The comfort food days are over,” she gave a smile. “I figured it's time to go back to how I was living before. A little too much of you has been rubbing off on me lately. I need to eat healthy.”

Kara would give Lena credit that this was a subtle distancing strategy. Instead of space or less frequent texts, she was simply erasing the ways Kara influenced her. The realization at what was happening stung for a moment, but Kara had to remind herself that this was Lena coping. Kara punched bad guys, but Lena maintained her independence. Proving she was better off alone was Lena coping – that was too deeply rooted to change. Kara just had to prove her otherwise.

“I refuse to let you eat that,” she sang with a smile, grabbing the salad away and plopping it on the counter. “Comfort food days are _never_ over, Lena. Trust me.”

“You can eat ten thousand calories in a day and not feel it, but I feel awful when I don't eat healthy,” she protested, going for the salad again.

Kara blocked her path, smiling as if nothing was wrong. If that's how Lena wanted to play it, that's how they’d play it. “You've been doing perfectly fine on a watered down version of my diet. Pasta won't kill you.”

“Kara, me eating salad isn't a big deal–”

“Then why do you want to eat it so bad?” she challenged. “C’mon. We both know you like pasta way better. Are there breadsticks?”

Kara grabbed the salad off the counter and escorted it to the bag with food, purely so Lena couldn't take it instead.

“There _are_ breadsticks!” she genuinely gushed. “Lena, nothing is better than pasta and breadsticks.”

“That's literally carbs on carbs.”

“There's cheese on it, so that's dairy – or protein, depending on how much of a stretch you wanna make.”

Lena tilted her head, clearly contemplating her options in her head, but the way Kara saw it, she had none. She'd be eating pasta and that was that.

Lena must have seen the same. “Fine. But if I gain twenty pounds in a day–”

“You'd be a medical mystery,” Kara finished the thought for her. “If you gain twenty pounds from one plate of pasta, that's concerning, and I will personally take you to the doctor. Luckily, I don't foresee that happening.”

“One plate turns into two, which turns into three, which turns into four,” Lena listed off.

Kara took the salad, moving to the fridge. “If you're that worried, I'll save the salad and allow you to have it for lunch tomorrow.”

“You'll allow me? How generous.”

She smiled, sitting down at the table. “Don't test me. I could throw it out. Or split it between us and make it an appetizer, then you'd have to eat both and be forced to buy a different lunch tomorrow.”

Lena just smiled, picking up some of the pasta with her fork. “You're lucky you're you.”

“And I'm lucky you're you,” Kara brought out wine, pouring them both a glass. When she was done, she finally sat down, holding the glass in the air. “To us. Me for having the best girlfriend, and you for having the second best girlfriend.”

She watched Lena's gaze cast downwards as she let out a small smile, then joined Kara in raising her glass until there was a _clink_. “To best girlfriends.”

* * *

 

For forty-eight hours, that's how it went. Lena would try to somehow make herself an independent entity from Kara, and in turn Kara would push her way in despite it. It was successful thus far, but also exhausting. And how their date was going to go, Kara had no idea.

Lena _seemed_ excited, but Kara couldn't be entirely sure, because she also _seemed_ like nothing had been bothering her. She hadn't even said anything to Alex about whatever happened with Sam, which was only more reason to be concerned.

Kara took one last look in the mirror, then nodded with approval. She was ready. They were gonna do this. Finally. It was a date.

She picked up the flowers she'd gotten for Lena off the table and walked out the door, her heart pounding in her chest. Being nervous on a first date was nothing new to her, but being comfortably nervous was. She wasn't anxious about whether or not Lena would like her, nor was she anxious about whether or not doing this was the right choice, she was simply anxious she'd mess something up to ruin the night. Like her car wouldn't start, or she'd forget her credit card at home, or something else that'd be small and stupid. She wanted it to be perfect.

When her car started, the first thing that could go wrong was eliminated. She took a deep breath, trying to clear her head on the drive over. It was just Lena. Even if she did mess up, Lena would understand – hell, maybe she'd even find it charming. But the point was she didn't want to mess up. She wanted this to go smoothly, for Lena to be absolutely wooed by her.

When Lena swung open the door, she smiled, looking Kara up and down in an awe that's Kara didn't understand when she looked like _that_. “Wow. You–”

“ _You_ ,” Kara agreed.

Lena laughed, moving in to kiss her again. “You look amazing.”

“As do you,” Kara grinned, holding up the flowers. “These are for you.”

Lena made a face of adoration, first at the flowers, then at Kara. “You didn't have to do that.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” she smiled. “I want this to be perfect.”

“It already is,” Lena promised. “I've wanted this a long time.”

Kara tried to contain her smile, because she was sure it was a little too enormous to be cute. “What a coincidence, so have I.”

They spent a moment in silence, just staring at one another, taking each other in before Kara pulled them apart. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Lena had a wide smile of her own. “I’ve been ready for a while.”

* * *

“So, what do two people who know nearly everything there is to know about dark pasts and weird quirks talk about on first dates?” Lena asked as she sipped her wine.

“Well,” Kara pondered the question. “It’s not like I know _everything_ about you. I still have a lot of questions.”

“You do?”

“Oh, I do,” she grinned. “Especially for the romantic side of you. Like, do you like grand gestures?”

“It depends what they are,” Lena was wry. “I like _doing_ grand gestures.”

“Well, I know _that_ ,” Kara laughed, thinking of rooms filled with flowers and a 750 million dollar company that Lena had recently just-so-happened to acquire. “What grand gestures do you like receiving?”

Lena spent a few seconds thinking it over, her eyes squinted as she thought, then wrinkled her nose. “Now that you mention it, maybe I don’t like grand gestures. I guess I’d rather nice dinners or intimacy. I spent my whole life being treated like I was grand, but I never got intimacy until you along, you know?” Lena thought about it for a moment, then met Kara's eyes with wonderment. “I value how emotionally intimate we are quite a bit.”

Kara felt that warm feeling creep up on her again as she took a deep breath to steady herself from how overwhelmingly heartfelt Lena could be. For someone who didn’t get enough love growing up, she sure did know how to give it.

“Being intimate with you, seeing this side of you,” Kara took a moment to shake her head. “It’s the greatest privilege, Lena.”

“A privilege?” Lena laughed it off. “I’d hardly go that far.”

“It is,” Kara insisted. “You don’t realize how incredible you are.”

Lena looked down with a small smile, giving a slight nod of acceptance. “Well, thank you.”

“Of course. But next question!” Kara proclaimed. “What was your last relationship like? Was it with Jack? And are you bi, then?”

“Uh,” Lena was suddenly stumbling over her words, “Yeah, it was with Jack.But there was always missing something. I always knew that. And it wasn't a lack of love on his part – he wouldn’t have fought so hard to keep me in Metropolis if he didn't love me. I’ve also always known that I’d never be able to fawn over him the way I fawn over girls, though. It’s still hard, because I know he was in love with me and I feel like I wasted his time.”

“You can’t help who you love,” Kara consoled her. Then she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. “But… if it weren’t for what Lex did you wouldn’t have left Metropolis.”

Lena took a sip of her wine. “Correct.”

“And if it weren’t for leaving Metropolis, you wouldn’t have ended things with Jack.”

She slowly nodded, thinking it over. “Maybe not. Who knows?”

“But you had no intention of doing so? Of ending it?”

“Not particularly,” Lena shrugged, seemingly abashed. She must have sensed where the conversation was going, because she came clean to stop the questioning. “I didn’t plan on coming out until Alex told me I was gay. She didn’t ask, she literally _told me_.”

Kara considered it safe to laugh since Lena was laughing about it. “Did she really?”

“Oh, she really did,” Lena shook her head. “I was taking her home from the bar that first night and she talked about it all the way to her apartment until I finally came out with my feelings for you.”

“Wait, what?” Kara scrunched her eyebrows, genuinely surprised by that knowledge. “I always wondered what happened in that car ride to make you guys BFFs. It was me?”

“Of course it was you,” Lena rolled her eyes. “What other common topic do we have?”

“I mean, you're both morbid, so I assumed it was all the depressing things the world has to offer,” Kara teased.

Lena pretended not to be amused despite visibly fighting a smile. “Nope, just you.”

“Huh,” Kara mused before snapping back into their original conversation. “But if it weren't for Alex, you would’ve never come out? To anyone?”

She watched Lena shrug, then look at Kara with a curious sort of challenge. “Would you have ever come out?”

“ _I_ didn't even realize I was bisexual – and I’m bisexual! I _have_ been into guys before. It’s not like I couldn’t love one if I tried hard enough,” Kara defended herself, but didn't waste time to revert back to hurting for Lena. “You knew you'd never love a guy and were still willing to be with one for the rest of your life?”

Lena looked away, clearly trying to think of some explanation, then gave up. “The truthful explanation is going to make you do that thing where you're sad but try to look fine for my benefit, and There's no need for that look on first dates.”

“Okay, then I won't give it,” Kara rebuked. “Why would you want to spend your life with someone you know you'll never be in love with?”

Lena didn't answer right away, but eventually she slowly began to explain. “I know I'm an okay person, but I'm also not the type of person that falls in love. I'm guarded and detached and have immense trust issues. I don't have happy endings. You're the only person who I've ever been in – ever been close to loving.” Kara's heart clenched at Lena's inability to express the one thing she wished she'd say. “I didn't want to pick being straight over falling in love, I just never thought it was possible for me to have a crush, never mind have you.”

The words were sad, but Kara smiled, because they were also sweet.

“See? Now you're giving me the look,” Lena was pointed in her _I told you so_. “You look like you're sad and trying to smile through it.”

“It's sad that you thought you were incapable of love, but I'm smiling because you've realized you aren't,” she explained. “You think you're hard to love, but you are so, so soft, Lena Luthor.”

Lena scoffed across from her, but she smiled as she once again broke eye contact to look down to the table. “That doesn't even make sense.”

Kara stared at her, unsure if she should make the proclamation, but eventually she decided it was the right thing to say. “It makes plenty of sense. And I would know. Because I do love you, Lena – in the I’m-in-love-with-you way. The big way. You must know that by now.”

As expected, Lena didn't reply to the bombshell for a long while. It was probably only a few minutes, but it felt like twenty. Kara could visibly see the walls going back up, one by one, as Lena seemed to be in actual pain from the words. Her eyes were confused, like love was this foreign concept, and Kara knew that in a way it probably was to her.

Finally, her voice came out in the business-like manner that had greeted her and Clark when they first met. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“Lena,” Kara hymned at her mask of professionalism. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just – I do. I wanted you to know that I do.”

Lena slowly nodded, appearing to think over the words. “Yeah. Thank you. I’m not upset.”

Kara stared at her, then squinted her eyes, because she _looked_ pretty upset. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I’m fine.”

Kara didn’t know if it was okay to push Lena into saying it, yet she also wanted reciprocation so badly. “Do you love me?”

Lena took a shaky breath, looking at Kara with helpless eyes. “I like you a lot, Kara. Know that I like you a lot. So much. More than anyone.”

Kara pursed her lips, thinking that over, then slowly accepted the answer. “Okay. That’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want to hear.”

“It’s okay,” Kara repeated, rapidly reminding herself over and over and over again that Lena not saying ‘I love you’ didn’t mean she didn’t love her. “You’re just not ready.”

“This is just – it’s really quick. And I – I’m just–” Lena recollected herself. “Not yet.”

“Not yet,” Kara agreed. “It’s a first date. It’s okay. Not yet is fine.”

Lena almost looked ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kara promised. “We have the rest of our lives for that.”

* * *

After a few more hours of small talk and Lena sneakily finding a way to pay for their very expensive dinner, Kara stood up, rounding the table to grab Lena’s coat and lay it over her shoulders. Lena was bashful upon receiving the action. She seemed bashful about almost everything Kara did ever since she had dropped the L-word. 

When they reached Lena’s apartment, she still looked painfully unsure of herself. Before she went in, she turned to Kara, possessing an expression that held a slight amount of fear. “Are you mad at me?”

“What?” Kara was in shock at the question. “Lena, why would I be mad at you?”

She shook her head, turning to unlock her door instead of answering the question. “I was just making sure.”

“Lena,” she called out as she opened the door. “Lena,” she followed her inside. “C’mon, talk to me. What’s happening?”

She watched Lena walk to the counter, clutching it with her hands and hanging her head with the biggest amount of disparity Kara had seen from her. “You said you love me, Kara.”

“Yeah,” she stated. “Because I do.”

“I know,” Lena accepted the fact. “I know you do, because I feel it. I just wish you wouldn’t have said it.”

Kara stepped closer, but wasn’t sure how close she should step. It suddenly felt like there was a barrier between them and Kara didn’t want to cross it prematurely. “Why? Why are you so scared of love?”

Lena scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous idea, as if she hadn’t been acting weird ever since the word came up. “I am _not_ scared of love.”

Kara hesitated in saying it, but the words came out. “I think you kinda are.”

Lena’s voice didn’t greet her. She stayed quiet, her shoulders slumping further and head hanging lower.

“I think you do love me,” Kara murmured, stepping closer. “And I think that terrifies you.”

Lena still said nothing. She didn’t deny it, didn’t confirm it, she simply stood with her back turned in silence.

“It’s okay to love. And it’s okay to be loved,” she continued. “I know you haven’t had good experiences–”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lena finally spoke up, turning around to face her. “I don’t – I’m sorry I can’t say what you want to me to say.”

“But do you want to say it?”

Lena closed her eyes, taking a deep breath in through her nose, then heavily exhaling. “Of course I do, but I _can’t_.”

Kara pursed her lips. She didn’t know how to approach this. Usually she was being chased. She’d never done the chasing before.

“It’s okay,” she finally promised. “Should I go?”

Lena opened her mouth, then shut it, then opened it again. “Do you want to?”

She moved closer, caressing Lena’s cheek and reaching to place a kiss on her forehead. “I want to do whatever you want.”

Lena stared at her and Kara tried her damn hardest to look neutral under the analytical gaze. Lena was looking for something, but Kara didn’t know what. She didn’t know if she wanted to give her whatever she was looking for. Was she looking for a sign to run or a sign that this was the right thing?

“I want you to stay,” Lena finally gave her answer, “but I don’t know if that’s too selfish to ask after this conversation.”

“You are the furthest thing from selfish, Lena,” Kara promised as she shook her head and moved in to hug her. It didn’t go unnoticed that Lena was stiffer than usual, that she took longer to hug back, but Kara focused on the part that involved her eventually hugging back regardless. “I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Really?” Lena asked. “Because you don’t have to stay here if it’s too much. I know I’m–”

“It’s not too much,” she assured her., not wanting her to finish. “I want to be with you always. My favorite nights are the nights I spend with you.”

Lena’s lips formed the slightest hint of a smile. “Those are my favorite too.”

* * *

“That girl loves you,” Alex announced after Kara relayed the story. She popped a french fry in her mouth. “Any Earth you go to, Lena Luthor probably still loves you.”

Kara gulped, nodding her head. “It feels that way to me too. I just wish she’d say it.”

“I know you do,” Alex sympathized with her. “And she will. I promise. Just give it time.”

“I love her so much that I don’t know what to do with it all,” Kara confessed. “I want to hear that she feels the same. It’s one thing to know it, it’s another to hear it.”

“Kara,” Alex leaned in. “That girl loves you. And she’ll say it soon. Hang in there.”

Kara felt defeated, but she wasn’t done fighting by any means. “Oh, I’m not giving up now. I’ve come too far.”

“Good,” her sister grinned. “She’ll figure herself out soon enough.”

Kara laughed along. “I sure hope so.”

Alex leaned back in her seat, returning to her normal demeanor of looking a little too smug as she made the proposal. “I’ll bet twenty dollars that I can get her to say she loves you by the end of the week.”

“Alex,” Kara sighed. “Don’t force it. If she doesn’t want to say it, it’s fine.”

“When do I ever _not_ force things? She’ll be saying it by the end of the week.”

“But I don’t want her to say it if she’s not ready.”

“She’s already ready, she just doesn’t know she’s ready,” Alex explained as if she had any idea what she was talking about. “Look. Listen. Lena is drawn to you in a way that even _I_ don't understand. She would protect you at all costs. And you can call me annoying all you want, but she worries more than I do, even if she doesn’t voice it. She does love you, and I think she knows she loves you, she’s just being stubborn, because she’s scared.”

Kara shook her head, still not liking the idea. “Don’t push her, Alex. I don’t want her running any more than she already has.”

“I know what I’m doing.”

“No, I know what I’m doing,” Kara was suddenly raising her voice. “I know Lena better than you!”

Alex thought it over than shook her head. “Not if you think she’d run. She’s too in love for that. I’m gonna push it with or without your permission.”

Kara closed her eyes in frustration, gritting her teeth. “If you make her run, I will hold it against you forever.”

“Don’t worry about it. I got this covered,” Alex seemed unconcerned. “One heart-to-heart and she’ll be saying ‘I love you’ by the end of the week.”

“You doubt her fear.”

“You doubt our heart-to-hearts,” Alex rebuked. “Lena and I bond quite well. We get deep.”

Kara was one-hundred percent not impressed. “I think you should stay out of it.”

“I won’t make her run,” she promised. “I know her, Kara. I see her when you guys are together. She’s not going to run, she just needs some sense knocked into her.”

“But you’re aggressive when you knock sense into people.”

Alex didn’t fight the fact at all. In fact, she embraced it. “Yeah, well, Lena needs that aggression. I got this, Kara. You just sit back and get your twenty bucks ready.”

“This cockiness is gonna ruin _both_ our relationships with her,” Kara warned. “And when it does, I’ll be pissed.”

Alex shook her head, munching on another french fry. “You’re gonna say thank you while I’m smug as ever about being right. Have a little faith.”

“You know what, I’ll do the bet, then. _That’s_ how sure I am,” Kara emphasized. “Twenty bucks?”

“Twenty bucks,” Alex held out her hand. “Shake on it.”

Kara didn’t take any time to hesitate in extending her own hand. If everything was going to blow up, at least she was getting twenty bucks. That was enough for at least two pity meals when Lena broke her heart.

“Now, go save the world,” Alex dismissed her, nodding to the TV that displayed an alien causing chaos on the East side of the city. “Looks like a fun night.”

Kara quickly switched into her suit, then gave Alex one last look of warning. “Promise me you’ll be gentle with her?”

“I can’t make that promise,” Alex’s eyes sparkled. “But don’t you worry. It’s handled.”

She looked at her sister in disbelief, but she didn’t have time to argue on it. “I’ll never fully forgive you if you run her out of town.”

“Noted,” Alex was still a little too confident in her abilities. “Report back to the DEO when you’re done. I’m taking the night off. I have a matter to attend to.”

“With Lena?”

“No, with Sam, _then_ Lena,” Alex clarified. “I have quite the life outside of you lately.”

Kara smiled at that, honestly happy to hear it. “And I’m really glad for that.”

Alex smiled back at her, seemingly happy with the support system she had gained outside of Kara. “Go kick ass.”

“Be careful?”

“You should be,” Alex leaned back in her chair with a smile. “I, on the other hand, have nothing to worry about.”

“Be careful,” Kara was sterner. “I’m serious.”

“I know,” her sister promised. “I will be. See you tomorrow?”

Kara hesitated, still not liking the idea, but she had a good feeling there was no changing it, so she just grumbled, “Fine. I'll see you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on tumblr! shes-cured.tumblr.com


	15. i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet you thought I wouldn't finish this story... neither did I. sorry if this chapter sucks, because it was kind of forced, but I felt bad getting so far and never having a proper ending. hope it's not as shitty as I think :) sorry for typos!

The following day, Lena was still mortified. That was really the only word for it. Absolutely, exclusively mortified, because Kara loved her. Kara Danvers _loved_ her. It was the best and worst thing that could happen to her, because she knew deep down that she loved Kara back, but she didn’t want to. Loving things turned them to dust and her relationship with Kara… she never wanted that to end.

Not to mention, with love came attachment, and Lena Luthor had never been attached – not to anyone. At least, not in the way she is to Kara. The last person she was attached to was her brother, and look how that turned out. Being attached could hurt. It could _really_ hurt. And Lena wasn't so sure she was ready to handle that kind of pain.

Granted, rationally she knew she was attached to Kara with or without reciting _I love you_ , but saying that out loud made the attachment real. She could say it in her head, but voicing it, putting it out into the world… there was no hiding after that. It meant letting the universe know that how much she cared and giving it the opportunity to take that away from her.

But God, on the inside, with every turn those words came to mind. When Kara laughed so hard her nose crinkled, _I love her_ came to mind. When she rambled about something – either passionately or nervously, it didn't matter – _I love her_ came to mind. Lena couldn't even count how many _I love her_ s came when Kara would be unintentionally awkward due to nerves. She knew Kara hated it, but Lena thought it was the cutest thing to see someone like her nervous over anything.

So, yeah. Lena loved her. She really loved her, in fact. But how was she supposed to say that?

The phone on the desk of her office rang and when she answered Jess’s voice sounded through. “There's a Ms. Danvers here to see you. Not Kara. It's an Alex Danvers. Says she's her sister. Are you in a meeting?”

Lena contemplated it for a while, but knew Alex would wait her out if she said she was. She might as well get it over with, because it'd be a lie to say she hadn't been expecting a visit sooner or later. “Send her up, Jess. Thanks.”

And a minute later a disgruntled Alex Danvers walked through the office door, her face full of dismay. “I don't see why _Kara_ gets automatic access and I don't. It's not fair that both Sam and her can come whenever they want and I'm still stuck going through a secretary.”

“Sam _works_ here,” Lena smiled at the jealousy. “Would you like access?”

“Yes,” her voice was flat. “I don't know why I don't have it already.”

“Have you ever come to L-Corp for matters other than official DEO business?”

“No.”

Lena laughed, nodding her head. “Well, that's why.”

Alex rolled her eyes, clearly not finding that to be good reasoning. “I would like to be added to the list.”

Lena shook her head, more than willing to do it, but finding it amusing how competitive Alex was over it. “You got it, Agent.”

She watched as Alex rounded the room to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk, beginning to make herself quite comfortable. She slouched in the chair, looking to Lena as if they were both relaxing at her apartment. “So, what are you up to?”

“It's a Wednesday at two in the afternoon. I'm _working_ ,” Lena stated the obvious. “Speaking of, shouldn't you be doing the same?”

“You're at L-Corp,” Alex noted, completely ignoring the question and putting on her interrogation voice. Apparently, this was going to be no different than Alex's day at work.

Lena sighed. _Here it comes_.

“I am at L-Corp,” she nodded matter-of-factly.

Alex looked around the room, slowly nodding her head as she continued to analyze her surroundings. “You haven't been here in a while.”

“Yeah, I, uh, have a lot of paperwork to catch up on,” Lena motioned to the papers slewed across her desk.

The agent across from her rose her eyebrows, challenging the claim. “I thought that's what Sam’s for.”

“I mean, she can't do it all.”

“You did it all before she came.”

Lena shook her head with a small smile. “And I would never put anyone else through that.”

Alex stared at her as Lena looked over the papers before her. She couldn't concentrate, but it was better than looking at Alex for whatever conversation she felt needed to be had right now, at L-Corp, unable to wait until she got home.

“So, you're not avoiding CatCo?” she challenged, seeming to already know the answer.

But Lena wasn't ready to admit that.“What? Why would I be avoiding CatCo?”

“Because you're avoiding Kara.”

“She knows where to find me,” she didn't miss a beat. “I'm not avoiding her. I would never avoid her.”

“Yeah, about that,” Alex hummed. “Seems like you're avoiding her.”

Lena let out a deep sigh, looking to Alex with displeasure. “I'm assuming Kara filled you in on what happened?”

“What happened?”

She crossed her arms at Alex's sudden feigned ignorance. “Let me rephrase that. I _know_ Kara told you about what happened, because you wouldn't be here if she didn't.”

“Fine,” the girl across from her gave in. “She told me the basics.”

“And you're here to yell at me?”

“I'm not going to _yell_ ,” Alex scoffed at the idea. “I'm going to pester you until I convince you to tell her you love her.”

Lena took a deep breath. That sounded like _such_ an ideal way to spend an afternoon. “Let me just look at my schedule for the day. I don't know if there are meetings I have to attend to.”

“Oh, don't worry. I already asked Sam to take care of all your obligations,” Alex waved her only exit strategy away. “Your schedule is free.”

She turned to face Alex, unhappy but admittedly slightly impressed. “Well played.”

“I thought so too,” she smirked. “Sam is proving to be quite the asset.”

“You're a horrible couple already,” Lena muttered back. “I should've known setting you two up would bite me in the ass.”

“Whatever. You're happy about it, don't lie,” Alex was over-confident in the matter, making Lena aware of just how much she had truly let her in.

At this point, there was no denying that Alex knew her. She knew her thought processes and avoidance strategies and weird obsessions. She truly was family.

And Lena _hated_ that she was so intertwined with the both of them that it was impossible for her to run from her feelings – and the scariest part was that she didn't even want to run. She didn't want to be in love, that was for sure, but she didn't want to run either. Running would break her heart. Because those two Danvers meant everything to her.

“Do you want to go out for a bite to eat or talk here?” Alex asked after a moment of Lena staring into space.

“Oh. Uh,” Lena forced a smile, not sure how this was going to end. “Here is fine.”

Because L-Corp was her safety net. If Alex was going to push her out of her comfort zone, she'd at least stay where she felt in control. Even if Alex had cornered her into this conversation, L-Corp was still her territory – she still had the upper hand.

“Okay,” Alex looked around the office, obviously not expecting that answer. “So, you and Kara.”

“Yeah,” Lena went along with it, already cringing. This wasn't going to be easy. “Me and Kara.”

“She said she loves you.”

Lena took a deep breath, nodding her head. “I know. I was there.”

“And you didn't say it back,” Alex continued to narrate the night she hadn't been a part of. When Lena didn't reply, Alex completed the sentence. “Even though we both know you're in love with her too.”

“Well, that's presumptuous.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged. “But it's not wrong.”

Lena didn't confirm it, but she didn't deny it either. “I'm sorry I can't say what she wants me to say.”

Alex looked at her with a sadness that only the older Danvers could give. Kara could be sad for her, but she'd hide it behind over compensated happiness and wide smiles. Alex would just stare with sad eyes and pain, making Lena feel exposed – and she _hated_ feeling exposed more than anything… except maybe being in love.

“Why can't you say it when you feel it?”

“No one said I feel it.”

Alex squinted her eyes, her voice ginger. “But no one said you don't.”

Lena looked down to her desk, further sinking into her chair just to put a few more inches between her and Alex.

“What's stopping you from being honest with yourself?”

“I can be honest with myself, but saying it to Kara… That's a different story,” she tried to explain.

Alex leaned forward in her seat, hunching over and resting her arms on her knees. “Love is beautiful, Lena. Why don't you want to share that?”

“See, that's what you don't get,” she told her somberly. “Alex, love is beautiful for some people, but not for me. When I love things…” she reigned herself in, shaking her head as she refrained from going down that road. “That's just not my experience with love. Okay? It's not beautiful for me.”

Alex's eyes got sadder as she stared at Lena harder. “Not everything is going to turn to shit.”

“Everything I love does,” Lena mumbled, not wanting to talk about this out loud. It was almost embarrassing how foolish she was to have loved things in the past and blindly assumed they would stay good. She knew better now. “Kara is special to me. And – and maybe I like her like that, but putting that out there won't do anyone any good.”

“It'd do her good,” Alex challenged. “And I think it'd do you good too.”

Lena looked at her, shaking her head. “It'd ruin everything.”

“Saying one word?” She was in disbelief. “You think saying one word can ruin a relationship as strong as yours with my sister?”

“Want to know the last person I loved as unconditionally as Kara? Want to know where he is? What he's up to?” Lena shook her head with defeat. “He's probably plotting another attack from jail as we speak.”

Alex was crestfallen as she spoke words as if they might break her. “Loving him isn't what landed him in jail, Lena.”

“No. But it's what broke me when he went to jail,” she proclaimed. “And… God, admitting to the world I love Kara, putting that into existence is just asking for my family to go after her. I don't know if you've noticed, but they aren't fond of Supers.”

“But you already feel it,” Alex tried to navigate through Lena's mind. “What's the difference between feeling it and saying it out loud?”

“Because saying it out loud means taking the next step. That's how it starts. Then it turns into saying it in front of friends, or people I don't trust, or in interviews. It turns into showing the world who to take out in order to hurt me. I don't want to do that. Not to her. And I can't handle losing anyone – _especially_ not Kara. I–” Lena cut herself off to take a breath and steady herself. “I care for her too much to do that to us.”

“Lena,” Alex cooed. “You can't not tell people you love them in fear of others hurting them. And Kara is almost invincible.”

She refused to fight about it. “Yeah.”

“Everyone wants to hear that the person they love loves them back.”

Lena pressed her fingers against the bridge of her nose, trying to figure out how to get Alex to understand.

“I didn't go through the agony of getting you two together just for you to not say I love you.”

She forced a laugh at that, feeling tears well in her eyes. “I know she wants to hear it, but it's better this way.”

“That's a coward’s saying,” Alex called her out. “It's not better for anyone. It's hurting you to be unable to say it and it's hurting her to be unable to hear it.”

Lens quickly wiped at her eyes and watched Alex turn away and pretend not to see.

“Fine. I love her,” she said hoarsely and painfully. “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Yes,” Alex was straightforward. “And that's what she wants to hear too.”

Lena nodded, desperately trying to stop the tears. “I'm trying.”

“I know,” the girl across from her promised. “And I'll stop pushing you. But I have one final thing to say.”

When she realized Alex was waiting for her permission, she gave it. “Okay.”

“Kara could die tomorrow,” she proclaimed. “I hope to God she doesn't, but she could. I said she's _almost_ invincible. But she's not invulnerable. And I know you know that. So, maybe your family will go after her if they get news of you loving her, but I don't know if you've noticed how your family has already tried to take her out – they've already used you as bait for it!” Alex scooted forward on the chair, reaching across the desk until she extended her arms and waited for Lena to grab on. “Whether or not you say you love her aloud, you still do. And she's in danger regardless. But if someone's in danger and puts themselves in harm’s way every day… you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her and you still didn't say it.”

Lena tore their arms apart to wipe at more tears, because thinking of life without Kara was a little too much to handle.

“It's okay to love something, Lena. Loving someone doesn't mean their fate is suddenly horrible.”

She nodded, her breathing uneven. Alex stood up, walking to the desk and extending her hand as she led Lena to the couch she had shared with Kara too many times to count. Alex wrapped her arms around her and tried to soothe her the best she could.

“I'm not saying this to hurt you. I'm saying it because I don't want you to regret not telling her how you feel – and Kara isn't willing to push it herself. She thinks you'll run.”

Lena laughed through the tears, shaking her head at the insanity. “Who could run from Kara Danvers?”

“She's very worried about me coming here,” Alex disclosed with a laugh of her own, then returned to being serious. “If you're not ready, that's fine. I know this is deep rooted for you. Just… try to get there. Because even if she acts like it's fine, she does want to hear you say it.”

Lena nodded, leaning into Alex for more comfort. “I'll tell her soon. I promise.”

“I trust you,” she promised. “And I'm proud of you.”

Lena warmed at the words. She had forgotten how safe confiding in a sibling figure felt. She thought it'd be weird and painful talking to Alex like this, and it was painful, but it was also helpful.

“I'm sorry for being so difficult,” Lena professed. “I'm trying.”

“Never apologize for being afraid,” Alex reassured her. “Talking sense into you is what I’m good for.”

“I'm lucky to have that,” Lena smiled, pulling away and wiping her tears for what she hoped was the last time. “Thank you.”

Alex shook her head with a small smile of her own. “Don't thank me. You've deserved having this in your life for a while. It's long overdue. But are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she took a deep breath. “I am. And I know what I have to do.”

“I hope it involves talking to my sister.”

Lena grinned, nodding her head with a hint of courage and excitement. “It does. I'll go over tonight if Supergirl is free?”

“That can be arranged,” Alex promised. “The DEO will handle itself tonight. I'll personally oversee it.”

“I owe you,” she grinned. “And I'll be sure to report back with what happens.”

“Oh, I expect it,” Alex was stern. “I want the details the minute you two split ways.”

“Even if you’re fighting a crime?”

“What do you think I wear a comm for?” Alex quizzed. “Call me. I want to know how it goes.”

Lena let out a sigh of relief over something she didn't know she'd been so stressed over. She moved in to give Alex another quick hug, then beamed at her. “I'll tell you everything.”

 

 

———————

 

 

Lena's hands were actually trembling as she held her phone. She knew she had to call Kara, but the idea of _why_ she was calling and what would happen after was terrifying. She was going to say it. She loved her, and she had to say it – she was going to just blurt it out and go from there… if she ever grew the courage to even make the call.

She must have picked up and put down her phone at least ten times before she followed through with texting her.

_Are you busy tonight?_

Within minutes Lena's phone was vibrating on her desk, Kara's name across the screen as the call came in. Her heartbeat picked up and a natural smile fell across her face. _Kara_.

She took a deep breath and her smile only widened when she answered. “Hey, you.”

“Hey,” Kara sounded less happy and more agitated as she ranted. “So, Alex just said I'm not allowed at the DEO tonight. She said Supergirl needs a night off – as if I haven't had about twenty in the past month.”

Lena smiled, both at Kara's frustration and Alex's ability to pull through. “So, that means you're not busy?”

“No, but I'm grumpy,” she mumbled. “I've been really wound up the past few days. I just wanted to go out and fight.”

She tried not to think about how Kara was probably wound up due to her own inability to express her feelings. “Well, on the bright side I get to spend a night with my girlfriend.”

Kara gave a deep sigh. “I want to see you, but I don't feel too sunshiney right now.”

“That's okay,” Lena promised. “I want to see you always, sunshine or rain clouds.”

She heard Kara laugh on the other end, then mumble, “That was beyond corny.”

“I'm gagging too,” Lena admitted. She pulled her phone away to look at the time and went back to her proposal. “I'm leaving work now. Should I come over?”

“Yeah,” Kara walked through her office door, smiling before hanging up the phone. “I'll even walk you home.”

Lena smiled, because seeing Kara's face always gave her the giddiest feeling. She always felt like her joy was going to bubble over when Kara appeared.

“Supergirl spends her nights off personally escorting a mere Luthor around?” Lena teased. “How did I get so lucky?”

Kara beamed at that, moving closer and giving her a kiss. “I missed you all day. I'm not used to you being away at L-Corp.”

“I missed you too,” Lena promised. “I'm glad you have the night off. I wanted to spend time with you.”

“You did?” Kara wrinkled her nose. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

“I was,” Lena admitted. “For a little while. But I missed you a lot.”

Kara grinned, accepting that answer. “That's all that matters.”

Lena reached up, tucking a strand of hair that fell out of Kara's ponytail away from her face and behind her ear. “I'm sorry for being childish.”

“You weren't being childish,” Kara was pointed. “It's okay to need space. We don't need to be together 24/7.”

“I want to be,” Lena laughed. “I feel like I missed so much. I mean, you are okay, right? Why are you banned from the DEO?”

She watched Kara become annoyed again, rolling her eyes in the process. Lena, on the other hand, was deciding on how she'd make the night special.

“I don't get it! I didn't even do anything,” she went back to being angry.

“Why did she say you had to take a night off to begin with?” Lena casually asked as she gathered her things, acting as if she had no idea why Alex would do such a thing.

“Supposedly it comes from ‘the higher ups’,” Kara mocked in air quotes. “ _What_ higher ups? She _is_ the higher ups!”

Lena laughed, wrapping an arm around Kara's waist and leading them out the door. It was nice to go back to being _this_ version of Lena and Kara. The past few days had been tense, but this was them. The real them.

Instead of backing Alex up, Lena played off of Kara's anger. “Sounds sketchy, if you ask me.”

“ _Thank you!_ ” she exclaimed. “Something's happening, I just don't know what. I don't like being excluded, because it usually means it's something big.”

“I'm sure Alex is just being your handler again–”

“I _hate_ that word,” Kara seethed in response. “I don't need a handler.”

“ _I_ know that, but Alex will never agree,” Lena laughed, omitting how grateful she was that Alex was there to do the handling. If it weren't for Alex, Lena would be ridden with worry every night. “Well, let's make tonight special. It's not often we’re both work free.”

Kara furrowed her eyebrows, turning to Lena with confusion as she ducked down into the waiting car. “Why are _you_ work free?”

“Someone needs to calm you down,” Lena scoffed. “I'm taking one for the team.”

“By spending time with your girlfriend? Wow, Lena Luthor is absolutely selfless.”

Lena laughed at the banter, shaking her head as she settled into the seat beside Kara and told the driver she'd text him the address. “Your bitterness isn't cute.”

Oh, but it was.

Kara rolled her eyes to the claim. “You'd be bitter if you were kicked off CEO duties, would you not?”

“Alex tried to kick me out of work and _I_ refused,” Lena looked Kara up and down, perfecting her expression of smugness. “I guess I'm just better at standing my ground.”

“Whatever,” Kara shot back. “Alex was easier on you.”

Lena smiled, placing a hand on Kara's cheek. “I'm sure she was, sweetie.”

Kara shook her head, staring out the window as they drove the short distance through the upscale portion of National City. When the driver pulled to the curb again, she frowned, turning to Lena with confusion. “We’re going here?”

“You said you've been wanting to try it,” she shrugged.

“Lena, this restaurant is like, a hundred dollars for a single entree.”

“Good thing I'm rolling in money, then,” she tossed back. “C'mon, Kara. Let me take you out.”

“This isn't taking me out! This is something that should be like, a birthday gift or something. It's not a casual date.”

“It's an early present.”

“My birthday is four months away.”

“Emphasis on early,” Lena smirked, then put on her best imitation of Kara's puppy dog eyes. “I want to make up for avoiding you. Please, let me do this?”

Kara was clearly in contemplation. She glanced to the restaurant, then back to Lena. “Well, you _did_ avoid me.”

“I really did,” Lena oddly found herself promising. “I owe it to you, Kara.”

Kara put on a smile at the insistence, then reached down for Lena’s hand, intertwining their fingers for the first time in what felt like forever, despite actually only being a few days.

They walked in and Lena bribed the hostess for a seat while Kara had a smitten smile the whole time. It was odd being stared at with a gaze Lena could see the love in, but it also made her feel incredibly special.

Kara Danvers was truly one in a million.

 

––––––––––

 

 

“I feel full,” Kara moaned. “And like I need a nap.”

“I didn't know you were even capable of feeling full,” Lena teased.

Kara rolled her eyes, but let out a small laugh. “Well, even geniuses learn new things everyday, now don't they?”

Lena smiled along, grabbing Kara's hand as she led the way to the apartment that had become her first home. Her own apartment was her second home. Kara’s would always be first.

“Thank you,” Kara squeezed the hand that was interlaced with hers. “I really appreciate tonight. I needed that.”

Lena glanced back, her heart racing as she nodded. “You're welcome. But, uh, can I come in? I want to talk.”

“To talk?” Kara went from grateful to flustered in less than a second. “Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah! Yeah, we can talk. About what?”

They unlinked their hands as Kara fumbled with the lock to her apartment and Lena twisted and wrung out her own hands. “Oh. Um, not yet.”

Kara looked back as she swung open the door, scrunching her eyebrows. “Okay… so, when?”

“I'm trying to compose myself.”

Kara scanned her from head to toe, then frowned a little. “I was going to say you're never uncomposed, but you actually look nervous for once.”

“I am nervous,” she confessed, running an anxious hand through her hair. “I just… don't know how to say what I want to say.”

Kara cursed her sister under her breath, shaking her head and already profusely apologizing. “Is this about Alex visiting you today? Because I _swear_ I told her to leave you alone, so if you're freaking out about something she said, just forget it. Alex is pushy and doesn't know when to quit, so if something scared you – mmph.”

Lena connected their lips together, pulling Kara in and trying to say what she had so much trouble expressing with words. She held her close, letting their lips dance until she pulled herself together enough to just say it, right then and there. When she felt ready, she pulled away and just forced it out before she lost her nerve.

“I'm in love with you, Kara,” she breathed out. “I – I love you too.”

She watched Kara stare with amazement, then shake her head, her voicing sounding as if it were a thousand miles away. “You don't have to say that if you're not ready.”

“I'll never be ready,” Lena admitted. “As long as I live, I'd never be ready, because I do love you, but I also don't want anything to happen to you. And something bad always happens to everything I love.”

She watched Kara's face fall, so she kept talking before she got too sad.

“No! No. It's fine. That's fine. It's just–” Lena cut herself off, trying to get all these things off her chest before she lost whatever bolt of courage was suddenly charging through her. “On our date, I told you how I’m guarded and detached and have all these immense trust issues,” Lenarecited as she took a deep breath, grabbing Kara's hands and begging her to hear what she was saying. “That’s all true. I mean, it's _all_ true,” she promised. “But I don’t want to be that way with you, Kara. I love you. All of you. And – and you need to know that. I've loved you for such a long time, you _need_ to know that.”

“Lena,” Kara chimed, staring at her with such an insurmountable amount ofadoration that she almost had to look away out of discomfort. No one had looked at her the way Kara looked at her before. She felt lips brush her own, taking her in a gentler manner than Lena had a few moments ago. “You are so incredible, and I am so in love with that.”

“I'm sorry for not saying it before.”

Kara shook her head, moving forward and engulfing her in the tightest hug. “Oh, honey, it's fine. I'm glad you felt you could say it now.”

“You mean the world to me, Kara. Being with you is a dream come true. It really is.”

“So is being with you,” she promised, rubbing a hand in circles over Lena's back, then pulling away with a slight smile. “Did Alex push you to do this?”

“Not the dinner, but the talk, yes,” Lena was bashful. “That's actually why you're off Supergirl duties tonight. She knew I wanted to talk to you about this.”

Kara laughed, shaking her head with an accompanied eye roll. “I should've known you were in on it the minute you pretended to be on my side instead of Alex’s. You're _always_ on her side.”

“That is not true!” Lena scoffed. “I side with you all the time.”

“Sure,” Kara dismissed the claim, then mused, ”I can’t believe she convinced you to tell me, though.”

“Your sister is very persuasive,” Lena stated the obvious. “A little intrusive, but definitely persuasive.”

Kara was amused, her voice chiming, “That she is. I'll give her that much.”

“And she said you thought I was going to run if she pushed me,” Lena brought up, watching Kara look down with a bashfulness of her own. She moved forward, cupping Kara's cheek in her palm and running her thumb alongside it. “I would never run from you. No matter what. That's one thing I can promise wholeheartedly.”

“You were scared.”

“I still couldn't run,” she murmured. “I'm in far too deep to be considered a flight risk.”

Kara's lips formed into a wide smile at that as she bit her lip. “You mean it?”

“With everything in me,” Lena nodded. “Absolutely everything.”

After they took each other in a while longer, somehow getting settled on the couch in the process, Kara turned to look at Lena, a look of dismay on her face. “If Alex asks, you chickened out and said nothing. You can't tell me you love me until at least Saturday or I owe her twenty bucks,” she relayed their bet as Lena snorted. “Honestly, I'm fine with giving her twenty bucks, it's the smugness that'd be unbearable. Confessing she was right again?”

“You should probably stop betting on my feelings with her. She seems to always win.”

“Okay, but the first time she already knew your feelings before placing the bet, and that’s totally unfair! It doesn't count.”

Lena smiled, giving a small nod. “Fine. So, I panicked, chickened out, said goodnight, and went home to sleep at my own apartment.”

“That is _exactly_ what went on tonight,” Kara grinned. She waved her hand between them, a playful smile on her face. “ _This,_ right here? Never happened.”

“You're never gonna pull off this lie, but I'll play along,” Lena laughed, then turned serious. “I want to thank you, though. I'm really grateful to have Alex in my life, and that wouldn't have happened without you.”

Kara was silent, then glanced at her, with genuine curiosity. “You still like me more though, right?”

Lena let out a full blown scoff of disbelief, shaking her head with scorn. “You are unbelievable, Kara Danvers.”

“And you are evading the question, Lena Luthor.”

She stared at Kara, wondering how that could even _be_ a question. Kara was her northern star, she was the force that guided her on the darkest nights.

“Of course I like you more.”

She watched Kara light up and relax, nodding satisfactorily at the answer. “That's all that matters.”

“You’ll always be my priority, Kara,” Lena murmured against her hair.

Kara looked up, then paused before a smile graced her face. “I’m really proud of you for coming here today and doing what you did.”

“Oh, it – it was nothing,” Lena stumbled. She hadn’t been expecting that. “It was overdue, if anything.”

“No, it was a lot,” Kara argued. “That was a lot for you. And it took a lot of courage to do it. I know how hard it must have been, so let me be proud of you for doing it anyway.”

The corners of Lena’s mouth twitched upward, because it was evident how serious Kara was. She was genuinely proud of Lena for merely voicing her feelings. And that made Lena a little proud of herself too.

“Well, thanks,” she mumbled. Then, she wore the softest smile. “I love you.”

Kara just grinned with a small nod. “And, man, do I love you too.”

That was all Lena needed to hear.

 

––––––

 

Lena got a text from Alex at nine the next morning asking if she could come to the DEO to help with an ’urgent’ case, and despite agreeing, Lena had a pretty good feeling that she went there under false pretenses. Still, she acted as if she wasn't skeptical at all when she got there, because what she didn't plan to do was give Alex any more ammunition.

“What's up?” she asked when she finally found Alex. “What do you need my help with?”

And as expected, Alex was blunt as day as she announced her true intentions. “Yeah, I don't need help. I just wanted to get the scoop from you about last night before Kara got here and I'm on orders to stay here until J’onn comes back.”

“Why didn't you just ask Kara? She’ll probably be here any minute, right?”

“Yes, but Kara will lie about what happened because she wants me to stop being nosy, but I know _you'll_ be honest with me. So, what happened?”

Lena just gulped, and looking at Alex's smirk. She knew Alex knew she won. Lena couldn't lie to her without Kara's supervision.

Still, she tried. “Oh, I – uh – I chickened out.”

“You chickened out?” Alex repeated with clear disbelief. “You seemed pretty confident in what you were doing when I left yesterday.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kara fly through balcony entryway, a look of panic immediately crossing her face when she saw Lena with Alex. She rushed over so fast that it would be humorous had Lena not felt an immense pressure on her from what she was pretty sure was a near-interrogation.

“Lena! What are you doing here?” Kara exclaimed.

“Oh, Alex asked me to come here to…”

“Question her about what happened,” Alex smoothly finished when it became clear Lena didn’t have a good excuse.

Kara stood up straighter, her stance becoming protective as she moved a step closer to Lena, looking like she was ready for a fight. “I _know_ you're not questioning her about the incident a couple weeks ago without informing me of it. Correct?”

Alex and her had a stare down and Lena didn't know who was going to win, but finally Alex shockingly conceded. “No. I was asking if you guys went out last night.”

“Oh, you mean when you _banned_ me from being Supergirl?” Kara crossed her arms tighter in annoyance. “Yes, we did. You called Lena here for that?”

Alex looked between them, then gave a small shrug as she hid the real reason. “I missed her and can't leave the DEO. So, I brought her to me.”

“She said it was urgent,” Lena huffed.

Kara actually scoffed at that, directing her cool tone towards her sister. “You were separated for, like, two seconds. You're really that desperate to see her?”

“Oh my _god_ , Kara,” Alex groaned with a frustration of her own. “Why do you always have to be so possessive? I'm friends with her too! Just chill for once.”

And Lena couldn't help but laugh at both of their irritations, causing two pairs of eyes to stare at her unamused.

Alex was the first to reprimand her. “Her behavior isn't funny. Don't encourage it.”

That immediately had Kara exclaiming how, “ _Your_ behavior isn't funny! You brought my girlfriend to the DEO just to catch up! She has her own company to run!”

“Well, I don't know why you're so upset to see her. That's not very nice at all, if you ask me. Do you not like her anymore?”

Lena didn't want to get scolded again, so she tried to hold her laugh in, but it was just too amusing.

“Lena, she’s not funny!” Kara scolded her this time, but quickly turned back to Alex to continue their bickering with a finger pointing at her chest. “You _know_ I care about her. That’s not even funny to joke about.”

“So, what’d you two do last night anyway?” Alex asked quite conspicuously, not even trying to hide her nosiness. “Just talk?”

“We went for dinner,” Kara rolled her eyes. “Any other questions?”

“Anything else? Any deep talks I should be aware of?”

Lena looked away with a smile, because Kara looked ready to use her laser vision. “Even if there were, you don’t need to be updated on everything that goes on between us.”

“Jesus,” Alex muttered. “Kara, seriously. This whole jealousy thing has to go.”

“I’m not jealous, I’m annoyed with you,” she sharply corrected. “You think you need to be involved in everything between me and Lena, but you don’t.”

“I don’t think that, I just prefer it,” Alex casually shrugged off. Her small smirk told Lena she was enjoying this more than she was letting on, though. “I did spend quite a long time trying to get you two together, let’s not forget. I think I deserve to be included sometimes for all that I went through.”

“Ah, yes, the months you spent playing both of us,” Lena mused without the frustration Kara’s voice held. “Couldn't forget that.”

“ _Playing_ is a strong word. I simply didn’t want to betray either of you,” Alex simplified it all. “You should honestly be thanking me for being such a good friend.”

“Yeah, aren’t you a saint?” Kara mumbled before attempting to close out their conversation. “To answer your question, there were no deep talks. We went to dinner, went to my apartment, drank some wine and watched Netflix, then Lena went home.”

Alex stared them both over with an analytical gaze, then turned to focus on Lena with challenge. “Is that really what happened?”

“Yeah,” Lena tried her best to lie. To try to make it more believable, she pulled Alex to the side to dramatically whisper, “I really didn’t tell her, okay? So, please, just don’t say anything.”

Alex raised her eyebrows, then spoke at a normal tone and backed away to include Kara again. “I think you’re both full of shit. And do you want to know why I think you’re both full of shit?”

“No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna tell us,” Kara gave a fake smile. “So, let’s hear.”

“Because I kept tabs on the two of you all night. I tracked Lena’s phone and may or may not have bugged your apartment.”

“You _what_?” Kara went from annoyed to full out enraged. “You’re kidding, right? I know you’re kidding, because that’d be _such_ an invasion of privacy.”

Alex looked her over, then pursed her lips with a firm nod. “Yes. I’m kidding.”

But the words weren’t convincing at all - Lena doubted Alex even tried to make them sound sincere.

“I - I don’t even have words for you right now,” Kara sputtered. “You seriously bugged my apartment?”

“I didn’t trust you not to lie to me!” Alex held her hands up as she defended herself. “And from what I heard I was right! You stayed over all night,” she addressed Lena, then turned to Kara, “and _you_ decided to fabricate a story.”

“You bugged my apartment,” Kara spoke with disbelief again.

Alex responded matter-of-factly with not a single ounce of remorse. “You listen in to my conversations all the time, so you can keep repeating it all you want, but I don’t feel guilty in the slightest. What goes around comes around, Kara.”

That didn’t make Kara any less angry. “Don’t mess with someone who has super strength.”

“Whatever. You’d never hurt me,” Alex was entirely unconcerned. “I invaded Lena’s privacy too, if it makes you feel better.”

“I’m mildly annoyed too,” Lena brought herself into their bickering, but sounded much calmer than the girl beside her. “You can’t just keep tracking my phone. I never consented to it and you certainly didn’t get that approved by the government. Please, stop that.”

“You know what? Since you said that so nicely, I’ll stop,” Alex instantly agreed, and Lena could tell it was only to get further under Kara’s skin as she turned towards her sister and proclaimed, “As for you, I’m keeping the bug. You’re just being unpleasant.”

“You two becoming friends is that absolute _worst_ thing that’s ever happened to me,” Kara spat out what both of the other two knew was a lie. “You can’t always have Lena’s back and not mine.”

“ _Please_ ,” Lena rolled her eyes this time. “Kara, she’ll always have your back first and foremost. You’re being overdramatic.”

However, that clearly only gave her more ammunition. “ _See_? You guys always side with each other! It’s so annoying!”

“You love it,” Alex smirked in defiance. “You love that I love your girlfriend.”

“I mean - yeah, but you don’t have to love her _that_ much!” Kara exasperatedly exclaimed. “Just say you approve and let it be!”

Alex and Lena met eyes and Lena could tell the older Danvers was just as amused as she was.

It was Alex who continued to annoy her sister. “I can't do that. Because of you we’re best friends now, so I can't just _bail_. That’s not what best friends do, now is it?.”

Kara pursed her lips and her nostrils flared at the logic.

Lena thought back to a time before all this started and recalled, “You are the one that said you wanted more people to appreciate me the way I should be appreciated.”

“I’m done,” Kara held up her hands with defeat, incredulously shaking her head. “I can’t with the two of you. I’m just done – I'm done!”

“Good. I love winning,” Alex was giddy. “Oh, speaking of which, do I get my twenty bucks now?”

“Don’t test me,” Kara glared at her. “You’re on very thin ice right now, Alex.”

Lena just laughed with a fond shake of the head and advised, “Just take the L and move on. She got you.”

“I’m so annoyed,” Kara muttered yet again. “I hate you. The both of you.”

But they both knew she didn’t. Although, Lena would admit that Kara was right in what she'd said the night before. Alex _was_ overly smug when she won, so she imagined Kara would hate that part.

“I love you,” Lena casually proclaimed, ignoring how brightly Alex smiled upon hearing it.

Kara clenched her jaw, then took a deep breath to growl, “I’m mad at you, but I love you too.”

They both watched her storm away to finish her tantrum causing Alex to fully laugh. “I love annoying her.”

“You two bickering is a sight I’ll never get sick of,” Lena agreed.

Alex laughed, cockily proclaiming, “She gets so wound up, then I win the argument. Every time without fail. I'll never get sick of it either.”

Lena thought back to all the other times she’d witnessed them bicker only to realize that wasn’t exactly false. She wouldn’t feed Alex’s ego even more, though. She just let out a sly grin. “No comment.”

“Wise choice,” Alex hummed. She walked closer to the command center, looking back to Lena as she spoke. “It’s a shame I can’t wind you up, though.”

“You wind me up, I just don’t show it,” Lena rolled her eyes. “It gives you too much satisfaction.”

“Oh, but it’s wonderful for me,” Alex sang. She sat down in a rolling chair, spinning it around to look up at Lena with a smile and crossed arms. “So, you finally told her you love her?”

Lena felt herself blush and look down, then shrugged. “It was long overdue.”

“It was,” Alex agreed.

She spun around in the chair again to face the computer, avoiding eye contact to admit, “I really do want you to be my sister-in-law one day.”

Lena wanted to beam at those words, but she also wanted to play it cool. “We only just got together.”

“Yeah, but…” Alex shrugged, then looked up at her again. “You’re family. And I know she loves you. She loves you more than she’s ever loved anyone, other than me. So, as long as you don’t fuck it up or run away like she thinks you might, I think this is it for you guys.”

That was end of ‘playing it cool’. Lena couldn’t stop herself from beaming at the prediction. “You really think so?”

“I do,” Alex proclaimed. “As I said, you’re family.”

Lena happily sighed. That was all she ever wanted to be, was part of Kara’s family. Since day one, that was what she wanted. Instead of admitting that, though, she simply reminded her, “I’m in too deep to run. I’m not ruining this.”

“Good,” Alex grinned at the finality, then spoke with a defiance of her own. “Sisters-in-law it is, then.”

Lena looked around the DEO. She didn’t know how it came to this, how Alex grew to love her or how she found a family with a Super, but she was so glad she did. She never thought she’d be able to feel as safe as she did with them. She didn’t even know she was capable of loving so fiercely. She just knew that now she did. She loved them _so_ fiercely. And she knew she wanted to love them that way, because suddenly loving wasn’t scary when it was loving a Danvers.

But she broke out of her train of thought to smile back at Alex with a fondness she never imagined she’d have three years ago, when her heart was stone cold. She recited the words back to her, trying to keep the absolute giddiness out of her voice. “Sisters-in-law it is.”

Because she really didn’t see a future without that happening. She didn’t see a future where she didn’t love Kara, or one where they didn’t get married and build a life together. No matter what trial or tribulation life threw at them, the only thing Lena was sure of is that she’d love Kara through it.

She repeated it once more for good measure, not caring if she sounded like an idiot for doing it. “Sisters-in-law it is.”

This… This was what family felt like.

Lena had been waiting her whole life for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end.
> 
> tumblr // shes-cured.tumblr.com


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